What Italians Think About Englishmen

Hi, I saw this on the web from a fellow Italian friend and I can confirm everything he says here. 
True, really true.


Hi I am Marco.

I am Italian guy and I do not like some of the things RomeBuddy say
about Italian people on this website.

RomeBuddy has let me write these special page about what Italians maybe
are thinking of about English people, but not saying, because they is
too polite, and not wanting a fight you know? But they is some quite a
few differences you know, and is Romebuddy what has got me thinking on
this lines you know, so here it is, I tell you now. I am Italian but I
live in England for nearly three years, so I know quite a lot about the
English you know I’ve had rub shoulders with them like they say, you
know.

I’ve lived for ten months with English family and that was kind of
weired thing you know what? They some crazy dudes the English families,
they not love one another very much at all for one thing that I can see.
All they care about is dog or getting one tiny scratch on there’s car.
Man they have a car for three years, and they like they go ballistic if
one scratch get on it. I mean man how can you stop getting your car
scratched or banged, accidents happen all the time right, in my country
Italy anyway. Not in England. They so care about their cars and drivings
them so safely, they sooner have clean car than a good friend. I esplain
later, you see when you read. So, like I say, I am Marco, I live three
years in England. I live in English family ten months, with a friend who
says he was friend but was not when I got to England, it turned out but
I stay there anyway, I have piece of paper says I can and in England
piece of paper mean everything.

And I go to university in Hull, I do international business studies
course there for one year. Hull is another word for Hell I think, or
maybe is Hole. A big hole in ground where all rubbish is thrown in, and
all vomit the drunken English guys spew up on weekend nights after
drinking twenty pints of beer and then fighting. No-one in Hull like
each other they not even respect each other they just swear and fight
each other all the time. In my country Italy, you have a nice Saturday
night, you know, you walk with your friends you have a hang around in
the piazza near the fountain or the bar and everyone’s familys are there
you know so everybody know each other even in centre of a big city like
Rome, when you go where the tourists don’t go. You have what we call a
passeggiata, like a walk round, you have a couple drinks of coke or
orange juice or a crodino or an ice cream maybe a little glass of beer
but just one, and you have a laugh then you go home and your mamma has
some nice dinner ready for you and then you play cards with some other
friends or watch TV with your girlfriend and look at old family
photographs together. Is nice.
But In England on Saturday night you know you going to have to do some
fighting or at least running to get away. I think is the weather yes,
maybe has something do with it – is never sun shining. Is always cold
like the hearts of English, and raining. Everybody get’s so drunk they
can hardly see, then they go and smash some windows or kick some old man
to death. Is very strange, this behaviour.


Then I work for accountancy firm in Slough for one year. I glad when is
over because I can never know how pronounce Slough. My spelling and
words in English is not so good I know, but my mathematics very good
which is why I am accountant, and have good job for firm in Slough after
completing my studies. I think you know not many guys come from dump
like Hull to Slough, so I was coming lucky I think. Slough is dump as
well actually, really horrid I think in parts, and guys and even girls
get really drunk there as well, I don’t go to clubs in Slough, but good
thing of Slough is its near London, which useful, and nicer town nearer
called Windsor, where the Queen Elizabeth lives sometimes, it’s quite
beautiful. But I been very lucky, I good with figures and Excel
spreadsheet, I know a few tricks you know, and another funny thing about
England all the bosses are women. That’s funny thing because in Italy
men are still in control of things and women are mostly proper
housewifes. They is a lot of women that work in Italy, but that’s
because most business are family businesses, so if there’s girls in the
family they’ll go into the family business you know what I mean. And
some of them does a really good job and are good at business, then
theres a lot of artists and film and design and creative women in Italy
and they’re very good at that and are having power jobs in creative
areas in Italy because of course Italians really understand beauty,
better than English or nearly anywhere else, except maybe India, but
don’t know I have to try India to see first maybe one day. But Italian
girls are just beautiful from the inside to the outside, so they
understand how to make beautiful things, beautiful designings, beautiful
dresses beautiful babies. But you don’t have a lot of woman in Italian
companies in charge of men, and it’s better that way because woman can
never be fulfilled at work, she has to be wife and have children and a
husband to buy her nice clothes and stuff to find herself, know what I
mean, before she can be a proper woman yes? Is more on the romantic side
this convestional way. Am right, you think about it, yes? Is
mediterranean romantic method, my believes.

Because a woman have to have time to make herself beautiful from the
inside to the outside, she needs to be all nice relaxed with the things
nice for her and Italian girls understand this a lot better than
English, so they better always at being real women. Italian girl don’t
take any rubbish from boys that don’t treat them nicely, they respect
themselves a lot better than English girls, which is a reason they
dresses better and look after they skin. So I am thinking Italian womans
is lot happier than English womens, because they not pretending to be
something that’s hard to do like manage a lot of mens in an office, so
instead Italian womens can just relax, and enjoy being women, which is
what they’re best at, because they is much more feminine than English
woman anyway. Maybe that’s why a lot of Englands woman are working like
men because they don’t having a really feminine side like girls in Italy
and in other warm Mediterranean countries. I am thinking I am lucky
though maybe I mistaken as pretty good-looking Italian guy to English
womens you know though, in Italy I just average guy but by accident has
been an advantage for me in the English workplace with all the woman
managers though but they are all bit of English jam tarts though you
know what I mean, and not even good looking. Maybe one English woman in
ten million is good looking, but in Italy, every girl is goddess, know
what I mean, is it our olive oil and fresh fruit from our trees instead
of baked beans every day or the lots of sunny days we have in Italy or
just basicallys the genetics of the thing you know, it must be?


I was watching the English beauty contest of TV with some English guys
one night in Hull, and you know all the contestants were nothing you
would remember the next day you know? I wouldn’t touch none of thems
with barjpole, they were so ugly. They don’t even know how to put they’s
own makeup on, and they wear cheap clothes that don’t fit. They don’t
value themselves, and they don’t know how to walk properly. They don’t
even have proper jewelerys because they boyfriends and husbands don’t
value them. For Christmas they husbands buy they wives vacuum cleaners
you know, what an insult to the feminine heart! No wonder they all slugs
(slogs, slags, what is right word?). They not want romance, they have
never had it so they only want a quick thing after the disco, is all
they know how to do about showing love. This is what I misses most about
my country, no one for my heart to love you know, is like looking for
grain of sugar in the bag of salt. Girls in England is a lot of
miserable faces or they’re all sort of damaged you know what I mean like
old fruits like old peaches going bad, not fresh even the young ones, is
that it, yes? You wouldn’t put your hand in a rotting bag of peaches
would you no?

Then after my job in Slough (my boss tried to have me fired from job,
she says I made pass at her, is not true, that is real problem she angry
at me I think. Maybe I should have made pass at her, but so what, just
because she wears Valentino suit at work she thinks she beauty queen,
but English women are wrong shape for Valentino, and I don’t even think
they wash themselves properly you know what I mean? So I’m out of job
now, just for having photo of my girlfriend from back home in Tivoli on
my desk at work. So after my job finish I spend few months backpacking
around England. I go to Cornwall, I go to your Lake District, and to
Liverpool to see the Beatles birthplace and famous Cavern Club (man,
Liverpool that was a miracle, how such clever music came from such ugly
place, but I think it was from the ships coming from America really
though, yes, so you cannot claim credit for your Merseybeat sound being
English even no, yes? Better play safe and stick with Shakespeare and
Turner as your only really homegrown English artists yes? Even your
classical music was all copied from Europe and from our beautiful
Italian opera I think, no?).

After I finish my backpacking I spend two months in London before I was
flying back home to mamma and papa in Italy. My parents send me all the
money I need for these adventures in England, I don’t have to worry
about money ever while I am here in England, is just esperience for me.
In Rome I will work for my uncle in his accounting firm, like most of
Italian families everything is in family businesses, you don’t have to
worry about you future in Italy, they is always family and friends to
look after you. In England is nothing like that. Families is all split
apart, they is kinder to strangers and they dogs and cats than they own
family. But my parents sent me all the money I need from Italia so I
coulds enjoy my esploration of England and was free too concentrate on
examining the English people. Now I am a little of an espert on the
English society I think now, yes? You people coming to Roma for yours
holidays and espatriate jobs you think you know how life should be, you
think you so advanced with yours governments and public services and
most famous of all you great English good manners yes? I tell you a
thing or two abut your good manners from England. You have very very
good manners but you have not a heart behind it in England. It is
meaning nothing at all if your’s manners is not with love and heart and
generosity and loyalty and family behind itself. I’m sorry, but that is
my conclusions. But you must read on to know more please, and I will
esplain myself better. I like you English on the wholes, but franklys it
is not a like I can really put my finger on you know. I don’t know why I
like you, but still I do somehow. Looking at all the evidences I cannot
really think what exactly that is so nice abut the English, but I do
like you for some reason. I will not live in England again, it was too
hard but I like to talk to Englishs I meet in Italy or in the world at
other places – I think it is something hidden, something magical maybe
given to you from King Arthur or someone like hiself. I think it is your
English charm that makes you likeable without having any logical
explanation for it. Your charm is your fame your hope and glory, (ha ha,
now I am being too clever I think). It is what saves you from being seen
as what you really are. Yes. You English are charming, that is it.


So I email RomeBuddy and say to him “Can I write about English people
how you write about Italian people? Romebuddy he say yes, is okay, I let
you write what you like and put it on my website. Is will be called
BritishBuddy. I say to him what is British what is English? I write
about English. Irish and Scottish I think maybe oak you know maybe not
as weird as English. See I’me not stupid I know difference between
English and Irish. Irish knows how to have a good time and love they
mammas, but English send their children away to boarding schools and
never see them again don’t care I think and sleep with their dogs, this
is crazy you know? RomeBuddy he says okay, he gets my drift. I’m not
sure if he is English really you know he thinks it funny I make fun of
him and English in this thing I write now about English, RomeBuddy I
think he is not really truly deeply English you now not like typical
English mans or maybe just have strong sense of humour. I don’t know
though English sense of humour very strange, not easy understanding
then, so I talk about that now.

English sense of humour is very bad you know? Very cruel. I not
understand it. Seems to me to make a joke in England, you gotta be
horrible to somebody. I have bunch of English friends, they all meet in
a pub (pub horrible English place, everybody just gets really drunk on
warm beer and then starts fighting and being sick, not like Italian bar
at all). Any way, in pub they sit around and when ever any one comes in
they say something horrible about him. Even if its one of their friends,
they say something horrible to him. They don’t have respect enough to
say it when the person not listening, they say it right to his face,
really horrible thing, then they all laugh even the person they said it
to, he laugh as well. This is English sense of humour? I don’t get it.
Another thing about English sense of humour, sometimes they don’t even
say anything, but they all laugh anyway. Is like some kind of code.

English people never do you favour you know. They not even do favours
for each other – They can be two friends that’s known each other years,
like maybe at school together, now they grown up, have families and jobs
– they not do each other favours. They say things like “hey that’s his
problem. He’ll be okay. Always look on the bright side of life”. That’s
all , they not do their friend a favour you know? In my country Italy,
always somebody can do you a favour – You have problem with driving – a
police stop you and give you ticket for driving too fast. You not have
to pay though because they is always someone you know, a real friend who
can do you a favour, you know, you don’t have to pay, you know what I
mean. Even police, they cool about it, because they have someone
somewhere doing them a favour as well, it all works out okay always in
Italy you know, friends help each other, it goes round in a circle, they
do each other favours. None of that England. In England, you on your
own, even if you English, even if you have family.


I say to my English friend one time, he owns a pizza restaurant. (that’s
a funny joke for the start no? – The English making the pizzas yes? Ha
ha! I say that to my friend one time, when we all together with other
friends in the pub. Nobody laugh, they all call me racist pig. They say
“why we in European Economic Community if we can’t make our pizzas when
we want to? Shut up greasy” they say to me. I say I’m only joking guys,
you know, like you guys always say something nasty and you all laugh
because it’s funny, I do the same, you know, saying English don’t know
anything about making pizzas, you put pineapple and sweetcorn on them
even baked beans and curry, what pineapple and baked beans have to do
with pizza? But they say no this is not funny. I don’t know, I don’t
know about English humour any more is at all I think they all just nasty
pigs, like in Mad Max beyond thunderdome where everyones horrible to
each other in violent tribes after a nuclear esplosion. Maybe there was
a nuclear esplosion in England one day a long time ago and this is
what’s left now, everyone being horrible to one another and calling it
sense of humour, some kind of defence mechanism, and that the truth at
the bottom of it.

Any way back to my story about my good old friend with the pizza
restaurant, we know each for like two years, we even at business school
together, like, you know, so he should know how hard business is he
should know about networking and stuff so I says to him, I give Italian
lessons and I have nice business cards printed, can I put my business
cards around in his pizza restaurant, like near the cashdesk or on the
wall something like you know. He say no, very sorry (like hes’ very
sorry – why he very sorry? , I’m one who is sorry, I have problems
paying my car to be fixed, you know, my papa’s cheques was late in the
post from Italy that month I need extra money to bridge me across some
time do I esplain that?, so I can make some from giving Italian lessons)
he say, no very sorry he cannot let me show my business cards in his
pizza restaurant. I say why not mate, we are mates, so why not? He says
if he let me do that then he have to let everybody do it too. I say
what? Esplain that to me please? He said again, if he let me put my
cards in his restaurant he would have to let everybody else put their
cards in as well. I said how come? He say, because you have to. I say
what you mean you have to? What everybody else? He say in England you
have to treat everybody the same. It has to be fair he says. He says you
can’t do one for thing for one person and something different for
someone else, it has to be fair, the same for everyone. And he hasn’t
got room on his wall for everyone else’s business cards, so he wont take
my card and stick it up at the start of it. I say him “you missing the
point my mate – You don’t have to do the same for everybody. You do a
favour for a friend, you do because he is a friend. People who is not
your friends, you don’t have to do nothing for them. He says who is
going to do them the favour then, how is it fair? I say “of course its fair
they have their own friends somewhere, it like a family you know,
everybody have a family of they friends, they do each other favours you
know. Nothing about they treat everybody the same, that a load of puke I
say him. You my friend you do me a favour you don’t have to do it for
everyone else as well – they have they own friends and family to do them
a favour. Else what is friendship mean you know? And one day I do you a
favour backwards you know what I mean? What is value of it, what is
value of special friendship if you treat everybody the same? Then he
says anyway you are not a friend you an acquaintance. Man, I think this
is at the root of English personality you know? They don’t have friends.
They only want acquaintances.

They got some piece of paper with laws written on it telling them what
to do and they all do it, they never make ezception for a friend, and
they never do anything special for a friend, they never, like do any
special thing for a friend that has a value to it you know? They buy you
a present and they say “heres the receipt, if you don’t like my present
you take it back to the shop and get something else you like instead”
What kind of present is that? What special about that? In the English's
newspapers classified ads they have lots of adverts saying unwanted
gift, for sale. So what kind of friend takes a gift from you and then
sells it, unwanted and advertise in a newspaper to tell everybody that
it was unwanted? This is the English friends. They have no feelings, its
all on paper only, You know, when you don’t want a gift from a friend
you don’t want that friend, but they don’t admit that. Man, they really
got a problems with their friendships the English.
Treat everybody the same. Yes right, they even treat they family members
the same – When they parents and grandparents gets old, you know what,
they English throw them out of the house! They put them in institution,
in a home for old peoples, and then they only goes see them maybe once
or twice a year, sometimes less. In the institution all the old people
is treated the same, they happy at last yes? Ha ha, my attempt at
English humour.


Even they own children, they treat all the same, just like they was not
they own children but someone else’s child. Man this is shocking, they
not love their own children in England. When I was a boy, my mamma give
me anything I want you know? Is natural yes? Anything I want, I just ask
my mamma, sometimes I have to cry a little for it, but I awls get it
from her. Maybe a new toy or ice-cream or something it doesn’t matter
what, I always get it from my mamma and papa, I just ask and ask and
keep ask and I get it, because they love me. You know usually I not even
have to ask, I have so many things my parents and aunties and uncles and
grannies give me, it’s nice to be a bambino in Italy, you know – Your
mamma give you anything because she love you and you are her baby,
always she give you anything. I even have my own house already. It’s an
apartment my papa built for me, on top of our family house. Four
bedrooms and a jacuzzi, you know like all Italians, my parents they let
me live at home for ever if I like. One day I get married but the house
is always there for me, my papa he build it already when I am only seven
years old. One day I get married (to nice Italian girl, not ugly English
girl with blotchy legs you bet), and when we married we live in
apartment my papa build me already when I am seven, on top floor of our
house. And if new wife give me any hard time, I just go downstairs and
mamma cook me nice meal like before you know? So I’m always loved, I
always feel special, that’s Italian family, Italian system because once
you a baby to your mamma you always a baby to her, you special you know,
you not like everyone else, she love you and your papa, you not treated
same like everybody else, in England, in Italy you always have home and
anything you want from your mamma and papa, all you have to do is ask.
Not in England. In England, you know when you sixteen you have to leave
home. Your mamma and papa they not throw you out exactly, but they don’t
cry when you leave you know, I don’t think. Sometimes you can stay when
your eighteen if you lucky but most times you have to go away from your
parents, that’s the way they like it to happen in England. Your not
special to your parents it seems.

And strange thing the kids is happy to leave they parents you know? They
never want to go see them not even on Sunday. So you have to leave home
if you is eighteen years old and if you go university, it seem they have
very strange thing in England, when a guy or girl choose which
university they want to go, they choose one as far away as possible from
they parents. This is very strange It like they not give a hoot to see
they parents any more. Man, is obvious they parents treat them like they
is all the same no special from everybody else for eighteen years until
they leave home. Maybe no wonder they get as far away at university as
possible, no? Maybe no wonder they put parents in institution when they
is old, yes. In England parents not give hoot for they children not
treat them special like they is unique you know so children grow up and
don’t think they parents is special either.

Another funny thing about the universities when going away -The kids go
far away as possible and they live in horrible place, have to do
everything themselves, and government pays they housing and rent and
money for this and that, is called grant. The parents don’t give them
nothing. Lot of trouble a few years ago, government abolish grant or
make it very hard to get grant. Lot of English guys say, “okay I not go
to university then”. The parent they still not make a move to give their
children nothing no help to go to university, They say, okay you go on
dole then kid. Is okay the government pay. If you a daughter you just go
and get pregnant with some guy, and the government give you money for
thing they call one parent family. English girls they have no pride, you
know. They just go out to disco and get as drunk as the guys you know,
they don’t even know how to dress like beauty queen, they never keep
they clothes on long enough anyway I think. They want to get pregnant so
they can get the government money for one parent family. Then they go
with any other guy as well, they have baby at home, and he is just like
their income because of baby the government is giving them money that’s
all. And when he grow up he leaving home as well when hes is sixteen
seventeen eighteen and go as far away to university as possible I think
all over again you know?

The English they not know what family is, they not know what special
friends is, or even how to love they own babies. As long as everyone is
the same then they are happy. No-one allowed to be special in England.
Is very strange because it like communism but they is in fact
capitalists, so must be problem somewhere, deep down I think, probably
in history. I think is politics to blame. You know the English they have
never had revolution? They people never got together to change
something. Never a revolution like everyone else in world. Only
revolution England ever had was industrial revolution, and they queen
got very rich off that, but nothing for the people they not care anyway,
as long as everybody is the same I think yes? They have kind of
revolution hundreds of years ago with guy called Cromwell, but it didn’t
last, you know, like six months later they got their king back again,
nothing was changed you know? They always do what government says in
England you know they always obey they laws, esxept when they calling me
racist pig.

But is true, they have a law for everything what the government makes
and they not never complain at the government. They governments last for
four or five years maybe even longer, they only have an election every
four or five years, is really strange no? In my country Italy we have
election like every nine or ten months you know? If people in Italy not
like they government we throws it away and have election to vote for a
new one. Is nice to have a change you know. Usually new government is
just like old one but not matter anyway because in Italy you have
friends and you do favours for each other, so always a way to get things
done without government needing to know you know what I mean? Government
only needed for fixing the roads and running the trains and electricity
and picking up the rubbish things like that you know, they don’t need to
get involved with stuff between friends stuff no? If dirt in streets or
roads bumpy, you blame government no need do anything yourself is not
your fault as citizen. Just vote in a new government and get on with
your own stuff again, with your freinds and get things done in a family
kind of a way you know what I mean? You have friends in Italy, you can
get anything you want done. You not need to care about the government
stuff or the public services or whether the hedges is cut or a park not
tidy that’s the governments problem yes?

Another funny thing about England they drive very slowly. You know they
have the zebra crossings for lettings the people cross the road this is
funny you have to stop your car even if you see someone only near the
crossing, the person walking could be like ten metres away from the
zebra and you still have to stop your car and wait until the walker is
all the way across. They so polite and law abiding in England, but is
all on the surface I think for underneath they don’t think anyone is
special not even they best friends. They do favours for strangers who
they never seen before, stoppin they cars completely to let them cross
the road, but they not let you put your business cards in they own pizza
restaurants even if you good friend for years. All the roads in England
is painted with many many many many white lines and signs all over is
impossible to crash car in England, they have straightened all the
roads, no corners left, all the fun taken out of it. They town councils
in England they have meetings for months and month’s and they pay
surveyors an designers and road builders millions and millions and
millions of moneys just to straighten roads in some busy place they call
‘black spot’ so as no-one gets hurt in a car accident. Think of all this
millions of money their millions of pound they spending on this, they
could be giving it to they children instead, could be building them nice
house somewhere, as present for they children but no they spend it on
public roads just so no-ones gets hurt in a car crash. English not
understand car crashes you know. We Italians say, how can you stop a car
crash? If you is going to gets hurt, you is going to gets hurt, right maybe
you die, is not your fault, is fate. What can you do about crash anyway,
you can only pray to Mary, or San Cristoforo they is saints they can be
looking after you when you out driving, and if your number is up, is up
right, is Mary and she is your mamma in heaven she wants you now, is not
your fault for the way you drive, is not anyones fault.
But the English they is all atheists I think, no? They not even family
people. They not understand about a mamma and her child and Mary and the
all the saints looking after your fates. They instead spend all the
millions of pound designing the roads again and making the laws to drive
the car slowly and stop at the zebra crossing for people you don’t even
know, is hypocritical I think.

One crazy thing now this make me really laugh, they even have television
programme called ‘Black Spot’. It all about dangerous places on roads.
They make like a documentary every week about places on roads where
peoples have been killed in they cars and then they tell about how the
road should be made again different to not have crashes here anymore. Is
like a science for them. This is like an entertainment for the English
right, they watch this on the televisions, how to design a road, no? Man
they is really screwed up, they don’t know that car crashes is just
fates you know you have to just drive fast how you like and enjoy life,
is nobody’s fault when you crash. As long as have your family and your
friends, you have the life right, if you all die, your family and your
friends together in the car accident is was meant to be you know,
nobody’s fault. I sooner spend the money on the roads on a new car for
everybody right? Make the petrol cheaper for everybody right, that’s
what we have in Italy everybody have a good time with your friends and
you family. English not understand this.

Well, that is the English. I do not know what to say about you American
who might also be readings this web pages. But next year I plan to go to
America for a long stay and espore there, so I will tell you after then
what I think of Americans.
Thank you to Romebuddy for letting me make these speech. I hope you
understand I want us all to loves one another and be truly international
on the internet. That what is so really good about the internet, the
sharings of knowledge and breakdownings of prejudices. If you are
English and you are coming to Rome for a holidays or to live and working
here, I hope you have a really nice times, and get to know my Italian
people properly, and not just to believes what everything its said on
this ‘RomeBuddy’ website. RomeBuddy is a nice guy but I thinks maybe he
has a had some of bad esperiences in Italy living her I think yes?. So
maybe he is right in some of opinions that he has. Is possible he has
had some abuses here in Rome maybe. But I just wanted to put matter
straight about what Italians think of English peoples yes? It’s good,
yes, to do this right?

Best wishes, and love across the planet, even to RomeBuddy who is
tryings to do a good thing and help foreigners who visits Italy, I know.
He has some points. Listen to him but listen to me too. Everybody should
be listened to, and we can all learn on the internet here. Is good,

Thank you and the good wishes, with none offence but the goodwills and
intentions, love to the world and thanks again to Romebuddy, is still a
buddy I guess.


from Marco.