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bussimama (f)
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Hello all,
I have a story to share about my neighbour daughter this happened like 10years ago but still comes back to hunt my memory, (i love her she is like my sister)
My neighbour daughter(mother travelled a lot so she was in my care), is about 8years old and i walked in on my older cousin[b] fingering[/b] her (every time i wanted to take her bath he would say he would do it and i would ask tope if she wanted that but she would say it was alright but there was always fear in her eyes,so i took it upon my self to wait and see why she was so sacred)i shouted at my cousin because my cousin was like 20years old he begged me not to tell but i was too furious with my self, so! i took her for a walk and asked her when did it all start and told me the most shameful thing i have ever heard, she said except for the fact that he has been doing it for about a month, there was a day also, that he brought in his younger brother, who was 10years old then and told his younger brother to do what he saw adults doing on tv to sleep with each other in his presence(she said she begged him to stop so his brother stopped but she said he held her down and made his brother do it because i asked his brother what part he had in all this and it was true.i asked her if she knew what just happened.Now after 10 years, she asks me if she is still a virgin and i say obviously not, she told me to my face that i was wicked ,that why did i not tell her (but i am not her mother that was my first thought)though now,things have calmed, we talked about it but i still feel bad, now she is 18 and runs from all the guys that approaches her,she would not even go out with her mate(i know she is still young but if she goes on like this,she would not be so young afterall).
i know to some my story is one of those things but to us it is an issue and causes a lot of tension
i would like to know what i can do to help her get through?
i still feel guilty that it was my fault and i should not have left her with my cousins.
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IBDat (m)
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That's deep!!! What is her feelings towardz guys in general, does she have any male friends, confidants, associates etc or does she just not want to see or speak to any guy?
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ikamefa (f)
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 agbabiaka oh! the damage has been done  the girl is scarred for life your cousins where ever they may be need to come back and apologize to the girl no more secrets and protecting them y'all need to confess! obviously the girl needs therapy or is it a clinical psychologist to help her get over this issue( if she can) the girl obviously need people who love and care for her around her |
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busygirl (f)
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The girl needs counselling from professionalsIt takes time to heal people who have been sexually harrassed or abused. They need encouragement, love and support.
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neelsel (f)
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@topic, these are indeed some very serious and detrimental happenings. This child has been psychologically maimed and would need various genres of Therapy so as to enable her to fit back into society, thus leading a normal life.
It is a known fact that children, especially girls, who are molested at a young age tend to among other things, retreat into their own world and are not able to lead normal lives. What you have described are clear indications of SEXUAL REPRESSION. The sexual abuse that she endured has now reside in her "ID" or Unconscious thought pattern, and can be retrieved at any pointed time. Children who encounter these abuses are known to become withdrawn and if help is not seeked, they may end up resenting men and sex later on in lifef. This is one known factor that can have negative results on relationships and marriages.
This innocent child, at the hands of people who were entrusted with her care, suffered psychological, sexually and emotional abuse. What has been heart-breaking( subject to correction) is that the perpetrator(s) of such a dispictable act seem not to either be fully aware of the devastating tramatic consequence of their actions, or simply have no character.
While playing the "blame game" may bring satisfaction to some, the most important person here is the victim. That child did absolutely nothing to warrant such an inhumane act being carried out against her. My prayer is that she will receiver the necessary help she needs, and that her life would return to normalacy.
On the other hand I pray that the individual(s) be brought to justice and be severely punished for such a hedious and sickening act!!
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busygirl (f)
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You can help her by taking her to the psychologist, since you're interested in her case. . . It's important her healing process starts early so this will not have worse effects. I really feel sorry for her  . Be there for her and show her you care. Does her parents know about this? |
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Omo Eko (f)
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@neelsel [On the other hand I pray that the individual(s) be brought to justice and be severely punished for such a hedious and sickening act!! Girl am with you on this, she and are so called cuzs needs to be punished for the crime they committed. They are need to be sent to jail for at least 20yrs and be labeled has a sex offenders |
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bussimama (f)
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To all who added their views THANK YOU,my parents know,her mother knew, i begged Tope for not being there any one can make a mistake and i have made mine and accepted it.Tope mum is no more and she is with me now, my cousin [b][/b]God has a way of catching up with people, now he has a lot of problems(he had sex with some young girl where he was caught and nearly killed)(but again can one choose,one's family)(u never know). This message i sent ,i showed it to her(Tope) so if you want to advise her directly she is with me, I COULD PASS THE MESSAGE. I pray for her, we live together and i shared my story not only for Tope but for others to learn from one;s mistake(LIKE MINE).TOPE doesn't blame me it is just that she opens up to me and am so sorry for disappointing her(she says that,that is how God wanted it to be)and that just stabs me in the chest.
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tenor (m)
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Omo eko you see why i'll want to teach this poster's cousin a lesson. He's 28 now, enjoying his life and the victim is scarred God forbid for life. @neelsel Girl am with you on this, she and are so called cuzs needs to be punished for the crime they committed. They are need to be sent to jail for at least 20yrs and be labeled has a sex offenders In Nigeria nothing will happen. Do you know how rampant this problem happens in our society?Its usually swept under the carpet. Anytime i hear about this my fingers twitch, my heartbeat speeds up and i getr infuriated that the culprits are roaming around free. Forget the law, the law and its enforcers are fools, Make the offender pay! |
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tenor (m)
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He'll never touch a woman again in his life when i'm done with him!
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Seun (m)
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I don't think anything can be done to punish the cousin at this point, but Tope's problems can be fixed.
The first step is to get the causin to apologize by phone. The second step is to make her feel like a virgin.
Tell her that in God's eyes she is a 'spiritual' virgin. Or something else. Anything to make her feel a bit better.
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mishoo (m)
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I think she needs a therapist or counsellor. Her paster (if He's matured ) with his wife can guide her & pray 4 her.
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bussimama (f)
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To make it clear to all, Tope was close to my cousins she was close to everyone in the house so it was just logically fine to leave her with him,the younger brother apologised but the older is no where to be found.Tope with guys she talks like everyone ELSE, great confidence it is just that when it comes to guy's she is not in it,she feels like she is not good enough that a guy would not accept her the way she is, and so on
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mishoo (m)
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i don t think anything need to be done for the offenders. Am sure they will get a recompense for their evil acts. Even if they confess their sins and God forgives them (He surely will), they will still reap what they sowed.
But frankly i think the girl is a virgin, because she's one at heart. She can tell her future husby that story and any sensible guy will understand. Or guys what do you say???
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busygirl (f)
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The second step is to make her feel like a virgin.
Tell her that in God's eyes she is a 'spiritual' virgin.
sHE'S GROWN NOW, how do u want her to believe something like this |
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Omo Eko (f)
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Omo eko you see why i'll want to teach this poster's cousin a lesson. He's 28 now, enjoying his life and the victim is scarred God forbid for life. Oh i now understand your other thread but still don't kill him oh, if u don't want to spend the reast of your life in jail  In Nigeria nothing will happen. Do you know how rampant this problem happens in our society?Its usually swept under the carpet. Anytime i hear about this my fingers twitch, my heartbeat speeds up and i getr infuriated that the culprits are roaming around free. Forget the law, the law and its enforcers are fools, Make the offender pay!
I understand your pain now but the damage has already been done, but what you guys can so is get help for tope because she really needs it. I wish all your best of luck . She needs to start by loving herself more, because right now she’s blaming herself for what happened still it’s all her fault. You guys take it easy on her because she going to be very sensitive about this problem |
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busygirl (f)
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I agree with mishoo, A sensible guy will understand her story
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Seun (m)
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Well she needs counseling, but I don't trust the sort of counselors we have in Nigerian churches. Maybe a counselor who works in a school or one who is trained to deal with psychological issues will help. Helping her requires a lot of listening, a lot of consistent confidence building, a lot of her own determination. sHE'S GROWN NOW, how do u want her to believe something like this Grown people believe a lot of funny things. It's called religion. Grown people believe in heaven, for instance. |
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mishoo (m)
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things like this happen everyday in Naija. I know girls that it happened to and i don't take it out on them because people check your current character not mostly your past.
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IBDat (m)
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Well it is clear that Tope's scar is only applicable intimately - U need to reassure her that she is fine and perfect the way she is and that ANY guy would love and accept her for whom she is. It is going to be a tough journey but she needs to make it with u holding her hand. - She can start by going out or spending time with a guy that she likes and trust - She needs to feel in total control of such setting and situation - She also needs to know that someone is there for her, that she can turn to when needed. What about her dad, haven't heard any mention of him? I don't think anything can be done to punish the cousin at this point, but Tope's problems can be fixed.
The first step is to get the causin to apologize by phone. The second step is to make her feel like a virgin.
Tell her that in God's eyes she is a 'spiritual' virgin. Or something else. Anything to make her feel a bit better. Have u been converted? Already? LOL |
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Sweet T (m)
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@bussimama
What your cousin did is called rape of a minor and what you did is called lack of responsibilty. I feel so sorry for this young woman. You need to get her some psychological help ASAP !! This girl is damaged for life, and what your cousins did is worse than murder. This is the reason why Nigeria is so backward, when there is no law to prosecute idiots like your cousin. Nigerian police wouldn't even take it serious. Those guys belong in prison and i can only imagine how many other unknown horrible things they have done. Now listen to me, Ask this girl if she need any professional counselling and i will gladly foot the bill. Let me know your Email or however i can reach you. And please don't delay.
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Omo Eko (f)
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Now listen to me, Ask your this girl if she need any professional counselling and i will gladly foot the bill. Let me know your Email or however i can reach you. And please don't delay.
That is so nice of you  , am sure God will repay you back more than you are offering to give to them We need more people like this in Naija, let join hands and help each other out. |
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mishoo (m)
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@Sweet T, am touched!! I think that is very kind of you.
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mishoo (m)
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i think Bussimama should find a good service in major towns like PH, Lagos & Abuja.
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neelsel (f)
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[quote author=Sweet T link=topic=52959.msg1106394#msg1106394 date=1178824257Now listen to me, Ask this girl if she need any professional counselling and i will gladly foot the bill. Let me know your Email or however i can reach you. And please don't delay.
I wish we had more of your kind around today, this terrible world have been such a better place. Kudus to you,
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dinner m (f)
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hum,thats bad,would advice you to try to make her understand things more,so that she will stop running away from guys,cause the way this issue is going it could affect her in the future.
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ikamefa (f)
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Now listen to me, Ask this girl if she need any professional counselling and i will gladly foot the bill. Let me know your Email or however i can reach you. And please don't delay.
awwwwwwwww! what can ika6 say : God bless you and yours!  |
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cute-ass (f)
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@ topicbussima, from my heart i want you to stop feeling guilty, I know many would think it your fault and yea maybe it was to a point but no, no one makes a mistake like that intentionally. You trusted your cousins, unfortunately they threw the trust to the dogs. Please stop blaming yourself, it will do nothing than double the pain, even if God forgives you, you have to forgive yourself, thats how forgiveness works, and maybe some of the strength you regain from that could help the little girl . (just for the records, do not leave even female 1yr olds to males, prevention is better than cure. Yes, some are that twisted, 1yr to them isnt young, there have been cases) We all do some little mistakes that we can only brag on because the inevitable was so kind to us not to happen. Where one person goes and comes back, some one else goes and is stuck. If the whole thing with your cousin didnt go down, we wouldnt have been talking of your "irresponsibility", and yes atimes others are victims, for some others to learn. what i call my mum's mistake, killed my younger brother, and in as much as i wanted to blame her, there is no going back, today it makes me help others that might have been a product of ignorance, we just have to make tomorrow a better day, i believe things happen for a reason. No, not him on my profile  There are three outcomes that could have been of this: 1) she would grow up to be useless, and wild (thank God, that wasn't her fate) 2) Grow up normally, her experience notwitstanding (yea, some do and i so so wish she did, but God knows best) 3) Despise all guys ( her fate, but its still not the end of the road) You guys have to pray, yea God at the end of the day is the only one that can help her fully. Then try to talk to her, make out a day and talk to her. Listen to her, every word she has to say, take note. Fish out what exactly is her pain, let her know she isn't anything beyond special, beautiful, outstanding, unique, a blessing and perfect because of what happened. Let her know you'll always be there for her. Make her hang out more with her female age-mate friends, they might be her healers, they might be the one to lead her into a "normal" life, let her feel she's capable of everything others are capable of. Believe me kids that have been through trauma, atimes need the slightest insignificant push from something or someone unthought of to be made whole again. I know she'll be fine, its not too late. I just hope her own healer (whatever it was destined to be) makes through to her sooner than later!!! Good luck, i wish both of you the best
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somze (m)
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Whaaaaaaaaaatt???
These sort of sexual offences take place here in Nigeria? I'm so shocked, esp that some of you have heard or seen cases.
No one has exactly proposed any good counselling unit. Are there even any here in Nigeria? I sure hope so for her sake.
Please if anyone knows, that might be a good place to start from. And again we should not close our eyes when we see these sort of happenings around us. We can not wait for the govt to act while we fold our hands. We need to have a voice, report the offenders to authorities or atleast to elders around the place so appropriate action can be taking. Hearing that this is predominant and yet no one seems to be doing anything is just purely hypocrite. We can't blame Government for everything. This is democracy, we are part of the government. The more voices they (govt) hear the more they'll go closer to performing their duties. This is real sad.
My prayers are with the both of you.
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bussimama (f)
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@bussimama
What your cousin did is called rape of a minor and what you did is called lack of responsibilty. I feel so sorry for this young woman. You need to get her some psychological help ASAP !! This girl is damaged for life, and what your cousins did is worse than murder. This is the reason why Nigeria is so backward, when there is no law to prosecute idiots like your cousin. Nigerian police wouldn't even take it serious. Those guys belong in prison and i can only imagine how many other unknown horrible things they have done. Now listen to me, Ask this girl if she need any professional counselling and i will gladly foot the bill. Let me know your Email or however i can reach you. And please don't delay.
Thank you we are trying to get one for her but she tells me she does not want one, that all she needs is me or some one in the family to just be with her, that is one of the major reasons why i have not left her with her mothers family because they told her to her face that IT IS ONE OF THOSE THINGS and i don't think she's been able to forgive them. Some one asked about Tope's dad am sorry to say this but some Nigerian father's are heartless,he told us that when tope's mum was alive did he do anything for her then why should he now,So Tope is part of my family now. THANK YOU TO ANY ONE. |
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