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No Life
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While at work fell in love with my boss and it continued for some time till he every now and then emotionally urged me to travel with him and see him. I realized my mistake after a few outings when I met his family and little kids, he looked very serious about me but I didn’t want to break his home. Off and on it continued for sometime, at times he would travel and request me to go with him and travel. I would always deny but he convinced me somehow. Why was I so stupid I wonder? I tried meeting and dating new guys but either I didn’t get the right one or couldn’t feel for anyone. We continued to see each other off and on…He was 13 years elder to me
Last year I found someone online and who swop me off my feet followed by this amazing attraction and dream. I spoke to him day and night and dreamed about being together for the rest of my life. I left my job, city, folks, country and everything for this guy happily and got married to him overseas.
Now my life changed in many ways, my husband who was always controlling even got worse and controlled my clothing, friends and everything I did. He kept me from working and I sat home all day washing, cleaning and getting bored. The earlier guy was took a promise from me when I left my country that if I don’t call him up within a month he will do that…when my unemployed husband got a job and started working, I called him(the ex) and we spoke a few of times. My husband was continuously monitoring my mails, phone records etc…I never intended infidelity but was worried why he’s always in a bad mood. I shared my worries about my husband with that guy and nothing else. I could speak to this guy because he was mature and could advise me and moreover he was overseas so I didn’t have to see him. I loved my husband despite his derogatory, abusive behavior and accepted him the way he was. He would make sick remarks about my looks, mannerisms, family and friends and I would go and work in the kitchen to avoid arguments. He would generally smoke a lot and drank like a log. He would push me against the wall and beat me up. I was an outgoing smart girl and within a one year of our meeting and staying together my self esteem became so low that I my friends didn’t believe it and asked me to shun the relationship.
I instead shunned the whole world and chose to be his until one dark night when he grabbed me by the hand while sleeping and beat the hell out of me. Slapping me on the face, pushing me against the wall, grabbing me by the neck and throwing me on the ground and then pressing my neck with his leg…I could have died! In the middle of the night with a drunken man…I screamed and cried with all my strength, no rescuer came to save me. My eyes were swollen cut and I was black and blue all over, precisely brutally beaten up! He started calling up my friend and his brother and telling them the story and discussing the air tickets and hotels with them. He wouldn’t let me come out of the room and I had had no food in the whole two days. I was weak, in pain and helpless and guilty. I said a thousand sorries but it did not work. He wanted to kill me and continued to talk. I felt so embarrassed and suicidal that I jumped out of the window from the first floor. Broke my legs and slept in pain whole night. He took me to the hospital next day where they operated it and admitted me for few days.
He threw me back to my country while on chair…I was wheel chaired in shame and remorse and cried day and night on phone and hid my tears from everyone and cried at nights alone. I lost my face in front of everyone! He became a stone to me…had no ears to hear and pushed me away. He would call me and say nastiest things instead of talking g positive and saying constructive things. I was physically and mentally devastated. I once said it is over and called the ex to speak to my husband and fix this up. He called him but husband didn’t care to talk. He abandoned me and the ex haunted me on phone and wanted to meet. I did not meet him and thought I should get away from him and start afresh. He said one last chance to be with him and he came to travel with me till half way and to say that his love was true and he wanted to marry me! Ever since I met my husband I just can’t concentrate on anyone else, and I disposed the proposal. I came to husbands’ city and started sharing a room with a foreigner and a new job casual assignment.
Husband pulled back the visa and I had to take initiatives to fight this. I showed domestic violence that could get me a visa and as far as I understand it is for my protection. Soon after two days I met him in the middle of the city! He is changed and affectionate; I didn’t go with him but felt bad. I called him up and told him about what I have done against him. He said he doesn’t know anything about it…I don’t know if he did. He asked me to take my complain back…is this all he’s after?
Is he stalking me. He looks devastated, so is his house but he doesn’t talk positive. He continues to make me feel guilty and put me down. He’ll never come out of the past. He makes me cry a lot and when I went to see him he made out with me…passionately like never before…slept arms in arms like he really loves me. I am again in the rut. Because he must be doing all this to save his ass against the legal proceedings. He talks past and makes me feel guilty. Talks negative about the other guy and I see that if I withdraw the complains against him, I have to go back and be embarrass for the rest of my life. He thinks marrying me is the biggest favor he has ever done to me and his worst mistake of life. The other guy calls me up sometimes to see if I am okay and cares about my wellbeing. Sometimes I feel he is ready to hold my hand in every situation while my husband uses his mind and is using me at the moment physically and to prove his point. I stay away from him and things started become lighter earlier but now…they’re foggy again! He will never hold my hand and give the security that would put my soul in peace…he’s an arrogant and pessimistic man and in his view I can never be what he thought of me….what do you say?
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missSexy
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they are both bad for u. don't withdraw your complain, get a job, go to school. become independent. don't worry u will find other respectful SINGLE guys, there's this guy who was crazy in love with this girl back home or so we thought. but once she got here, he started abusing her, beating her, and bringing other women in the house and fucking them while he made her watch or sleep on the couch. but after sometime, she left him, went to a shelter, got a job, went to school, filed for alimony and child support and now the guy is the one crying
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No Life
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I don't talk to my family and feel embarrassed in front of everyone. They feel sorry for me and it makes me feel like hell Rita  I am 28-29 yrs ols |
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rita@NL (m)
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You can edit your age if you dont feel comfortable leaving it here.
You are still within reasonable age poster. It will also do you good to follow MissSexy's advise. I wish you could seek the forgiveness of your family cos as i see it,they are not happy with you esp your mother. I pray God gives you strenght to start afresh.Are you in Nigeria?
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No Life
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Gimme some views people, my post is long but I am desperate and devastated at this point!
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zuuby (m)
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The best thing for you now is to first makeup with your family. You can have no other like them.
It may not be easy but they will accept you back.
As for the men in your life, do away with them totally they will bring you nothing but grief at the end of the day.
Do not withdraw your complaint and start a new life.You will meet the right person down the road.
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izeek (m)
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views sister is keep away from your hubby.
dude is a monste and i can assure you would not change.
good enough you know that he simply acts nice now cos of the court issue.
what happesn when u withdraw it?
if i were you, i will not contemplate retrning to him, not to even mention sleeping with him again.
but then i know how the feelings of the past can draw us back, making us hope that things wud change.
i suggest you take a long walk, and i mean probably leave the city if you can .
you will always meet someone else, thats one thing thats sure.
if he would be better or just like your hubby all depends on you.
for your boss,
if he so cares for you, let him assist you in getting out of the situation you are in now.
you dont have to date him or something, as i assume he already has a family of his own.
that would amount to cuasing another woman pain, and am sure you dont wanna be the cause.
in all this, be strong, it would surely end well but you have to think positive.
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cooldud62*
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big pity friend, i feel for you. People should get to know the spouses before getting married! Its the best advice you can ever get. Dont be pressured to getting married to someone you barely know. I think you should do what you've been advised. dont drop the complaints!!! Which country are you talking of? dont date married men, though not time for castigations  |
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No Life
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My husband doesn't care about anything but th ex cares if I am alive or dead, he helped me financially too at the time I was almost takin g a woman refuge and then I took a job! My husband must know all this by his hacking tactics but still asks me, I was very weak n totally shattered but ex's help saved me from becoming a refugee It sounds cheap but its a bigger help to be forgotten :| in times like this |
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izeek (m)
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Insert Quote
My husband doesn't care about anything but th ex cares if I am alive or dead, he helped me financially too at the time I was almost takin g a woman refuge and then I took a job! My husband must know all this by his hacking tactics but still asks me, I was very weak n totally shattered but ex's help saved me from becoming a refugee
It sounds cheap but its a bigger help to be forgotten :| in times like this
if we all feel indebted for good done us, we will still be paying people till this very minute.
tank God he was there when you needed him i mean your boss, but dont feel u have to pay him back by going back into that r/s.
atleast u know u have one good frind you can always count on, and thats what he is meant to be.
just pick up the pieces of your life and move on.
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coolier (f)
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Can someone pls sum this up for me so I can contribute?  |
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No Life
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I understand coolier that it is actually very exhaustive but, so is my saga
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chaircover (f)
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Your husband sounds mentally unbalanced and for that reason alone I will advise that you are very careful on how you deal with him.
I am not naïve and I know that you must have done things to make him angry but that is not good enough reason for a man to whack you; We have all heard stories of women beaten to death by their husbands. Please don’t let your life be cut short before your appointed time. If you die, both men will move on with their lives trust me.
Both men are dangerous to your well being & I suggest that you tread softly with both.
As some people have mentioned here, try and reconcile with your family. They will be in the best position to support you through this trying time.
Remember you only have one life; there is no duplicate or photocopy; once its been taken, that is it. Don’t let this man kill you.
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The Henrys (m)
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@poster,
I understand you find it hard to mend with your family and forget your husband,move on with your life,and get closer to God,he only can help you heal completely and most definitely guys will come looking for you and try and be positive,i hate people that are negative and i guess same goes for most people,smile in the face of adversary.When you radiate happiness,good people tend to get attracted to people that are always happy.God help you.
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No Life
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When my husband makes sad face, I go weak in Knees, I dunno, I go and stay with him. Have written off the other guy completely from my life and now, am all alone, waiting for my husband to call, he calls very less. Why wouldn't he take me back if he loves me so much or is it all fake?  Men seem to be so mysterious at times, why do the ones we love the most make us feel so bad. I am alone, weak and nothing without him. God, I can't live! |
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No Life
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I am deep in shit, How do I live. I have given up everyone, I am lonely and desperate but can't really talk to anyone or see anyone, as I start crying in the middle of the road, I feel very sad!!!!
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The Henrys (m)
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like i told you,you need to move on,your destiny is in your hands,move on, i can help you if you wish.you need to make new friends pick up yourself,rediscover yourself, live a happy life again you can do it.belief me stop being hard on yourself,you prefer to battered by your husband?its no use,move on,
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throttler (f)
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it seems you have made up your mind to remain in the mood and situation that you have found yourself in. people here are telling and giving you hints on how to move on but you keep saying I am deep in shit, How do I live. I have given up everyone, I am lonely and desperate but can't really talk to anyone or see anyone, as I start crying in the middle of the road, I feel very sad!!!!
what do you want them to say again. just try to listen without bringing up negative talks, because it seems your hubys mind and attitude is rubbing off on you. i would suggest you dont waste your sorrows. use this as a propelling force to get up , and do what you have to do to enhance your quality of life, then you can even meet true love along the way. |
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Good Girl (f)
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@ OP,
Going through your post, I can tell that you are the kind of woman who'd rather date a zombie than be alone. The moment you learn to be on your own and be independent (both emotionally and financially) you will avoid most of life's drama. Work on your esteem, your confidence, your strength, your intelligence and when the time comes when you will feel in your heart that you have become a better, stronger woman, get a man for yourself. I don't think you are ready to meet someone new yet. Which man wants a woman with a baggage from her prior relationships?
Do whatever it takes to make yourself happy and comfortable. . . . . Get a job, think of a business, whatever. . . . just learn THE ART OF INDEPENDENCE. You are undergoing a lot of stress levels and I bet it's all showing in your face. Treat yourself to a beauty therapy, go for facials, manicures, pedicures. . . . . in short, make yourself look and FEEL good.
NB- Lessons you ought to have learnt from your experience
1. Nobody else is responsible for your happiness. Don't believe the shit that men say that they will make you the happiest woman on earth. If somebody can make you happy, then they can make you sad.
2. Nothing turns off a man like a lonely desparado. Never ever show a man that you are desperate (even when you long for him like water in a desert).
3. There's nothing as bad as a man who imagines that you are nothing without him - always keep your options open. . . . GET A JOB!
4. Love your man in moderation, but love yourself more.
5. There are always tell-tale signs of drama early into a relationship. As soon as you detect them, FLEE like a rat.
But hey, I wish you a quick recovery and DO NOT GO BACK TO YOUR HUSBAND.
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zeedee (f)
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My dear, continue with the court proceedings on the basis of domestic violence.
It is not love if you're going through all this, your life comes first. I know someone who's been through a similar situation but now she has moved on with her life, got her own place, has a steady job, is going to school and is making ends meet for herself. You can take a loan if you need financial support.
If all these things are not working in your favour, then go back to your family. Family comes first and they love you best. There is no need for you to suffer and God forbid, die in another man's land. Dont become a statistic.
Dont put your trust in men. Never ever. God is our only means, OK?
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