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krisbobo (m)
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@Seun
I hope you can take this in good faith Seun. I do not know what your background in filmmaking is, so this is me being very careful in what I'm saying.
That script is not great. truth be told, it is not really good. As others have pointed some of the core inadequacies, I wouldn't bother again.
From the script length, this is like a 5 minute film, even less. Contrary to what many people think, short films are the most difficult to write. You script lacks the precision to hold an audience and it also lacks the writing style that would make it engaging.
Above all, the story was not well thought out which is why points such as where they met before, what relationship existed between them and the predictable nature of the end, came about.
Please don't shoot that script without proper rewrite. As any good writer will tell you, writing is rewriting and pre-writing is writing.
If you haven't got any trainig in sreeenwriting, get some. Let me know about this so I can help.
If you can, get a copy of Robert Mckee's Story it's a great book for understanding story construction.
Do take care.
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Seun (m)
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What's your background in film making?
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krisbobo (m)
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@Seun
Let's just say that I have worked as a professional actor (trained on stage) for the past ten years; I have my hands in some of the fairly successful Television dramas as both story consultant and screenwriter and am currently undergoing training as a director with the person who's probably the most successful screenwriter (with over 1000 television scripts) and director ( this person as just about 5 films but they are regarded as classic Nigerian films)in the country.
satisfied sir?
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Seun (m)
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Yes. The thing is, I'm a learner. Calling my script "not good" is like calling someone in driving school a bad driver.
It's very discouraging and unnecessary. Do you understand this?
Why not just say "you need to do so and so to make it better" and leave it like that? Why call it a bad script? Imagine that you posted a story 1 year ago and someone comes to you suddenly just to tell you that he thinks you're a bad writer, with no suggestions given. Do you see how that can hurt?
I know I'm not a Chimamamda, but must you rub it in my face like that? Why not "I didn't enjoy it because. . ."?
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Seun (m)
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If you're a good writer then why didn't you say anything when I was looking for a writer?
I guess telling people their scripts suck is more fun than actually helping them with their dreams.
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krisbobo (m)
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Dear Seun, so sorry your feelings were hurt. If you know me you'll know I never want to do that. Maybe I worded my writings wrongly but my intensions are genuine.
I am not an expert myself; I am still learning. In fact, although I have written scripts, I do not see myself primarily as a screenwriter, rather I am more interested in story construction and directing.
What I was trying to suggest is the need for you to have some training and since you say you're a learner then you are on the right course. If you want, I can help with that. My teacher just got a licence for a film school from the federal govt. When we have put together the corriculum we'll start formal training; this would not be later than Nov 2007. I will put the information here on Nairaland in a couple of weeks from now.
You obviously have talent and nobody is perfect and the last thing I want to do is discourage you at this early stage.
Once again my apologies. I didnt point out specifics in your script 'because a few people had done that.
All the best. Remember, I am here if you or anyone needs a hand.
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Seun (m)
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Thanks for understanding my point of view. I appreciate that very much.
It's not as if I think this script is so special, but it's easy to get discouraged.
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saucekid (m)
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@ seun,
count me in for support in all capacity
DA SAUCE
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Seun (m)
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@saucekid: tell me more: are you an actor? director? videographer? writer? location manager?
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saucekid (m)
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my humble self used to be an actor.although the art is inborn,it was fine tuned it at silverfilm productions. as per directing,i know how a particular script should be acted out only after having gone through the character dialogue but basically,i leave that at the discretion of the actor not much of a writer ( my wish) and concerning the location manager thingy, all i need is just to see the script build up and my imaginations come to play remember i am working on my single to be out next year***so,i know what the location and vid. pattern should look like  Thats about me in a coconut shell, if anyone wants to test my ability, give me a script Cheers mate |
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EFOSA VAL (f)
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that picture is killing  buahahahaha i love the play sha!  seun big boy can i b the doctor |
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