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laudate
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That's cool, and you're entitled to your opinion. However, it may NOT ALWAYS be best [as you blanketly put it] to listen them, especially depending on the situation and their motive. Infact, it may sometimes be necessary for parents to be the ones doing the listening. The same God that asked children to honour and obey their parents also asked parents not to abuse their exalted positions, which as we all know, some of them DO! They're human too, and are prone to exercising wrong and poor judgements from time to time. I think in the matter of marriage, we gotta be careful to appraise each situation on a case by case basis, and examine their motive and reasons, before judging whether or not to accept their advice. Fine, as an adult one can hear-out/listen to their view/advice, but the final decision ought to based on the truthfulness and soundness of such advice, because believe it or not, parents don't always know best [note that I said 'ALWAYS', as nobody's 'always' right]. There've been countless instances when some parents chose to selfishly and unjustly withold their consent without sound/just reasons, and consequently caused the couple to elope and marry without it, AND STILL end-up having a successful marriage. You can't tell me that such marriages are invalid or that parental consent guarantees a successful marriage; because at the end of the day it's going to boil down to how willing the couple are to make the marriage work. It's o.k for you to hold on to your view on this matter, but at least put it in context by considering that some parents may not always have just/good reasons to withold their consent.
Well said, jare. Lafem, that was deep!! You said exactly what I was thinking, but couldn't find the right words to convey!! You hear some (not all), parents giving excuses like , "she is not from our area, " as if they were the ones that drew the map of Nigeria, or others like "he does not have a master's degree," meanwhile the Bobo get BSc. o! Or another ludicurous one "how rich are his people? Can he afford to take care of you?" forgetting that it is the Almighty God that blesses people with wealth. The fact that a man has money today, does not mean he will not have any, tomorrow & vice versa. |
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9ja4eva (m)
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Wealth shldnt be an issue.
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QUE`SHIQUE (f)
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ARE YOU PARENTS PLEASER OR YOU ARE GOING TO MARRIED SOMEONE WHO YOU FIND
HAPPINESS WITH? NOW I KNOW WHY YOU NIGERIANS HAVE DISASTROUS MARRIED
LIFE.YOU MARRIED INCOMPATIBLE PARTNERS JUST TO PLEASE YOUR PARENTS? YOU PEOPLE
ARE SO "STUPID AT TIME IN REASONING?" GOSH!!!!!!!!!!YOU ARE THE ONE GOING TO LIVE
WITH THE PERSON, NOT YOUR PARENTS THAT'S WHY DIVORCED IS SO RAMPANT IN YOUR
COUNTRY.
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k0be
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NOW I KNOW WHY YOU NIGERIANS HAVE DISASTROUS MARRIED LIFE. hater alert. |
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PTBNaija (f)
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hater alert.
I don't think she understands the idea that sometimes parents know best   |
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mcube (f)
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the only reason i can accept not to marry if my parent protest is if they have a genuine reason without that i will go ahead
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mimiko (f)
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this thread means alot to me am in a similar situation but my prob is RELIGION am a muslim and he is Christian my parents re not down at all his parents re both late but his siblings re so nice to me, i really do love him but my parents!!!!!!!!!!!!! do i wear a placard writen muslim brother wanted this thing is not easy at all! i worry so much, i just pray for guidance and hope
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9ja4eva (m)
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This topic still dey on
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UNLEASHED (m)
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They got there life, I got mine
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nefer-aton (f)
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I can't blive all the absolute nonsense I'v heard.Some grown up people will actually allow their parents emotionally blackmail them out of marrying who they want? Wherever you are you need to grow up and grow up fast. I understand that valuing your parents views about things are important,and all that stuff about honouring your parents in the Bible, but your parents have lived their lives and now it's time for you to live yours.Parents,due to no fault of theirs try to pick out what they think is the best for you; their choices are not always the best unfortunately. How many of us picked a subject in school our parents thought was not for us? How many of us went ahead and bought that car or applied for that job?
To my people that say we are nigerians we need our parents blessing,don't white,hispanic or asian people marry? Even without their parents too!The only reason people back down is because of hearsay from individuals that think about their parents comments every time they have a little quarrel,and they think their parents are the encyclopedia of marriage.If african women weren't so quick to run to their mothers if your husband comes in late and you husbands if your wife can't cook you decide to go to your mum /dad(instead of being romantic and showing her lovingly how to cook), our parents won't have a cause to say i told you so.Please spare me the drama,you better marry who you want.
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PTBNaija (f)
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I understand where you are coming from, but I don't think that just because you don't agree with what some people think that it's nonsense.
Yes, SOME whites, Hispanics, and Asians marry against their parents wishes, but that doesn't mean they all do. In fact that vast majority probably do not. So saying that because some people of other cultures do get married against their parents wishes is not a reason for all Africans to do the same.
Personally for me, I wouldn't marry against my parents wishes because I know they have my best interest at heart. No matter how much growing up I felt like I knew the right thingin the end, they were always right. And they are open-minded to a point, so I know they wouldn't be limiting who I marry based on some tribalistic stuff.
And being that my parents are married, all their friends are married, they would be in a better position to advice me when that time comes. I know the effects of an unblessed marriage on the familyand the kids. Because not all parents come around, and sometimes you think that you will be able to make it fine without them, but that is not always the case. I can assure you that such a life is not an easy one (I'm not saying that you should take the easy route at allbut really it depends on the reasons behind your parents saying what they say). As for my parents, they might see character flaws in the person that I'm with that might be a problem later. They know couples that have gotten divorced, that they knew back when they first got married, and they know what went wrongand even at our ages they will teach us little things here and there or tell us things to be careful of when we're looking to get married. Things to avoid and what not in a potential partner. I gladly take the advice of someone who has been there, and knows more on the whole idea of marriage, and what it takes. And it takes a lot more than my idealist mind might be able to comprehend at this point in time.
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abanna (f)
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HI,
PARENTS ARE IMPORTANT YES BUT IF THEIR REASONS BELLY SELF INTEREST(B/C MOST PARENTS SEE THEIR CHILDREN AS PROPERTIES ESP D IGBOS N ANAMBRARIAN),I WILL GO AGAINST THEIR WISHES BUT IF I SEE REASONS WITH THEM E.G LOVE BLINDS WOMEN SUCH DT THEY DONT TAKE TIME TO KNOW THE PRACTICES OF THOSE OTHER TRIBES THEY ARE GOING TO E.G D WIDOWHOOD RITESD FAMILY LIFESTYLE,ETC
EVERY BODY JUST SHINE YA EYES SHA !
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laudate
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Chei! So this thread still dey. . . 
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allonym
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You can try but it requires a very special set of circumstances. Both parties have to be ready to live with not having amicable relationship with one (or both) sets of parents for a long time. That was one of several reasons why my engagement ended.
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moladun (f)
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they are not borns me well  , i am marry one mallam because it are my parents who saying i shuld got marrying to him, so fars so goods |
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ufobabe (f)
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I CAN'T MARRY AGAINST THER WISH BCOS WHAT THEY SEE S1TTING DOWN EVEN IF I STAND ON THEIR HEADS I CAN'T SEE IT.
MARRAIGE IS NOT BOYFRIEND AND GIRLFRIEND
IT IS LIFE COMMITMENT AND THER IS NO GOING BACK
I BELIEVE THEY MUST HAVE REASONS 4 THAT, NOT TRIBAL ISSUES BUT A GOOD REASON 4 SUCH. NOBODY MARRIES 2DAY WITH THE INTENSION OF QUITTING 2MORO.
WE MUST BE CARE
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nefer-aton (f)
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This is still amazing! I love and adore my parents and also respect them but I still believe you can marry who it is you want to. Some people seem to be tied to their parents in some strange way I cannot fathom. Your parents views are quite important but we also need to understand as Napoleon Bonaparte said, The best person to do anything for you is you. You as an individual need to make that decision,you know what is best for you not your parents. Because your parents think something is good for you does not always mean it is.
I think people who do this may just be afraid of facing the consequences of their in the event things go wrong. They're afraid of hearing I told you so from their parents lips. One of the great tests of being an adult is being able to face the consequences of ones actions. You only live once,make it a good life for yourself. You don't want to be old and grey thinking about what you should have done,but what you have done.
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obyann (f)
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My parent must approve my marriage. they are more experienced and their blessings I will never miss
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brownsilk (f)
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if they do not want me to marry for their own selfish reason, then to hell with their blessings, who says they know best, they don't at all. if i know who i want to marry and i love him and am sure he loves me too, then i will go ahead, even if he is poor, we shall make it together. fine, problem arises in a marriage but even the so-called-know-all parents have problems within themselves. the best thing they can do for we modern children is to give us the best advice and prepare us for the future ahead. especially the anambras.
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crazykid (m)
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I love my parents. So I can’t marry against their wish.
If I love a girl whom they aren’t satisfied with, all I have to do is to convince them to accept her that’s all. I know they will. Some parents are a bit tough but with time, they would get used to the girl.
I can’t choose a girl at the expense of my parents.
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awarun (f)
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No I won't marry against my parents wishes.
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rasque (m)
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I did against my parents wish because of love and 5 years down the line, we are waxing stronger and the better for it.
There has been some 'i told you so, ' but i believe in working on things and making it happen.
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kilasos (f)
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Is it a sin to marry against parents wish?
even if u know their reasons are selfish.
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tRoOE (f)
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@Topic
Maybe or maybe not, depending on the situation, but i still need my parent blessing
I will try talking to my parent, let the reason with me, by looking at things at my own point of view
But luckily for me, it’s hard for my parent to say no to me, especially when they know that’s where my heart is.
We should also try to understand is for our own good, they want the best for all of us and want to see their children happy. Sometimes they tend to say no because of their own past experience but might later agree then the line after you have convince them why he/she is the person you see to be spending the rest of your life with.
These parents could be a pain in the ass but at the end of the day, they want the best for us
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outlaws (m)
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 It seems like most guys will do what they want. That's why when they have kids most of them don't put a lot of emphasis on it. When it comes to ladies, most claim they need their parent’s blessings. That's why when they have kids, most of them made a law on who their sons and daughters should date or marry. Once their kids refuse to do that, they feel detached from that individual. Regardless of what parent’s wishes are, is important to consider their reasons. If their reasons are biased or based on race, ethnicity, religion, tribe, etc. hell with the wish. The fact is there are a lot of biased, racist parents or what ever you can call them but every Sunday or Saturday they go to Church or Mosque or synagogue. A.K.A. Hypocrites. For those who need their parents blessings. Remember is a good thing but not a necessity. Ask divorced spouses if they got blessings from their parents. Also not all blessings are good. So be careful what you ask for and bear in mind that you can also get blessings from other sources if you feel like your parents are hypocrites and you do not accept their beliefs. Last but not least, is your life not your parents and they have made their own choice and now is your turn. Remember not to be a hypocrite when you have kids.
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mafolayomi (f)
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Please i want to know, when we say getting married without ones parent's consent, how about an orphan i.e both parents are gone and ones elder brothers are against who you want to marry because of religion differences, can one go ahead with such marriage since they are not your parent, and to worsen it more no body was against it when they were getting married to their own spouses even though our parents were alive then and its not as if they all got married to the best women on earth. (you all shld know what i mean by their wives not been the best women on earth). one of them even told me he cannot shake my guy just because he is a xtian and we are muslims yuo can imagine how bad it is, so what do i do in this kind of situation? ? |
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Ms. Lurker (f)
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I wouldn't want too but if I loved the person, I would. Life is too short to live it for someone else. I want to be as happy as possible in this life. Besides, my dad didn't listen to his family. |
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Seun (m)
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Can I marry against my parent's wishes? Every good thing I do is against their wishes, so why not?
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echelon (m)
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Hopefully, the suituation will not arise but no, I can't marry against their wishes. They have to bless the marriage  QED |
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Affalatus
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My father is a control freak whom listens to no one he is rich and demands his children worship him. My mum is the only wife and has no say in the family. My brothers and sister play politics trying to outdo one another for the old man's attention i can hardly endure their unwholesome how are you doing? I left the home stead trying to get a job for the first time at 30 am going through hell right now if i find stability and want to marry and my parents are still alive. Do you think their consent or lack thereof would shake me. I think not.
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