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tpm (m)
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Even after we graduated from the higher institution and working, my best friend still holds enormous grudges against me. He was my classmate and bosom friend. We did almost everything together, including reading, writing and reporting assignments, eating, clubbing, politics, the list is endless. Even in the exams, we sat close to each other for mutual benefits, until this girl came in between us. My friend first met her and they were going out together. Then came one faithful day, my friend visited me with her. He introduced her to me and we both exchanged pleasantries. She confirmed to my friend that I was a gentle guy, though in my absence.
When my friend asked me about her, I also confirmed she’s cute and above all, matured. And the three of us by virtue of that introduction became close friends. However, my friend I must state clear here, is the acting boy friend, while as his bosom friend, I encouraged them and ensured their love for each other grows. Not quite long after, they stated having serious incompatibility problems. They quarrel themselves at every slightest opportunity. They would argue over trivial issues that should not matter at all. Even in the public, causing themselves embarrassments in some cases.
I became very worried and tried my best to settle their differences. In many occasions my idea of settling cases between them had worked perfectly, only for yet another trouble to ensue little time after. This lingered until I could notice a show of lack of interest in the relationship from either side. As a concerned dude, I called my friend in private and asked him what exactly the problem was, but he didn’t seem to know. I demanded to know if he has done his job as a man, because refusal of indulgence could throw some contemporary ladies into dismay. My friend yielded NO. I blamed him for that and at the same time advised him to go sleep with the girl to clear every emotional doubt. But he refused, telling me he wouldn’t want to portray a picture of sexual urge before the girl at that time which he considered too early. I said to him, four months after you‘ve been into this and you still consider it too early to make her feel like a woman.
Ok, since you are the point man, you know the best for yourself. While the problem between them lasted, the girl was wishing within her to switch over to me. But I did not know until one day, while she and I were coming back after we escorted her boy friend to his off-camp residence and coming back to our hostel rooms. On our way she kissed me. I objected and frowned against it, but she said since my best friend is her boy friend, she sees nothing bad in giving me such unconditional kiss. After all, I was a better man than him, she added. I became frightened and tried to protect my friend’s interest like every true friend should do. From that day she began to hide from my friend, but only wanting to see me.
Still I refused. Instead I planned to reconcile them but they both expressed explicitly they are no longer interested. After like six months, I pleaded with my friend to accept my reconciliation moves, but he objected. By then, the girl was disturbing me terribly, paying for my lunch, drinks, etc even when I was not there. When the temptation became too much, I asked my friend if he was going to be against any man he sees going out with the girl, but he denied, saying he would even thank the man for saving him the trouble. I called the girl and asked her why she was following me around, but she said, my friend in question never had any canal knowledge of her. What was her sin falling in love with me?
She even said she had brought up the topic before the room mates and they all encourage her to follow her heart. It was at that point I fell for her. And we started dating. Since then, we have been together even as by the grace of God, we are both engineers now (though she is still serving). It’s been like five years now and I don’t regret ever being with her. So does she never regret the decision she made. But my friend hated me with the believe that I betrayed him. And as adults now, I want reconciliation but do not know how to start. In your mind, do I really owe him an apology?
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Sisi_Kill
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Tell him to take a long walk off a short pier. You've done nothing wrong, that you even asked his permission before going out with her is enough to clear your conscience. If he can't get over the fact that your relationship with her worked out better than his with her. . . That's his effing problem not yours. . .ya hear me? You concentrate on your relationship and make sure you guys name you first child after me.  |
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Godmother-
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Can someone pls summarise the post. I couldnt go beyound the third line/
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whitesturd (f)
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Can someone pls summarise the post. I couldnt go beyound the third line/
same here dear.im realy getting lazy wt reading dis days.  |
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Ebonyeyes (f)
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Even after we graduated from the higher institution and working, my best friend still holds enormous grudges against me. He was my classmate and bosom friend. We did almost everything together, including reading, writing and reporting assignments, eating, clubbing, politics, the list is endless. Even in the exams, we sat close to each other for mutual benefits, until this girl came in between us. My friend first met her and they were going out together. Then came one faithful day, my friend visited me with her. He introduced her to me and we both exchanged pleasantries. She confirmed to my friend that I was a gentle guy, though in my absence.
When my friend asked me about her, I also confirmed she’s cute and above all, matured. And the three of us by virtue of that introduction became close friends. However, my friend I must state clear here, is the acting boy friend, while as his bosom friend, I encouraged them and ensured their love for each other grows. Not quite long after, they stated having serious incompatibility problems. They quarrel themselves at every slightest opportunity. They would argue over trivial issues that should not matter at all. Even in the public, causing themselves embarrassments in some cases.
I became very worried and tried my best to settle their differences. In many occasions my idea of settling cases between them had worked perfectly, only for yet another trouble to ensue little time after. This lingered until I could notice a show of lack of interest in the relationship from either side. As a concerned dude, I called my friend in private and asked him what exactly the problem was, but he didn’t seem to know. I demanded to know if he has done his job as a man, because refusal of indulgence could throw some contemporary ladies into dismay. My friend yielded NO. I blamed him for that and at the same time advised him to go sleep with the girl to clear every emotional doubt. But he refused, telling me he wouldn’t want to portray a picture of sexual urge before the girl at that time which he considered too early. I said to him, four months after you‘ve been into this and you still consider it too early to make her feel like a woman.
Ok, since you are the point man, you know the best for yourself. While the problem between them lasted, the girl was wishing within her to switch over to me. But I did not know until one day, while she and I were coming back after we escorted her boy friend to his off-camp residence and coming back to our hostel rooms. On our way she kissed me. I objected and frowned against it, but she said since my best friend is her boy friend, she sees nothing bad in giving me such unconditional kiss. After all, I was a better man than him, she added. I became frightened and tried to protect my friend’s interest like every true friend should do. From that day she began to hide from my friend, but only wanting to see me.
Still I refused. Instead I planned to reconcile them but they both expressed explicitly they are no longer interested. After like six months, I pleaded with my friend to accept my reconciliation moves, but he objected. By then, the girl was disturbing me terribly, paying for my lunch, drinks, etc even when I was not there. When the temptation became too much, I asked my friend if he was going to be against any man he sees going out with the girl, but he denied, saying he would even thank the man for saving him the trouble. I called the girl and asked her why she was following me around, but she said, my friend in question never had any canal knowledge of her. What was her sin falling in love with me?
She even said she had brought up the topic before the room mates and they all encourage her to follow her heart. It was at that point I fell for her. And we started dating. Since then, we have been together even as by the grace of God, we are both engineers now (though she is still serving). It’s been like five years now and I don’t regret ever being with her. So does she never regret the decision she made. But my friend hated me with the believe that I betrayed him. And as adults now, I want reconciliation but do not know how to start. In your mind, do I really owe him an apology?
P.S. OP paragraph is your best friend.
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patwhizkid (f)
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Re:
« #5 on: November 07, 2009, 08:22 PM » |
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Too long! . . .summarize plz.
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Ebonyeyes (f)
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Basically he tried to make the relationship work between his friend and gf but things went pants down and the gf developed feelings for the OP and 6mths after the relationship ended between the friend and the gf, he started dating the gf and they are going on 5years strong but now his friend hates him because he thinks he is behind the breakup between him and the ex.  So he is asking if he owes his friend an apology. My guy either way you messed up I thought ex's were out of bounds especially if they didnt break up amicably  |
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whitesturd (f)
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Basically he tried to make the relationship work between his friend and gf but things went pants down and the gf developed feelings for the OP and 6mths after the relationship ended between the friend and the gf, he started dating the gf and they are going on 5years strong but now his friend hates him because he thinks he is behind the breakup between him and the ex. Ebonyeyes the poster owes u one,u know.for goin 2ru de stress.  .well done. poster.what else do u want your friend to do.clap and rejoice and sing 4 u dt your dating de girl he probably still has feelings for.what wud u do if u were in his shoes.its jst so wrong.i dont even know how he can ever forgive u. |
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Ebonyeyes (f)
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Ebonyeyes the poster owes u one,u know.for goin 2ru de stress. .well done. I know right? whew it was painful reading all of that somebody definitely missed summary lessons  |
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Godmother-
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Even after we graduated from the higher institution and working, my best friend still holds enormous grudges against me. He was my classmate and bosom friend. We did almost everything together, including reading, writing and reporting assignments, eating, clubbing, politics, the list is endless. Even in the exams, we sat close to each other for mutual benefits, until this girl came in between us. My friend first met her and they were going out together. Then came one faithful day, my friend visited me with her. He introduced her to me and we both exchanged pleasantries. She confirmed to my friend that I was a gentle guy, though in my absence.
When my friend asked me about her, I also confirmed she’s cute and above all, matured. And the three of us by virtue of that introduction became close friends. However, my friend I must state clear here, is the acting boy friend, while as his bosom friend, I encouraged them and ensured their love for each other grows. Not quite long after, they stated having serious incompatibility problems. They quarrel themselves at every slightest opportunity. They would argue over trivial issues that should not matter at all. Even in the public, causing themselves embarrassments in some cases.
I became very worried and tried my best to settle their differences. In many occasions my idea of settling cases between them had worked perfectly, only for yet another trouble to ensue little time after. This lingered until I could notice a show of lack of interest in the relationship from either side. As a concerned dude, I called my friend in private and asked him what exactly the problem was, but he didn’t seem to know. I demanded to know if he has done his job as a man, because refusal of indulgence could throw some contemporary ladies into dismay. My friend yielded NO. I blamed him for that and at the same time advised him to go sleep with the girl to clear every emotional doubt. But he refused, telling me he wouldn’t want to portray a picture of sexual urge before the girl at that time which he considered too early. I said to him, four months after you‘ve been into this and you still consider it too early to make her feel like a woman.
Ok, since you are the point man, you know the best for yourself. While the problem between them lasted, the girl was wishing within her to switch over to me. But I did not know until one day, while she and I were coming back after we escorted her boy friend to his off-camp residence and coming back to our hostel rooms. On our way she kissed me. I objected and frowned against it, but she said since my best friend is her boy friend, she sees nothing bad in giving me such unconditional kiss. After all, I was a better man than him, she added. I became frightened and tried to protect my friend’s interest like every true friend should do. From that day she began to hide from my friend, but only wanting to see me.
Still I refused. Instead I planned to reconcile them but they both expressed explicitly they are no longer interested. After like six months, I pleaded with my friend to accept my reconciliation moves, but he objected. By then, the girl was disturbing me terribly, paying for my lunch, drinks, etc even when I was not there. When the temptation became too much, I asked my friend if he was going to be against any man he sees going out with the girl, but he denied, saying he would even thank the man for saving him the trouble. I called the girl and asked her why she was following me around, but she said, my friend in question never had any canal knowledge of her. What was her sin falling in love with me?
She even said she had brought up the topic before the room mates and they all encourage her to follow her heart. It was at that point I fell for her. And we started dating. Since then, we have been together even as by the grace of God, we are both engineers now (though she is still serving). It’s been like five years now and I don’t regret ever being with her. So does she never regret the decision she made. But my friend hated me with the believe that I betrayed him. And as adults now, I want reconciliation but do not know how to start. In your mind, do I really owe him an apology?
P.S. OP paragraph is your best friend.
You did great spacing this it out.It made it a bit easy to read. Too long! . . .summarize plz.
Two guys were friends A and B and A brought a girl he liked to introduce to B as his gf.Unfortunately they had incompatibility problems. B tried to solve the problems but things couldnt work out so A and his girl parted ways. A's ex started casting "lustful" eyes on B, and B went and asked A if he would be ok with anyone dating the girl and go the affirmative. B then falls inlove with the said girl and has been with her for 5 years, but A hates him for " betraying" him The nerve of A  |
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bluespice (f)
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Tell him to take a long walk off a short pier. You've done nothing wrong, that you even asked his permission before going out with her is enough to clear your conscience. If he can't get over the fact that your relationship with her worked out better than his with her. . . That's his effing problem not yours. . .ya hear me? You concentrate on your relationship and make sure you guys name you first child after me. |
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190.yaris
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This is pure madness~
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Pharoh
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@Poster you did nothing wrong and there is no point crying over split milk when the milk is a blessing for that matter.
You did your best in clearing your mind before you started dating her but as a friend you owe him an apology just for the sake of it. Plead with him to accept reality and the importance of the everlasting friendship between you too.
Try as much as possible to make him and your GF good friends again and always ask her to give him his deserved respect as your very close pal.
You know how we do the man to man talking so i will not go there. Wish you the best.
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tpm (m)
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Dudes, u all have done well with your analyses. I am getting relieved, though still waiting for more responses. I will like to apologise here for my continous lenghty posts. The reason is that i try always to create the complete picture of the situation. What good is it to post a rather incomplete story that would eventually results in writing pages to answer the questions that would emanate from NLs and which must be provided in order for good suggestions to be made.
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blackmann
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Tell him to take a long walk off a short pier. You've done nothing wrong, that you even asked his permission before going out with her is enough to clear your conscience. If he can't get over the fact that your relationship with her worked out better than his with her. . . That's his effing problem not yours. . .ya hear me? You concentrate on your relationship and make sure you guys name you first child after me.
@OP, this is one of the reasons why getting inbetween a close friend and his GF when it comes to their problems isn't wise. i dnt blame u for trying to patch things up between them, but u made a dangerous move dating the girl afterwards knowing very well that your friend dated her once. no matter wat happened, he will still lay the blame on u as waiting for the opportunity for them to break up. he might even say she saw your caring attitude towards their relationship ans since they were always quarrelling, that's why she decided to break up with him to be with u. some guys can be immature in their thinking when it comes to girls they like but don't want to let go, even when it is pretty obvious that there is nothing that can be done to salvage the whole issue.
so long as the two of u luv each other, keep your love strong. guess that was the way u were meant to meet. and don't let your friend try destroy your rship out of jealousy. 5 years no be joke man. talk to him like a man, and if he no wan hear word, leave him to heal his wounds. |
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blackmann
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and no one said u shldn't write the full picture, just make it more readable. even me sef my head and eyes were spinning trying to read your post line by line. your latest reply sef got me gasping for air. U sabi english oh
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whitelexi (m)
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Dude, i know from the way u fashioned your write-up that u don't wanna hear this. . . Unfortunately, i will have to tell u what no woman can tell u. 1.) You seriously fucked up - and u know it, so i wont go into details, just search your heart. 2.) You don't just owe an apology, u owe a very serious apology. I've seen people killed for this same reason, u best act and act quickly. 3.) If this guy is your best friend, then u have no conscience, u really should be ashamed of yourself that even with all your maturity, u allowed this continue for 5yrs!!! Seriously, you are lucky to be alive, and should do the right thing as quickly as possible. Summary: They had no compatibility issues until u came into the picture. Friendship between guys is different from that between girls, u let your guy down when he needed u to be strong, u allowed your desires betray your friendship. You should not even get involved in issues concerning a guy and his babe, no matter how close u are to them - except u have a vested interest. That kind of girl is the type that makes men kill each other, your friend probably knew all along. The fact that u came here is a clear indication that u know u owe him an apology, so u need to do what's right. . . I'm glad i dont have friends like u. |
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Shola2009 (m)
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Damn! This story long oooo. anyway,on no account should you ever date your bro's gf,whether past present or future .Except he gives u his blessings. c'mon thats like basic "bro" rules man. |
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saltnsugar (m)
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Your friend is a gentleman but you are not.You betrayed him and you know it but just looking to find justification for your crime.You never cared about your friends feeling except for your own selfish agenda.This was your plan from the first day you saw her.You put discord in their relationship.
Remember that a girl that left her boyfriend to date his best friend will might do so again. So be ready to loose her to your friendly neighbor after marriage.KARMA
I thought that there is a standard code for correct dudes about women and dating.
(1) Always protect your guys interest even if he fucked up.
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bluespice (f)
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the shorter the pier the better.
lol what the hell are u guys on about? how did he betray the friend? do u even know the meaning of that word betray? mtchewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww |
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muffins (f)
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It depends on how serious the offence is.  |
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tby (m)
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@whitelexi
thanks for that writeup. he knew wht he did was very wrong. u betrayed your friend dude
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faakay (m)
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According to the story, the blame is on both parties:: But after five years? what the hell is wrong with your friend? You guys should settle this issue in between No Big deaL Aiye se ru e |
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RuuDie (m)
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@ poster
****** mimicking the boondocks kid********
Now. . . . thats a BITCH ASS move man!
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tommieze
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lets talk about it, call me on 08065249981
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RuuDie (m)
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lets talk about it, call me on 08065249981
meeeen. . . . who are u??? |
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kpolli (m)
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guy u broke te guy-code, na date u bestfriend's ex, cos now it looks like its cos of u, she was being difficult towards your friend, cant blame your friend U MESSED UP
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ThoniaSlim (f)
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Cardinal rule of friendship. . .friends ex are off limits! So yes you owe him one! |
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izeek (m)
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i cant say u have done right, but bro i cant fault you either.
what i will advise is that you call up your friend and make some kinda date to meet.
if he truely is a guy( i know dudes dont holdout for long), then he might forget the incidence.
not i refused to say forgive, since u did no wrong.
and make him know u still with her and still love the girl.
but my grand advise, never expect him to act so warm to her, cos the tension will forever be there,
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kokonets (m)
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I think u owe him one cos of the rules of friendship and from your story, it seems u have planned the "snatching" all along!
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sexybabes (f)
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I don't know about guy's rules but for me my exes are off limits and me & my gals we have an understanding over that.
So i'd say u owe him more than an apology.
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Ujujoan (f)
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Well if my best friend decides to start dating my ex, I'll really feel bad. And I'll think they at least owe me an explianation why out of all the numerous guys and girls they decided to settle for each other.
But if I realize they really love themselves, I'll let them be. But will we still be best of friends? dont think so!
So poster I guess you had a choice to make and choose her. You choose to lose your friend over her and from what you are saying, I think she was worth it!
My advice, don't beat yourself over it. Let you friend be. Let him deal with you dating his ex and you have to deal with losing him as a friend. I guess you cant eat your cake and have it!
Do you owe him apology? Technically no! But if you put yourself in his shoes, you'll be able to at least understand how he feels!
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