Nigerian Men & African-American Women

i think before u get into someone Else's culture you need to learn or research more. prbly catcat did not research about the west African culture which made her assume about her ex BF or BF. thinking that his behavior was due to what country he came from.

GNature

Thankyou so much for your input. i am alittle less worried now. Thanx for showing me a positive example.

@Twinkle
Thanks for your input.  I didn't assume [b]anything[/b] about West African culture.  I asked IF this was normal-acceptable Nigerian/Nigerian-raised male behavior to women.  When I was told it was not, I was happy to hear that it is this guy's own behavior, not what he was raised to think is the proper way to act toward women.
I also didn't enter into anyone's culture.  I was aggressively pursued by a Nigerian-raised man who then exhibited what I consider to be disrespectful behavior to me, while insisting that he wasn't being disrespectful at all, which made me wonder if this was a cultural or an individual difference, because usually definitions are somewhat on the same page, especially when raised in the same area.
I have therefore broken up with him.

CATCAT ,
I THINK YOU NEED TO MOVE ON AND DO WHAT I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO DO AND AM DOING, DATE FEMALES ONLY!!!
MEN WILL BE MEN. THEY THINK DIFFERENTLY THAN WOMAN. IT'S A BIOLOGICAL TRUTH. IT HAS TO DO WITH THE BRAIN.

Thank you, all, for your help.
@ Salsera -
Yes, thank you, I did leave.  Thank you for explaining a bit mor on what I was seeing has him not treating me as a treasured part of his world.  If both people aren't thinking at least half the time how to make things nicer for each other and for the both as a couple, than I don't know what's the point,

@ Jessalina -
hahahaha - The big problem is, I've always only been attracted to confident {and therefore often too self-focused} men,   I'm sure if I ever became attracted to another women, I wouldn't hesitate to check it out,

@ Chinani -
I do appreciate your and everyone's advice.  Although I won't go out with him again. Our behavioral expectations are totally too different. 

Thanks for explaining a bit about the not-calling for days as being often found amid Nigerian culture.  This makes me feel not so ignored,

  It's hard to outline expectations when you aren't aware of the things the man is not going to do until he doesn't do them.  His increasingly [as perceived by me, he denies it] disrespectful behavior actually started AFTER the first [and only] time we were together three weeks ago.  Prior to this, he spent 3 months respectfully but aggressively pursuing me.  He said he feels the same, nothing has changed.  But laughed when I said it seemed as if everything did change once we slept together.  When I asked why he laughed, he said women always say that to him.  I said, see?  If this isn't the first time you have heard this than it isn't just in my head.  Then I said maybe you will be nicer to the next woman you really like, and then left.  This was on Friday, and today, feeling sort of sad and confused, cause I really liked him, I searched the internet and found this chat-group.  I really appreciate everyone's comments. 

@catcat
i m in the same boat i am dating a nigerian man and i want advice too, everyone here is really helpful. i agree to that.

@Akinagirl-
I love the internet - because there is always support/information for whatever is confusing me in life.  And the great part is, there are people from all over the world who can give their very different or very same view,
Good luck with your boyfriend.  I don't have a boyfriend anymore, but I feel glad that I stopped this before it got further.
But I'm not sorry that I did sleep with him, life is too short for regrets, and we used protection, and if we aren't here on this planet to experience life than I don't know what else we are here for.  We waited over three months from the time we met, and I thought he really liked me.  I know he really liked me.  But he a) didn't know what I was expecting him to do, and, worse, b)didn't apologize once he knew I was upset, just told me I had no right/cause/reasonable reason to be upset.

Because if I made someone upset, I would apologize, find out why they were upset, and if I cared about their feelings, would try to alter my behavior around them so that they wouldn't be upset.  If I didn't care about them, I wouldn't alter my behavior, which was his reaction, which is more why I broke up with him than the behavior to begin with,

Going through the two pages here, I really have to say a big thank you to both Chinani and Gnature. With that said, I think we need to open a thread for AA dating Nigerian and for those that need advice. Seems a lot of misconception about the Nigerian man/female is out there and we, Nigerians, need to change that. Once Oluwaseun's site starts to function better, I think we should open a new thread.

Once again, you all, Akinagirl, Catcat, Tania, y'all should hang in there. Hopefully, will be able to answer your pressing questions and give you the little advice that we have.

Thanks Akinagirl - 
I am happy for you that you love your partner and he/she loves you back.  I have always tried to love the wrong men I think.  Confidence, which I like, seems to almost always be paired with self-absorption, or never-wrong-ness, or lack of interest in growing toward a togetherness, only a drive to have his needs met.
Sigh.
I am ever hopeful, though, and I pretty much give any guy a first, second and (like with my recent), third+ chances to explain and/or adjust behavior mis-communications before I can't deal anymore. 

While I am glad to learn through this forum that many of his behavior traits were just his, I am also glad to see there were some that not his being consciously doggy to me, and were more just because that is how he has seen behavior to be normal within his Nigerian background.

Aww - thanks Jessilina - but I'm a guy's girl, one at a time, year or years between each different one.  That's why I was a little sad for having such mis-judgement of my recent boy-friend, since I hadn't been with anyone since my ex-fiancee over a year ago,

I'm sorry to hear your ex passed away.  That must have been traumatic. 

@ jesli,

are u bi-sexual?

just curious

Sista Girls,

Be very careful about accepting advice from "some"  Nigerian women.  If you have what they consider a "good" one, it will be resented.  So be careful.  The best advice is to talk to the man involved, and non-African women.

Please now you are going over board.
The only reason why i do not like taking advise from "Nigerian" women is because they have a higher Tolerance when it comes to men than i do.
But  less when it comes to  kids

Catcat, The advise i give my kids today is
Never get involved with a man that has a much different background that you can not handle.
Its better to wait for the right man than to go out with any just for going out sake.
And never marry a man were you many not later know were to look for your kids.
The background of a man has nothing to do with if he is good or bad.
But if you grew up in "Equal rights then look for an egual rights"man.
The way a man is afteryou dose not show the love or respect he has. He is only hunting, what comes after is yet to be seen.
Sorry to say but from whatyou wrote the man is a bastard.
I real Nigerian man that holds anything of him self will spend on a woman  and not let the woman spend on him

Again guys thanx so much for your adive and input. i will be looking for more advice in the future and if i have any more questions. However, is it true that when people come from a different country they can put don't whatever age they want to on their papers rather than their real age?Just wondering cause everyone is saying my b/f looks older than he says he is. He says he is 27 but looks 34. So can they put down what ever age they want?

Confused

P.S. but i trust and believe him. However i don't want to be concidered as niieve.

Thanks Akinagirl -
I hope you can trust your man.  Sometimes the details are really important, sometimes not, but trust is key.  Your gut can tell you more than words sometimes.  Men do lie to get what they want, but sometimes they lie because they know the truth will hurt them. 
I hate liars.  I think that lying is so twisted and it ruins everything.