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cy (f)
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Hey guys,
I was with a very good friend last night. He has been married for two years now, and we have been friends for long now.
This discussion came up when he told me he liked a female friend of mine, and I was like “hey you are married”. We got talking and he told me something I knew could destroy his home.
He loves his wife: he has known her for tens years now. Although their relationship wasn’t strong as they were never in the same state or country, yet some years back he decided to marry her. She is cute and very religious: she was a virgin at 29,and he loves her.
They were engage for two years before they finally tied the knot. He decided to wait till they got married before sex will come in, but he was sexually active. He had a sex partner then he enjoyed sex with, while he agreed to wait till their wedding night.
And now the problem is his wife isn’t the sex type. It’s not that she doesn’t enjoy it, but she doesn’t just like it. He said 90 percent of times he has asked her for sex, she has refused. They have it only when she wants. As if that wasn’t enough, anytime they will want to have it, he has to take his bath, wash his teeth, and wear a perfume before anything will happen.
Also she isnt adventurous, she feels oral sex is a sin and also other styles in lovemaking are sins. He said she is too spiritual, and he just has to cope with one ancient style of sex.
He said he has accepted it that way and has decided to go out and satisfy himself, since he is human and cannot continue starving himself. I tried to convince him not to, but it seems that is the only solution to it. What do you guys think?
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Seun (m)
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Since your friend's wife is so religious, the only way to speak to her is to use the bible: 1 Corinthians 7: 3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
This simply means that when the wife is feeling hot, the husband should be ready to cool her down. And when the husband wants sex, the wife should be ready to give it. The passage even mentions that to prevent temptation, they should only abstain from sex when they both agree to dedicate some time to prayer. Doesn't it sound as if this verse is written for your friend's wife? So your friend needs to show his wife this verse and make her understand that she needs to start obeying the word of God in the area of marital lovemaking. If she refuses, then he should report her to the pastor citing the above bible passage as his defence. At the same time, he should try to improve himself in the area of seduction so that it will be easy for his wife to comply with this biblical directive from God not to deprive her husband of sex. Please advice him to be patient, abstain from cheating, and try to use the bible to change his wife's mind about the importance of lovemaking in marriage. Wishing him a happily married life. See also: My Husband Says I've Changed |
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layi (m)
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It obvious the wife isnt a wife if i have to believe all u've said. She's selfish
He's got to handle this like the man of the house. Marriage is mutual commitment. You are in it not just for yourself but for your partner.
This lady obviously knows nothing about how to make a marriage work. You starve your husband of sex and want him to remain faithful. Thats stupid!!!
Maybe your friend should threaten divorce and see if she'll sit up.
I can't even allow such to happen in marriage...my wife alone dictates how,when and why we have sex? Rubbish. If she's tired..i'll understand but 90% of the time? Hell No except if the man demands 10 times in a day.
well of course, your friend might have overbloated issues. Who knows what he does as well to warrant such treatment.
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kelvin (m)
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Your friend can try discussing with his wife and get her views on the situation...
Discussions go a very long way in solving issues...
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cy (f)
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thanx alot seun,well,it might sound strange but its true,he has tried doing all he can, he has talked to her and sometimes argued and fought about it,he has accepted that some people might not just be the sex type,and ave decided to go outside.
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disney (f)
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I find the guy as an imbezzile.......................................................why in the first place should his wife be a virgin and he was busy messing around.................thats bullshit
I find the article so annoying and his wife deserves a much better guy than him, someone that would teach her to love sex and not someone that would go around stabbing her at the back.
Do u know her reason for not liking it...............................(give her a benefit of a doubt.)
Am sorry to say but both you and your friends are cowards in this matter and need a change of heart because if you really are a good friend, you know the right solution to give your friend.
His dear wife, am so so sorry, u are in such a situation...................may u find a guy who would teach you to love sex amen.
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layi (m)
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Lets understand your stance better disney. how do u teach your wife to love sex?
I do not condone d man actions though but what is wrong can not be right in a wrong situation. A spade remains a spade whether its beign handle by a bricklayer or a medical doctor. She needs to satisfy her husband as well...except the guy was lieing but from what i read above..she doesnt respond to her man (90% of d time is too much).
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Seun (m)
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Layi: let us be careful not to talk as if we have experience when we don't
cy: The simple answer is what I've given you. These religious ones think sex is unholy, so you need to use the bible to speak to them since that is what they understand.
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legry (m)
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Hahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!, now now im not trying to be mean here but i just can't help it hahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!. Bros why are you feeling bad haba you were only practising the act of no premaritial sex before marriage, now you find out that your wife does not like sex you know what bro i think you should actually be glad she is not into sex it could have been the other way she might have liked sex too much and would want her satisfaction from outside, so now your wife has turned you into a cheating husband or a mastrubating specialist, i swear i just can't get enough of this am cracking up here and i repeat it a again When you marry a VIRGIN you marry alot of risk so my good freind be strong, who knows she might change 5 years from now hahahahaha!!!!, marry a virgin my foot.
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cy (f)
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well disney,i appreciate your replies,bt u know u would flare up if u were called a coward,bt its all good anyway.
i have never supported him,if u had read my first post well u would undertsand what i said, that am scared he would break his home if he continues this way,that is y am concerned.he has tried talking to the wife about this so many times like i said,she is just this sex type,and he was sexually active before he met her,which makes it difficult for him to be like her.
well seun's idea isnt too bad and am sure she knows that too and my friend said he is tired of fiughting over this, and isnt ready to leave her,bt will satisfy himself outside.
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layi (m)
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@seun
I don't need experience to know what is wrong or right.
I am Virgin don't mean
**I've never been in intimate relationships.
**I don't know how to relate with women
**I am a dunce when it comes to sex issues.
I don't think I need a degree in "marital sexology" to contribute here.
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larger_20 (m)
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what the guy is doing is great! ..if i trully love my wife in that situation, I do rather be fu.cking a sexually competent woman by the side...I can't hold it..sorry
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emmanuel c (m)
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sorryoooo. as i was saying before this pretty mama interrupted moi.
your friends wife might be homosexual or she's playing outside league .he gotta spy on her
we all know that the devil can appear as an angel of light.or they should go for a medical check up because something is really wrong somewhere
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kene (m)
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i think the lady needs a deliverance from whatever her faith is. now thatshe has driven her husband outside into ''away matches'' what has she achieved ? and the man may contract HIV AND STILL PASS it to her even if they have sex once in two years.
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omon (m)
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You guys have not considered if the guy has mouth and body odour..That might normally put the woman off. That is probably why she wants him to take his bath first before sex. However, she should know that sex is very important to keep the marriage.
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GbagoClark (m)
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I have been laughibg since i stumbled on this post .... Ha ha ha ha ha ha .... but i do not envy this man of his problem. There could be several reasons for the woman's action (Give her a benefit of doubt) this reasons could be 1.) She is very religious about the issue 2.) She just does not like it 3.) She is a Lesbian 4.) She is cheating I would prefer the 1st option Seun's bible tactic might solve that but she could still interprete it with greater imagination .... (Trust the religious with using the bible to support any view) And seriously It could be the guy's fault.... Mathematically if he ask for sex 10 times a week and is granted only once that equates to 90% refusal does it not ?? and he could have body odour as well  Come to think of ; DOES BEING A VIRGIN MEAN NOT HAVING BEEN PENETRATED BEFORE? who said she might not have had other .... methods of sexual gratification even with guys.... I have actually met a lady that has concieved for his ex without being penerated. I swear |
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layi (m)
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I have actually met a lady that has concieved for his ex without being penerated. I swear
Did they practise artificial insemination? If not then its impossible. She only concieved pregnancy in her mind. |
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cy (f)
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hey una go kill person bagoclar,
well,body odour,i don't think so,am a babe o incase u guys don't know,and this dude is my pal,i would know if he has the body odour thing,u might also be right about asking 10 times in a week,bt also his work takes most of his time,he hadly have time,bt he cud create time for d outside babe including night vigils,if u know what i mean.
but does anyone think its normal that somepeople might not just like sex,and she is now pregnant,mayb she feels its for having babies only.
cheating on him or homosexual hell no,not her,she is like a perfectionist.
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chigurl (f)
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this is an interesting topic i must say. i think there are other reasons besides religion for the woman not to like having sex. she might have been sexually abused making her not trust men and not want to have sex. yeah she was a virgin before she got married but i believe one can still be sexually abused and still be a virgin. i am speaking because i know someone who was in a very bad relationship when she was just starting to be experienced in romance. she didn't like having sex because her first experience just was not great. the boyfriend she had then used to ask for sex and she would say no because she just did not enjoy it and did not see the point of doing it. then he went as far as to tell her that she has some psychological problems just for not wanting to have sex. as you can see he did not bother to be patient to understand why she hated having sex. that was a very bad relationship for her, she really hated having sex even more after she met that guy. thanks to him she didn't trust a man to put his hands on her for a very long time, it took a very patient good man for her to learn to trust a man again and to know that sex is actually something to enjoy. mind you that girl quite religious aswell. so i would advice your friend to go get some counseling for his marriage if this is available to them. they need to get the root of why she doesn't like having sex. i don't see why you would love someone and then not want to be with them in bed. i seriously think there is something wrong and it's not just religious issues.
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IAH (f)
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Since she is a good Christian, she should go to her Pastor for deliverance.  |
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michelin89 (f)
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layi women don't concieve only through penetration. even durging foreplay it's very important that both the partners' hands are clean from sperm. the sperm can be introducted to the vagina while the guy is busy down there.
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sweetnini (f)
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well maybe your friend loves sex too much and has made life unbearable for his wife and she's tired
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Z4M4eva (f)
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well maybe your friend loves sex too much and has made life unbearable for his wife and she's tired
LMFAO,maybe   |
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layi (m)
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@michelin89
I am in d medical and with all modesty i think u don't have more knowledge as to d process of conception than i do.
Apart from artifial insemination, there is no other pratical way of getting pregnant aside penetration. Any other scenario don't live past the imaginary life.
Even in your scenario, the sperm cells would have been denatured if exposed to the air for some minutes...and its not that he's going to deliberately put these sperms into her vagina..(enough for it to swim up to the falopian tube). In fact your scenario doesnt hold water in terms of conception. the chances are just too slim.
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layi (m)
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You are still reading with a closed mind. Possibility with 0.1% is not practical.
Try do that with your husband for a yr and see if you'll get pregnant. I wont argue much on this.
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Ralex (m)
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(If am wrong correct me we are here to learn) @michelin89
I am in d medical and with all modesty i think u don't have more knowledge as to d process of conception than i do.
Apart from artifial insemination, there is no other pratical way of getting pregnant aside penetration. Any other scenario don't live past the imaginary life.
Even in your scenario, the sperm cells would have been denatured if exposed to the air for some minutes...and its not that he's going to deliberately put these sperms into her vagina..(enough for it to swim up to the falopian tube). In fact your scenario doesnt hold water in terms of conception. the chances are just too slim.
Layi let us use our imagination ...... (This is not my experience ... but I had to use my imagination to believe her) Yes the sperm cells might "denature if exposed to air for some MINUTES" it might not have been. take the experiment down some fractions of inchs .... they could practice their MUTUAL MASTUBATION by using the vagina. The sprem cells needs to swim fast to meet the egg, the ejaculation that meets the vagina (before he redirects the flow) could be strong enough to provide this momentum and she could be in the middle of her period ... ovulating. Above all a good female friend has experienced this, no book can denounce experience you might tell me that the possiblities are say 40% , 5% BUT NOT IMPOSSIBLE. Let me point out Chigirls observation, the lady could also have some unaddressed fears. Fears she does not want to discuss with her husband. (Even husbands and wives keep secrects) and camoflaging it with the bible. She might know of it or might not know of it. The guy should be supportive in helping her. He married a virgin that is 29 years old. it is not easy to be a virgin at that age (I might be wrong) she must have overcomed a lot of "passes" or have suppressed her sexual nature. This is possible especially if she became religious @ an early age say 10 or if she had parents who drummed negative ideas into her at an early age or had bad experiences as Chigirl suggested. Again, I do not envy this man for to arouse such a woman would be more difficult than to force a horse to drink water. He would need the skills of a guru and the patinece of a vulture. If he is used to non-virgins this would not be an easy task. For virginity is not just about breaking the hymen .... it is in the mind. My friend above is a "Virgin" you know |
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goodguy (m)
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I think Layi is right. If there is sperm on the hand, it can't just fly into the female's vagina. The finger needs to penetrate. No one can get pregnant without being penetrated, (either by the finger or by the privates) except through artificial insemination, or probably if God decides to send Jesus down to earth the second time.
As for the man whose wife doesn't like sex, he's probably got some odour the wife doesn't like. For her to be the one to decide when they do their thing, that means she knows for sure that he's not smelling of that thing at that particular day.
Anyway, I wish them goodluck!
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tipsy289 (m)
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Wifey got a problem, when she keeps refusing him this will end d marriage.I guess she's gotta talk 2 someone bout this with her husband, that is one good solution. Plus BO and mouth odour,dnt think that is the main issue though this my occur once in a while but for 90% of the time, i dnt think so
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CimonJorr (m)
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This is every guys nightmare..  Long before now, I have postulated this to the Nairaland forum (yet, no one bothered to comment on my observations..), and now I'm recieving first hand confirmation that some people are actually in this problem ... I have long postulated, and experienced, that everyone's sexual drive and capacity are different.. Hence the expression "Sexual Compatibility".. Unfortunately, this is an area which can only "legally" be ascertained in a relationship post-marriage [for those who want to fulfill all "righteousness"...] In this particular problem, Seun's councel might actually be the best, though I must cauction that it is very likely that the lady in question could also produce a passage which also supports her own position as well.. I believe this is something which has to be handled delicately.. It is easier to walk on egg-shells than solve problems like this.. Patience is the watch-word, and patience is the key.. Seeking extra-marital affairs may provide tempoary solace, but will definitely provide more long term problems.. trust me, I know.. As is said in marriage, for better.. for worse.. Bro, you just got to accept things the way they are.. Maybe some degree of self-discipine on your own part may drive home the message that it's meant for " mutual" satisfaction.. Maybe when she demands it, you should quietly abstain for some time, and see if she likes wearing the shoe on her own feet for a change, but trust me, it isn't going to be easy...
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prettyH (f)
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I personally think there's more than the guy is letting out because why would his wife who is God fearing intentionally push her husband into extramarital affairs by refusing him sex.
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