Michelle's Journal

Today after almost killing myself during spin class at the gym, I hurried back to the office to shower in time for a
2 o'clock meeting.  

On my way to the bathroom I saw Renee.  I wish I hadn't.  I've been avoiding her like a plague ever since I heard that rumour about her.  

Renee used to be my closest friend, many years ago, but we drifted apart. I still love her like a sister though.

She has grown into a great woman of God, and a leader in her church.  She's also been promoted to a managerial position in the company we work for.

The problem is, I needed time to figure if I should approach her as a fellow christian, about the rumour that had been spreading about her or leave it alone because it wasn't my business.

Everytime I saw her, the holy spirit would put in my heart to tell her,  but because our relationship had been so strained, I wasn't sure how she would take it. Plus, I had to make sure my motives were pure before God.

Soooo, as God usually does, he put her in my path as he's been doing for some time now, to deal with my issues with her.

Anyway, this time I couldn't avoid it, after exchanging pleasantries I started to tell her about the rumour I had been hearing about her and a senior manager having an affair for the last couple of years.  It really was not the first time I had heard it ,  but this time it disturbed me ,  because there were details and so called proof of this affair.

I approached her out of love and as I talk to her about it, I realized that I really do love her, and I missed the closeness we once had.  I was genuinely concerned for her, but didn't accuse her,  I just said if it was true she needed to deal with it as she knew how, since even people from the church were allegedly calling to find out if it were true.

It went so far that they said she got the job she's in now by sleeping with the married gentleman.

Anyway, I was relieved when she told me it wasn't true.  I believe her, she is not perfect, but in this case my dear sister is blameless!    Thank God!

Well, we talked about some other issues that I had with her, and I forgave and released her, telling her how much I loved her as my sister in Christ.  And something really wonderful happened.  

It's interesting that everytime God tells me to deal with something and I avoid it, he orchestrates situations the force me to make a choice.

It's hard, but most times I obey his voice, and in the end there is always a great reward.

Anyways, that was the high point of my day.

Then I came to the office to have my meeting and got annoyed!

You know, my personality is to a large point very 'direct',  not  bossy,  but when I see crap I don't call it roses.

I'm very patient, but from the time you come around me with nonsense I scatter you like flour! lol!!

People have a problem with that,    ,  to a large extent I've learned to control my 'directnesss'.  

I had to, especially since I've been promoted to a managerial position and interpersonal relationships are now an integral part of performance success and in meeting goals assigned.

It's new for me.  

I learned that to get some people to do what you want you have to feed their huge egos ,  especially men.  

As a professional woman it's twice as difficult to earn respect in a corporate environment.

Even at my best, when I'm as pleasant as peas ,  I have realized that some people  just don't like me. I expect it.
They hated Jesus too, and he said expected the same as his disciples.

I have long since abandoned the idea that I can be everybody's friend.  I will always have enemies.

However, what I can do is constantly strive for personal self improvement, listen to sincere criticism and strive to be the woman of God I was meant to be ,  every thing else is irrelevant

Family, a few good friends and God are all I need.

To be honest, I really and truly don't give a rat's ass what people think about me.  As long as the grace and love of  God is in my life.

He continues to bless me by his grace, and I know I will continue overtaking all my enemies.

But I do need to learn how to control this fire in me ,   

Problem is ,  I'm so good at arguing that at times I can't help myself.  

Good grief ,  I was supposed to be on sabbatical from todayyy!

Ah well ,  my sabbatical will start from tomorrow!!