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TheSeeker (m)
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A friend of mine, 25 to be exact, has a girlfriend who he's been in a relationship with for almost one and half years. As it seemed, they appear to have shared a lot together and from the look of things - as it all started off and stands at - they love each other very much. Unfortunately, very recently, about two weeks ago, my friend found out his girlfriend has a child - a boy she had from another relationship when she was a teenager.
This was devastating and disappointingly crushing! He was totally broken down and at a crossroad not knowing what to do; he talked with her about the discovery and all she kept and still keeps saying is that she loves him very much and felt like if she voiced it out earlier, she could have lost him, and she didn't want that to happen. On a deeper look into the issue, my friend said he isn't sure if he would or wouldn't have been turned off if she told her that at the commencement of the relationship, however, he's doubtful if she still has some other things she's hiding from him.
What's your suggestion? That he leaves or stays!
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whitelexi (m)
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Leave!
Fast!!!
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Godmother (f)
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she should have told him from the begining.Keeping secrets like that are not healthy.
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TheSeeker (m)
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Why can't he consider the fact that she may have actually been scared to lose him if she had told him firsthand?
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r231 (m)
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Why can't he consider the fact that she may have actually been scared to lose him if she had told him firsthand?
dats too big to digest mehn (a child) what was she thinking? dat he is never going to find out wow he can still try to hear her out doh maybe there is a good reason behind it |
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Alxmyr (m)
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No big deal.
He should overlook that and continue.
He is the man, there is no threat at all.
But wait, your friend is 25.
Haa, he is young and by the time he will be ready to marry, she will be old for him.
For that he should leave. He has nothing to offer the poor girl but heartbreak at the end of the day.
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TheSeeker (m)
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^^ They are about the same age. But are you saying if she was a little older than him he should walk because of that in contradiction to your first suggestion?
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minute (f)
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Your friend probably feel kind of weird because his girlfriend has
has a whole other life.LOL.It must feel real awkward.But you never know,
the kid might be sweet and acceptable.
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Alxmyr (m)
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Most relationship in that age bracket fail woefully.
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zuuby (m)
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In this clime, a woman with a child is usually looked at ( not by everybody ) like a second hand or tokunbo.
So the guy may just be thinking how his family and relatives would accept an '' after one '' .
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dominique (f)
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if only the girl had been upfront with him right from the start of the relationship, maybe he would have learnt to accept the situation. instead, she kept it to her self. . . who knows what else she has u p her sleeves.
my advice to the guy. . . leave ASAP, that woman cant be trusted
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Abbey_city (f)
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In this clime, a woman with a child is usually looked at ( not by everybody ) like a second hand or tokunbo.
So the guy may just be thinking how his family and relatives would accept an '' after one '' .
hmmmmmm  |
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CrazyMan (m)
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I feel she has more skeletons in her cupboard; also, she’s might probably still be seeing the father of the child hence her muteness about the child towards your friend.
Doesn't she know that keeping such things secrete most especially when she claims to love the guy shows clearly that she has no iota of love for him.
Finally, why did she have to wait until the guy she claims to love found about her dirty little secrete from another source?
I believe that she has a hidden agenda; I would suggest that you tell your friend in question to seek love elsewhere and forget about this fellow.
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Ujujoan (f)
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I feel she has more skeletons in her cupboard; also, she’s might probably still be seeing the father of the child hence her muteness about the child towards your friend.
Doesn't she know that keeping such things secrete most especially when she claims to love the guy shows clearly that she has no iota of love for him.
Finally, why did she have to wait until the guy she claims to love found about her dirty little secrete from another source?
I believe that she has a hidden agenda; I would suggest that you tell your friend in question to seek love elsewhere and forget about this fellow.
^^^^ Exactly! I mean why did she have to hide that? Isnt she proud of her own son? I'd be wary of such a person cos who knows, she might even hide you if need be! I cant tell him to leave or stay, God knows I'm the wrongest person to give such advice. But if you want to eat with the Devil, berra get yourself a looong spoon! |
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kidsam
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If she could keep her own child out of the picture because she was scared of losing the guy she really wanted, that means she put her self first before her responsibility (thats selfish). I think she can leave the guy anytime she sees something she wants more than the guy, based on this, i think the guy should step.
There comes a time in life when you put your responsibility and commitment first instead of self especially in marriage, i don't think she has reached that point.
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iice (f)
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Things like that you don't keep secret. Not to mention a year and a half.
Yeah she was scared of losing him. . .good decision on her part when the end result might be what she feared anyway.
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rita@NL (m)
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Your friend should simply let her go.
I hate it when ladies keep this kind of stuffs from their love ones.
oneday she's gonna come home and tell the guy she wanna go back to the father of her child.
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1stEdition
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She shd have made it clear to him earlier.
My gf has a son too and that was the first thing she told me.
I took my time to think abt it and we've been 2geda 3yrs.
It will be difficult 4 your friend to trust her again.
He shd just take out time to think, he has to come to the conclusion of staying or leaving himself.
Love is a choice.
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TheSeeker (m)
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^^ Yes. The way everyone is asking for him to break away is alarming. What if he looks over what she's hidden from and take it as if she feared leaving her hence, her reason to have hidden it from her; more so, I think if she leaves her now that may, in a way, confirm her fears she first had.
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whitelexi (m)
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^^^ Seen, but she was wrong to hide it, whatever her reasons were. . . What else is she hiding? what do u expect the poor guy to think now? I wont blame the guy if he chooses to end it, i would've done just that, only difference is i would've done it ages ago - without thinking twice!  |
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Dubino (m)
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Finding out by himself is a big blow to the guy's face, I can't say it any other way. It's a very big mistake on the girl's side to 've hidden it for that long. However,I'll not tell the guy to leave or hang on. I'll advice the guy to go back to the drawing board and take a look at the qualities he wants in a wife/girlfriend, if this girl has all or more than 70% of them,he should really consider her but if not,well, the choice is his. Again,let the guy tell himself the truth what would've been his reaction if the girl told him that before he found out. If in anyway way he would accept it, I guess there's still room for him to accept it now.
He should also create a conducive atmosphere for the girl to tell him about her past life/relationship; when she got pregnant,her age then,by who,why and other circumstances surrounding it which may not be fault of hers. Finding out things like this from her may help him digest the situation better.
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~Sissy~ (f)
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the relationship already lacks trust. i wonder how long she was planning on keeping this a secret? i mean, this sort of things you dont keep them secrets. she should have told him upfront, if the guy sees in her than her past life he would have stayed. its not as if being a single mother means the end of relationships or love life.
being the guy here, it would definitely be a hard pill to swallow. even if he accepts her back, what other secrets is she hiding? how is he sure there isnt more in the pot? how can they regain the lost trust in the relationship? trust is crucial in relationships and if the guy checks and see that its something he cant rebuild then the relationship serves no useful need again. however, if the trust can rebuilt then he should stay and walk things out
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TheSeeker (m)
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the relationship already lacks trust. i wonder how long she was planning on keeping this a secret? i mean, this sort of things you dont keep them secrets. she should have told him upfront, if the guy sees in her than her past life he would have stayed. its not as if being a single mother means the end of relationships or love life.
being the guy here, it would definitely be a hard pill to swallow. even if he accepts her back, what other secrets is she hiding? how is he sure there isnt more in the pot? how can they regain the lost trust in the relationship? trust is crucial in relationships and if the guy checks and see that its something he cant rebuild then the relationship serves no useful need again. however, if the trust can rebuilt then he should stay and walk things out
Right there is where the problem lies in our society. I am sure she couldn't get herself to see past the stigmatization of the society against young girls who have babies. We all know how it is with women who have babies outside wedlock and very worse still, having the kids at very tender age; do you even know that some of these men refuse to claim responsibility for their own baby and that leaves the woman with a very bad image where most people would have to think her attitudes - mostly promiscuity - led the man not to want to take responsibility. I'm suspecting this may have triggered off her decision to keep it from him for a while, and I'm very sure that she didn't intend keeping it from him forever, of course, at some point, according to her, she wants to tell him but she needed a perfect time to do that. We don't even know how many men have rejected her because of this. I'm not saying it's a good excuse but we all tend to avoid troubles and chaos when we can and that's what she did but in a very wrong way. |
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spikedcylinder
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He needs to ask himself this: Will she stay if it was the other way round? A honest answer to this internal question will solve his riddle!
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izeek (m)
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Insert Quote
He needs to ask himself this: Will she stay if it was the other way round? A honest answer to this internal question will solve his riddle!
i think he should also ask himself if he would have held back such info if it was him .
this is not something u hide abeg.
if she chose not to tell him and now the bubble burst, then he shud do what he feels like. no one will raise an eyebrow,
or even blame him . i just think he should consider other things too, like if he loved her, and also if aside from this child issue her atitude has been good so far.
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coolier (f)
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Love conquers all!
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spikedcylinder
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Insert Quote
He needs to ask himself this: Will she stay if it was the other way round? A honest answer to this internal question will solve his riddle!
i think he should also ask himself if he would have held back such info if it was him .
this is not something u hide abeg.
if she chose not to tell him and now the bubble burst, then he shud do what he feels like. no one will raise an eyebrow,
or even blame him . i just think he should consider other things too, like if he loved her, and also if aside from this child issue her atitude has been good so far.
Its not something one hides, yes but if he hid it from her because he was scared of losing her, will she forgive him and move on? |
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izeek (m)
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Its not something one hides, yes but if he hid it from her because he was scared of losing her, will she forgive him and move on?
thats the mistake we all make, hiding things cos we feel we might loose the peron.
i believe you lay it all in theopen from the onset, and if he feels its too muh for him to hndle then let him move along. |
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iice (f)
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thats the mistake we all make, hiding things cos we feel we might loose the peron.
i believe you lay it all in theopen from the onset, and if he feels its too muh for him to hndle then let him move along.
Thank you ooo.
I always say, give them the full blast. . .if they stick around, then they are worth all the effort.
Na why, people relationships crumble. . friendship/relationships. Keep tip-toeing around each other |
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