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CimonJorr (m)
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@ Pretty H What you may not understand is that she might not feel that she's pushing him into extra-marital affairs.. She might just not believe that sex is that important.. After all, it wasn't an issue before marriage, so why should it be one after marriage??  (some women do hold this view)  |
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prettyH (f)
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@ Pretty H What you may not understand is that she might not feel that she's pushing him into extra-marital affairs.. She might just not believe that sex is that important.. After all, it wasn't an issue before marriage, so why should it be one after marriage?? (some women do hold this view) Haba........she is not dumb now. Men who are not rejected sex cheat, talkless of the one that is refused sex outrightly. I still think there's more to it though. Anyway thats what i think o. |
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Jackie (f)
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If his wife is truelly God fearing she definately knows better that"She is not supposed to starve her husband from sex" Soooo maybe there is something more to this story. your friend needs to tell you the honest truth.
If he is honest, then the wife needs professional help.
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hot-angel (f)
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Your friends wife is sick. I am serious. She needs to see Dr. Jesus.
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sweetnini (f)
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as i said earlier i think shes just tired of it because he askes too much  |
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pluto04 (m)
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I agree. The guy ask too much! Since sex wasn't an issue before marriage, why should it be an issue after? Marriage is for better for worse. Like someone said earlier, extra marital affairs will only bring short term gratification but long term avoidable problems. He should just find a way to be happy with the good he bought.
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cy (f)
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well u all have said nice things,this lady seems not to see anything wrong wit the fact that she doesnt like sex,my friend actually told me some things like how he tries hard to make her enjoy it,he knows she isnt use to it,so he just tries to make sure she cums atleast.
And because he doesnt want much wahala,he has decided to accept her this way,to do it only when she wants and get it outside,am only concerned because i know this would cause troubles later,although he feels he can handle situations,she just doesnt see this as a problem,and when he complains she tries to talk him out of it,and tells him,he has to learn the self control stuff.
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Ralex (m)
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CY is female oo ooo oo are u sure this guy is not preparing the ground works to move in on you??? guys you the works  |
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prettyH (f)
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@ cy,
Since he has decided to leave her be , i guess the he intends starting extramarital affairs.
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otokx (m)
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where is mamba?
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Greatpeter (m)
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Your friend's wife might be suffering from psychiatry related problems.
The scriptures does not teach us that way, to starve your husband of sex.
If the marriage scatters she will start blaming devil when she is actually the cause of her night mare.
She should see a man of God for proper counselling and may be a psychiatrist.
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cy (f)
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ralax, abeg rest eh,he is a cool friend,no string attached,or don't u belief one cud be close friend wit a guy u ave nothing wit?
well,u ave all spoken well,i hope we can learn from all this,am not encouraging premarital sex,bt these things happen everyday,so we should all be carefull. i tried talking to him not to have extramarital affairs,and he promise to take care of himself.
well i hope he can solve d problem too.
a question please,is it possible for one to be in love with a person and might not be sexually attracted to that person?
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ariztos (m)
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...of course.....
NOT.
unless the person simply "loves" them as a human being, but when you refer to being in love with someone, the sexual allure is part of the attraction.
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Farriel (m)
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There's a clinical open-ended term called coitophobia, which is generally referred to as fear of coitus, or fear of sexual intercourse. This lady might just be suffering from it.
Like all fears and phobias, sex fear is created by the unconscious mind as a protective mechanism. At some point in her past, there was likely an event linking coitus, sex, or sexual intercourse and emotional trauma, even though she's a virgin until after marriage. Whilst the original catalyst may have been a real-life scare of some kind, the condition can also be triggered by myriad, benign events like movies, TV, or perhaps seeing someone else experience trauma.
CY, your friend has got to discuss extensively with his wife, picking up important clues about any unpleasant sexual experiences, and working closely with her to teach her how to regain control of her emotions during sex and conquer her fears. He could do this with the help of an experienced psychologist. I really do not think a pastor is in the best of capacities to provide the techniques on how to conquer her fears or outright dislike for sex.
By the way, if her real problem is a hatred for sex, due to a form of abuse, he should make her understand that sex, as abuse survivors have suffered it, is an horrific perversion of what it should be. It is like a fire that should make one feel warm and cozy but has instead been used to torture someone by burning their flesh.
Sex, as God intended it to be, is so utterly different from what abuse survivors have suffered that it deserves a completely different name. Perhaps ‘mutual physical pleasure’ is a possible name. As God intended, marital relations is the building of each other’s self-esteem and sense of being treasured, by the mutual enjoyment of each other’s bodies. It is the ultimate expression of tenderness. There is nothing equal to it in making one feel cherished. It is both soothing and invigorating. It should bond a married couple together because they each find it so unspeakably beautiful and fulfilling that they become virtually addicted to the pleasure they give each other.
There's always a reason for everything. He should first understand her reason and work with her to help her overcome it.
@ CY, yes it's possible to love a person and yet not particularly drawn to the person sexually, the sexual allure is part of the attraction like Ariztos has just pointed out, but some people are just not in tune with their sexual lives and clearly do not connect to that part of another's personality.
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nicetohave (m)
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send her for a shrink grinding  she needs it |
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sexydoll (f)
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if this is really true then your friend and his wife needs help. his wife needs to learn to love sex and wake up from her slumber before she looses her marriage.your friend on the other hand must really have a very bad breath and odour for his wife to tell him to take a bath and brush his teeth before having sex with her,may be she gets turned off by the bad breath and odour. come to think of it your friend might also be a sex addict who knows. like i said before they both need help, they both need to do every thing that they can possibly can to make their marriage work, cheating is not the solution. |
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CimonJorr (m)
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While it may be fair to say that problems so exist in this situation, I do not believe that the man here is at fault.. For those calling him a sex addict or saying that he's asking for it too much, haven't you read the posts from the author so far.. The young man is being "STARVED" for sex.. He is barely getting it at all, and only on the wife's terms.. I don't see why you all would be quick to label the man as a sex machine, when it is clear from all the information presented so far that it is the wife in this matter who is clearly dictating the pace of their sex life and in control.. Come to think of it self.. how won't someone who's being starved be called a glutton when he seeks what should be available ordinarily.. If it were a case of food or water, would we still have these sentiments?? Secondly, all this talk about the personal hygiene of the guy makes me laff.. you guys are all talking like as if the guy doesn't interact with society in general.. like as if he doesn't have a place of work, etc.. believe me, if these other issues were concerns (like body odour or bad breath for example) he'd have been receiving complaints of it long before now, from colleagues, acquaintances, and even from his friend who made this post in the first instance.. Yes, we do have our off-days but that wouldnt be every day of the week.. and in addition, remember they do share the same bedroom, and I'd dare venture the same bed.. It's just the intimacy which warrants her going throught he ritual of "have a bath, brush your teeth, use clean bedsheets, etc etc,," If it were in the "Olden days" the man would have either had his way forcibly with the wife, or taken another wife to take care of business.. in this modern era we live in, women's rights have got to be respected (as in we do not want the man to be accused of 'raping' his wife).. Hence, the implication that men are driven to external relationships.. at least in this case, it's not a case of the man being greedy, looking for extras in addition to what he's recieving at home.. In this case, the man is being deliberately starved at home.. People won't blame him for seeking "food" outside.. if he is a man of not-too-high discipline.. Suffice it to be said in this matter that both the man and woman have to talk in depth.. I really love the contribution from Farriel.. It was quite enlightening and in depth both in terms of technical information as well as sentiment.. I'd really recommend that some of the advices be followed or at least attempted.. to me it looks like a case of the woman here needing to explore her sexuality further and determine exactly why she doesn't like sexual activity.. maybe she had a deeply puritanical up-bringing.. maybe it's caused by a previous emotional trauma.. but the bottom line is that she needs to check herself.. |
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Eseigbe (m)
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Oh boy! how come u know that yr friend's wife doesn't like sex?
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goodguy (m)
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Oh boy! how come u know that yr friend's wife doesn't like sex?
Seems you've not been following the story. Read from page 1 and find out. |
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cy (f)
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the problem is she is doesnt see it as a problem and even when he tries to talk about it,she gets angry and infacet she doesnt think its a problem,and that he should just understand.
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FOD (m)
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Has she been cut?? |
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Vieira (m)
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Men!!
This is a serious issue!
If everything is as your friend stated then he has to really play this carefully.
If she is not into sex, him pestering her for it will only make it worse, trust me I've been there.
If sexually incompatible then one of the couple will have to be really really patient.
Has he tried Seun's idea?
If he has and it did not work, then he is in deep trouble.
I would suggest that on the occasions she wants it that he makes sure that he does his best to make it great for her, he should forget his needs and just try and make her have mulitple orgams.
maybe that way she may grow to want it a bit more.
I will not make a judgement on the guy cheating to get sex but if he does do this, HE BETTER TAKE ALL PRECAUTIONS!!
there will be no excuse if he brings home some disease o!
Kai!
I no fit marry virgin o or even marry person wey I never do. No way!
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larger_20 (m)
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Start by eating her out ....progressivley or if that is too raw..start by naughty play or even if this is too raw, then start by giving her massage so she can feel your warm....Tell her to close her eyes when you doing it, get some ice, oil and towel, she might get normal....
Our skin is very powerful in sex..Infact some women just like the feel of you holding them so warm...Try it with her and see where it leads....
Maybe u just go up to her and say, I want straight sex, if i am to be a woman..I wont like it unless I am in the mood. Another alternative is to start being very sensitive with her......Some girls will throw their pants on you if you can worship them.....(You know what i mean by worship)
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Outkast (f)
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There was a subject like that on T.V, where the wife didn't like having sex. Turns out it was physical abuse like chigurl said and the surroundings she grew up in scarrred her outlook of sex, she had to to learn to trust her spouse first(and me I don't know if she can in this case) and they found out that the husband was being a bit to aggressive when he asked(guys i know it can be frustrating)it was like they had to build an emotional relationship first.
@oga admin, funny you would use that bible verse, at church last week the pastor said that was a man favourite verse to use when it came to talking to his wife.
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sage (m)
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Una we de suggest quoting bible, by the time u quote finish, she come quote her own,u no go wan do anything again. . If u suggest oral,even if u wan give am, she go say God forbid na abormination, doggy style na sin and na 4 perverts Seriously though My advice to the guy is to take his time and try to make her enjoy it. If she is really enjoying it, then they will have it more frequently. Another thing i want to ask is since he enjoys wild and good sex and is adventourous, y did he go to marry a virgin?, and a religious one at that? or is he one of those guys that have that mentality that he would play around and then marry a virgin at all costs. If so then thats what he gets 4 such a stupid mentality. If he had made a virgin his priority, then he had also forfieted what a sexually experienced lady would have done 4 him. You can't eat your cake and then expect to have it back (unless u are trying to out smart your self) Since he wanted a virgin, then he should sit down and face the results. He should have known that there was a chance she wont like sex, or suscribe to new and livelier sex methods. It was never a problem during there courtship, y is it one now? |
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nicetohave (m)
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thumbs up for you sage na talk you yarn |
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BabyCakes (f)
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Yee! your friends wife no like shagging! Ha! that is bad oh! and they have signed d for better for worse contract! ol boy my advice for you is to mind your own business oh!! unless its you with d problem, just stay out of their affairs and leave him to his wahala! if anything happens in the future, them go say you come broadcast d gist to we good peope here!
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nicetohave (m)
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wise girl, how you know that?  i suppose them don put katakata for your domot before |
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nicetohave (m)
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how so now Bagoma? wetin i talk now? |
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bagoma (f)
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baah, you no talk anything o, ha, for where? u gree talk?
no be for my mouth them go hear say e don happen
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