~~my Essence~~

     She was scared half her wits. Was she doing the right thing? She knew what was going to happen, she knew. Why didn't she stop herself? Why sacrifice your own happiness for another. Was it because she loved him? No. It was simple, her mind set was funny, strange...All her life she had pleased others, made others happy instead of herself. Everyday, from her mother, to her siblings, to friends. She did it, everyday. She actually left school to go with this boy, to follow him home. Her chest thumping, but she looked cool. He turns around and asks, "Are you okay? we don't have to go you know,?" She looked at him and couldn't believe it, in her heart, she knew that's what he wanted. He asked her everyday for the past month to go with him. She knew what was going to happen she prepped herself. From the underwear she was wearing to the perfume she used. She smiled and said, "sure, look whose cool now, your scared". She laughs and he gives a smirk. They catch a taxi and they're there. In his home. She takes off her coat. He shows her turtle tank, his junior high-school pictures, they watch t.v. He looks at her and says,"let's go to my mum's room, there's a D.V.D player there and the air-conditioner's working, want to see the movie?" In her mind, alarms are going off. Well, she did ask for this, or did she? "Sure". They get in, everything’s fine. The movie playing, he stares, she looks up and smiles. Her attention back to the movie. For a moment, it seems harmless, and then he kisses her. She smiles, he kisses her again. This isn't the first time she's being kissed but it's different. More passionate, hungry, greedy. He lays her down on his mother's bed and he starts with her neck. Stop, please and he does. After awhile, it starts allover again, she tells him to stop. It's like he's a different person, he's not listening."Relax, my darling, it'll be fine. Trust me, please trust me" she freezes, it doesn't matter anymore. She gives in; this is not what she wants, when she wants it. He asks can go get a glove"."No, it's okay, just stay" Why can't she make him stop, for a moment, she concentrates on what he's doing. He goes down and licks her, she tells him no, he says it's fine. He becomes one with her. It comes out, he puts it back. She feels him, feels the pain. Her leg wraps around him, she feels something break something...its blood. The deed is done. She jumps off. He comes hard, heavy, like rain. It’s over. She goes to the bathroom. She cleans herself up, he asks if she's ok. She smiles"fine" he's happy. She wears his shirt, comes out the bathroom. He hugs her, they lay together. She's silent.



"Wanna do it again?" She lies "I'm still bleeding" He kisses her. On her neck, her chest, lays them on her breast. Puts her face to him, she obliges and she hates it but she does it, Why? To please him, make him happy. She is a fool, she vows.

Today was absolutely horrible. I mean, I really don't think I can have kids, I am not going to risk the chance of having them come out mentally and emotionally abused like I've been. I might be ranting now, because gosh, I seriously want to hurt something real bad. But I just can't.
The memories I have are of hurtful words being hurled at a child, telling them that they'll never amount to anything, that's all I have. No single, "I love  you" or "I'm proud of you" none of that. It's sad.
My new-years resolution was to try and fix the bloody problem, it's not looking bright at all.You know what, I don't  care anymore, maybe I'll feel better by tomorrow.

Well,
The last couple of days have been pretty....well..drama full.
First of all, I broke the promise I made to myself, I not only broke it once, I broke it three times and part of me thinks I like it.
The second, my friend calls me from canada, and she's crying. She cries and then hangs up on me.I call her back. Do you know why she's crying?
This girl, is babysitting a boy she was having a fling with niece. Now he's the kind of brother that likes to hit and go, I need to pray for her because I think she's gone mad, telling me she wants to be married to him and have his children.
Third drama, A friend of mine just got locked up for silly charges, he needs $10,000 bail money and I've been put in chargeto collect the money against my own will(man i really need seclusion from these people)
Fourth drama, a lady I made friends with in school, called me yesterday and told me she got fired.  I started talking to her because I was the youngest in class and she sort of took me under her wings, she was extremely nice, well she wants to sue the company, and she wants me to do research for her on the company's background.
WHY ME?
I think my arents found out about me changing schools, well we'll see and my younger cousin just ran away AGAIN for the 3rd time, talk about drama.
I think I need to start learning to say no to people. Anyways, until next time, love,peace and hair grease.

L is for the Live burning desire of wanting someone only physically, yet it comes in the form of an emotional need to be filled then substituted by the expression of love.

You is for the UNDENIABLE passion that makes you feel strongly for the person who made you feel that way. This usually occurs if you are near that person and have crossed certain paths.

S is for the SIMPLE SATISFACTION which does not meet your long term emotional need, rather your short term physical need.

T is for the TEMPORARY because after awhile when you get what you want or whatever the case may be, you realise that this feeling lasted on only a short time and when you think about it, you conclude it was:

A Live Undeniable Simple Satisfaction that was Temporary. LUST

O.West-Erhabor.

It's been crazy on the land innit
Rhody and H.You.SH
Nwoke changing his name to Nwoke
Whiteshark annoying the hell out of people with the "real members"comment
Tx and 2cans love
Snazzy's disappearance,
But the show must go on right, haven't written here in awhile, haven't been inspired too, I wonder who actually reads this.
Hopefully I find my muse soon.

O.k, I found it, been wanting to write a story of some sort, I started like 4 years ago for a class project. So enjoy


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"Nkiru, how is your husband?"
"He's still sick Pastor, he gets better and then he deteriorates"
"All will be well, Have you seen a doctor yet?"
"We've been from one to another,It's always something different, we're running out of money fast"
"Anything I can do to help,I'm here for you.
"You have done enough, God-Bless you Pastor"

   Pastor Lanre leaves with heavy thoughts. Nkiru had been working for him mow for 6 years. She was hardworking and diligent. He hated to see her suffer. She'd recently been absent regularly, something very much unlike her. He hadn't wanted to pry, but what could he do? He'd pray, for now.
   Nkiru, while peeling the yam loked out the window. Nnanna and her holding hands walking around the village. She wanted to be nowhere else but right there beside him.
"Nkiru, do you love me?"
"Nna, why do you ask?"
"Because, do you?"
"Nna, I should be asking you that question, the girls fall at your feet, I saw Ada hanging at your every word yesterday at Emeka's"
"I have eyes for only you my love, only you. Now do you love me"
  His eyes, does mesmerizing brown eyes that captivated her then, yearning, grasping desperately for his love.
"Yes, I, I do"
  His smile made her melt. That was over 10 years ago. She didn't know that marrying Nnanna would cause her pain and sorrow. If only she knew. She woke from her daydream and returned to the task at hand.