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Ayeisha (f)
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I don't really believe in corporal punishment but it seems as though some children only respond to spankings. However, I believe that this is the way to instill values into a child. Beating them only creates fear not respect. I got spankings from my Mom and I turned out fine but I also know people who never got spanked and they turned out fine too? Is it really neccessary then?
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Seun (m)
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but I also know people who never got spanked and they turned out fine too? Exactly! Why should I hit my child if I can obtain the same result without hitting her? (That's wickedness!) |
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Ayeisha (f)
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Here where I come from, blacks are known for beating their children. In public too! But American laws try to place restraints on they severity of disciplinary actions of parents. A child can call the cops and some parents get their children taken away and placed into foster care.
I do notice that when I was in school, the black children were always the most violent. I wonder if there is a corre;ation between corporal punishment and violent acts of a child.
Oh and I meant to say I do not believe corporal punishment is the proper way to instill values into a child. a little typo there.
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jiggo (m)
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Here where I come from, blacks are known for beating their children. In public too! But American laws try to place restraints on they severity of disciplinary actions of parents. A child can call the cops and some parents get their children taken away and placed into foster care. that is nonsense, e no blend with us here Now there are two ways to it, d same way u spank is d same way u hold them close, suffice to say that even when u spank, remember to show love after [the spanking], and let the child know d reason dt waranted d spanking, Make i tell una tori, I had a family frend dt i lived with, d parents were somtin else, enough beating/spanking/just name it, But i discovered dt when they grew older, d same parents cudnt handle them, them dey even beg them before dey succumb to som tins, and dey don't even respect visitors, so all their spankings amounted to nothing, later on, so as my mother [a teacher] will always say, there has to be balancing, Spanking as d last resort when oda option fails, but not to be used always, else, dey develop immunity to it, and see it as a normal tin[without correcting wats intended to correct], I rest for now |
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Obamedo
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Well, the Bible says "spare the rod and spoil the child"
From personal experience, I don't think you need to spank a child in order to discipline them. If you spend more time interacting with a child you will find that you don't need to spank them to control them.
Children are not stupid just inexpericened and curious and so you have to explain to them why certain actions are not allowed.
But then some children are stubborn and strong of character (like their parents usually) and it can be frustrating when trying to instill good values in a child.
It is however, not wise to lash out in anger or frustration as we are want to do. The child then believes that violence is appropriate when you are frustrated.
You are more likely to get results when you are calm, take time to explain the offence and what the punishment is going to be
Most Nigerian children were spanked and saw nothing wrong with spanking as we grew up and did the same to our children.
I think we are becoming more liberal hence the question raised about spanking children. It used to be a foregone conclusion that you will be spanked as a child and you will also spank you children
Discussions these days especially in western society suggest that it is cruel to hit a child and it is termed child abuse in what ever form
How many of us therefore think we are victims of child abuse? afterall we all "turned out ok"
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chuckdee4 (m)
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It depends on the child, some kids ask for a spanking, others are well behaved and do not deserve it. I was spanked (Beaten the crap out of) as a kid and boy did it help direct my life, wouldn't be where i am if it wasn't for spankings and scoldings, it depends on how its administered
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MAYORIN1 (m)
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I don't believe you in spanking  a child, eventhough while growing my mum did not spared me the rod, but my dad never raised is hand on me. I think there should be balance point and moderation when discipling a child. |
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adeboo (f)
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I see absolutely nothing wrong with smacking your child.
Thats the way i was raised, and thatsthe way i will raise my child.
Sometimes kids only respond to threats and smacking and i feel you need to discipline your child at an early age.
There are just limits to everthing and letting them know the reason for the punishment helps as well.
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chuckdee4 (m)
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If it takes a good smacking for my kid to differentiate bw good n bad behaviour then so be it because if your kid doesn't respect authority figures they will find it hard surviving out there, so give your child a chance in life. On the other hand some kids come ready made, no wahala at all
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akinalabi (m)
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The bible says in the book of,  "Spare the rod and spoil the child" |
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junegirl (f)
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I think because a lot of us were spanked(in some cases excessively), we just cannot imagine a kid's life without his parents spanking him. Aren't there more painful (and effective) ways of disciplining a child without resorting to that- not least not all time, haba! I can count on the fingers of one hand, the number of times my father ever spanked me. My mother on the other hand had a steady supply of kobokos of all sizes which she used generously on us. The result was that my brothers and I began to devise all sorts of means to get out of her trouble including lying creatively, Out of rebellion, I didn't stop doing the things I got spanked for, I only learnt to cover my tracks well and I also grew resentful.
Verdict: spare the rod, love the child and talk together.
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Obamedo
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@junegirl
Well said !
@all
Like i suspected most of us were spanked as children so we don't see anything wrong with it and plan to spank our kids if we haven't started already
There are some of us who were actually physically abused under the pretext that we were being disciplined (we had the crap beaten out of us) and we were the domestic punching bag on whom tensions and frustrations were let loose by our parents and elders
Hopefully this is a minority but spare a thought for those going through such an experience now, they are suffering in silence because society condones it
Who makes the rules on when, how hard and for what to spank a child for?
What i consider moderate may be considered too stern in the eyes of another
We should look at alternative methods of disciplining our children without resorting to violence
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chuckdee4 (m)
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@ June girl
Some kids need spanking desperately, especially when they start taking your calmness as a weakness, how do u deal with a kid like that.
Yes o spanking is not the answer all the time but i believe it is highly necessary in certain conditions
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davidylan (m)
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Someone mentioned the need to balance things.
It is impossible that at some point a child will not need spanking, but it is how you handle that spanking rather than merely whipping the kids butt that makes the difference.
Does the child know why he is being spanked?
What lesson does the child take away from each spanking session? That Daddy is a devil to be feared or that he has done something wrong that hurt his parents?
What is the motive for the spanking? To inflict as much pain as possible or to drive home a lesson?
Do you spank mainly because you have anger management problems?
I learnt a lesson from an uncle, he never spanks his kids when he is angry. Reason - the lesson is lost on the child if you are spanking simply because u're so angry at that moment all you can think of is inflicting maximum pain. Spank the kid when you are calm, when u are done TALK to the kid letting he/she know the reason for the spanking.
Last but not least, aside from spanking BE AN EXAMPLE TO YOUR CHILDREN. Dont spank a kid for offences that you also commit and laugh off. It makes the kid distrust you!
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Obamedo
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Interestingly in the UK, the anti spanking or smacking forum have taken things much further, they want all forms of spanking outlawed, thanks to their efforts you may get arrested by the police for any 'assault' on your child no matter how slight They believe that most parents do not know where to draw the line So don't fall and accidently hit your child with an outstretched hand in public, you might go to prison for child abuse  |
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moondust (m)
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spare the rod and spoil the child
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Obamedo
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spare the rod and spoil the child
That is so old testament So we also practise an eye for an eye? |
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marlet01 (m)
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I think spanking should be ok rather than hitting the child with a rod. That method is found only in third world nations.
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Memunah (f)
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I don't really like a child being spanked i wil prefer the child been talked to for changes but if he/she doesnt change den a little spanking may come in but i don't believe in spanking because i wasnt spanked.
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Ayeisha (f)
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My parents are from the Islands and they believe in alot of heavy spanking. I remember growing up feeling thatthe beatings were pointless. Where my parents are from they believe in spanking if the child only looks at them the wrong way.
@ Obamedo
I agree with you 100%
Many parents spank without talking to a child and explaining why what they did was wrong. The spanking is useless then. It only teaches violence and helps to foster resentment.
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ultrafem (f)
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I DONT AGREE WITH SPANKING OR BEATING watever you want to call it. it does not work, many who get spanked still turn out wrong, so what is the point
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white`Nkem (f)
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There is a difference between a light spanking and BEATING!! If you try to explain something to a 2years old, he/she might not understand so a very light spanking will make him/her understand that is bad! Not at all beating. That is child abuse. As it has been mentioned above, violence is not a solution!
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Ifeniyi22 (m)
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there is a time and season for everything.I was spanked,flogged,the rod wasnt spared (whichever way u guys want to put it) but one thing that I do know for a fact is that I knew why I was about to be spanked before or after the 'experience'.I really don't know this talk about children been violent as a result of spanking.hate to think of what the same kids would have turned out to b if the rod wasnt applied when necessary.  |
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ricadelide (m)
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First, to correct some wrong assumptions;
the bible never said 'spare the rod and spoil the child' NO. It says; "He who WITHOLDS his rod HATES his son, But he who loves him disciplines him diligently." (capitalization mine) Prov.13.24.
There is a huge difference between the two if you give it much thought. The former is a mere English proverb. The correct biblical context is not a command to spank, but rather an exhortation to NOT WITHOLD the cane, when it needs to be used.
If you read that verse fully, you'd quickly realise that the main issue there is LOVE. If you LOVE your child, you will discipline him because discipline is what instills values and a sense of judgment in us.
There are different kinds of children and each child should be handled differently. Now some children when merely rebuked, are corrected and do change. However, there are also stubborn-willed children, these children have to be shown some tough love, otherwise called discipline. If you see your child showing some undesirable traits (which is common in many children), you need to correct him/her. Sometimes some children will not be corrected without being disciplined. The way in which you adminster your discipline is left to you; it could be a punishment, a spanking, etc but it mustnt be excessive and the child must get the message.
Many children here in the US arent disciplined as kids, and that is why many of them turn out the way they do.
Discipline however has to be coupled with affirmation of your love and praying for your child; this is usually what is absent when many kids grow up into rebellious teens.
I'd recommend Stormie Omartian's books for any parent in here; 'the power of a praying parent' and others. Bringing up kids is a very great challenge, and we have to do a good job at it. Even God disciplines us as His children, and through His discipline we grow up into mature believers.Heb. 12.6&7
Let me end with the line from Heb 12.7; what son is not disciplined by His father?
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spoilt (f)
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there's a difference between spanking and torture. spanking is for a child's sake. talking sometimes just doesnt work lets face it. |
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Seun (m)
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"Talking" is not the only tool a parent has. You can withdraw privileges like TV and computer games. That works.
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osegwu (m)
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I go beat am with my right hand
then I go draw close to me with
my left hand
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brownbaby (f)
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It is necessary sometimes, not all the time. Like its been said when you spank them,
you should also draw them to you and show them love.
Another important thing is that Kids no matter how small should be talked to like adults,
I mean clarify issues, and explain things to them as they are,
don't feel like he's only a kid he wont understand, make him understand,
you are developing his intelligence quotient.
Tell them why they shouldnt do this and why they should do that,
when they ask questions, explain to them and make them understand like adults,
it helps and reduces the need to beat them everytime.
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Seun (m)
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I go beat am with my right hand Why must you beat? Does beating give you a certain sense of satisfaction? That is so sad! then I go draw close to me with my left hand Beating children and then drawing then close causes them to associate pain with love. When they start dating, what sort of partners do you think they will choose? Abusive partners who beat and kiss! Another important thing is that Kids no matter how small should be talked to like adults, Exactly! Parenting is about preparing children for adulthood, isn't it? So why not let them experience adult living? |
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oluite (f)
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@seun
withdrawing privileges doesn't always work.
when i was much younger,me n my siblings were all grounded and my club card ceased.we were stuck at home,no more swimming and hanging out with Friends in the club and it was school hols.
well my dad had to be called from the office almost evrytime because there were all sort of injuries ranging from broken clavicle,stitches.the last straw was a broken hand-we were all released from our "house prison" and i got my card back.
my mum believed in talks.i never heard half of them.what i rembr vividly were the spankings and the talks after them or before them.
i believe one shld choose the best form of discipline that works for your child and each form should be accompanied with a huge doze of love.A child must understand why he/she is being disciplined.
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Seun (m)
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when i was much younger,me n my siblings were all grounded and my club card ceased.we were stuck at home,no more swimming and hanging out with Friends in the club and it was school hols. And what was your offence? If your parents were being unreasonable, your rebellion is understandable! well my dad had to be called from the office almost evrytime because there were all sort of injuries ranging from broken clavicle, stitches.the last straw was a broken hand-we were all released from our "house prison" and i got my card back. That simply means the wrong privileges were chosen. And what was your offence? Was it really that serious? my mum believed in talks. i never heard half of them. what i rembr vividly were the spankings and the talks after them or before them. Talking without listening is not communication. To get accross to your child, listening is more important! You have to realise that you are not always right. You have to allow your child to win some battles. As a parent, I won't punish at all if I think the offence is minor. Otherwise, the child will be hardened - like you were! i believe one shld choose the best form of discipline that works for your child First of all, discipline is not all about punishment. If you think that way, then your children will be unhappy whether you beat them or not. 99% of your discipline should involve listening, tender correction, explanation. Does your boss beat you when you mess up? If not, does that make you a bad employee? Isn't parenting about preparing children for the adult society? If so, why can't we treat them as adults in training? and each form should be accompanied with a huge doze of love. A child must understand why he/she is being disciplined. This is true, but if you must punish, which can only happen occasionally, then there are a thousand and one ways to punish apart from beating. However, before you punish, you must have corrected. Before correcting, you must have explained. Before explaining, you must have listened. Cruelty is bad with or without beating. You need to understand why your child is disobeying you, and back down if the child has a good point. |
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Ambber (f)
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Yes, when it is necessary and definitely not for every offence otherwise it will lose its objective
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