|
N101
|
A marriage where you've invested physically and emotionally is only expected to be fair, if not best to your taste. When something goes wrong in a marriage, it's supposed to be worked out or it'll break the marriage - although you may not realize it immediately but these things degenerate to crackdown marriages.
Your partner not ready to take responsibilities for whatever he/she does speaks ill of them. It shows lack of respect for your own emotions; depicts excessive and haughty pride; a quarrelsome creature, and lots more. If you're in a marriage and you choose to put some things 'behind' you - issues that requires address - then your marriage is heading for a doom because a time will come when you will have it up to here.
A marriage where you have the mind to take revenge is a healthy marriage? A marriage you put up so much effort into will be a kind where you're promoting internal and in-built differences? Where is the understanding? Where's the openness? Where's the respect for each other's opinion? Where's the honesty? If taking revenge later is what marriage is all about then I'd just be a pimp rather than be a husband.
I'm curious as to your suggestions to resolve the issue of an unapologetic spouse. Walk out? Shout at them? Pray it out of them? Get family - who may be equally as bad - involved? Marriage isn't about revenge, but some people need to learn the hard way, it's not for me to do what their parents or society failed to instill in them. People sometimes apologise as a way to get you off their back but don't mean it. Is that a better option? Unfortunately there are too many immature people in relationships with unrealistic expectations. One would expect people to go into marriage with their eyes open, but, if some of the marital problems I've read about on NL are anything to go by, too many people get married for all the wrong reasons. Some of those you have highlighted (lack of openness, honesty etc). Remember, you are dealing with a fellow human being whose frailties may not be your own. There is a time to apologise when you aren't at fault, and a time for people to learn the hard way without intervention. When it does happen it's not to resolve it by saying "I told you so", that is adding fuel to the fire, sometimes you have to be there to help pick up the pieces. At the end of the day, being in a good marriage is about good and clear communication, some learn how to do it, some will struggle. Pimping or being a husband, your choice. |
|
|
|
|
|
bourdillon
|
I'll sit him/she down and talk sense into he/her brain,so @ d end of everything i'll ask he/she to apologise.
|
|
|
|
|
|
RichyBlacK (m)
|
No amount of love in this universe can make me stay with such an arrogant SOB!  There is nothing to discuss here. First error is starting any form of relationship with such a mofo. Second error is hanging around trying to fix such a pathetic a-hole! |
|
|
|
|
|
Macgreat (m)
|
. . .Change partner
|
|
|
|
|
|
ELDINO (m)
|
Ohoh! It's a pity.
|
|
|
|
|
|
TheSeeker (m)
|
I'm curious as to your suggestions to resolve the issue of an unapologetic spouse. Walk out? Shout at them? Pray it out of them? Get family - who may be equally as bad - involved? Marriage isn't about revenge, but some people need to learn the hard way, it's not for me to do what their parents or society failed to instill in them. People sometimes apologise as a way to get you off their back but don't mean it. Is that a better option?
Unfortunately there are too many immature people in relationships with unrealistic expectations. One would expect people to go into marriage with their eyes open, but, if some of the marital problems I've read about on NL are anything to go by, too many people get married for all the wrong reasons. Some of those you have highlighted (lack of openness, honesty etc). Remember, you are dealing with a fellow human being whose frailties may not be your own.
There is a time to apologise when you aren't at fault, and a time for people to learn the hard way without intervention. When it does happen it's not to resolve it by saying "I told you so", that is adding fuel to the fire, sometimes you have to be there to help pick up the pieces. At the end of the day, being in a good marriage is about good and clear communication, some learn how to do it, some will struggle.
Pimping or being a husband, your choice.
I didn't say exactly to walk out or yell on your partner. Yes, some people need to learn the hard way, unfortunately I can't argue that properly. A lot of people get married for the wrong reasons because most of them don't even know what they want (you can visualize a situation where a woman says she's in love with two men as if 'love' is some cheap word). I totally understand where you're coming from, but most times I think marriage ought to be peaceful, that's not to say there won't be times when we disagree but it should be like an unusual raucous and not such that it keeps happening the same time over and over again only for a reason. I believe in communication - heart to heart communication - in a relationship. This is what it takes to understand the stance of who you're dealing with because you both aren't bound to have the same charisma and characters, of course, they differ and you've got to check the differences out and work out a solution and that can only be achievable by communicating with all honesty and openness. I don't believe a breakup is the solution to every problem in a relationship but when communication can't solve it, then I don't believe anything else will. Patience lasts and deteriorates after a while, but communication can put a stop to many mishaps, if done in all honesty and cooperation, oneness and openness. But a situation where this fails, breakup is the next thing to consider as an option. Life is too short than spend it all in an unhealthy relationship. There are lots of people out there who deserve better partners, I think it's best to find those than spend it with someone who's always controversial. |
|
|
|
|
|
Secretz (f)
|
I didn't say exactly to walk out or yell on your partner. Yes, some people need to learn the hard way, unfortunately I can't argue that properly. A lot of people get married for the wrong reasons because most of them don't even know what they want (you can visualize a situation where a woman says she's in love with two men as if 'love' is some cheap word). I totally understand where you're coming from, but most times I think marriage ought to be peaceful, that's not to say there won't be times when we disagree but it should be like an unusual raucous and not such that it keeps happening the same time over and over again only for a reason.
I believe in communication - heart to heart communication - in a relationship. This is what it takes to understand the stance of who you're dealing with because you both aren't bound to have the same charisma and characters, of course, they differ and you've got to check the differences out and work out a solution and that can only be achievable by communicating with all honesty and openness.
I don't believe a breakup is the solution to every problem in a relationship but when communication can't solve it, then I don't believe anything else will. Patience lasts and deteriorates after a while, but communication can put a stop to many mishaps, if done in all honesty and cooperation, oneness and openness.
But a situation where this fails, breakup is the next thing to consider as an option. Life is too short than spend it all in an unhealthy relationship. There are lots of people out there who deserve better partners, I think it's best to find those than spend it with someone who's always controversial.
 @ OP, talk to them - Although some people don't truly understand what it means to 'communicate'.  |
|
|
|
|
|
Opelope (m)
|
Temporarily STOP doin wat u do that they love.
Example, stop being so sweet or seeming like u care. Women always want that care. When she complains, bring it to her attention
|
|
|
|
|
|
Nezan (m)
|
@OP, you let them understand the way that attitude is affecting you and seek for an understanding and possible change.
|
|
|
|
|
|
MrPrsdent (m)
|
@ topic
shoot them
|
|
|
|
|
|
dramenda
|
honestly have learnt alot from this conversation,God bless you all.ma girl friend is just the type we are all delibrating on here.i do whatever i think its good to make her happy,@ the end of the day what i complain that i don't like she keeps on doing again.what she say's is i should overlook most of her behavior,but honestly i cant cus its pains me to see the reocurence of what have complain of.her problem is she thinks she knows TOO MUCH.she say,s men dont complain, plz NL i want to get her off ma mind.plz how do i get ma mind off her?cus have invest my emotion in2 the relationship too much,its hurt to the extent that @nigth i dont have a sound sleep.i beleive i have to stop this.cus relationship is meant to be enjoyed.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
posakosa (m)
|
mudiwa was your YIM ?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Anandel (f)
|
???I can take it when we started dating but i'll walk out when i feel i must have started to sound like a broken record!!!!!!!!!!!!
|
|
|
|
|
|
![Nairaland [Nigerian Forum] Home](http://www.nairaland.com/Themes/default/images/english/home.gif)
Author
