Do I Postpone Our Marriage?

Okay,  I have to brace myself before typing,

Background info

I have been in a relationship for the past 9 years and a bit ( we met while in Uni). I left Nig when i left school a few years back and he's settled in Nigeria. ( He has a fantastic job and he doesnt want to move for those of you who might ask,  I come to Nigeria   4 times in a year on average and we speak every day when i am not around. We are planning to get wed before the end of the third quarter of the year and we've been trying to compromise on where to live for a while now and my company has decided to transfer me home if i so desire ( I asked ),

The problem now is, i came to Nigeria and i found out he now has a lot of female friends that call him and all he says is they are his friends and what is the big deal in having female friends,  His phone rings and he wont pick up and when i ask, he says it's to do with work or he will totally switch off his phone.I really did not mind too much at first, but when his ex who happens to be a family friend of his can not go 2 days without calling him, i decided to let him know i really do not like the idea and then he said ''I have known her since childhood''

I have tried speaking to him about it but he is so stubborn about it and says we are just good friends.

So i am thinking; should i postpone the marriage for a while and try to work things out in my head until i am sure or am i been irrational?
The problem really is

postpone forever

He might still be 'friends' with his ex but do you think he'll want to marry her? This kind of situation is very confusing but you should talk things out with him and get it clear that he cuts off any link with his ex if he wants to marry you and be yours.

On the other hand, I don't think he wants to trash a 9 year relationship

Get him to speak the truth tho' that might be hard.

no one says he should abandon all female friends but when one caller is the most persistent you don't need an oracle to tell you that something is up. of course "just a friend' has always been the classical excuse! 
when she flies back to london then madam just a friend will take over.

take over and begin cooking him soups and stew lol

@ babyosisis

i tire oh! you hit the nail on the head. its annoying how some girls always surface to cook for guys when their babes are not around! God it drives me crazy!   
 

nigerian women believe in advertising their domestic skills . so they do the whole cooking and cleaning thing for a guy and are generally syrupy sweet to him. it's only a matter of time before he falls flat! 

It's pathetic how they fall for anything.

One thing i've always wondered is that, ok lets say you and your boyfriend had a fight, his female friend/friends get a wind of these new they are always the ones to jump and give a comforting shoulder, gassing you up about how they(the guy) is the one who was in the right blah blah and these moronic males just fall for this shit. It's the oldest damn trick ever yet they never seem to learn from it.

Ridiculous.

@f4flakes
Sweetheart, please becareful. Don't be in such a hurry to marry this man, let him come to his senses and know what he wants. Trust me the more you push, the more he pulls away. You want to be absolutely sure he wants you. Marry someone who loves you and wants to be with you rather than play games with many other females. I'm a guy and i know that when a man starts having many female friends instead of planning a marriage, he still wants to be a playa. So take your time and take it to the man upstairs for guidance and help ! Goodluck.

true talk. ive been in a long distance relationship.its not just hard. its brutally hellish.
having other interlopers only makes it more unbearable!
he doesnt seem to be straightforward with you. you may want to go ahead and marry him. your choice. you keep the ring and his ex keeps the man (since she can't let go)

It sounds really painful to know that a man could give up a 9 year relationship but let me tell you a story.

There's this lady(Nigerian) who had been dating a guy(Nigerian) for 10 solid years. A decade! For some reason they didn't get married all these years but anyway, the lady got pregnant in the 10th year and guess what? The man abandoned her for good till date as I'm writing this story.

It's possible the worst can happen to this posters relationship but the guy has to buckle up and set his priorities straight.

Obi can't be a boy forever.He has to be a man someday!If it means taking a trip to Nigeria again or him coming over to London, please do so and sort this out. A 9 year investment shouldn't go in a blink! 

@ f4flakes

i totally agree with igbonla

that's a sad story i must confess, its ok for a guy to have female friends, but who wants her guy being too attached to "the" female friend(s)?

To answer your question; yes, you should postpone the marriage at least till you know where you have him, because like Seun said, you wouldn't want to jump into the marriage just to later say "had i known"

now, don't jump into conclussions dear because you might end up regretting. Afterall a guy that really loves you could act strange once in a while. Its just a human nature.

The question is, for how long does he continue acting strange?
nothing good comes easily they say, so you fight til you know there's nothing to fight about,

Try bringing his attention to it once again, tell him the situation makes you insecure and uncomfortable. Then watch his body language and reaction, if he still  loves you, you will sense it (remember that's your guy we're talking about and i'm sure you know him some)

If he dosen't fight to keep you, then girl walk out with your head high, because what's tempting about marrying someone just because you've dated them for ages when you see the person is indirectly pulling away from you? absolutely nothing

yea i know honey,  9yrs is a long period of time for you to just be put by the corner as if you didn't really matter but what about couples that have been married for 15yrs and yet they split up?? life goes on, and who knows tomorrow might turn out the best day of your life

could it be you guys weren't really meant to be?? maybe. I believe everything does happen for a reason remember

could it be a test of time you guys are experiencing? noone knows dear. but only you can find that out

Good luck darl. it shall be well

You may feel  obliged to stay with him because you've invested nine blessed years of your youth.its been known to happen that a woman comes out of a long term relationship only to marry a totally different guy in less than a year. so sweetie he's not your "LAST HOPE".
As long as you have your doubts (and trust me most times your woman's instict is correct) you shouldnt go ahead with the marriage.

@ Radiant darl.

i know its hard, as in very hard. i'm not questioning that

but will you advice yourself to stay with someone that dosen't love you anymore, or someone that sees you as the reason to their denied hapiness in the long run? i don't think so

common, i believe she can do better and i agree with spoilt to the core

i do hope the guy was just having a bad time,and that he comes back to his normal self. I really pray to God, that it happens

but if a friend or anyone i know got dumped by their boyfriend. i'm sure you don't expect me to say to the person

my dear please eeh don't forget him, mourn him till the day you die?? ofcourse not

i'd give anything to make the person realise it wasn't their fault, and that life has better things in stock, don't you think darling??

that's what i do best

i can't say i know what she's feeling, because that is awrong choice of words, but i know she is in deep pains and it breaks my heart

but she should also know it won't be the end of her road/world and no matter how hard it may seem, life goes on
(but i hope it dosen't come to that )

If the calls are persistent and he is not picking them up, it's is very likely more than just a friend. Even though you visit Nigeria 4 times a year or so, you are not there permanently, and that opens the door for other women to step in, or for him to step out. Just give him the ultimatum to cut out all those friends or you are going to move on, don't worry about what he has done when you are not there, just let him know you want things to change for the future you guys want to have together.