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St.domain (f)
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Help! My husband is so attached to his mother and his family.
We have been married for over a year and we are still living in the family house. He prefers to please everyother person in the house other than me.
His mother gets in the way everytime and all we do is quarrel over one family issue or the other. I am so depressed and unhappy. I am not enjoying my marriage. Does he really love me. Please, I need your advices.
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babyosisi (f)
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do you live in Nigeria?
I believe this is a situation that would have been agreed on before marriage.
Living with your inlaws especially in the early years of marriage is a no no.
If you guys can afford it,you ought to convince your husband that you guys need to move out and find your own apartment.
If you don't,I'm almost certain your marriage will fall apart.
It's bad enough to have a meddling mother in law but to have her in the same house 24 hrs a day is like a recurring nightmare.
Your husband must move his young family out immediately,if he has to grow a backbone to live away from mommy,he needs to do that immediately!!.
I wish you the best.
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derinsola (f)
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I think you have to persist and be prayerful to God to help you change your husband's mind, because if he doesn't change, sooner the problem will continue to pile up for you.
And I pray that your home will not break apart in Jesus' name. Amen
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egbon (m)
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@ babyosisi If you guys can afford it,you ought to convince your husband that you guys need to move out and find your own apartment.
I'm not quite sure this will resolve the issue, My mother is about 6,000 miles away and we still battle over this issue regularly. This is a major problem that has no ethnic and/or colour barrier. Fervent prayers and divine wisdom are some tools that you can use to approach this problem. After nine years of marriage, this is still an issue in our house. |
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ThiefOfHearts (f)
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Not sure why you would marry someone who's still living with his family in the first place.
Yuck.
Things women should avoid when concerning "very serious relationsips"
-Nigerian men still living with family
- Single child/only male of the family
The family will constantly be on you.
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ultrafem (f)
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theifpfhearts
its love now! she can't help who she loves .
but it is a real no no sha. such circumstance is asking for trouble
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moondust (m)
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well, what do i say?, enjoy your marriage, its nothing really
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spoilt (f)
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kpele i feel your pain. your husband just has to try and move you guys out. i can't even live with my own parents as an adult talk less of a man's parents. can he imagine living with your own parents? i think its unfair to any woman. we all know that when a son marries theres a bit of envy from his mom. its almost unbelievable to her that her baby boy now has a younger woman from no where that he now listens too. she always wants to show you that she knows him better than you by criticizing your food, the way you fold his clothes, the way you lay his bed and other trivial stuff. my advice to.refrain from being confrontational.(not an easy thing) never talk back to his mom. lay all your complaints to your husband instead (its not likely he'll do anything sha  but at least u didnt engage his mom in a war of words) let him give u a time by which you guys will move out and start saving towards it. and if he still wants to live with his mom and dad,i can only say sorry! its a situation in which you can never win! |
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babyosisi (f)
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@ babyosisi
I'm not quite sure this will resolve the issue, My mother is about 6,000 miles away and we still battle over this issue regularly. This is a major problem that has no ethnic and/or colour barrier. Fervent prayers and divine wisdom are some tools that you can use to approach this problem. After nine years of marriage, this is still an issue in our house.
My dear,mother in law wahala has caused so many divorces even here in America,a close friend was a victim so I know the pain. Thankfully for me mama is miles away even though I don't anticipate problems with her but I will not move her in permanently. My friend prayed and prayed and finally cast her mother in law out,physically, and that was the last straw. It is no easy thing to deal with. |
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Soundmind (m)
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I feel for you,
On a good day try and let your husband know that he is not marrying his mother. If he cannot decide for himself, it means he is a boy. Do not be harsh with him. Be prayerful, God will see u through.
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Agboola1 (m)
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i urge you strongly not to leave your husband for this rather u love him more and convince to move from your inlaws house as fast as possible. no be fight. remember you saw him like that before you take marriage decisions with him, don't make a fool out of yourself. Real husband s-c-a-r-c-e oooooo
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Takeme (m)
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You really don't need feel bad about this, no husband or wife is without one problem or the other. if its not mother inlaw its my husband flirt, or somthing. it advisable you stay and solve or fight what ever ther problem is.
I must confess any family that is being ruled by the mother inlaw shows how week the husband is.
talk to the guy let him understand.
i always tell people. the wife is the neck and the husband the head.
what ever direction the neck desires is where the head should look.
babe think before you blink
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spoilt (f)
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remember you saw him like that before you take marriage decisions with him, don't make a fool out of yourself. Real husband s-c-a-r-c-e oooooo
@ agboola1 i hate when guys always end advice with husband scare oh! what's that supposed to mean?  when all we have are spineless guys around why wont husband be scarce?
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Coleslove
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Now you've made the mistake and you want our opinion. Nobody would ask you to leave him or fight him. Just have to live with your wound and pray for the sun to shine on your situation someday. Even if it means your inlaws bumping into your room while make love. Oppss |
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BlackMamba (m)
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He prefers to please everyother person in the house other than me. I have a problem with women that think like this. I've known a number of them and they're always trouble. |
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MAYORIN1 (m)
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Girl am dissappointed - Why marry a guy who resides with his parent. Don't you know he is a pupit on a string. He has got lots of attachment from his parent. I am pretty sure u saw that comming. You got what you deserve girl. So learn to live with it; its part of you:o
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Seun (m)
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I have a problem with women that think like this. I've known a number of them and they're always trouble. Men that allow their wives to think that way are more trouble. If you can't put your wife first, stay single. |
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spoilt (f)
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Men that allow their wives to think that way are more trouble. If you can't put your wife first, stay single.
thanks seun. i was already hammering out the exact same response. im sure blackmamba is a mama pleaser! such people please everyone else but wifey. |
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BlackMamba (m)
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If you can't put your wife first, stay single. thanks seun. i was already hammering out the exact same response. im sure blackmamba is a mama pleaser! such people please everyone else but wifey Exactly me in a nutshell. I don't believe in the institution of marriage. Family is it for me. And mind you, I don't need the shackles of a formal union with an inconsiderate woman to start a family. |
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spoilt (f)
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phew! thank goodness you don't believe in marriage! thank God
one less family pleaser to deal with. your type will let your family shave your wife's head while you stand by and do nothing.
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lilvonz (m)
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Real husband s-c-a-r-c-e oooooo
Abeg agboola that one no be real husband, that one na yeye husband |
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pssword
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Living in the same house with in-laws is a bad start babe, I guess you'll have to grin, bear and push until you and your husband get your place. As for pleasing everyone first b/4 you, it just looks that way b/c he is living with his family and he has to share the attention with everyone. I just hope that you are not the me me me type, then it would look worse than it actually is
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BlackMamba (m)
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your type will let your family shave your wife's head while you stand by and do nothing. As long as it pleases mummy dearest and advance the cause of the family.  |
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busygirl (f)
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What more can I say---- be prayerful. One day God'll suprise you.
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Omo Eko (f)
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All you need is serious fasting and prayer to break that attactment.  There is a limit to sons getting attach to their mothers especially if they are maaried. |
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spoilt (f)
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all this prayer and fasting advice sef! sometimes you don't need God to come down and solve a problem for you  . he has given you ability to make rational decisions to obvious problems! the solution here? move out and everyone will be happier. Mother inlaw sef will be glad to get rid of you before you and your husband eat her down! |
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tolaa
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Hi,
Having read all the responses on this thread i realized most of the people who replied have never lived in a family house. To survive honey, you need to be very very clever. you need to be one step ahead of everybody in that house most especially your mother inlaw. You have to find a way to get your husband to prefer you to her i dint mean juju oh but you have to make him see what she is like.
Dint nag because that would only make things worse. Be graceful, i mean super graceful, always look beautiful and super sexy ( your husband wont be able to resist you so you will get more time together). and your mother inlaw wont like you around because you make her look old.
Make him some serious food consistently get new recipes, go out on dates, be super happy even when you are sad when your mother in law is around then you should be extra playful with your husband. That way she will begin to realize that the apron strings are becoming loose. ( all this is to to gain your husbands attention). Act the way you did when you were a couple. Get you mother inlaw to do some extra babysitting duties whilst you guys go out when you come in make sure you make a bit of noise ( by now you mother inlaw knows that she is losing his attention) she might put up a fight and criticize you but just ignore her.
when you have finally gained his attention i mean physically and mentally. Then bring up the issue of moving away your husband would be soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo in love with you that all you suggestions will be quite feasible. this is a longterm strategy and by the time you finally move out please dint stop loving him and being nice to him because he will just go back to his mummy.
save some money so the financial burden of the move is not totally on him and he will think gosh i have such a nice wife.
pray very and put your trust in God.
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Man-eater (f)
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First of all, why on earth did u marry a man that still lives at home (family house). any man that does not have a place of his own, no matter how small it is even a one bedroom apartment is not ready for marriage.
Your husband is definately a momy's boy or still tooo dependant on his family, which i think is a big sign of immaturity.
And how your husband takes you is how your in-laws will. if he shows he has a family of his own now and he's wife is #1 then his family wont mess with u. My dear, your'e in deep Egbe, because u need to make him get his act together, doesnt the bible say a man will leave his parents and become one with his wife or something like that.
He better get a backbone of his own and stop being a spineless wimp. sorry my dear i don't mean to be rude, but think of it, u have a life time of this sh*t to face and its just starting.
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Everbright (f)
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As long as it pleases mummy dearest and advance the cause of the family. You are really a black mamba I pityany girl that will come close to you |
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shockreaction (m)
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Heh. Funny.
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Everbright (f)
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@ post, 1st of all i want to know if you are from Niger-Delta. Don't quote me, but I understand this kind of a thing is really rampant there I even have a neighbour who is now divorced because of this same issue,she is staying alone now with the kids So are from DElta State |
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St.domain (f)
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I really agree with everyone of you, i think you really get the picture and your responses are really true.we were not meant to stay this long, just for a few months i was told, never knew i was tricked. Anyway, i am praying seriously and trying to keep my cool with them but at times it really gets bad. I am still trying to convince him why there is a need for us to get our own apartment but they think as per he is the first son, the house belongs to him so why go and rent an apartment when he is the landlord.
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