Hey Read This; The Tramp.

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Nairaland Forum  |  Entertainment  |  Literature  |  Hey Read This; The Tramp.
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Author Topic: Hey Read This; The Tramp.  (Read 338 views)
ibkn (m)
Hey Read This; The Tramp.
« on: February 08, 2007, 05:12 PM »

lagos don change, the tramp as he walked down igbosere road. he remebered the good old days when he walked down the streets of lagos and people shouting
'lawyer the lawyer' the barrister.
he remebered the young lady who sold boli[roasted plaintain] and groundnuts under the tree and sighed how life changes. he remembered when he was alegal clerk in adekoya's chamber. adekoya nko? how life changes. he wondered if the boli seller still sold her boli. and are duaghter would have grown by now, that small girl of yesterday would be a mother today. children how a man wasted his youth. no kids to show for my time on earth all becuase of my greed.
if only,
if only,
if only i didnt collide with barrister adekoya to defraud alhaja aisha, i would not be in this position now. six in a cell awaiting trial and another 13 years sentenced to prison, and barrister adekoya,  he went free on bail over 19 years ago. he is now a respected senior advocate[ how he become sans sans i no know but na sans he be] the tramp sighed
as he walked towards the tree in igbosere he peeped into the bin and he saw a leaflet
celebrations
cheif mrs angela adekoya is 40
signed her loving husband cheif layi adekoya SAN
and her children tomiwa and denrele.
he screamd wondering what kind of life is this.
TerraCotta (m)
Re: Hey Read This; The Tramp.
« #1 on: February 08, 2007, 05:59 PM »

It's a decent beginning and a good outline for a short story, but your grammar's not up to scratch. It can also turn into a cliche about rich and poor if you don't show other dimensions to the character of the nameless tramp. It got my attention though.
Orikinla (m)
Re: Hey Read This; The Tramp.
« #2 on: February 08, 2007, 10:23 PM »

Ibkn,
You introduction filled me with the nostalgia of my beautiful and wonderful childhood, because I was born and bred on the Lagos Island and we were living in Obalende. I always loved all the streets from Obalende Road to Lewis Street to Igbosere to Bamgbose. I loved playing around from Lafiaji to Campus to Aroloya in Isale Eko.

My father took us to the Kings Cinema thrice weekly. And Denzel Washington reminds me of my father. He was called Sunny and he was also a Lagos boy. He was very handsome. And he loved taking me all over Lagos Island to visit his friends. He was a socialite and also a metaphysician who taught so much about the mysteries of life and made me fearless. Growing up on the Lagos Island in the 70s with all the bloody Eyo riots and coups mortified us.

Thank you for taking me down memory lane.

I miss my parents and I cherish their memories.
ibkn (m)
Re: Hey Read This; The Tramp.
« #3 on: February 09, 2007, 09:44 AM »

to terra cotta
its a short story
and sorry bout the grammar
i would work on it
i actually thought up the story as i was typing



to orikinla
no probs
i will finish the story shortly. can i send you a private mail on a story i wrote but wouldnt publish bec uase of its contents
ciao.
ibkn (m)
Re: Hey Read This; The Tramp.
« #4 on: February 09, 2007, 11:02 AM »

from the onset i knew there was a problem, angela the secretary married to adekoya, barrister adekoya. that means that nooooooooooooooh i shouldnt have spent all those years behind bars, it means that my fiancee and my oga colluded toget me out of the way. didnt the newspaper say tomiwa was 19 years old that means they got married just after i was arrested for fraud, thats why adekoya handled my case shabbily,
after all these years now i know, the tramp burst out into a chant
'ikebe go put you for wahala oh ikebe' and then he kept quiet.
so all these years i spent agonising in jail with presido, trigger and pointy, was becuase of angela and her schemes.
he strolled downed the road thinking of what life was all about. how in the scheme of life knowlegde was power. then from  no where a car stopped beside him and two hefty men came out grabbing him towards the car, he fought valiantly but he was easily subdued.
iice (f)
Re: Hey Read This; The Tramp.
« #5 on: February 11, 2007, 08:26 AM »

I don't know but i liked the first installment better.  Orikinla said it when he said nostalgia, that's what i got from it.  The second part though is a bit jumbled at first then seems to slide to the obvious.  Oh well, keep it up and bring us more to read
ibkn (m)
Re: Hey Read This; The Tramp.
« #6 on: February 12, 2007, 03:24 PM »

the guards struggled  with the tramp shouting useless man who thinks he is a barrister, we go show you today and your useless habeas korpus or writ. common enter the vehicle meke we take you go back yaba, you go explain to us how yyou waka pass compound.
has they beat the hell out of him a crowd gathered to jeer at him[ naija mentality free entertainment] some youths even joined the guards in manhandling the tramp. a road side boli seller looked closely at the tramp during the fracas recognizing him , she shouted barrister na solife be. the guards looked at her and ask na true this man be barrister? she replied saying this man was the best legal clerk in adekoya's chambers 21 years ago, but the oga wan marry barrister wife na so they lock am up 4 kirikiri prison.
the guards just nodded their heads and thought of a wasted life
true true this man na barrister as they looked at the unkempt tramp on their feet.
they bundled him put him in the car and drove away slowly.







THE END
Eddydeyemi (m)
Re: Hey Read This; The Tramp.
« #7 on: March 25, 2007, 12:02 PM »

I loved the first part; really loved the buildup of suspence. Anyways,  Wink thumbs up.
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