Coping With A Pushy Neighbour

I have this neighbour, lady, married, no child. Her flat is next to mine. We in fact share a common wall. She moved in a few months ago though we’ve been in the same church  for sometime.  I have a 7month old baby after 5yrs of marriage.

This lady has a pushful and forceful attitude that I don’t like. In fact she’s suffocating me but I don’t know how to tell her without offending her. She comes in countless times during waking hours to ‘play with baby’ and she has no respect for my bedroom! Many times I would tell her the baby is sleeping and she would walk past me into the bedroom(until I fixed curtains  at the bedroom door), carry the baby and make sure she wakes him with an excuse that she wants to go out and we might be out or sleeping by the time she comes back!  Other times she would insist on taking the baby to church  for a mid-week service when I cannot go. If I said the weather is cold she would urge me to wear thick cloth and that she would ‘back him’. The day I said I needed to be close to him after having left him in the crèche all day, she took offence and the next day she said she did not want to carry him so I wouldn’t say ‘I needed to be close to him’ . 

In short, she wakes the baby from sleep at will despite my mild pleas not to disturb his sleep .  I’ve  been careful the way I handled it so she wouldn’t feel its because I have a baby and she does not. She should be in her mid-30s and I expect her to be mature and sensitive enough to know those acts don’t go down well with me.  Oftentimes she would take the baby from me and when she needed to be busy she would give him to another woman next house (also a church member) to hold for her. When baby cries she prefers to come and take his formula and feed him rather than bring him for breastmilk even when my breasts are full and dripping!!!  So many things that I can’t say all!

SECONDLY, She has no respect for my privacy. On my own part I’ve NEVER for once gone beyond her living room and don’t even know what her kitchen looks like let alone her bedroom (am not interested anyway).  When am not in the living room she would not wait for me, rather before I move towards her, like a wind she would rush to meet me in the kitchen which I don’t like. And when she’s there she’d start offering to help me wash or do one thing or the other. Sometimes she would offer to join me in washing my baby’s clothes which I usually decline  because sometimes my undies are there. Few days ago she insisted on washing my dirty dishes and she wouldn’t take ‘No’ until I almost got angry. This was the same person who earlier told me she was busy cooking in her own kitchen!!!  You see, sometimes am tempted to think she’s up to some mischief!(Could be she likes sizing me up, as in let’s me see what she has or how neat/organised she is or whatever but a once-for all assessment is ok if that’s it, abi? )


Thirdly, she’s too inquisitive for my liking! She asks for every detail and I don’t find it funny. She likes knowing everything and she’s not smart enough to sense it when you don’t want to tell her what she’s asking for. I love her and I wish she's just  like me, minding my  own busines, shikenah!

Abeg, how can I tell her in clear times to respect my privacy and let the baby be? I honestly don’t want to hurt/offend her but am not comfortable with the way she thrusts herself on me. Someone should please respond to this plea.

There are some people like this who are overbearing but  I think she is only being friendly. I don't think she deliberately means any harm.

Please try and be diplomatic with her as you said she is still seeking the fruit of the womb herself. Try and be patient with her and just see her as someone who is looking for company; She is probably very lonely when her husband goes out.

You can try and let her know that its not too good for the baby for her to be waking up but do it with humour and not in an aggressive way.

You can also with humour tell her not to come to the bedroom e.g say something like "Haba are you my husbands second wife? what are you doing in his room etc" and laugh about it

Hopefully she will get the message.

Try friendly tactics first before "fighting"

Lock your doors,wen she knocks answer her thru the door n tell her u r preparing 2 go out,she will get d message after a while,u shd NEVER I REPEAT NEVER leave your baby alone wit her,u can never know wat a person like is planning.

she is using pyschological intimidation on you knowing fully well that maybe you are the quite type, woman take charge of your baby. Tell her to give you a call when next she is coming to make sure you are fine with her visit/you are home

Hmmn, be careful with your baby, your neighbour is up to no good. When he grows warn him neva to visit her flat, she might take over your responsibility as a mom. Be careful. 

lol 

@ poster

why pretending in the name of emotional feeling for your neighbour, let her know that your husband doesnot like it, or you open up your feeling str8 to her, if anything negative happen to child is then you will be able to really voice out, pls act fast but do it in a polite manner, best wishes,

@poster
Some peeps are just like that and unless you speak up, then you will have to continue enduring her.
Except off course you move out of the house (that's the extreme case). I understand she is showing
affection and trying to 'call her own child to the world' as the yorubas say by being nice to children
around her and doing all that she can BUT you obviously are pissed. You need to have a heart-to-heart
with her. Tell her exactly what you want, how you want it and how important those things are to you.
If she is genuine, she will understand but if she has other things in mind, she might even stop saying
hello. Try as much as possible to be positive in your choice of words (thank , appreciate and thank her as
many times during the talk). That way, she will know that it's just that you need a lil of your private moments
and she'll respect that.

Seconded

Also, maybe you should start locking your doors as well. _{(what people will learn to keep others at bay only God knows)} I bet you are not used to locking doors like me. 

The earlier you address this problem, the better for you and your household. By the way, what is your husband saying? My former neighbor's marriage was wrecked because of nosy neighbors and friends who wouldn't stay in the living room. Please do well to address the problem NOW!

@poster your problem is love and pride,yes she disturbs you with her behaviour but if she is wicked she could have done something to the baby by now,your church member you said,let me ask what do you people do in church?all I can see hear is the believe that if she stays with the baby maybe her own will come.

It is a serious matter and very difficult to handle. But what I can say is that you should visit her in her house before she comes into your own apartment and explain diligently to her the disadvantages of what she has been doing. Its like she does not know it is a bad thing not to honour another person's privacy. If she refuse to stop that attitude then you have to show it to her diligently too that you are not happy with the way she behave in your matrominial home or may be you start going out every morning (may be you go out to your friends' places)and come back home at dusk.

My dear you cant be confused oh. No body has a right walking into your bedroom. Thats your inner sanctum. You and your husband sleep there, plus your baby. Youre the woman, you should protect your home. From the sound of this woman, she's up to no good if she always wants to know whats happening with you and doesnt allow you go past her living room . . . . She's up to no good.

If you openely confront her, it might get ugly. Pray and move out. Inbetween, avoid her at all costs. LOCK YOUR DOOR!
Pray oh my dear. The Lord Almighty has given you a child and you are to see to his wellbeing, spiritually and physically. This woman is up to no good. Dont explain anything to her. Keep her quiet and avoid her, cos if she's diabolical and you confront her, you are at risk. If on the other hand, you pray and work in silence (please move out), she wont know what youre up to , and thats what you need right now.
I wish you well

Have you discussed this issue with your husband and what was his opinion or do you think this is a woman's affair.
Secondly, only a foolish woman allows untrusted person to feed her baby in her absence. Don't you know that babies are vulnerable to a lot of things (physically and spiritually). Have you not heard of Witchcraft? Have you not heard of babies sexually abused by persons they were entrusted to.

Be very careful with the baby issue especially for a childless woman who might be nursing jealousy inside. She is doing all that to annoy you thereby creating room to quarrel you .