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Ib (f)
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This scenario is so rampant in london. Check out this discussion i had with a friend a few weeks ago. This guy used to be my neighbour in lekki. He's now in london doing his masters.
Me:- Na wa for u oh. U dey can sabi misbehaving oh. Why u no show for the party now?
Friend:- my sister no vex for me abeg. One new yawa just surface. U know sey i just dey ready for the bash, na im one of my jamo babes hail me sey she dey my door. As i open d door, the babe just dey cry sey she don get belle. and this na her third child.
Me:- i hope sey u pursue de girl oh. how u go born pickin wit jamo girl?
Friend. No ............... God forbid!!!!!!!!!!!. why i go pursue her? i never reach to born? I'm a big boy ( he's 26). NO
abeg........... this na my first born. I get to keep am oh. And the babe no bad........... "
So u see, that's the mentality in the cilivised world. Majority of the Naija guys over 26 have a kid or even 2 so what can we do? Half bread is better than none.
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Outkast (f)
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Me mum was a single-parent she had my sister quite young actually and that was like 20 years ago, see nothing wrong with. I'm up for it.
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Balogun (m)
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It takes a very brave person and someone in love to marry a single parent. Known in the trade as coming with "baggage". Most child murders and cruelty are committed by step parents. All the people that say it doesn't matter, IT DOES. You need to think long and hard before you commit into such a relationship. If you have a child with this single parent, would both children be treated equally. Probably not. Look at all the wild life programmes. The first thing a new lion does is kill all the cubs from the previous lion. Thats what happens in human relations. Not all of it ends in murder but a fair few do.
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cammax7 (m)
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If I get tolike the Kids and I like or rather love them in return. Its aight. I got a step-mom. It could basically work if you make your calculations well. That is figuring what you stand to lose or what you stand to gain either decision you make. And if one is the kind who loves challenges, its cool. Its a great challenge in fact.
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loriann (f)
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it should not matter and those who say the ralationship will be over or they will not accept it should plz grow up and get a broad view of life cos there is more to this life than just faking up realities???.
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mide2 (f)
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it should not matter and those who say the ralationship will be over or they will not accept it should plz grow up and get a broad view of life because there is more to this life than just faking up realities???.
 What's the faked reality in knowing i'm no good with step kid(s). If you're happy with it , good for you and if you're someone like me who wouldn't dare it, then i don't think it's a crime or faked reality(according to loriann). |
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spikedcylinder
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na na na na .....that means she is not a virgin ...uhhmmmm i say no Are you a virgin? |
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nicetohave (m)
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Funny enough, I have no problem with this. I believe a young woman with a child is likely to be more mature than the average woman. And you know, maturity in a partner is a really great thing I beg to differ sir, you cant be more wrong.....why do i say this? somethings are better left unsaid, as for me, a single parent now, is a no-no |
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Rolly
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well, i dont know how i would react in that situation  but i hope to God that i never get in to it |
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DE-KING (m)
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I wonder what growing up and faking up realities has got to do with deciding to or not to marry a single parent? Misplaced thoughts, I guess. |
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alheri (f)
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@Balogun. Children from the same parents can also be treated unequally. It happens alot even here in Nigeria, some parents treat there children according to their gender and even intelligence. People that use their children for ritual money, is the child not their blood? Sorry to say but your argument doesnt really follow. It is not only step kids that get mistreated or murdered. And pls, why compare humans with lions?That is why they are called animals and we are humans! .
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Banderas (m)
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My opinion: I see absolutely nothing wrong with it. I can marry a single mother, it won't disturb me one bit.
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mide2 (f)
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wot of if it disturbs the child |
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nicetohave (m)
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all these whats and wots will disappear once i just stick to single and childless, single parent multiple complications  |
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loriann (f)
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well if i were a virgin will it make any diff bout what i prefer spikedcylinder.............../
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loriann (f)
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De-king did u read some posts(posts for 20th frm mide2) saying that will be the end or what were u reading its not a misplaced thought ok so dont jump.its a matter of choice i know but the best thing is to pray 1 dosent fall into such a situation.
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DE-KING (m)
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loriann, I believe mide2 said that because the guy in question kept it from the lady for so long. We are different you know, so that could be devasting for her and lead to the end of the realtionship. Why keep it for so long only to tell when you have both gotten deep into each other? 2ndly I read it and wasn;t jumping, o.k. Like you said, let's pray so we ( I mean we)  don't fall into such.  |
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spikedcylinder
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Am just wondering why anyone would think a single mother is a virgin....unless of course you were joking and you really wouldnt get together with a girl unless she was a virgin.
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grainger (f)
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Well, as long as I love the father, hell yeah, I'll go for it. There is one thing though. The child has got to love you. Whats the point of getting married to that father of the child when the child doesn't even like you. If the child doesn't like me, I'll try for like a whole yr or summin, but if things is not working out, am afraid am gonna have to call it off. Though I love the dad, am not gonna tell him to leave his child because of me cos thats just selfish, and besides you don't expect everyone to love you. All you gotta do is call it off, and look for another person. At least you thought u were never gonna find love when u found the dad. U'll never know wht the future holds!
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mide2 (f)
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hmmm....not always that easy to let go.
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chrisd (m)
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Yeah, she is really very mature. She had a child when she was 15. Please
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AngelaZ (f)
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If I was asked this question some years back I would say No, But now, that I am older and in the shoes, I would say
YES, cos I know better.
With Maturity, Love and Fear of God, you can sail the boat.
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chrisd (m)
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Making the same mistake over and over again is foolishness. Am one does not need to make such mistakes to understand that it is a foolosh way to act. However I appreciate someone that despite that learn the right way to do things. As for myself I feel I would deserve better. That's only my opinion.
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chrisd (m)
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The adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death.
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AngelaZ (f)
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The adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death.
Chrisd, Being a Single Parent means a mother or father bringing up a child alone. Which also mean you can be a Single parent after being married and along the line one dies or seperate from the other, not neccessarily having a child outside wedlock. ... another thing you have to be careful about is not to be fast by "acting God" in judging people. If an Adulterer or adulteress amends his/her ways with God, are you telling me such a person will go to hell? Hell No. |
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chrisd (m)
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Yep, I agree with you on that. Perhaps because I am young and would rather begin a family from scratch.
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Balogun (m)
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@alheri. There are many animals I would prefer to certain humans. Dont insult animals. What you see is what you get. With humans the cunningness is beyond belief
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alheri (f)
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@balogun.Well good for you if you prefer many animals to certain humans. Still doesnt justify your statement about unequal treatment where stepchildren are invovled. It was you who gave an example with lions eating thier cubs and I didnt insult animals.
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mummax2
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because i am a single mother of 2 AND i have a boyfriend of 4 years without children, i feel i can comment on both sides. i would definately marry him if he asked, he loves my boys and they love him. i never hid them from him, but i protected them for a long time, never letting them all get close until recently. would i expect my boyfriend to take on a father role with my children? no...they have a father....do i ask him for financial help with them? no. he has told me, he will never be a baseball coach for them or go to a parent teacher conference for them. expecting him to want to marry me and become an instant family with my children is a lot to ask of him. i had to make a decision also of whether or not I LOVED HIM enough to stay with him knowing he may not want the "entire" package with me someday. i had to decide whether or not our lives like this were enough for me, for always. what if we married and we had a child together? would he love that child more than the children i have now? i know he has these questions too. i can't blame him for that. one more thing before i go, i come with "ACCESSORIES", not "baggage"!
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TBD10463 (m)
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Actually I have married a single Mom of 4 boy (8-10-16-18). I've fathered one son age 23 now(not with us) and have been divorced once and single for 17 years. My new wife is on her third marriage to me and this is my second.
Our biggest arguments involve parenting skills. She's very protective of her boys and I'm very protective of her. I don't necessarily want to be viewed as a step Dad but rather that these boys honor and respect their mother. But each time I voice my dissapointments or opinions about her boys to her, she become irate and overly defensive about them.
I must admit being single for 17 years doesn't help or marriage. I lack the parenting skills she desires which is the root of our disagreements.
The only parenting skills I have are those of my abusive father and Christian mother. Guess which one's the most dominant in me? I don't abuse her boys at all but my opinion about them to her seems abusive to her.
So we argue allot regarding the kids and we've been together 3+ yrs but married only 5 months and it doesn't seem to be improving.
So I'm at a lost. Seeking some advice or suggestions for counselling regarding single men marrying single moms to learn how to be a parent to her kids and understand her positions on issues.
Thank you.......
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