When A Hole Is Just A Hole

this is touchin' and spirit lifting
good work

I ask myself
I dont know what to do
I dont know what to say
Not because there is nothing to say or do
But because I feel the hurt I will leave you
when I utter those words
Am I being selfish?
Should I be honest?
Can you take the truth?
Would your ego be hurt rather than your heart?

I have dropped hints
I have struggled when I should have been a participant
Yet you refuse to see the signs
You carry on like we are good
Are we good?
Are you in denial?
Do you know what my intentions are?
Do you really know how I feel?


How do I express myself?

Or should the question be,

Where do we go from here?

I am a wife
I am a mother
I am a friend
I am the confidant
I am the cook
I am the cleaner
I am the finance advisor
I am the pillar that makes a home a home

The pressure! such pressure!
I remembered being single
all those nights i cry into my pillow
all those days I envied married women
Here I am
In my own home
Living my dream
Yet the tears keep flowing

What did I do wrong
What didn't I do
where do I start
Where does it all end

Where is my support
I am considered to be the weak one
Yet I am expected to be the warrior
The one that stands when others fall
I am expected to pick up the pieces
Even when I am in pieces
Who is my confidant
Who is my friend
Who is my helper

No
don't feel sorry for me
I love this life
The flowing tears
are joyful ones
the Who
is the family unit
We lean on each other
Through thick and thin
We learn from each other
we grow with each other
Above all
We have each other

I will not be a wife if I wasnt married
I will not be a mother if I didnt have a man
I will not be a friend If I had no one to care for
I will not be a confidant if im not trusted
I will not be a cook, if I had no one to cook for
I will not be a cleaner, if there were no kids to make the home untidy
I will not be a finance advisor, If we had no money

I will NOT be a pillar if there was no home

this last one is a bomb. pregnant with so much messages