If Your Husband Has A Child Out Of Wedlock

I didn't know that my ex-husband had had a child with another woman while we were still married.  We were separated and I was working at Social Services.  I worked in the record room, and part of my job was opening welfare cases and cross-referencing names and such, so that we could keep track of who was who.  One day, as I opened a case, I came across a card with my last name of marriage, and then looked at the family composition.  I was stunned.  Listed was my (at the time) husband's name, his wife(!), her daughter from a previous marriage, and their new son. I knew from friends that my husband was living with a woman, but I had no idea he had fathered a child while we were still married. I felt no malice toward the child (half-brother of my son).  But my friends said I should tell my son, since we lived in a relatively small town and there was a good chance they might run into each other.  I was totally opposed to this at first, but when I was able to think rationally, I realized that it was better that my son got the news from me.  My married surname is not that common in my town, and there was a good chance that my son and his half-brother would meet in junior or senior high school, find out they had the same dad, and then what, ? So I told my son.  He was eight years old at the time, and he took the news quietly at first.  I thought I had done the wrong thing, until he opened up with a million questions.  He wanted to know who his half-brother was, what he looked like, etc.  I explained everything as best I could, and told my son basically if the opportunity presented itself, he and his half-brother would meet.  And I assured my son that my love for him would always be the same. Like several people have said on this thread - you can't always know how you will react because you're human. There are so many emotions involved.  I chose to not be angry or vindictive, and to always be available if my ex-husband's son ever wished to contact his brother, me, or anyone else in our family.

linda m.

I'm impressed with the amount of vote for raise the child, it not the baby's fault. but still the husband should be blamed even if his wife is barren they should discuss and cooperate first before takinbg action and moreso why impregnate a prostitute

Good that you took the high road@linda. Never worth it to bear grudges. It only transforms you into a bitter person, that would destroy your soul. Life goes on as usual. Take care.

goats - so what? is it new? shut up y'all.

Hi Ndipe - thanks for the kind word - there's no way I could hate my ex-husband's child.  he's a kid, just like my own. with the same needs and wants in life.  all anyone wants is love.  and it doesn't matter what circumstances surround their birth - they're human and need to be loved and take their place in this world.  but i'm surprised at my own reaction, given that my ex-husband abandoned my son and me for his new family.  it's just like something divine took over me, and i knew it was in everyone's best interest for me to accept the situation and totally accept my ex-husband's child as my own, should he be a part of me and my son's life.  i thank God everyday i live that i'm not a vengeful person, because that's no way to live.


linda m.

@ cooljade, that's harsh why would u kill the innocent child, afterall it's not new

Nothing stupid about it--better hope that when you meet someone you want to get serious with, you don't have to take a chance on raising someone else's kid as your own.

It's easy to talk tough on a message board o. Some women are whipped like that

**Hears the sound of a koboko whizzing through the air at TOH** 

Ha!

ya! out of weblock, i will let him realize that what he has done is bad and if he accept, then i will dialog with him to make a way that his new way of life we not affect me and my children, i will still accept his child because he is for him, and he is my head, but if he take it up with me and he did not accept his fault, i will show him that the best woman in the word is far worst than the worst man on earth, why should i punish the child,no i can't i will definitely bite the finger that offend me

funny world we live in, i used to date a guy, but never knew he had a two year old son, he didnt tell me for the fera of not losing me(so he said) but i found out from external sources, i was really devastated because i really and deeply was in love.
the problem here is not the child but the mother of the child.
what if she wants to come back and train her child, at least she has an equal right to the house too, an no one can stop her from seeing her child.
so it is a very difficult situation, because if the mother of the child was dead or had remarried it may sound better but if she is stiill a spinsiter, it is going to be a war zone, a difficult battle to win.
but in all one need to be very patience so as not to lose her home. but really it takes the grace of God to do that.

 it just amazes me how people carry secrets for years.when was he going to spill?
it just goes to show you that you never really know someone.

What is not urs is not urs. It is very difficult but, i wil sleep over it, and decided on my own. What if that child is not the only one your husband has outside, so how many will u bring in your home?, u have to ask your self that question, find out the truth and treat it amicably.