My Wife Is A Fresh Graduate And Our Family Wants Baby

Hi nairalanders,
My wife is a fresh graduate and still searching for a job. we got married abot 3 months ago and our parents are insisting that we should have a child on time.Our initial agreement is for her to get a job before making babies. kindly advise, am confused from presure from both parents.Though the truth is my income cannot boantly take care of our needs if we should start making babies now.please help,

the only people that have the final say with regards to child bearing is you and your wife not your parents,  remember you are they ones that are married to each other not them so do what will please and bring comfort to you in this situation not what will please them.

the way this man sounds to me,am sorry to say is very childish.and he talks like he's still feeding from his parents
or even living wit them.if that's d case,then ofcourse they will always dictate for Ui think u shld be a man and knw what u want,don't make ur wife feel miserable in this new marriage.if u are living close to them or wit them u've got to pack to reduce the unduly pressure.a mummy's man will never grow because he'll always depend on his parents to tell him what to do.be a man and shape ur new family d way u want,wish u d best! .

By getting married,the young man has already started a familly.Making babies is another.This should not be mixed up.

@duduluq,
you do not sound confident enough.I think its time you quit being tied to your parents apron not rebellion

Familly life is a new phase where as you make your bed so you (not your parents) lie on it. Its your decision.

My advice? Let her get a job first NOW THAT THE CHANCES ARE HIGH. It a different ball game when the kids start coming.

It's better she gets a job before becoming pregnant since the chances are higher .However it depends on the type of job she get.She may need to work for 2 or 3 years in som companies before thinking about pregnancy.In such a case would you keep waiting indefinitely?

If you can't raise a baby now,there's no point having one.Your parents have got little or no say here,wait till your wife gets a job and you both are comfortable enough and besides if she gives birth now,it will be more difficult for her to get a job.

Even if you have children after 3 years is that bad? I don't get it, if she is a fresh graduate lets say she is somewhere between 20 (child genius) and 23 (delays in uni strike). So 23 - 26 is too old to start having children?

Many children live in poverty - across the whole world. That you married a graduate is special (though I am not dissing non-graduates - not everyone can afford to). People should go to uni to get better jobs to build great foundations for their family. You do not have to be stinking rich to start having kids but atleast, children are not as cehap as people are advising. In fact preganancy itself is not cheap.

Certain things you cannot eat whilst pregant. She will not bring in money whilst pregnant unless she works until she goes into labour (possible I guess). All the hospital bills you will pay. Then when the baby is born, you will need to get immunisations for the child. You need diapers, special food, a babysitter/househelp - perhaps one of you will stay at home and not work.

When a man and woman get married they become one - they leave their father and mother to do so. You cannot have children gfor ur parents. Have children ONLY for yourself. This is what is at present separating you from becoming a man. You are acting slightly childish. Although I understand why you feel pressured it can be hard at any age to stand up to ur parents. But if u can't do so now, then when will you? They could possibly ruin ur marriage! Then you will be a young divorcee. Tell them it is between u and ur wife and if they wish to play any future in your life and potential grandhcildren they must not interfere or else you must assume they do not see u as a man in which case u were not even ready to be married much less have a child.

If you want to decided whether or not to have a child, there r 2 ways to approach it.

1) Emotional
2) Monetary

Both points are important.

1) Emotional
Most marriages in UK (not sure of Naija) fail in the first 5 years. You have known each other as boyfriend and girlfriend, then as fiances - lets say those two different phases took 5 years, then 2 years respectively. It is my own opinion these were 2 different phases of the relationship and your attitudes and knwoledge of each other and the way u treated each other were different I will guess. The differences were probably small but I am sure they were important and they got you to this 3rd stage - marriage. This is another stage that is different from marriage with children. When children are in the picture you must devote less time to each other to give to ur children - if you marriage is not strong even the burden of children can destroy it. How do u strengthen ur marriage? By getting to know and apreciate eachother in the stage u r now. U will learn new things about eachothewr that u did not know before - hopes, likes, dislikes, bad habits etc. Don't skip this stage, please atleast try and take a year out to know urselves. U may not need it. But it wont hurt things and if u need 3 years then so be it! People will never know themselves fully, even after 40 years, but I think it pays to try!

Also do you think you are responsible enough to care for a baby?

2) Monetary
Nah cash money oh!
Having a baby can be viewed in its very unemotional state - they need money to be taken care of. Get paper and pen and research all the things needed to raise a child (assuming u have no twins in ur family). List all the things a baby will need from before it was born (i.e. caring for pregnant mother) to lets say end of primary one (is this the same as first year of primary school). remember things are not as cheap as they may have been in ur parents day so don't let anyone convince u otherwise. When u have ur budget. predict how long it will take u to make this with ur salary and savings alone if u already have the dough - perhaps it is time. But if not don't u think problem dey? Anyway thats just my opinion talk with ur wife the answers can only be sourced from the 2 of u - NO ONE ELSE!

@hot chic:

What are you trying to say? what is your opinion on this matter, I do nbot get you or get what you are trying to say maybe you should explain more your point.

Are you supporting or against what I wrote?
Anywhere no skin pain. I look forward hearing from you.

 

@ Bill gates fan
am not in support of the couples starting a family when they are financially unstable,