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globalaid (m)
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Hello Nairalanders,
I am having problem with my marriage. I have never cheat on my wife before and it pained me that she doesnt trust me at all. I love my wife and i still do very much but her attitude is driving me crazy. I came to Nigeria on the 22 of April 2007 for a business trip and before that we had agreed that we are going to get another house at Guangzhou which is some 2 hours by air to where we reside, all this was with her consent. Right now that i am in Nigeria, she claimed that i always cut her line whenever she called me, she said she only get me whenever i call her to call me back and she came to conclusion that that means i am fooling around here. All my explanation that nothing of such is happening does not convince her and she said she will not call me again until i come. We had one daughter which i truly love and i don't want our quarrel to afftect her and i never pray for a failed marriage in my life but the way my wife is going about this thing is making me lose concentration because of my love for her. She has really tried for me, she is my pillar and my strength. Some people told me that it is my network that is having problem, i am using MTN, the new number that start with 0703 and i can swear that i never for once cut her call and i never go after another woman both here in Nigeria and where we reside. I want fellow nairaland people to advice me what step to take before my marriage crumble.
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luxoire (f)
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Cook for her what she likes, or take her out to her favourite spot, ask her to talk out her concerns, do NOT interupt her, just ask her why she is having such thoughts. Listen attentively, ask her as many questions as you want BUT MAKE SURE YOU UNDERSTAND HER VIEWPOINT AT THE END.
When she has finished,
ask her how much she loves you and trusts you and if she knows you feel the same way about her and ur daughter.
Bear in mind, if you try to justify anything / or appear on the defensive, it only makes u look guilty.
Just tell her what they mean to you and how much this is affecting you, and that you can not continue with this, because u have never cheated on her and u do not intend to start now. Tell her you CHOSE to be with her, and it is not by force so you will never want to make her unhappy. be honest and lay your cards on the table, tell her u can not continue the way things are going. And if u had done anything to instill that idea in her head, ask her forgiveness because it wasnt deliberate. but you are willing to work through it together with her. However also let her know where you stand if her behaviour continues,
You should also bear in mind that loneliness makes women irritable and highly suspicious, when was the last time you made love?, has anything changed when you to make love?, are you still statisfying her emotionally and physically?, if nothing has changed, then she is just being insecure, get to the root of it, if things have changed, eg u don't make love often, when u do she isnt satisfied or ur mind is pre-occupied, women can pick up on these things, and so maybe you are working too hard, and your work is disconnecting u from your family emotionally. BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF AND HER, maybe her behaviour is a reaction to urs.
THE BEST A MAN CAN DO IS TO TRY HIS BEST, AND DO IT HONESTLY, if she really loves you, she will cool down and try to work through things (especially if your record has been clean to date), unless she too wants out, but doesn't know how to go about it.
What ever u do, get a firm decision/stand from her before you buy this new house, otherwise it will just be one thing in a divorce (God forbid) battle,
GOOD LUCK!!
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globalaid (m)
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@luxoire, Thanks so much for this your invaluable point and the advice, i am so grateful. Concerning our sex life, i must say we do not have any problem on that line, we made love even at times everyday, i can't remove my hand from her whenever i am around. I quite agreed with you concerning the loneliness, she always want me around her, i could remember the last time i was with her she begged me to cancel my going about three times which i obliged. I had told her several times how much she meant to me, i think what i need is to still keep on reminding her, we have come a long way and i can't let her go through another stress again. Concerning her love for me, i know she love me 100%, she really loved me and i also do the same, i love her so much and i hope when i go back this weekend we will be able to sort out our differences together. Her suspicious has really affect me so much, it has really disorganized my business and this my travelling, i could not think straight because i always think about her all the time and what she is going through.
Whenever i am around i always do the cooking all the time and she always enjoy my food. I am so sure of her, she does not want to cheat on me and she will never do that, she really loves me so much and she is 100% contented with me and our love life. She is one of the women i can beat my chest and vouch for.
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v24m
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the major word here is insecuritytxts how about if u try to send her text messages at every point in time even if its 100 or ur had is about to go numb from sending keep bombarding her with it until she raises the red card infact she will be sick of u telling her where you are at every moment. ur marriage doesnt seem to have a problem at all u guys love each other and give ur wife this message from me to her shes a lucky woman because its not easy these days to find a man that willgo through the lenght u are goin just to prove that he is faithful to u some men will just let ur imagination run until u run mad. Goodluck
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globalaid (m)
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@v24m, thanks so much and i will rightly show your message to her as you had suggested. We had really come a long way and this is the test of our time. This is going to the sixth year that we have been together and it has always been so much fun and joy been together. I think where the problem came from is from my mobile phone carrier and even text message is also affected. I had always keep in touch with her all the time if i travelled but she does not know the challenges i am facing here in Nigeria. I will try to close our second house if that is what she want so that i can be with her most of the time and we will discuss my frequent travelling together, i am sure we will arrive at a solution, the important thing in a relationship is communication and once we are still talking i know we will resolve it by the grace of God. I do not blame her for her action at all, it shows that she is missing me and she really love me.
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Aproko (f)
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your wife sounds like she really wants to be around you all the time. perhaps the travelling up and down is making her worried and making her cranky. i think you should try and cover the distance between you two by establishing your business somewhere around her or trying to get an assistant that will do some of the traveling so you can spend some time with your family. i think you guys are lucky to have found love and stayed in love don't let distance and the search for daily bread take this happiness away. please try to find a balance. sometimes a woman needs her husband around her, in these times the money or phone calls wont be much consolation. and hey, while you are trying to sort things out, can you get another line?it wont cost you much you know.  all the best and keep us posted.  |
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globalaid (m)
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I am so grateful for all the contribution. I am leaving tonight and i am hoping we will be able to resolve all our differences, i had tried sending goods to the people i know before but it does not work out, most of them after selling the goods will not remit the money to me, it is not once or twice and that is the more reason i wanted to be coming myself, but we will sit down and engage ourselves in a frank and serious discussion, i wanted to have a happy family and also continue this business of mine but not at the espenses of my family. I really loved her so much and really feel for her and i know she do the same to me. I will keep my fellow nairalander update on my discussion with her.
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peace2all (m)
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Goodluck to you and your family.
Have a nice trip back tonight.
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funloving (m)
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As much as you can, take her on some of your journeys. This will help a great deal.
Nigeria mobile network is still poor in connectivity. I will advice you try and get an internet connection as much as you can. There are even wireless networks around these days. Chat with her regularly via the internet, especially when you can't get her by phone.
In all, your wife simply needs assurance that you are still solely for her. Some women are like that. Whenever you are home, do your best to be with her and when next you are travelling to Nigeria and you can't take her along, explain to her the network problems here and keep in touch via emails and chats.
Wish you the best man !
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cgift (m)
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Couldn't agree more with @funloving! Just take her on some of the trips. Forget the cost implication. You will see th difference! Do everything to make sure your marraig does not crumble. Lt your "actions" and "words" always tell her that she is always on your mind. Does she work presently?
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v24m
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@globalaid please do me a favour if u are really for real do u have a brother like u because u sound like the real deal here so please help a sis out here like i said earlier on ur kind of person--- ( VERY RARE) so if u have an answer just send me ur mail add then i could mail you back  |
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Mosetra (f)
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@ funloving
are u a marriage counsellor or sometin? that was a great advice.
@ gbobalaid
please, take her on some of your trips. that way, you will be able to go about your business and still be with your wife. it may not be always but try to as much as you can. all the best!
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pisces20
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Try spending more time with her. Also sit her down an tell her how much u love her.
nawa for marriage oh.
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luxoire (f)
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ur welcome @gbobalaid, i hope it goes well for u, If u are as nice as u sound, and ur wife is like that too, then u both deserve the best, so don't give up just yet, IN LOVE THERE IS ALWAYS HOPE
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outlaws (m)
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To:Globalaid:First poster It sounds like you live in one of the most developed Asian nations. Is your wife Nigerian or Asian? It looks like the problem is communication. Nigerian phone system can be very annoying. Some times whenever I call there, the line will keep cutting off, some times I even give up. If you are always traveling abroad. You need an international phone. I know here in the US. www.sprint.com offers a cell phone that you can use while traveling around the world. All you need to do is when you get back to that country, call or have her call your cell phone company and ask them about the international cell phones that they offer. I am sure a country like that will have one unless they haven’t reached the stage where US. is. Giving her the option to call, will send her a message that it wasn’t your fault that the calls wasn’t going through. Also remember that if you talk to your friends a lot about your traveling or about your wife. When you travel, the so called friends [your real enemy] will call your wife and claim all kinds of stuff. Watch your home phone caller id or get a call detail from your phone company showing numbers called and received within that month. You may get the answer to this problem there. Also, call her and see if she will not answer or hang up on you. If you improve on the phone part and she brings something else up. That’s should be a sign that something is up.
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temmyabby (f)
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those this u did before she said i do, do them again and don't stop
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globalaid (m)
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To all of you that take my problem as your problem, i am very grateful and may God never forsake anyone of you. After a tiredness journey, i am just arriving, my daughter was so happy seeing me, she clock two years last April ending, i could not celebrate it with her due to my journey. I think my wife was also happy seeing me, she welcomed me initially but we have not been able to talk because i met some people at our house. I am just eyeing her and i could not take my eyes of her, she has added a little pound of flesh. Just to let my nairalander people know that i am back, i will give a full report later in the day.
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globalaid (m)
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PEACE AT LAST. To everybody that contributed i am so grateful. I called my wife yesterday and we talked at length, i let her speak her mind and i did not try to interrupt her, the bottom line was that she was lonely and i had promised her that i will try and readjust so that i wont be travelling often again. This morning i was so happy seeing that smile on her face once again. It is not easy for her because we have always been together all the time until i started leaving her behind. To some of you that suggested we start going together, it is not possible because she is working presently and i had promised that we will start going for counselling because i could see that her past keep on hunting her, what her former boyfriend did to her is still in her memory and despite the fact that we have been together for a long time, she still think i can also do the same. We will be going to Africa together early July for one month holiday and i am sure she will be very happy because she has not seen her parent for more than 2 years, to me that one also is stressing her. I just want to be making her happy, i love her so much and i am happy that we are back on track again.
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uyai (f)
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Gob bless you, we need more caring and understanding men like you. keep up the good work.
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Everbright (f)
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so interesting kudos first to Luxoire and then to funloving you two really helped in restoring this marriage 3Gbozas to Nairaland and Nairalanders  |
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globalaid (m)
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Nairaland is the best thing to have happened to us, i could not believe the quality advice that was being given here everyday, my day is never complete without coming here to learn one or two things concerning relationship and more grease to all of you that contributed. Wifey is always happy nowadays, she is a happy go type of person before and i am also enjoying my marriage.
I have her blessing to quickly go on a business trip again by next week but it is just for a few days and i am happy that she is able to reason with me now because all what i am doing is for the betterment of all of us and for our future.
3 gbosa to the nairalanders, all of you are winner.
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dominobaby (f)
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All's well that ends well! Good to know you guys are back on track. Just keep it real and keep it up.
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