3 Guys Say I Am The One. What Do I Do?

my dear,to tell u d truth, d usa guy, will not work in d long term. d temi guy,well u said it, no way. but d nysc guy, i guess u loved him once and it still there, why not water it,if u really love him,make yur family see reasons and marry him.

u said 3 guys,said u r d one.

no,i disagree, u should have said , i made 3 guys say i am d one.

thanks

Cute-ass, u've said it all. Girlfriend, take ur time, follow ur heart, it's ur world nd U RULE!

for some reason i'll say the devil u know is better than the angel u don't know.
I think ur ex-boyfriend for now is best for u. Moreover u claim u still love him.

secondly, temi is out of the question since u feel nothing for him
don't go into sth because of pressure, u'll very much regret it later.

Third, the USA guy is a no go area. U've never met him and u're in love wit him??
trust me gurl, thats not love but mere infatuation because all u do is daydream bout him.
On the other hand, maybe u shld wait till he comes around, and see if the feeling is the same.
he seems in a hurry to just get married at 38 and y'all  been talking just 2 weeks.

Finally, I'll advise that u don't rush things with all 3 men. . maybe ur mr. right is yet to show up!

tough luck!

why would you even plan marriage with a guy you can't stand, even for money hun its not worth it, but if you can learn to love him he might be the best candidate for you, the guy in US already has a kid he abandoned wats to say he wouldn't do the same to you and your ex is just out of the equation, you shouldn't be with someone that is going to treat you bad.

thats just my opinion

  And now that u're on Nairaland be ready to add @least 5 new guys to ur list of options.

@Top_day

ur boyfy of 2yrs seems to be d strongest contender still. Were u guys fighting all through your two years 2gether? If so and u desire peace, move on.

Temi,  no story,  u no love am. u no even get feeling for am  


Yankee man,  wait till you meet him in flesh and blood. The first rule of Internet dating is never make a serious commitment to each other untill you meet offline.

Personally, I see Temi as the right option here.  If you don't love him as u calmed u wont have contacted him, and even started planning wedding after 7yrs of breakup.  I think you must have started having double feeling after meeting this your online friend.

I feel you should prayer earnestly about Temi, if he is ur husband, God will naturally bring the chemistry need.  Am talking from experience, now am enjoying every bit of my relationship.  Its always better for a guy to love you more than you do.  This is my personally belief as its working well for me.  Give him a chance.

topday, at every stage life throws all sorts of situations at us. don't let this one bog u down, just close your eyes & think into the future and imagine the days that youll be married with kids and would have forgotten this issue youre facing right now. Then you shall have other issues confusing you like 'which school should your kid go?' or 'where should the family go vacationing next summer?'  This shall definitely pass so don't give yourself to confusion.

Now no one can be perfect but of the three men you mentioned, the only relationship I believe is workable is with your NYSC squeeze. You loved him, still can, and he wants you back. don't make the same mistake in http://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-45504.0.html by marrying temi, you only called him to ease your desperation.

Mr USA is also a bad idea except you have at least another year to for courtship in order to know him better, and given the distance constraints and current circumstances, I doubt if both of you can afford the luxury of spending 1 full year around each other. I will never recommend marriage without courtship because its basicI mean you need to know if he snores in his sleep

So for me, you have 2 options: your ex-boyfriend, or someone entirely different. The advantages you have with him are- you guys already know each other and have built a level of famliarity and rapport, you know some of his weaknesses (may not handle tough times well), he should appreciate you more now that youve been apart awhile (if he's a regular guy).
don't blame him too much- you had a job and he hadnt all through your 2yr relationship - and he would have been feeling extremely inadequate, mis-percieved and frustrated; and remember, you broke it off. I'd suggest you gave him another 3-6 month try while you keep your eyes open.

Finally

Lose the desperation girl, don't let them hustle you o. Marriage is not a sign of 'arrival' at all, its just the genesis of another set of problems to solve. Making such an important decision under desperation only guarantees you'll make mistakes.

Forget your heart, its time to use your head.

read this it mait b of help
Got this email, I have my issues with some of the content but it's got some  truth.
It is worth reading.

Golden rules for finding your life partner by Dov Heller, M.A.
A relationships' coach lays out his 5 golden rules for evaluating the
prospects of long-term marital success.
When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no
one
wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50
percent,
it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to
finding Mr./Ms.Right! If you ask most couples who are engaged why
they're
getting married,they' ll say: "We're in love." I believe this is the #1
mistake people make when they date. Choosing a life partner should
never be
based on love. Though this may sound not politically correct, there's a
profound truth here. Love is not the basis for getting married.
Rather, love is the result of a good marriage. When the other
ingredients
are right, then the love will come. Let me say it again: You can't
build a
lifetime relationship on love alone. You need a lot more. Here are five
questions you must ask yourself if you're serious about finding and
keeping
a life partner.

QUESTION #1:
Do we share a common life purpose? Why is this so important? Let me put
it
this way: If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time to
live
with someone. What do you plan to Do with each other all that time?
Travel,
eat and jog together? You need to share something deeper and more
meaningful. You need
a common life purpose. Two things can happen in a marriage. You can
grow
together, or you can Grow apart. 50 percent of the people out there are
growing apart. To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want
out
of life bottom line-and marry someone who wants the same thing.

QUESTION #2:
Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?
This question goes to the Core of the quality of your relationship.
Feeling
safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of
having
good communication is trust - I.e. trust that I won't get "punished"
or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings. A colleague of
mine
defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to
express
your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one. Make
sure
you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.

QUESTION #3:
Is he/she a mensch?
A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you
test? Here are some suggestions:
A) Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis?
(B) Are they serious about improving themselves?( or do they keep on
telling you that they'll never change)
A teacher of mine defines a good person as "someone who is always
striving
to be good and do the right thing."
So ask about your significant other: What do they do with their time?
(c)Is this person materialistic? Usually a materialistic person is not
someone whose top priority is character refinement. There are
essentially
two types of people in the world: People who are dedicated to personal
growth and people who are dedicated to seeking comfort. Someone whose
goal
in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing
the
right thing. You need to know that before walking down the aisle.

QUESTION #4:
How does he/she treat other people? The one most important thing that
makes any relationship work is the Ability to give. By giving, we mean
the
ability to give another person pleasure.
Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they
wrapped up in themselves and self-absorbed? To measure this, think
about
the following: How do they treat people whom they do not have to be
nice
to, such as a waiters, bus boy, taxi driver,etc.
How do they treat parents and siblings? Do they have gratitude and
appreciation? Do they gossip and speak badly about others? Someone who
gossips cannot be someone who loves others.You can be sure that someone
who
treats others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as well.

QUESTION #5:
Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're
married? Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the
intention of trying to"improve" them after they're married. As a
colleague
of mine puts it, "You can probably expect someone to change after
marriage
, for the worse!" If you cannot fully accept this person the way they
are
now, then you are
not ready to marry them. In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be
difficult and treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more with
your head and less with your heart. It pays to be as Objective as
possible
when you are dating, to be sure to ask questions that will help you get
to
the key issues. Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake
up with a ring on your finger, you don't want to find yourself in
trouble
because you didn't do your homework. Another perspective. ,  There are
some
people in your life that need to be loved from a distance. It's amazing
what you can accomplish when you let go of or at least minimize your
time
with draining, negative, incompatible, not-going anywhere
relationships.
Observe the relationships around you. Pay attention. Which ones lift
and
which ones lean? Which ones
encourage and which ones discourage? Which ones are on a path of growth
uphill and which ones
are going downhill? When you leave certain people do you feel better or
feel worse? Which ones always have drama or don't really understand,
know,
or appreciate you? The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of
mind, love and truth around you, the easier it will become for you to
decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the
balcony of your life. An African proverb states, "Before you get
married,
keep both eyes
open, and after you marry, close one eye." Before you get involved and
make
a commitment to someone, don't let lust, desperation, immaturity,
ignorance
, pressure from others or a low self-esteem make you blind to warning
signs. Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can change
someone or that what you see as faults aren't really that important.
Once you decide to commit to someone, over time their flaws,
vulnerabilities, pet-peeves and differences will become more obvious.
If
you love your mate and
want the relationship to grow and evolve, you've got to learn how to
close
one eye and not let every little thing bother you. You and your mate
have
many different expectations, emotional needs, values, dreams,
weaknesses
and strengths. You are two unique individual children of God who have
decided to share a life together. Neither one of you are perfect, but
are
you perfect for each other? Do you bring out the best in each other? Do
you
compliment and compromise with each other or do you compete, compare
and
control?
What do you bring to the relationship? Do you bring past
relationships,
past hurt, past mistrust, past pain? You can't take someone to the
altar to
alter them. You can't make someone love you or make someone stay. If
you
develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and "a life" you won't find
yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or
responsible
for your pain. Manipulation, control, jealousy, neediness and
selfishness
are not the ingredients of a thriving, healthy, loving and lasting
relationship. Seeking status,sex, and security are the wrong reasons to
be
in a relationship.

WHAT KEEPS A RELATIONSHIP STRONG IS:
1. TRUST
2. COMMUNICATION
3. INTIMACY
4. A SENSE OF HUMOR
5. SHARING TASKS
6. SOME GETAWAY TIME WITHOUT BUSINESS OR CHILDREN
7. DAILY EXCHANGES (a meal, shared activity, a hug, a call, a touch, a
note)
8. SHARING COMMON GOALS AND INTERESTS
9. GIVING EACH OTHER SPACE TO GROW WITHOUT FEELING INSECURE
10. GIVING EACH OTHER A SENSE OF BELONGING AND ASSURANCES OFCOMMITMENT
If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as
resentment,
withdrawal, abuse, neglect,dishonesty and pain will replace the
passion.

My advice,strike the US guy off your list as quickly as you can say kpomo!
At 38,I'm almost certain he has a baby or babies by an Akata woman.
How can you be talking about marriage with someone you've only spoken on the phone with for 2 weeks to the point that you place this stranger in the same league as people you've known for years.
He may be a criminal for all you know,anyone can be anything online.

My dear falling in love sometimes make one go crazy, think crazy and sometimes do some nasty things.
before I give u my own piece of advice i will want u to know that i have almost falling into d same case with urs, but thanks to God and people that surround me that makes me wake up from my slumber. That is y it is good for one to always cheer his/her problem with people that are close or surround him.

1st that so called guy in US is nothing to write home about, just erase that from ur mind he is just trying to cheat on you. Watch out
And for Temi, does he think love is money not at all, your love should not be in exchange of money, because money is not everything. For that fact u do not have any feeling to this guy, then u shouldn’t go 4 him because there is no sign of love.
Being 28 does not mean anybody should pressure u to get married God can give u the bone of ur bone in is own time. so my dear never be in a hurry to jump into marriage because i believe u know its a life contract.
Lastly give ur totality to God, trust and believe in him, he is the only one that can give u satisfaction, and definately he is going to meet u at the point of ur need. Just be prayerful and always be a good, neat and Virtuous lady/woman.