|
Aproko (f)
|
please Nairaland users, i have a friend who is about to get married.
She doesn't want to attend the same church with her future husband because she doesn't particularly like his place of worship. He insists she must agree to attend his church when they get married before they can go on with the ceremonies and he is not willing to compromise.
They both love each other yet they are both stubborn. Do you honestly think attending the same church is a prerequisite for a happy marriage? I need your opinions on this.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Seun (m)
|
I honestly think their marriage is going to fail if they can be fighting over such a trivial, easily solvable issue.
Since they are both obstinate and uncompromising; they should break up amicably as soon as possible, period.
|
|
|
|
|
|
michelin89 (f)
|
I honestly think their marriage is going to fail if they can be fighting over such a trivial, easily solvable issue.
Since they are both obstinate and uncompromising; they should break up amicably as soon as possible, period.
I have to agree with Seun on this! |
|
|
|
|
|
my2cents (m)
|
if for no other reason, they should strongly consider attending the same church for their (potential) kids' sake(s). There is nothing as bad as a confused child.
|
|
|
|
|
|
ikamefa (f)
|
if for no other reason, they should strongly consider attending the same church for their (potential) kids' sake(s). There is nothing as bad as a confused child.
true that! I honestly think their marriage is going to fail if they can be fighting over such a trivial, easily solvable issue.
Since they are both obstinate and uncompromising; they should break up amicably as soon as possible, period.
true that! have they heard of the word compromise? they both need to sit down! and reach a compromise on this issue before they get married |
|
|
|
|
|
kadeyy (m)
|
I know couples of even different religions that are living together peacefully. But I won't underestimate the power of belief. If their love is not strong enough to hold their divergent denominational inclinations together. They should call it quit now because it's bound to happen sometime.
But I will understand if a good number of people advice the woman to be submissive as the xtian faith teaches. Isn't is all about the faith anyway?
|
|
|
|
|
|
igbonla (m)
|
The guy has taken a stand and doesn't look like he is shifting; the ball is in the girl's court. She may have to let go of the guy if his kind of church is not ok with her.
Should we watch out for part 2 - when there will be disagreement over the choice of name for their 1st child?
Attending the same church is not a reqm for a happy home but it does help the family (from my little exp); it is harder to manage a home where the wife is a church deacon while the guy is the Oluaye of a confra.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Seun (m)
|
If the church is so important, then why can't the so-called husband offer to switch to a church that his wife prefers?
|
|
|
|
|
|
igbonla (m)
|
This thing has to be gradual, it's going to be their family and the man will be the spiritual head. Thought the woman knew this before they got to this point.
Not all men will agree with their wife on issues such as this, all we know for now is that "He insists she must agree to attend his church when they get married before they can go on with the ceremonies and he is not willing to compromise".
So it's either she agree or they break up! I wonder what kind of churches we are talking about here.
|
|
|
|
|
|
user86666 (m)
|
aproko leave them alone!
|
|
|
|
|
|
spoilt (f)
|
i refused to attend my man's church. its just one of those churches that would have entailed me turning to a nun and plaiting my hair thread. he knew i wasnt about to do it. he came to mine.  they have to agree before marriage or else it can even tear the marriage apart. |
|
|
|
|
|
LadyB (f)
|
if the lady in question is a true christian - she would not even bring up the issue.
to poster: what kind of church are we talking about here?
|
|
|
|
|
|
spoilt (f)
|
@ ladyb
there's no rule that says a woman should go to her husband's church so don't even go there.
|
|
|
|
|
|
LadyB (f)
|
@spoilt ok there is no rule as such, but why is it now that they're planning to wed-she realised that the man's church is a no way!?  . i mean was she blind all this while? and spoilt count yourself lucky that your husband agree to that arrangement,because i know most nigerian men will not. |
|
|
|
|
|
MP007 (m)
|
not attending the same church is stil better than not attending the same religional whatever, lool
|
|
|
|
|
|
frankiriri (m)
|
There is a cliche that goes the family that worships together stays together.
I beleive that for her to say that she does not want to go to her husband' church indicates that she has some major issues with how they worship. If that is true then it may affect their marraige since the fiancee will be affeted by the ideology of his church and may take decisions based on issues like that.
Imagine what would happen if someone living in a ' house on the rock" marries someone who has 'deeper life' would they be able to attend the same church or have a meaningful marraige.
|
|
|
|
|
|
akara (m)
|
They should have considered this and found a solution or seperate before the talk of engagement talk less marriage.
What denomination are we talking here anyway?.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Soundmind (m)
|
Personally, the issue of church should not tear marraige apart. Both of them should understand each other rather than tryign to win a denominational campain. If there is love, trust and confidence, church is a secondary issue. I know of a family at Abakaliki where the husband is ECWA member while the wife is a Watchman member. All there children were allowed to attend the church of there choice and incidentally, they are all members of ECWA. It is only the wife that attends another church. They are living happily.
I can see there is love but no sacrifice in there relationship. Please, remind them that true love is sacrificial and accomodating. I see there marriage as a conditional one. Please, let them break up peacefully now because they will be contending for a lot of issues if they get married.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Beline (f)
|
if she can't worship with him better she quit now, two stuborn people can't live together.
|
|
|
|
|
|
saintchux (m)
|
@ ladyb
there's no rule that says a woman should go to her husband's church so don't even go there.
There is no rule, yes I agree with you. But you will drop your father name, leave your house, leave everything and take up the guys own, then you will tell me that you won't leave you church. It shows that you are worshiping church and not God. |
|
|
|
|
|
richylaw (m)
|
There is no rule, yes I agree with you. But you will drop your father name, leave your house, leave everything and take up the guys own, then you will tell me that you won't leave you church. It shows that you are worshiping church and not God.
Biblically spoken ye'r right, I beleieve if the fear of God is taking into consideration right from the onset in this relationship then she ought to have known that things may not work out the way she wants. Well the issue of " I beleive I can change him to my side before marriage" may be a consolation all the while nonetheless now that she knows that 'kango' has met 'wanke' then its better she move on and let peace reign. By the way I suggest she should be more active in her own church so as to get the right man within are denomination. The ushers role may be ideal |
|
|
|
|
|
Aproko (f)
|
he proposed to her knowing she attends another church, but he took it for granted that she will change to his church, and she took it for granted that he will let things remain as they are(attending their various churches).he attends one of these flamboyant churches and she, a kind of conservative one.i thought it was such a trivial issue until i realized what they were going through and how much an issue like this could test your love for eachother.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
akara (m)
|
If she is so conservative as to attend a conservative kind of much what did she expect by agreeing to marry a man who prays flambouyantly and worships flambouyantly. How did they get along in the first place. These two categories church movements have different practices. They should sit down and really talk before he call down thunder and fire to rain down on her. Haba 
|
|
|
|
|
|
Deep Soul (f)
|
Even if they come to some sort of compromise now, what's going to happen when they have kids?
Whose church will the kids go to?
Abi will some go with mummy and others with daddy?
This issue is a pretty serious one and contrary to popular belief, love doesnt conquer all!
|
|
|
|
|
|
j-girl (f)
|
As husband and wife, they might want to go to different churches but when the kids are involved, they are going to have to come to a conclusion, if not, they will be fighting over which kid goes to which church.
Let them both leave the churches they love so much and find one that they both like.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
dela (m)
|
Marriage is more than loving someone,it is also involves taking informed decision decision.If u can agree on trivial matters in the early stages of your relationship then that is a bad omen.Wake up.
|
|
|
|
|
|
hot chic (f)
|
I think its better just to ensure that the kids are not confused.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Seun (m)
|
Exactly. If you can't agree on trivial matters in the early stages of your relationship then that is a bad omen. Exactly. There are more serious issues to argue about. Serious issues they will never be able to agree on. |
|
|
|
|
|
Ujujoan (f)
|
I think It's important to attend the same church. Doing otherwise does not show togethetherness.
|
|
|
|
|
|
![Nairaland [Nigerian Forum] Home](http://www.nairaland.com/Themes/default/images/english/home.gif)
Author
