Managing Your In-laws

I think everything is possible and achievable only and only you determine to do so.

The only way out on this subject is to develop passion to your in-laws and creat enabling envrion to be love in return.
Best of wishes.

because we go marry o! and someone told me that should be an important factor to consider when you are planning to settle down with someone if his or her kin are going to be pretty annoying then you really should know

If, as a woman, you are self-made and highly placed, I don't think you will have any issues with in-laws in Naija. They will even seek your favour. I can't imagine the in-laws of Dr(Mrs) Dora Akunyili or one Minister for women affairs being bullied by her in-laws...no way. They would even use her to boast in public that she is "our wife". That's what I think but there might be exceptions though...in which case that family is full of losers who don't identify with good things.

Seun, you know this is not always the case. My husband will never get married to anybody else but ME. And that is it.
My husband can never look at me as Oga/Madam because he is also an Oga himself.

That is very true. But remember I don't need MANY male ogas. I need only one...and that is my husband. And like I said, he won't marry anybody else but ME.

In-laws are the parents of the person one is married to, in addition to his/her brothers/sisters (immediate and extended).

As far as Nigeria is concerned, a woman is not only married to the husband alone but also to her in-laws so that the same measure of respect you would wish someone gives to your own parents or brothers and sisters, give even more to your in-laws; that way, the marriage would be comfortable and enjoyable.

Point of note:  In as much as the woman is to take the husband's brothers as she takes her husband, the woman is solely sexually responsible to her husband alone.

what do you when its the other way round what if you have a nasty brother or sister-in-law

managing your in-laws has to do with charity,  off co's some of them are very difficult to handle, wait I will  be right back.

exectly, i think there is no room for detating, do this and don't do this, there should be a limit for that managment. just do what u feel you can do and live the rest, off co's there is no time you can satisfied them all (Yes)

Dont even let them get to thet point of giving u a headache,just draw a boundary, and there shuld be limits too.
That doesnt mean u wont love them o,but u know what i mean,there is time for everything.

this is the simplest thing i ever heared just buy them sensible3 and useful stuff especially if your fiance get little one's and be full of life don't sit and seal your mouth, good luck i mean wedluck,

All I can say is that: It all depends on the understanding the couple has of their separate families. Before I got married i took time to expalin to my wife the kind of family and in-laws she's going to have and how to treat them. I am not going to pretend here. My mum is not the best mother-in-law for anybody to have. She's simply difficult to manage and I explained all this much to my wife and told her how to treat my mum and when to draw the line. Since i know my mother too well and know my wife too well. i am able to predict what each of them will do in any given situation. My mum had told me so many things which if i hadn't know my wife would have ended our marriage but with my wisdom i ignored those things and some months later found them all to be lies. Unlike my mum, my two elder sisters are sweet. They love me with a passion and the same love they transfered to my wife. The first time they met my wife, she became their best friend instantly and have been like that ever since. And if i ever annoy my wife, my sisters will call to abuse and threaten me.

The same goes to my wife's family. though the parents are very accommodating and loving, she still knows when to draw the curtain. She doesn't allow any of her siblings or parents to overstay their welcome when they visit. So all these things should be made open right from the start. There should be no surprises. My wife found my mum exactly as i had told her and found my sisters exactly too. Same with me. I found her family exactly as she has described. that way we know who to laugh with whether we like it or not and who to totally avoid. So i will not tell you not to marry someone you like because your would be in-laws are bad. Not at all. But both of you should be able to stand behind each other in any situation. if your would-be husband/wife is not the type to stand behind you when you are being bombarded by your in-laws then don't even ATTEMPT,

@wiseguy: lovely advice, but I gues it doesn't apply to those who can't handle their own parents.

@Queen1: you missed his point exactly.  Both the husband and the wife have to help each other out.

i know but i still insist the guy has a major role to play.Most times problems don't come from wife's family its always the husband's family especially the mother.

show love,tolerance and patience no matter how bad you feel your in-laws are.

I'm not saying become a doormat.

Stand your ground and don't be bullied,but don't be spiteful and over defensive,
if you give fire for fire it never ends well,there will be too much anger and bitterness. and no one is happy.

The most important thing is the bond between the husband and wife. Even a person who does not like confrontations and has confrontational parents/family will realise his/her happiness lies with the spouse and children.he/she will find a way to keep the parents out.

@Seun- in laws are important because they are parents to the husband or wife,no matter how bad they are, their child has no other parents and he/she would want at least a civil relationship between the parents and the partner.

I always remember that part of the bible that tells us we gain more from showing love to does who don't love us.

It is very easy to show love to those that love you.

Personally, I wouldn't marry someone who can't be buddies with my parents. I got young parents that are willing to be friends with whatever girl(s) I'm dating. I think the best way to handle them in-laws is for one just to be themselves and not try to act like the super son/daughter in-law. It could be difficult, but diplomacy in terms of how one talks to their in-laws is very important. Why would I marry a woman who wouldn't want to be a buddy to my parents. Ladies, and most especially, the lady who asked this question, JUST BE URSELF AROUND UR IN-LAWS. By the way, pray that God gives u parents-law like my parents (for real, they cool tho). Girl, just treat them like your parents, because thats the best approach!