Pre-marital Sex Can Ruin Everything

For you singles and divorcees, here below is something that will change your attitude for good.

So, 

1. You pick the wrong person because you expect him/her to change after
you're married. The classic mistake. Never marry potential. The golden
rule is, if you can't be happy with the person the way he or she is now,
don't get married. As a colleague of mine so wisely put it, "You actually can
expect people to change after their married, for the worst!" So when
it comes to the other person's spirituality, character, personal hygiene,
communication skills, and personal habits, make sure you can live with
these as they are now.
2. You pick the wrong person because you focus more on chemistry than
on character. Chemistry ignites the fire, but good character keeps it
burning. Beware of the "I'm in love" syndrome. "I'm in love often means, "I'm in
lust." Attraction is there, but have you carefully checked out this person's character?
Here are four characteristics to definitely check for:
a. Humility: Does this person believe that "doing the right thing" is
more important than personal comfort?
b. Kindness: Does this person enjoy giving pleasure to other people?
How does s/he treat people s/he doesn't have to be nice to? Does s/he do
volunteer work? Give to charity?
c. Responsibility: Can I depend on this person to do what s/he says?
What s/he's going to do?
d. Happiness: Does this person like himself? Does s/he enjoy life? Is
s/he emotionally stable?
e. Ask yourself: Do I want to be more like this person? Do I want to
have a child with this person? Would I like my child to turn out like him or
her?
3. You pick the wrong person because the man doesn't understand what a
woman needs most. Men and women have unique emotional needs, and more
often than not, it is the man who just doesn't get it. Jewish tradition
places the onus on the man to understand the emotional needs of the woman and
to satisfy them. The unique need of a woman is to be loved. -to feel tha t
she is the most important person in her husband's life. The husband needs
to give her consistent, quality attention. This is most apparent in
Judaism's approach to sexual intimacy. The Torah obligates the husband to meet
the sexual needs of his wife. Sexual intimacy is always on the woman's terms.
Men are goal oriented especially w hen it comes to this area. As a wise
woman once pointed out, "Men have two speeds: on and off." Women are
experience oriented. When a man is able to switch gears and become more
experience-oriented, he will discover what makes his wife very happy.
Then the man forgets about his own needs and focuses on giving his wife.
4. You choose the wrong person because you do not share a common life
goals and priorities. There are three basic ways we connect with another
person

a. Chemistry and compatibility
b. Share common interests
c. share common life goal.
Make sure you share a deeper level of connection that sharing life
goals provide. After marriage, the two of you will either grow together or
grow apart. To avoid growing apart, you must figure out what you're living
for while you are single-and then find someone who has come to the same
conclusion as you. This is the true definition of a soul mate. A soul mate
is a goal mate,  two people who ultimately share the same understanding
of life's purpose and therefore share the same priorities, values and
goals.
5. You choose the wrong person because you get involved sexually too
quickly. Sexual involvement before the commitment of marriage can be a
big problem because it often precludes a fully honest exploration of
important issues. Sexual involvement tends to cloud one's mind. And a clouded
mind is not inclined to make good decisions. It is not necessary to "test
drive" in order to find out if a couple are sexually compatible. If you do your
homework and make sure you are intellectually and emotionally compatible,
you don't have to worry about sexual compatibility. Of all the studies on
divorce, sexual incompatibility is never cited as a main reason why people
divorce.
6. You pick the wrong person because you do not have deeper emotional
connection to evaluate whether you have a deeper emotional connection or not.
Ask: "Do I respect and admire this person?" This does not mean, "Am I
impressed by this person?" A Mercedes impresses us. We do not respect
someone because they own a Mercedes. You should be impressed by qualities
of creativity, loyalty, determination, etc.
Also ask: "! Do I trust this person?" This also means, "Is he/she emotionally stable?
 Do I feel I can rely on him/her?
7. You pick the wrong person because you choose someone with whom you
don't feel emotionally safe. Ask yourself the following questions: Do I feel
calm, peaceful and relaxed with this person? Can I fully be myself and
express myself with this person? Does this person make me feel good
about myself? Do you have a really close friend who does make you feel this
way? Make sure the person you marry makes you feel the same way! Are you
afraid of this person in any way? You should not feel you need to monitor what
you say because you are afraid of how the other person will view it. If
you're afraid to express your feelings and opinions openly, there's a problem
with the relationship. Another aspect of feeling safe is that you don't feel
the other person is trying to control you. Controlling behaviours are a
sign of an abusive person. Be on the look out for someone who is always trying
to change you. There is a big difference between "controlling" and "making
suggestions." A suggestion is made for your benefit.
8. You pick the wrong person because you don't put everything on the
table. Anything that bothers you about the relationship must be brought up for
discussion. Bringing up the uncomfortable stuff is the only way to evaluate
how well the two of you communicate, negotiate, and work together. Over the
course of a lifetime, difficulties will inevitably arise. You need to know
now, before making a commitment: Can you resolve your differences and find
compromises that work for both of you? Never be afraid to let the person
know what bothers you. This is also a way for you to test how vulnerable
you can be with this person. If you can't be vulnerable, you can't be intimate.
The two go hand in hand.
9. You pick the wrong person because you use the relationship to escape
from personal problems and unhappiness. If you are unhappy and single,
you'll probably be unhappy and married, too. Marriage does not fix
personal, psychological and emotional problems. If anything, marriage will
exacerbate them. If you are not happy with yourself and your life, take
responsibility to fix it now while you are single. You'll feel better and
your future spouse will thank you.
10. You pick the wrong person because he/she is involved in a triangle.
To be "triangulated" means a person is emotionally dependent on someone or
something else while trying to develop another relationship. A person
who hasn't separated from his or her parents is a classic example of
triangulation. People can also be triangulated with things as well, such as
work, drugs, Internet, hobbies, sports or money. Be careful that you and
your partner are free of triangles. The person caught in a triangle cannot
be fully emotionally available to you. You'll not be their number one priority.
And that's not basis for a marriage.
Many people are struggling because they have not used what God has given them.
God gives you an acorn, you invest it and it will become a tree!
Stop praying for trees while acorns are lying all over the ground. God
answered your prayer for the tree when he sent you the acorn.
it is well

Aproko, if you read all through I'm sure you wouldn't have said that. By the way, may I know you a little more? Do you have a GCU old boy brother?

ok i finally read through part of the post (will complete the rest later)

what may ruin everything is when parties involved are not true to themselves.
yes. plus a GCU old boy father!!!