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opuro (m)
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This is a serious matter fellow Nairaland users. Making love to my wife is no more interesting.
After about four kids I don't enjoy it [sex] with her no more please I need your candid advise.
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v24m
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you sound like someone who has based his relationship on just sex and you can see that it didnt even last long. you have 4 wonderful kids from this woman you guys have been in this marriage long enough so i guess theres really nothing you don't discuss. how about if you talk to her so u guys can spice things up a little bit or u should ask yourself was it boring as at the time u got married or is sex generally boring for u with no refrence to your wife because i mean its the same old thing even if u decide to get a girlfriend by the side it might still be boring. Your marriage is for better for worse so am thinking your on the worse side at the moment so deal with it you never know she might be bored with you to in bed. i mean no disrespect
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tunmininu (f)
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Its really a serious case,maybe u no longer find her attractive or she dosen't dress attractive.I will advise you add more fun to it maybe by playing games,u know romantic games before making love nd if its that she dosen't dress well again,let her know that u are not finding her attractive any longer.
It really can be boring after four kids but both of you have to make it work to save your marriage.
Best of Luck.
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ILOEGBE (f)
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i don't really undastand, is it that she is not innovative in bed or you just don't feel anything for her anymore or something?
why don't you talk to a sex therapist?
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sexyella
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try some styles to spice up your relationship. n mayb u should talk with her bout it, then c where the problem lies.
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anon101 (f)
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i don't believe in all these therapy things, i think you both should talk about it first
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tasiana
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ha! this is too much information for the public.
You re talking about your wife not just a girlfriend.
suggest u discuss it extensively with her.
tell her your fantasies.
both of u shld learn ways to pleasure one another as to bring back the spark in your sex life.if your sex life does not
improve after that,u try counselling or a sex therapist.
Also pray that the devil does not use it as a weapon to lure u into infidelity.thats the #1 wrecker of marriages.
Goodluck bro!
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kike001 (f)
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y don't u talk u your wife first i mean don't be rude 2 her so far u love her
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kike001 (f)
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ha! this is too much information for the public.
You re talking about your wife not just a girlfriend.
tell me about it sum men need 2 learn how 2 respect their wife
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opuro (m)
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is not that she is not attractive. she is a very beautiful woman. is just that any time I make advances she kind of show no interest. and that is how it has been. she never ask 4 it since we started the relatioship. she kind of hate sex. and now is getting worse. If I leave her 4 a year without asking 4 it am sure she will not be disturbed.
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hinduism (m)
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Your love for her is not real,here in india love is real till both of you dies.Your not grateful to her for giving you children.
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Seun (m)
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Your love for her is not real You're not helping. He doesn't need a diagnosis, he needs a cure. Please help! |
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virtuereal (f)
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ha! this is too much information for the public.
You re talking about your wife not just a girlfriend.
suggest u discuss it extensively with her.
i agree. u should tell her exactly how u feel.she might also have some itching feelings too
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hinduism (m)
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go on vacation alone for a month, and when you return your sexual desire with her will be liek the very first date you met her.
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oyb (m)
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ouch.i think they call it the seven year itch. . . . . . . . .
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achinu (m)
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Communication, Communication & more communication !!! Have a discussion with her, NOT A CONFRONTATION! You might be suprised to hear her side. Good Luck
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Genial (m)
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@hinduism go on vacation alone for a month, and when you return your sexual desire with her will be liek the very first date you met her. Read this: Posted on: Today at 01:10:59 PMPosted by: opuro
is not that she is not attractive. she is a very beautiful woman. is just that any time I make advances she kind of show no interest. and that is how it has been. she never ask 4 it since we started the You're missing the point. It is not his sexual desire that is in question; it is his wife's. @Opuro I suppose if you're very good at it she would respond in a different way. Perhaps you should work on upgrading your skills. |
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spora (m)
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The issue at hand is not new at all.
Even for those who find sex a "do-or-die" affair (apology to OBJ) before marriage, after about 4 issues, you find it monotonous and that is where the need to work on your relationship starts.
Those who are given advice have not been there, imagine sleeping on the same bed, every day for 7 years. Some women divert all their attention to theri children. They conclude "what am I looking for again after 4 kids" How wrong they are!
Your wife needs therapy. You need to do a one or one talk with her. It is her responsibility and she has got to do it if she doesnt want you to do it outside.
It takes time and reassurance.
But you need to support her. What kind of work does she do. What of taking care of the house and the children.? Is she supported in any way? Are you sure she is not emotionally disturbed?
I mean sit her down. Watch romatic films together. Give yourself a breathing space from the family. You may go on holiday in a romantic environment where she will be free from all other stress.
Above all , it is easier said than done. May God give you the wisdom to go about it 'because it is a serious issue
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knotty (m)
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i think only people with wives should comment on this thread. all these eaglets with one or two girlfriends experience should just shut up!
this is a serious matter.
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Femsyn
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Knotty, you are talking out of ignorance, how can you say people posting on the thread are ignoramus, just as you are. A yoruba adage says " The intelligence of the young children and the old ones was the reason why ile-ife is what it is".
Back to the thread, so many things could be responsible, either from the husband part or the wife's part, so it is a mutual problem. Let me hear from who posted it.
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greatfiso (m)
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@penfold
u think say na everybody pen (d**k) fold like your own?
if u don't know what to say just seal your lips or better still keep your fingers away from the keyboard.
sex is a serious issue in marriage, i sure want to stop another home from braking.
@topic
sit your wife down and have a heart to heart talk, maybe u should go on vacation together as earlier suggested.
wish u the best.
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Vieira (m)
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If you have incompatible sex drives it can be a problem.
Since it seems that she has never really been into sex, you'll need to look at root causes.
My advice is:
1. Talk to her about how you feel, let her know that you find her attractive and are hurt by her rejecting your advances.
2. When you have this talk please please be reasonable and do it in a non-sexual setting. DON'T GET ANGRY
3. Try and also see what pleases her.
4. Try different things in bed and take note of her reactions
5. Make sex about her and not about you.
6. You HAVE to stop bugging her for sex, this is hard but very crucial. The more you "beg" for it the more you'll put her off. So don't beg!
This is going to be hard on you but you need to have patience with her.
Remember you are trying to get her to enjoy something she does not really like.
Have patience my friend and hang in there. There is hope becuase at least she gave you 4 children, hence she must be up for it sometimes.
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Aproko (f)
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@ poster,
you said your wife had never really been crazy about sex from the beginning, so the problem is neither completely yours nor hers.
the question is what kind of person is she?what are her interest?has she been through any traumatic experience?was she circumcized?does she like her job?is the housework too demanding?are the kids still young?does she have to pick up after them?do you show appreciation for her efforts?do you help her in attending to issues or are you being a man(i.e not getting involved because you think its the role of the woman)
try and find some time to be intimate with her without having sex.find time to share a joke with her, listen to her, help her with the housework and the kids to reduce the stress she may be going through, encourage her to open up(the setting should be intimate and relaxed)and talk to you.
tell her how much you love her and adore her, complement her on her beauty, her dressing,buy her something nice she always wanted to have, take her somewhere away from the hustle and bustle and the drab of everyday life. all these will take a while to implement so don't expect changes over night.
all the best and please inform us when things start to heat up.hope nairalanders have been of help.take care
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zeebayj (f)
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why do u marry her at the first instance!
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anabell (f)
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i think u should talk to her about it.
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mekoyo (m)
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Just want to say i'm sorry for the what i posted ealier on. Its not a means of discouraging anyone but i think i over reacted.
Truly a problem shared is half solved. This is to all nairaland members on this forum and to the real poster.
I am very sorry. I hope you'll get the solution to this.
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cgift (m)
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mekoyo - back off. A problem shared is half-solved. Pple hav gottn solutions to many of their problems on this forum. So whats your problm? @poster, you need to know what her real problem is and adrss it from that angl. My wife used to b like that until i discovered sh was circumsized. I now had to 'study' to know what will make sex interesting to her. You wont believe the result! If i leav her for only 2 days, she will already start complaining. She wakes me up to have fun with her now  I never thought that would happen to hr before  |
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floodlight (m)
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hey man its because u forcing yourself take a break make love when u really feel like not just when u have the oppurtuinty and u will se the diffrence, i think u wife has paid her dues don't reward evil for good, even if she growing old already lovemaking can still be sweet if only u wait for when your body hollers, from the look of thigs u anxious because of your recent discovery just take your mind off for a while and it will coms back with a bang
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rowlandwhy
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You want to sac her because she is not good again to u ?
But remember that u are the person that sucked her and u want to throw her away now like a sucked orange?
Whao!!
VERY BAD - Please review this issue with her. Before u do anything try to consider your 4 bouncing kids.
thanks
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SLEEK_CHIC (f)
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I agree with cgift. Have a talk with her and let her know its affecting you. Circumcision could make a woman like that. Other factors include upbringing, sexual abuse, religion, temprament or finding out you once cheated on her .
Prepare a very comfortable environment where you can discuss. Like hinduism said, if you have the money, go for a romantic get-away. Else, do one of those thing you did when you were courting her. Something that would waken her emotions. Then talk to her. Don't beg for sex. Tell her you've noticed she doesn't really enjoy sex with you. Ask her if you have done something wrong or if she doesn't find you attractive enymore. Let her know you love her and you don't plan to cheat on her so she should help you. If you ever made her love you, then you can make her open up again.
cgift can also tell you what he did to make his work.
All the best
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dremoney (m)
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haa brother seun,
what did u do to my post?
ko da oo.
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Brown-Eyes (f)
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@ Topic
Yes have a talk around this because you may find her lack of interest in sex could be something that happened way back during her childhood i.e abuse
Don't bring up the subject of sex straight away. try hugging her and when she pulls away, talk about how hurt you feel when she pulls away and how you feel rejected then you can bring up about feeling even more hurt when she doesn't want to get intimate with you and maybe she will realise what she is doing and tell you what's going on in her mind.
On the other hand:
Have you tried 4play for more than 5 mins? Do you know what turns her on and where? Can you peform oral sex well enough to entice her into sex? have you tried giving her a head massage, foot massage? role play? make her feel sexy as she might be thinking you are not feeling her anymore.
You need to be creative on your part as well. It will be very boring to be with a man who expects me to roll over and let him stick it into me and then have his fill after 10 mins then roll over and fall asleep.
You need to look at yourself and put the passion back in the love making instead of expecting her to work the magic.
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