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mccloud224 (m)
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This issue is something that has been going through my mind for some years now.Friendships in reality aren't what the are hyped up to be.The last truly-unbiased friendship i remember having goes back to my primary school days in the '80s.I don't like to generalize but it seems the friendships of today border on material gains.I'll explain.Let's assume you went through school, had lots of friends (10 of the lot being those you could actually call close friends), it seems good right?Now, you're out of the university,get a good job,nice apartment or house,good car,sweet girl and all the works and then, SOMETHING HAPPENS! You lose the job,lose everything else, your girl starts talking about "needing some space",your "close friends" start disappearing one by one and maybe three months later, about 3-4 four of them are the only ones that remember you exist! Those ones hope that things might improve for you on time and you will be back on your feet and back to the good old times.Lets say life isnt fair with you and six months pass and still no improvement, the friends are reduced to just one.And even that one only flashes once a week to see if you will have credit to call back (lol).I won't continue with this narration but to people who have gone down this road, i know you can relate to what i'm saying.
The people who hurt the most are those we call family and close "friends".I mean face it, someone who knows nothing about you can't hurt you in any way and even if they do, it won't hurt half as much as someone who you "thought" was close to you.I've seen a lot of "friends" come and go and you know what?They seem to have this "radar" imbedded in their brains that lets them know when things are looking up for you.People who don't have your time anymore start calling, all of a sudden. . . they want to visit.I might be blabbing here but i know someone out there can relate to what am talking about.
So if friendships borders on what you've got, isn't it better just be on your own?Personally, the only use "friends" serve as for me are ALCOHOL DRINKING BUDDIES and nothing more.I feel it's better that way.
NL, what do you think?
NB : Matured posts please.
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mccloud224 (m)
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No comments yet? Maybe i should have posted a topic concerning sexual issues. That seems to attract posters,lol
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donjon
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Not entirely correct, but correct all the same! Try having only 1 best frnd, @ least!
It helps to have sme1 watching your back
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4tune1
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It is a matter of a friend in need is a friend indeed or a friend indeed is a friend in need. Shikena
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iice (f)
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I'm not the 'friendliest' person but i think i have a pretty good lockdown on my own friendships.
Yes they are necessary to an extent (since no one is an island - though i come close  ).
Those friends who are only there when you have something (i don't know how people even form those kinds friendships blindly  ) - my ex calls them the cockroach friends Better remove them shap shap or they will drain you each time you have something.
I think it all boils down to how you relate with your friends, what you want out of friendship and how you still remain you even with your friends. I know alot of people who 'cover' their real selves in the name of friendship. Them get power ooo. The best advice i could give would be to always be yourself. If they can't stand you as that. . .then it wasn't meant to be. I suck at all that keeping in touch, visiting blah blah. . .i'm not even the easily person to understand or like but. . .i keep it real. So yeah i'm lucky. I have great friends  . I can be broke or not, irritating or not, distant or not, harsh or not but they are always there 
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FL Gators
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True friendship is very necessary. Cant survive without my peeps |
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mohawkchic (f)
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I'm not the 'friendliest' person but i think i have a pretty good lockdown on my own friendships.
I suck at all that keeping in touch, visiting blah blah. . .i'm not even the easily person to understand or like but. . .i keep it real. So yeah i'm lucky. I have great friends . I can be broke or not, irritating or not, distant or not, harsh or not but they are always there ~ Me & You Both!! I always say its all about Boundaries plus i have no "Set Expectations" from People,Friends/Acquintances. .I take what is offered & if i can be there for them,i do it w/o expecting something back in return!
~My Friends understand me,even if we dont talk for ages,when we do talk/see each other we dont question why the other hasnt called or why it took so long. . . .They're always there for me regardless!!
~Acquintances who often think they're "Friends" dont understand my quirks & always question if i'm the only person paying phone bills for not calling. .  Like whats there to talk about!?  I often get "You're Too Proud"
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iice (f)
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~ Me & You Both!! I always say its all about Boundaries plus i have no "Set Expectations" from People,Friends/Acquintances. .I take what is offered & if i can be there for them,i do it w/o expecting something back in return!
~My Friends understand me,even if we dont talk for ages,when we do talk/see each other we dont question why the other hasnt called or why it took so long. . . .They're always there for me regardless!!
~Acquintances who often think they're "Friends" dont understand my quirks & always question if i'm the only person paying phone bills for not calling. . Like whats there to talk about!? I often get "You're Too Proud"
MC we are totally in sync here
Exactly the same with me. |
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mohawkchic (f)
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Now, you're out of the university,get a good job,nice apartment or house,good car,sweet girl and all the works and then, SOMETHING HAPPENS! You lose the job,lose everything else, your girl starts talking about "needing some space",your "close friends" start disappearing one by one and maybe three months later, about 3-4 four of them are the only ones that remember you exist! Those ones hope that things might improve for you on time and you will be back on your feet and back to the good old times.Lets say life isnt fair with you and six months pass and still no improvement, the friends are reduced to just one.And even that one only flashes once a week to see if you will have credit to call back (lol).I won't continue with this narration but to people who have gone down this road, i know you can relate to what i'm saying.
The people who hurt the most are those we call family and close "friends".I mean face it, someone who knows nothing about you can't hurt you in any way and even if they do, it won't hurt half as much as someone who you "thought" was close to you.I've seen a lot of "friends" come and go and you know what?They seem to have this "radar" imbedded in their brains that lets them know when things are looking up for you.People who don't have your time anymore start calling, all of a sudden. . . they want to visit.I might be blabbing here but i know someone out there can relate to what am talking about.
So if friendships borders on what you've got, isn't it better just be on your own?
~There's a radar to discover "friends" Like you've described!! "Sugar Ant" is what i call them. . .They only want to stick around when the going is good! If the shit hits the fan on you. . they wont even want to smell the funk let alone help you thro it!!
~Fortunately my Nan warned me about these types of people long time ago & i've pretty much being very cautious to only encourage friednships not bordered on what i had to offer!!
~I use to bring back a bunch of my school friends home to eat every day after school. .to me there was nuffin special about it. . .i never got any invite to go to theirs after school mind you. . after dong this for while my Nana had a lil Lecture about my "Goodwill" she's ofcourse had time to study my "Friends" when ever they came around She told me to stop bringing them home but i was headstrong about it b/c i wasnt doing anything wrong: SoOo when i did bring them over,she'll keep the kitchen doors closed. . That did it! I got into a hissy fit & had huge arguements w/ my Nana calling her mean,greedy. . . After a week of closed kitchen My food groupies no longer waited for me after school. . i was suppose to have learnt a significant lesson then!!
~It took me a couple more years to really understand what My Nana had taught me. . i blindly made more "friends" who were more interested in what i had to give than to get to know me as a person. . .I went thro a pharse of actually making an acquaintance w/ a chic who already had a "Sugar Ant" rep. . . i thought when she does shit on me,i did see it coming!! We never did hit it off as close buddies. . but we had an "understanding" I still am friendly w/ her actually. . .
~Since then,i became very suspicious of people who wanted to form any kind of friendship w/ me. . i almost built a wall around me allowing no one in. . i met different people at Functions,Clubs/Parties that i wud have a lafff with & that was it. .my interaction was only limited to social Functions!! I didn't cross that boundary. . . they were "Social Buddies" faces i'd recognise at out & about,say a friendly hello & get on my way.
~I've learnt to process the different kinds of friendships i form. . I'm quite fond of tagging the friendships i formed in different degrees too. , :AS a Teenager & Adult, i can count the number of people i call "Friends" in one hand & i'll still have the odd finger or two left. . .for my special Wud-Have-Made-A-Great-Friend-If-Only friendships
~True. . it's always people you love who hurt you the most but it shudnt stop you from forming friendships or be suspicious about genuine friendships. .even tho you're within reason to do so but me think these people have a purpose in our lives. . we're either meant to learn something off of it or there cud be a greater reason why our paths cross!! |
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mohawkchic (f)
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MC we are totally in sync here
Exactly the same with me. ~I knew there was something i liked about you
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mrsb (f)
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I agree. Its really hard keeping solid and genuine friendships as adults. My closest friends are my husband and my sister plus 1 or 2 girls from school and uni.
There are plenty of people I mix with socially but I would never go to them in a crisis or lean on them in my hour of need - too much negative energy and you know so many of them would be gloating inside.
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canuck (m)
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. . . I now pronounce mohawkchick and iice BEST FRIENDS (since you are "totally in synch", and "exactly the same") @ Topic "Best friends" are so retro for me. . .Last time I had one was over 15 years ago. I just treat everyone like friends, but keep 'em at arms length. Works great! |
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mohawkchic (f)
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 MC this similarity na wa
I do the degrees of friendship too Most people are just acquaintances anyway (what other people call friends lol). ~Oh Really?How Kwel is that?!  |
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chic2pimp (m)
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. . . I now pronounce mohawkchick and iice BEST FRIENDS (since you are "totally in synch", and "exactly the same") U no even finish am jare *Shior*. You forgot to add the most important bit 'You May Kiss The Bride'  |
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mohawkchic (f)
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U no even finish am jare *Shior*. You forgot to add the most important bit 'You May Kiss The Bride' |
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bluespice (f)
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~LWKMD. . first time i was told about that song,i knew i just had to hear it to belive. .had me in stitches. . .
took me a while to believe it was an actual song |
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mohawkchic (f)
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~Same here The suppposed kissing sound bit of the song is what i find the most hilarious. . .
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stillwater (f)
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I have hi-buddies not friends. I keep to myself a lot so they eventually fall out . I consider my siblings my friends. We have the most fun together although they have friends. I've never had a reason to say a friend did this or that to me because it wasn't deep in the first place. You can't really live like an island, you need people around you. For me I find all I need in my siblings. |
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chic2pimp (m)
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Is there something going on between youse two? . And If there is,would you like to share it with a fellow nairalander? Abi, how person go fit explain the endless 'ooh' 'aahs' 'me too' 'u think like me' 'this & that' you too are posting to each other. |
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bluespice (f)
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I have hi-buddies not friends. I keep to myself a lot so they eventually fall out . I consider my siblings my friends. We have the most fun together although they have friends. I've never had a reason to say a friend did this or that to me because it wasn't deep in the first place. You can't really live like an island, you need people around you. For me I find all I need in my siblings. im a loner generally and i made the awfull mistake of being nice n friendly enough to move in with someone needless to say i got so bent outta shape that few people knew who i was shoot i only recognised myself in my dreams needless to say, i got burnt n im still licking my wounds in my walled up shell all u need are people who think are your friends that u can call when in a fix and folks to go out with |
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stillwater (f)
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im a loner generally and i made the awfull mistake of being nice n friendly enough to move in with someone
needless to say i got so bent outta shape that few people knew who i was
shoot i only recognised myself in my dreams
needless to say, i got burnt n im still licking my wounds in my walled up shell
all u need are people who think are your friends that u can call when in a fix and folks to go out with
Awwww. One of the reasons I stay away from people it's because they talk a lot. Jeez I can't stand a chatterbox. That's why I don't look people in the eye. As soon as I make eye contact, they think I'm interested. I guess I'm a bad friend! |
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mohawkchic (f)
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im a loner generally and i made the awfull mistake of being nice n friendly enough to move in with someone
needless to say i got so bent outta shape that few people knew who i was
shoot i only recognised myself in my dreams
needless to say, i got burnt n im still licking my wounds in my walled up shell
all u need are people who think are your friends that u can call when in a fix and folks to go out with
~Oh Bugger! Gutted for you! We Live & Learn. . .
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bluespice (f)
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ahhh well, atleast now i can look self righteous bastards in the face n say "been there, done that"
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mohawkchic (f)
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~I wudnt agrue w/ that!
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Treetop20 (m)
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women who go out of their way to stay away
from their fellow women; i have found that they
are in fact the crazy ones who like creating drama
I don't understand why a woman cannot have female
friend/s albeit one or just a few. Rather than going about
looking for men to be friends with simply because they have
less"drama".
i have very few friends and they are like brothers to me.
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iice (f)
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We stay away from women because they are drama.
No get time for their wahala
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