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mamaput (f)
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Maybe God has answered your prayers longtime ago and is showing you the true face of your man and what your marrage will be like.
God gave people free mind.
And God is not going to wave a wand and change him.
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doubletree (f)
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let him go.
enough of the emotional abuse.
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Nikegenius (f)
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Babe, maybe God is talking to you for making him show his color before marriage. Let me tell you this, there've been so may times when i feel crazily in love. Babe, its not worth it. He will just make u feel very sorry and blame yourself for everything. Am sure if he gets married to you, he will beat you and when you want to react, he will threaten to leave you. Then, you will understand more but it will be too late. I've decided not to let any man make me go sleepless nites praying for them to change because they simply wont. Guys are not worth it. I'D rather stay single than go through all i have gone through again. I think i love myself more than any man now. I used to think i want to suffer with a guy and enjoy the fruit of my labor but unfortunately, i've been taught the hard way.
As i am now, i aint suffering with any guy. if he is not ready made, he'D better go to hell. I can think clearly now. Atleast i will know am suffering with advantages. I can't let a man turn me into rubbish that any other man will not like to have me again. No Wayyyyyyyyyyyyyy
My sister luved a guy so much that she knows he cheats on her but she still wouldnt learn until he slapped her to her right senses. That was when she learned.
All the best sis.
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Eurphoria (f)
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Nike nicely put  |
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Sexyuhlala (f)
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l thank you all for ur post and concern about me,l'll keep u guys posted,but as for now l haven't heard from him and l don't intend to call him,it really hurts,but l won't allow my emotions to get the better part of me,l'll keep to myself and let God do the rest.l know he sees in the open and even in the dark and he would see me through.l said a little prayer and l trust God to make it happen.if he is the one u (God) has destined for me,then let things be right,but if not,plant hatred in my heart for him, l promise to keep u all posted.Once again thanks alot.Now l feel alot better.
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Radiant (f)
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,plant hatred in my heart for him
I feel you  Sweetie, it's not easy but like you said, God will see you through. When you feel like crying, go ahead. It will ease off the pain a lot. Time will heal your pain. God will give you the best man for you.  |
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Eurphoria (f)
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aww you poor thing please don't ask for hatred in your heart luviie, it is a waste of energy and hatred shortens your life. Just pray for the strength to leave if he is not the one. Take care yeah
Radiant you are a nutter you know!
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Radiant (f)
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Moi, a nutter  You iz a kwazy bunny  |
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Grouppoint (m)
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@Sexyuhlala,
I have just read through your postings and it seems everyone is asking the you to dump the guy.
I went back to read it over again, and honestly I cannot see why you would need to do that. I cannot see any major problems here.
This chap has led a sheltered life (as the only child).
He has even threatened to leave his mother and run away with you. So what he is doing to you, he is also doing to his mum. (Emotional blackmail).
I would say that all the dude needs is alittle growing up and you all will be fine.
Hence, I would suggest that you should be firmer with him and see if he would adjust. Perhaps there is something you can do to make him think twice before he ever says anything like "break up".
You havent described other issues e.g. is he violent, abusive, cheating, dishonest etc or is he caring, emotional, possessive, sensitive etc
I believe that people take advantage of any situation they find themselves. He is playing on your softness for hima nd as well as his mum's weakness.
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Sexyuhlala (f)
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Grouppoint,thanks for ur posting,are u saying all this because u are a guy?
Well,l would say he is very caring but he has this temper and every time we have a quarell,he likes to keep malice as in he is a very difficult person to please,he believes he is always right even when he is wrong,l don't know how someone would sleep in peace when u have a row with the one u love,there was a particular time we had a quarell and he didn't talk to me for a whole month and l was even very sick yet he didn't bother him at all,even when my sister called to tell him that l was sick he didn't care one bit.What would you say to that?Is it because he is the only child and thinks every thing should start and end at his feet or rather everybody should bow down to him because he is the only child?
Am the type of person that would suffer just to see others smile,am also sensitive and emotional and he is using all this against me,my parents have notice that he is playing with my emotions and they are mad about it.Someone told my dad l was crying in the office and he threatened to call him,am so scared ,l don't want him to do that he should just allow him be because what goes around comes around,thats Karma for u.l pray he does not experience what he is putting me through.Its not until he says its over that it would sink into my head that it really is.Am just preparing myself for the worse and to be sincere with u,am taking my mind off him and trying to make myself happy.Its not by waiting for someone to make u happy before u are happy. God is telling me things,l just have to be wise,he won't come down from heaven to warn me,he would use people around me.So grouppoint what do u still think?
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Adedigold (f)
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I want you to think very well before you go too far in this kind of relationship. It is always good to have a broken relationship than to have a broken home. Ask him his likes and dislikes,adjust where necessary and if there is no changes quit. There will always be a man that will love, care and take you for who you are.
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Sexyuhlala (f)
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Thanks for ur post Ade,as far as am concerned,AM GONE.And there's no looking back,though its hard for me but l just have to move on,this is a guy l have sacrificed so much for and all l get is heartbreaks,am just tired,l have every right to be happy and l won't allow him to make me unhappy.A broken engagement is better than a broken marriage.l know l will find someone else who would love me for me and not treat me like trash.l don't have the nerve to face him but am gone.My dad called him yday to tell him to leave me alone that he causes me so much pain,l felt really bad and faced my dad that he shdn't have done that he should have just allowed him to go like that.Don't know whether to call and apolozie to him or just let it be,moreover l still have his ring but l don't wear it anymore.
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tinuade001
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My dear, why should u be the one to apologise to him, abeg, never do that. if u can go to him, go and return his ring. let him know that u are no more intrested in the relationship. and if he comes back, abeg don't give him chance agin, because same thing will still repeat itself. you can't change him. and beside he doesn't deserve ur love. anybody that makes u crying day and night, doesn't deserve a woman. he's a beast. and remember no man is worth dying for.
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Nikegenius (f)
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Exactly.
Only child my foot.
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Grouppoint (m)
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I'm sorry to say this my sister, but I have a feeling that the problem lies with you.
You stated earlier that you are the kind of person who will suffer just to see another person smile. The guy is taking advantage of that.
please tell me, besides your fiance, do other people generally take advantage of you?If you exhibit that trait excessively, then chances are that other men will still take advantage of you.
So my advice to you is to change your attitude. Be a little tougher, so that people wont roll over you.
He is an only child, so someone needs to teach him a little lesson about life. Perhaps you should move on, since you've missed the opportunity to be his teacher.
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sexxxxy (f)
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I'm sorry to say this my sister, but I have a feeling that the problem lies with you.
You stated earlier that you are the kind of person who will suffer just to see another person smile. The guy is taking advantage of that.
Please tell me, besides your fiance, do other people generally take advantage of you?If you exhibit that trait excessively, then chances are that other men will still take advantage of you.
So my advice to you is to change your attitude. Be a little tougher, so that people wont roll over you.
He is an only child, so someone needs to teach him a little lesson about life. Perhaps you should move on, since you've missed the opportunity to be his teacher.
Grouppoint u took the words right out of my mouth,i was about to post exactly that, Sexyuhlala, men don't need women to b too soft on them ,they ll take full advantage of it ,u need to toughen up a bit,i'm not saying u should change who u r,if u r naturally the sweet person,just b a bit more firm,then maybe ,he'll respect u,i wont tell u to leave him,its easy for people to say dump him ,leave him and all that but we r living in a real world here,its not that easy,just pray about it and God will guide u, |
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Naturalle (f)
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@ poster, u said that "you have gotten over this guy but you are afraid to hurt him"?  . I think that what you are experiencing now before marriage, will only worsen outside marriage, then u will be keeping malice for 3-6months and the most painful thing is u'll be sleeping on the same bed with this person. My boyfriend used to be the same and I felt that I loved this guy too much (whcih is a painful admission since I am one proud girl  ) but he did his usual malice thingy once and I followed him up, I didnt speak with him and my friendslist grew. He called up my sister and started narrating what happened and how he loves me bt I am too proud n my sister shld talk to me and all that. After 4years, we understand ourselves better and try to avoid quarrels, else we try to make up quickly. What causes problems in marriage is the length of time for the "agreement" after the "disagreement" to occur. Malice leaves one big gaping hole and the more often the quarrel and malice, the bigger the hole. I think you have to read the signs on the wall and walk away, N/B And the guy is threatening his mum to run away with you (making the momsy to dislike u thoroughly). That will definitely not be a favourable thingy. Bottomline: The guy is unstable and highly unpredictable (filled with nasty surprises), Just walk away sis, I will be praying for you |
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mariejane (f)
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@ sexyhulala
the writing is plain on the wall.Just because a guy proposed to you does not mean he's crazy about you, ask me that was twice proposed to by the same guy! He knows your weaknesses and is using them against you, Take my advise- let him go! and pray, Hard.
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Attention (f)
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@ poster,
My opinion, don't leave him, but just find a way to make things right, i.e, flow in his style, no need to always argue, avoid issues that bring up arguments.
I know how difficult it is to leave especially if age is not on the lady's side. If you still love him, keep doing your best again to call him back and now try finding someone else. Everywhere is a place to meet another guy on the road, in church, office, shop etc afterall i met mine in one of those places. JUST DOUBLE DEAL IF POSSIBLE, BUT CAREFULLY.
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playmate (f)
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jst give 10ks 2 God that u re not married yet else it culd av been much worse.obviously d guy is immature,threatening 2 leave u shows he is tired of d relationship bt dosnt wnt 2 b d one 2 break up nd he's usin ur weakness ie ur love 4 him as a perfect manipulative tool against u that is y he threatens u.leave before he leaves cs ders no assurance that he wuld stop doin it if u reconcile wit him.
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Kashif (m)
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In relationships, the one who is always itching for a breakup is always the stronger/advantaged. For the fact that he is always threatening to leave means the love boat is facing bad storm which will not abate in any near future!
My advise - Reduce your expectation of him to the barest minimum. Be very objective and read the writing on the wall.
Regards.
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nwando
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He is always threatening to leave anytime we have a quarrel,he is always accusing me of causing quarrels between us,even when he is wrong,am always the one who gets to bear the brunt.Is this what love is all about,l love him so much but things have really gone bad of recent, l think he is tired but he doesn't know how to say it.He has turned me into an emotional wreck,l cry every now and then no matter where or who is around me,l just can't help the tears from streaming down my face. Currently am working but he is not,he tends to further his studies.He is always keeping me on my toes with his threats and its really making me loose concentration,l don't have friends because l don't want him to feel insecure, l just want to give him all the attention that we need for a perfect r/ship,but all l get is threats from him anytime we have a quarrel.Just this morning he said we are not making head ways that we keep fighting every now and then and he just dropped the phone on me simply because l said he could talk to someone whom he wanted to settle their quarrel and that we cud talk later and he tot l was angry and that was it.
What do l do? This is a jealous,insecure man who is about to reduce you to his insecure level If he wants to leave let him leave now afterall he has no job sef,what do you need this kind of liability for. An Igbo proverb says "anaghi e ji amu eyinye ashawo ujo" meaningYou can't threaten a prostitute with the size of the privates You are obviously a smart woman,employed a little too emotional. Let him go jo! It may be the best thing that ever happened to you in 2007 |
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Gbemyte (f)
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what i ll tell u is that don't tell him u re no more interested just determine in ur heart that u wont cry over him again.i understand ur pain but can u send me ur email so we can chat one on one mine grecheal@yahoo.com |
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nenyenwato (f)
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keeping on in the relationship is going to have a serious negative impact on your self esteem oo imagine spending an entire lifetime living that way  i think u should leave the guy and surrender all to God |
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omena555 (f)
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guys are so so funny, before they get u, they make u feel on top of the world. after u are theirs, u become shit. they make u cry and beg for attention. they will never appreciate what they have until they loose it to someone else.
@poster, my advice is to save your tears for better things. the guy is not worth it. they're the same everywhere. come out of the r/s since its obvious he's not ready to make it work. put yourself together and move on. the Lord is your strength.
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nenyenwato (f)
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guys are so so funny, before they get u, they make u feel on top of the world. after u are theirs, u become shit. they make u cry and beg for attention. they will never appreciate what they have until they loose it to someone else. @all u guys --------- why does it always happen like that ? |
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michelin89 (f)
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if he wants to leave, let him leave. I have never stood arrogant people who are worth nothing than a piece of ***!
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chychy (f)
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D guy aint good 4 ur psyche. U practically have no life outside him.
He's afraid 2 talk 2 u, maybe u should talk 2 him n end it. Your self esteem is at stake here.
It'll hurt as hell, letting go of a loved one aint a merry go round but sometimes a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.
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conda00410 (m)
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it is either he breaks you or you break him!!!!!!!!!
i left my lady for a month and that was it, i never got her back (so painful)
and you said he left you for 6 months!!!!!!!
be wise, see the hand writing on the wall,
what ever the outcome never forget that "LIFE GOES ON."
you got your life to live,
live and let live
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