|
Ayeisha (f)
|
I have a major dilemma though. I am in a relationship and very much in love with a man who was born and raised in United States by Nigerian parents. I was born and raised in the United States by West Indian parents. My big problem is that his parents hate me because I'm not Nigerian and this really hurts me. When I say hello to his Mom she acts as though she never hears me. When I say hello to his father he at least tries to be mannerable but still makes it obvious that he is not really please with my presence. I am an educated, intelligent, hard working, beautiful woman and I feel that I deserve better treatment from them than that. My mother shows him respect when he greets her because she respects the fact that he is someone's son she expects the same treatment in return, for me because I am her daughter.
This problem does not affect our relationship because we get along fine and are growing closer and closer each day but I can't help but think about the way his parents feel from time to time. He and I express to each other the idea of settling down once the time is right and it would be nice to have the blessing of his parents as well as mine.
P.S.
I am looking for the opinions of Nigerians and no one else. You guys know best when it comes to this subject matter. There has been a bit of confusion but hopefully we can get back on track.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Ayeisha (f)
|
Back on Track,
I have a major dilemma though. I am in a relationship and very much in love with a man who was born and raised in United States by Nigerian parents. I was born and raised in the United States by West Indian parents. My big problem is that his parents hate me because I'm not Nigerian and this really hurts me. When I say hello to his Mom she acts as though she never hears me. When I say hello to his father he at least tries to be mannerable but still makes it obvious that he is not really please with my presence. I am an educated, intelligent, hard working, beautiful woman and I feel that I deserve better treatment from them than that. My mother shows him respect when he greets her because she respects the fact that he is someone's son she expects the same treatment in return, for me because I am her daughter.
This problem does not affect our relationship because we get along fine and are growing closer and closer each day but I can't help but think about the way his parents feel from time to time. He and I express to each other the idea of settling down once the time is right and it would be nice to have the blessing of his parents as well as mine.
P.S.
I am looking for the opinions of Nigerians and no one else. You guys know best when it comes to this subject matter. There has been a bit of confusion but hopefully we can get back on track.
|
|
|
|
|
|
ultrafem (f)
|
OUR CIVILISED parents don't dictate who their children marry, It's their choice,
My mother would rather me be happy with a man of my choice than dying of grief with one she chose. so who's parents are not civilized? Nigerian parents? or what?  many cultures and people dictate who they prefer as mates for their children, doen not mean they not civilized, letsbe mindful how we word things here. Prince charles first wife Diana was chosen for him, are they uncivilized? many royal families across europe arrange marriages for their children are they uncivilized? many upper class people (who consider themselves classy) arrange marriages among themsleves are they uncivilized? many jewish families and greek families do thesame, are they uncivilized? anyway whether chosing who your child marries is good or bad can be left for another topic. my point is your comment right there is very offensive. @poster you have displayed a lot of rudeness since you started this topic and i am not a judgemental person but maybe you need to address your attitude, Nigerian parents like nothing more than a respectful girl for their sons. I know some white women who married Igbo guys and they fit so well because they learned to play the game, smile with your in laws and when you go home be yourself, just be respectful . Calling bluenubian an idiot was uncalled for haba |
|
|
|
|
|
ultrafem (f)
|
@ayesha
just do your thing be respectful, stay out of their way and all the best
|
|
|
|
|
|
Coco29 (f)
|
so who's parents are not civilized? Nigerian parents? or what? many cultures and people dictate who they prefer as mates for their children, doen not mean they not civilized, letsbe mindful how we word things here. Prince charles first wife Diana was chosen for him, are they uncivilized? many royal families across europe arrange marriages for their children are they uncivilized? many upper class people (who consider themselves classy) arrange marriages among themsleves are they uncivilized? many jewish families and greek families do thesame, are they uncivilized? anyway whether chosing who your child marries is good or bad can be left for another topic. my point is your comment right there is very offensive. @poster you have displayed a lot of rudeness since you started this topic and i am not a judgemental person but maybe you need to address your attitude, Nigerian parents like nothing more than a respectful girl for their sons. I know some white women who married Igbo guys and they fit so well because they learned to play the game, smile with your in laws and when you go home be yourself, just be respectful . Calling bluenubian an idiot was uncalled for haba is Ayeisha your alter ego? Neelsel is on her way to have fun and do not have time for you. |
|
|
|
|
|
GNature (m)
|
@ayeisha Some Nigerian parents are very strict when it comes to marrying Non-Nigerians and some aren't. If you possess the good qualities your boyfriend's parents are looking for in a potential daughter-in-law, they can come to love and accept you with time. If you don't possess these qualities, it'll only compound the problem. If you have spoken with your boyfriend and you know for a fact that the only problem they have with you is that you are not Nigerian, then give them time to get to know you and ask your boyfriend to speak well of you on your behalf. If there are other issues other than not being Nigerian, well, it'll be very difficult to appease them (depending on the severity of the issues). Some Nigerian guys have the final say on whom they are going to get married to. There are also some of us whose family plays a big role in our marriages. Neither of these two is better than the other, every individual situation is unique. But if your boyfriend's family belongs to the latter, I have to admit, it'll be very difficult to have a happy marriage (because it can potentially break up your husband's relationship with his family and you don't want that). Just a little food for thought  |
|
|
|
|
|
Ayeisha (f)
|
Okay I should not have called blue nubian an idiot for mangling my words at the beginning of this post into insults. Her tone was angry and she was not willing to give good advice just negative criticism. Now I registered in peace and some people on here who are not even NIGERIAN decided to post useless advice. And negative advice. If you read things through, you will see that I have always been respectful to my mates family and I always will. I smile, I say good evening, and I ask how they have been doing! I have never never insulted them or disrespected them nor do I intend to start. I love my Man and fighting against his parents will end in me losing the whole battle. I have tons more sense than that. What I did want was some advice from sensible, positive mature people, well learned in Nigerian cultural affairs. All I've been getting was nonsensical replies from people who enjoys making war. I just got one or two positive replies that's all.  |
|
|
|
|
|
ultrafem (f)
|
is Ayeisha your alter ego?
Neelsel is on her way to have fun and do not have time for you.
yes ayesha is my alter ego that is why i thought to report her post about neelsel to seun , yeah i must be messed up@coco shakes head, what part of ny post has got you so upset? please! the second part was telling ayesha not to be so rude to people so what is your point? @ayesha keep being nice to them, they will accept you |
|
|
|
|
|
Coco29 (f)
|
some NIGERIANS ARE SO IGNORANT !!!
|
|
|
|
|
|
ultrafem (f)
|
yeah you right same with the rest of the world we have ignorant and not so ignorant in every corner of planet earth. its the beauty of life
|
|
|
|
|
|
Coco29 (f)
|
lol i just realize that u are 19,
|
|
|
|
|
|
ultrafem (f)
|
ayesha there is no fight as far as i am concerned, Gnature gave u sound advice. don't worry maybe its the time of day people like babyosisi,4play etc will give you some good advice too i hope  |
|
|
|
|
|
ultrafem (f)
|
yeah i have read many of his posts and he makes alot of sense thats why i mentioned him. Listen this girl just needs people to help advice her with her problem that is all no need for everyone to be tearing pieces out of each other. well him , debosky gnature make sense to me thats why i said she should wait to hear a Nigerian man's view on her problem |
|
|
|
|
|
Ayeisha (f)
|
okay i'll wait  |
|
|
|
|
|
Ayeisha (f)
|
i never ever expressed not being concerned for the feelings of my mates parents? that would be dumb. of corse i am concerned that is why i started the post. and once again just like the first post says, i was born in united states here in nyc and so was my mate. my parents are from the islands and his parents are from nigeria. we are planning a future together and it does concern his parents as well as mine. afterall if we have children God bless, then both our parents would be the grandparents. everything should operate as smoothe as possible and no parent is to be insulted or excluded.
my parents come from a very small island where in laws do matter as they do in most collective societies such as the one my parents migrated from. I learned my values about family from my parents culture.
my family respects in laws. and tries their best to keep the peace. so the one who says that west indians don't care about in laws is just stereotyping based on what a certain member said previously. i wont say any names but that member wont be with us for a while because of too many offensive posts towards me and other members.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Ayeisha (f)
|
How do you know I mentioned anything to my parents? As a matter of fact my parents have no idea. If I dare tell my parents, they will certainly have a problem with it. Then they will try to deter me from continuing the relationship. I don't need that coco baby. I love the way my mate and I get along why spoil it. I'll just remain respectful to his parents, he will remain respectful to mine and I'll be good. There are no fakes in my family Coco. As I said one very active and rude member won't be with us for a while lets see if you all can guess who while he/she is absent. because tell I will on those who can't stick to the topic and post positive responses. As I said before let the administrator of this site judge me. Do you hold shares in his company? This is like the Salem witch trial. Going around branding everybody fake! Well I never!  And for your info I care more about how my mates parents feel than he does! He constantly tells me I don't need to worry about it! I'm the one that want's to understand why they feel the way they do. He doesn't really care and he is their son! Get a load of that. |
|
|
|
|
|
Ayeisha (f)
|
My family's island is not far from yours and they have many Vincies working and living there hint hint! Spicy stuff huh! |
|
|
|
|
|
ultrafem (f)
|
so i am aeysah now , na wah o
|
|
|
|
|
|
jaybaby (f)
|
can't Believe it--Were U so Scared that U typed Ur Aisa anyhow---dnt wrry Child cool dwn--I ll not Post d Conversation--Hehehe
WONDERS SHALL NEVER END ON N/L
Well I'm Done---TATA
|
|
|
|
|
|
Coco29 (f)
|
How do you know I mentioned anything to my parents? As a matter of fact my parents have no idea. If I dare tell my parents, they will certainly have a problem with it. Then they will try to deter me from continuing the relationship. I don't need that coco baby. I love the way my mate and I get along why spoil it. I'll just remain respectful to his parents, he will remain respectful to mine and I'll be good. There are no fakes in my family Coco. As I said one very active and rude member won't be with us for a while lets see if you all can guess who while he/she is absent. because tell I will on those who can't stick to the topic and post positive responses. As I said before let the administrator of this site judge me. Do you hold shares in his company? This is like the Salem witch trial. Going around branding everybody fake! Well I never! And for your info I care more about how my mates parents feel than he does! He constantly tells me I don't need to worry about it! I'm the one that want's to understand why they feel the way they do. He doesn't really care and he is their son! Get a load of that. the more u post the more convince i am roflmao by active rude member you my cus neelsel?? we all get ban some times. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
ultrafem (f)
|
@Jaybaby wow inspector clueless, fyi neelsels ban is not news. it is on a thread i posted . keep singing my name i wont go anywhere, i wont lower myself to the animalistic standards you all hold dear here. all the fighting, name calling, swearing, as females it is disgusting. call me who u want, who knows u too maybe ayesha, neelsel etc who knows just remeber not to cast stones, what goes around comes around. have a very very good eveing. i will not come to ur level no way
|
|
|
|
|
|
Ayeisha (f)
|
coco is the one who mentioned a name on here and mentioned a certain word. I said he/she won't be with us for a while and I never called names on here! But all of a sudden the prophet coco is mentioning names why does she think she knows? And why does she insist i'm so fake? You'll see! Just like the other one? No names still though |
|
|
|
|
|
Ayeisha (f)
|
I see how nobody can focus on the topic so now they want to conduct a Nairaland Witch hunt! Wow this is a small taste of how innocent people throughout the worlds history ended up burning at the stake and stonned by their own communities! Based on non factual, non sensical worthless matter.  |
|
|
|
|
|
jaybaby (f)
|
Wow Wow Wow --- I cnt Blive It Bluewatever-- u Again I gat no CASE With U--I was Done With U Long time Ago So keep Shouting--i'v Dropped your ass long long time Ago! I'm still on it-----Not Finished with Utralfam-Aisha I know U r waiting 4 a Battle --Srry bluebWatever---I'v Dropped ur Ass in da Gutter---U can't Beat Up 2 my Toe--So TATA  |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
fatliar (m)
|
evrybody knows jaybaby has nothin good to figure with her life, all she does is log on NAIRALAND in the morning LOG OFF in the evening, guy u just registered today
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Ayeisha (f)
|
Back on Track,
I am in a relationship and very much in love with a man who was born and raised in United States by Nigerian parents. I was born and raised in the United States by West Indian parents. My big problem is that his parents hate me because I'm not Nigerian and this really hurts me. When I say hello to his Mom she acts as though she never hears me. When I say hello to his father he at least tries to be mannerable but still makes it obvious that he is not really please with my presence. I am an educated, intelligent, hard working, beautiful woman and I feel that I deserve better treatment from them than that. My mother shows him respect when he greets her because she respects the fact that he is someone's son she expects the same treatment in return, for me because I am her daughter.
This problem does not affect our relationship because we get along fine and are growing closer and closer each day but I can't help but think about the way his parents feel from time to time. He and I express to each other the idea of settling down once the time is right and it would be nice to have the blessing of his parents as well as mine.
P.S.
I am looking for the opinions of Nigerians and no one else. You guys know best when it comes to this subject matter. There has been a bit of confusion but hopefully we can get back on track.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Ayeisha (f)
|
Back on Track,
I am in a relationship and very much in love with a man who was born and raised in United States by Nigerian parents. I was born and raised in the United States by West Indian parents. My big problem is that his parents hate me because I'm not Nigerian and this really hurts me. When I say hello to his Mom she acts as though she never hears me. When I say hello to his father he at least tries to be mannerable but still makes it obvious that he is not really please with my presence. I am an educated, intelligent, hard working, beautiful woman and I feel that I deserve better treatment from them than that. My mother shows him respect when he greets her because she respects the fact that he is someone's son she expects the same treatment in return, for me because I am her daughter.
This problem does not affect our relationship because we get along fine and are growing closer and closer each day but I can't help but think about the way his parents feel from time to time. He and I express to each other the idea of settling down once the time is right and it would be nice to have the blessing of his parents as well as mine.
P.S.
I am looking for the opinions of Nigerians and no one else. You guys know best when it comes to this subject matter. There has been a bit of confusion but hopefully we can get back on track.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Ayeisha (f)
|
Back on Track,
I have a major dilemma though. I am in a relationship and very much in love with a man who was born and raised in United States by Nigerian parents. I was born and raised in the United States by West Indian parents. My big problem is that his parents hate me because I'm not Nigerian and this really hurts me. When I say hello to his Mom she acts as though she never hears me. When I say hello to his father he at least tries to be mannerable but still makes it obvious that he is not really please with my presence. I am an educated, intelligent, hard working, beautiful woman and I feel that I deserve better treatment from them than that. My mother shows him respect when he greets her because she respects the fact that he is someone's son she expects the same treatment in return, for me because I am her daughter.
This problem does not affect our relationship because we get along fine and are growing closer and closer each day but I can't help but think about the way his parents feel from time to time. He and I express to each other the idea of settling down once the time is right and it would be nice to have the blessing of his parents as well as mine.
P.S.
I am looking for the opinions of Nigerians and no one else. You guys know best when it comes to this subject matter. There has been a bit of confusion but hopefully we can get back on track.
|
|
|
|
|
|
ebeledi (m)
|
i think you shouldnt worry about what his parents think, because soon they will have to face reality and as soon as they get to know you better they will accept you. and not all nigerians and carribeans are very much related so there really are more similarities than differences. i also think that most nigerians wouldnt care as long as the person isnt white 'oybino' so I'm kind of surprised
|
|
|
|
|
|
![Nairaland [Nigerian Forum] Home](http://www.nairaland.com/Themes/default/images/english/home.gif)
Author
s BOOK.gif (8.03 KB, 61x31 )
