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bluntpis (f)
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ok i can't ve sex with him but is it ok if i kiss and romance him as a christian? i need 2 know.
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Mad_Max (f)
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Girl, you make me proud,and I don't even know you. Believe me, you'll find someone exactly right for UNot someone who 'tolerates' your stand, or congratulates himself on getting a 'good un'while he clandestinely does the nasty elsewhere, but a man like you,who doesn't WANT to have sex until he's married. They seem to be going into extinction, but they're there all right, and you will attract the right one by doing nothing but being yourself.
It's easy to raise holy hands and easier to claim blessings,but very difficult to abstain from unmarried sex because God says so. I realised a long time ago that just about everything God tells you to abstain from is to prevent harm to you in some way. We want to express every positive emotion towards the opposite sex with sex. You can like,admire, be grateful to,cherish, mentor, love someone,without sleeping with them.
It's unbelievably hard, harder than you can imagine, to NOT have sex with a man so desirable in every aspect,from his integrity to his toenails, that you two decide to date and then get married, but it CAN be done. People do it everyday.
God says if the first fruits are holy the branches will be holy. That means if you don't consummate your relationship before marriage, chances are your offsprings will do the exact same thing,for some reason. Some people see 'married sex'as institutionalised,mechanical and dead as dust,solemnly intended for the procreation of chillun. That's entirely up to you.
Stand firm,girl. You won't be sorry!
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May kelly (f)
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ok i can't ve sex with him but is it ok if i kiss and romance him as a christian? i need 2 know.
if U kiss and romance him as a christian, where do you think it will lead you to. So you better not kiss and romance as you wish to avoid sex. |
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Chrisbenogor (m)
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You know, its funny that something that a whole marriage will be hinged on is what is forbidden, if by faith that is what you believe sha no wahala but I am sure when it boils down to being practical it becomes difficult hence the questions all the time, kind of begs the question though why is this urge so strong  Exploring the intricacies of your sexuality enhances self-awareness, and it promotes self-growth and the successful communication of your sexual needs to your partner. Sexual needs are not limited to merely physical needs. Sexuality is an extension of your personality, spirituality, attachment and communication styles, and level of commitment. That said I think the problem is how one views sex, if you really love the person with your whole heart and genuinely want to spend the rest of your life with the person then why not? The popular answer is that means you will sleep with all the people you date before you get married and I ask what does it change? really what does it change? unless you really don't love the person or that your love for the person is hinged on the fact that you will have sex only after a handful of people come together to know that you are formally a couple and then you give yourselves rings??? Personally the idea is lame and dumb, yes loving someone is much more than having sex, and if you two are comfortable being frigid by all means be, but I must warn you though that if you heed the advice that sexual compatibility is a myth then you would be just the same as a child who was told having sex is dirty. I have seem my share of girls who think that way and I can imagine someone who likes to explore getting married to them, he aint getting nuffin. In Summary, Sex and physical attraction alone do not make a lasting relationship. If you try to build a foundation on just sexual attraction, the relationship will eventually crash and burn, but I think it is a mistake to ignore this crucial element of compatibility when searching for a long-term partner. Sexuality is a healthy and important facet of your adult identity. It is a healthy form of vulnerability — one where you surrender your entire being to your long-term partner. Truth is along with money, sex is one of the leading causes of relationship conflicts and issues of sex are among the most difficult to agree on in most relationships. |
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Mad_Max (f)
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It's easy for me to see both sides,one because I do NOT have sex and will not have sex until I'm married, the other because I get a LOT of male attention and have unmarried friends whose relationships are sexual, and so understand the power of sex and the pressures people put themselves under, and the ones the media fabricates for us.
There's a poster on this thread who's been married eight years and who did not have pre-nup sex with his wife. He says they both fell asleep on the much-hyped wedding night because they were exhausted from dancing. They explored their sexuality all right before marriage: by talking about it! And you can tell he's happy in his marriage. There are lots of people who sleep together and can't discuss sex frankly because it's too awkward. But being able to yakk freely about it without having done it, and feel comfortable exploring yourselves that way, tells you you're on your way to a healthy married relationship. The Bible says you cannot have sex until you're married, and then you have sex only with your spouse. It sucks but that's what it says. You simply cannot eat your cake and have it. But sex is in your face all the time. It's on Tv, adverts,clothes,perfumes,magazines. It's subtly promoted because people are obssesed with it and it sells. And so resisting it takes a lot of things,and I have to applaud this poster because she knows herself enough to resist these pressures.
When you date it's simply to explore areas of compatibility further. The relationship may deepen and grow, or you may opt out. But you can't sleep together. But when it does deepen, and you know a man's character and have fallen in love with his compassion and integrity and humour and kindness and the way his eyes crinkle at the corners when he smiles, it's incredubly hard to NOT sleep with him. It's stuff like that that makes me believe in the intangible 'Grace of God', because I don't know how the hell else you can resist, since you melt each time he opens his mouth and speaks. I mean, Christians fall in love and want to have the greatest sex badly, like normal people. They just choose to wait.
I see a nice butt and go OOOOh, like any sane woman. I daydream. I fantasise. But that's as far as it goes. That's as far as I WANT it to go, until I marry. Each relationship is a unique blend of two people and most have problems. But if you're with the right person, in a commited,respectful,healthy,loving relationship, where the communication lines are strong and always open, you'll resolve your issues.
I say again, if you've opted for no sex till marriage, stand firm! You're not alone.
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Chrisbenogor (m)
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I have said that if your religious convictions are strong by all means follow it to the end, but I dare say that 7 out of every 10 single christian girls on nairaland above 21 has had sex. Don't get me wrong, I am just showing you how difficult it is because naturally by adolescence we are wired to want to have sex naturally, God put that in us if you want to put it that way. If we look closely at what life was in the days when this order from God was supposed to have been penned down by inspired men we see that adolescent marriages were popular. By the age of 21 guys are more than ready and girls by 16 you see that way it was easier to live with that.
Fast forward to 2008 we see that life is no longer that way man has evolved and life has become a lot more complex, at the age of 21 the average nigerian is at say university level and can barely support himself talkless of a wife so he has to keep fighting that natural urge that is there because according to society standards he is not yet ready. The average age for a Nigerian man to get married is about 27, for a creature that thinks about sex almost every minute that is just plain cruel very very cruel, another reason why I think religion is bogus because 90% of it is not practical it is not reality, I see no reason why God would create those urges in us to be so strong.
Anyway so as not to derail the thread my dear Max believe me talking about driving a car is a lot more different from taking a bmw Z4 for a spin yourself we all respond differently, I might like the speed but you may not like the way the car handles or how balanced it is on the ground, how can one who is not a driver understand those things. Again if you feel strongly about it by all means stand your ground but I think that it is important and should not be ignored, I mean how many girls will stick with a guy that cannot even kiss? Trust me there are things anyone cannot tell you they like until they are in the heat of passion.
Cheers.
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Mad_Max (f)
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You made a valid point, about the age people got married in the past- and you don't have to go as far as biblical times. I very much doubt my great grandmother was anything near 21 by the time she got married. So we're under pressure for far longer. True, lots of girls -and guys!- have had sex. They're not villains for having done so, they're merely human. Very much so. But this is about Christians not having sex, and you think religion is bogus,so obviously the rule doesn't apply to you. And there are aspects of the Bible that are easy to obey, like don't kill and don't steal, and hard, like don't have sex. We're only bound by the New Testament, not the old, and even the NT says no sex till you're married. There's no getting out of it. A CHRISTIAN in a sexual relationship can decide to stop anytime, and try relationships where no sex is involved. Everything's a choice.
I have serious issues with religion, and there are some laws I break and some I don't. For all it's maddening qualities, you have to say one thing for Christianity:It builds character. For me, striving towards an ideal, knowing you will never arrive but striving and changing, is reward enough in and of itself. I don't want to imagine what kind of person I would be if I didn't have a Christian background and Christian principles drummed into me. I've unlearned all the religious doctrine and ignore religious gatherings most of the time, but I like the principles that undergird Christianity, and one can't help liking Christ, for his compassion,even if his teachings confound me atimes. Love your enemies?Yeah, right.
So Christian laws are worth obeying.There's more to life than the empirical evidence our senses present. Mysteries abound, and there are invisible laws that rule the universe as surely as physical laws govern the earth. I read the Bible atimes and roll my eyes, at other times I sense a terrible,knowing wisdom in those pages, and you don't want to cross that wisdom. For the brief tempest that most of life is, you want that wisdom on your side.
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Chrisbenogor (m)
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You made a valid point, about the age people got married in the past- and you don't have to go as far as biblical times. I very much doubt my great grandmother was anything near 21 by the time she got married. So we're under pressure for far longer. Glad you agree And there are aspects of the Bible that are easy to obey, like don't kill and don't steal, and hard, like don't have sex. We're only bound by the New Testament, not the old, and even the NT says no sex till you're married. For starters lets not forget again that the old testament was written at the same time when teen marriages were popular, that said, do not kill and steal make sense, they are not difficult to do. Man has over time modified our own laws to fit with the modern times, for instance you cannot try someone for internet crime if there is no law governing it, but it seems God has stopped communing with people to bring new laws look around you it is becoming increasingly difficult to obey these laws, be it IVF which involves masturbating and murder of fertilized eggs and so on. I have serious issues with religion, and there are some laws I break and some I don't. For all it's maddening qualities, you have to say one thing for Christianity:It builds character. What builds the ultimate character for me is not that some being would get angry with me if I did something wrong, it is doing good because it is the right thing to do, there are many other principles to live ones life by but if Christianity is yours by all means pursue it. But I have a conscience inside of me and right before I steal or lie there is a trigger that tells you what you are about to do is wrong not because I have been conditioned to but because I know I would be taking either a quantity or quality of life from that person or both. Cheers. |
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bluntpis (f)
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I KNOW I LOVE SEX. I'll go mad if i get married to someone who doesn't. esp if the guy has a small thin. Ow do u expect me to cope if sex is important in a marrage?
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Em2va
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Its hard to find such because, your bible has already told you that in the last days the wickedness
of man will increase, Everyone needs a form of fun or height of enjoyment one way or the other, so
I really do not understand why you are bothered. Yours is even an okay case. What of girls that have
been raped by their fathers? don't forget that father daughter setting is still a relationship too, but a relatiionship
that nature controls not man, so if every relationship of yours needs to invovle the 'S' word then totally quit!
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Mad_Max (f)
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For starters lets not forget again that the old testament was written at the same time when teen marriages were popular, that said, do not kill and steal make sense, they are not difficult to do. Man has over time modified our own laws to fit with the modern times, for instance you cannot try someone for internet crime if there is no law governing it, but it seems God has stopped communing with people to bring new laws look around you it is becoming increasingly difficult to obey these laws, be it IVF which involves masturbating and murder of fertilized eggs and so on.
What builds the ultimate character for me is not that some being would get angry with me if I did something wrong, it is doing good because it is the right thing to do, there are many other principles to live ones life by but if Christianity is yours by all means pursue it. But I have a conscience inside of me and right before I steal or lie there is a trigger that tells you what you are about to do is wrong not because I have been conditioned to but because I know I would be taking either a quantity or quality of life from that person or both.
Cheers.
Chris, I don't give a flying shit about when the old testament was written. Do not fornicate is in the New Testament, and that's what binds us. But you've made it plenty clear you aren't writing as a Christian,which begs the question:why are you writing at all? We had torches in the old days and cable TV now. But people are basically the same,only the local colour changes. Whether it's Adam and Eve or Obama,2500BC or 2008 AD, we all have the same struggles and the same choices to make,under various guises. Physical laws govern the universe, and hold true for all time. Spiritual laws govern the universe as well, and are real and unchangeable,and hold true for all time. The same spiritual law behind Thou Shalt Not Kill holds firm irrespective of who does the killing,Caine or Charles Manson. Do not fornicate holds true for all time as well. Sure the Bible sounds out of date with today's pressures and realities,and in some ways it is-not all its laws apply-,but in so many other ways it is NOT. It is one thing to try to want to live according to Christian principles, and occasionally to fall,and fall we do,becuase we are human. It's another to want to justify contrary choices you have made,merely because you have made those choices. Do not fornicate is a choice,like many choices life sets before us,and it's a damn fine thing as far as I'm concerned,for someone like the poster to choose to live life as her Maker has advised her to. I want a relationship with God,because I believe He exists. I believe he's been misrepresented and contorted and squeezed into a mold,until one almost cannot separate fact from fiction from indoctrination from fantasy. I don't think simple concepts like Good,Merciful,etc define him any more than Wicked or Cruel does. He's infinitely more complicated than He's made out to be.If He is to be found in the Bible,partially covered by the desires and wishes and dreams of men, then I'm bent on finding him out or die in the attempt. The world is far too terrible,people both too cruel and too beautiful, for there to be easy answers. But if there is a God and I want a relationship with him, it's basic that I cast pride aside and do things HIS way.However complex the universe inside our head and mind is,his is i nfinitely larger. I want to,er, fornicate. Boy,do I ever! I choose not to. There is nothing wrong in making sacrifices for someone you love,however poorly understood. It's enough for me. Each to his own. If he says DO NOT FORNICATE,and you're any kind of a Christian, you do not. Chike na.Even if you DO fornicate- that word is so comical I'm finding it hard to keep a straight face here- you aren't supposed to actively seek it,much less seek to justify it. Your perception changes when you understand a few laws. And because I KNOW there are consequences to everything we do, I know some things I wouldn't do for the world. Don't give a shit how tempting he is. I don't put myself in situations where my will is called into play and I have to exercise 'self-control'. I'll fall flat on my face. But I do my best,and so far, I don't have a single second's regret. I KNOW myself, as a sexual being. I know the range and the depth of me, and I'm looking forward to knowing much more when the time comes. It's incredible how simple everything becomes when you don't have sex with anybody. After a while your male friends stop trying to 'make' you and become real friends. So if you aren't a Christian and you don't believe in God or his laws, what the hell are you advocating here then? |
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naijacutee (f)
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I'm very happy to find through this thread, that in this day and age, people (both guys and girls alike) still fear God and retain strong moral values and live differently in this sex-crazed society that we live in. I had started to think that I was disillusioned, but seeing this thread has made me realise that I'm not!
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gbengaijot (m)
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if i must put in my own few lines; i must say that one of the most difficult thing to do is resist emotions, especially as a young person. It aint something that one can do alone, even wheny ou have moral values. Personally, i see abstinence as fulfilling the laws about marriage bed not being defiled, even though my many friends think its uncool and oldfashioned. it is normal to have cravings, however, it takes grace to resist going out to commit fornication. That grace is what i constantly ask on a daily basis.
@naijacutee, trust me, practising abstinence is no assumption that you are deluded. It simply means that you've decided not to follow the crowd. Personally, when i see a lot of people going in one direction, i am always wary of it.
@poster, trust me, you'll definitely find someone who has thesame belief and moral values like you do. There are quite a lot of guys who would and are willing to wait till they are married. Do not try to find them, they'd be attracted to you,
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