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moneymail (m)
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Is your boyfriend too shy to say the things you need to hear from him? Too shy to stand up and defend himself (or YOU!) in public? Here are some tips you can try to help him find the bolder man inside.
Realize that people aren't shy by choice, but they CAN choose to overcome it. While you can't force him to overcome his shyness, you can do a lot toward boosting his self-esteem and making him WANT to come out of his shell.
Whatever you do, DON'T BADGER HIM about it - this will have the opposite effect. You need to develop an attitude of patient, loving appreciation of all that he does well. He is your boyfriend for a reason - don't lose sight of that! Begin by letting him know (honestly) everything that he does that you feel great about, paying particular attention to times when he is a little bolder.
For example, if he speaks to a difficult waiter for you, thank him for taking care of you. However, if he fails to do what you need, don't do or say anything that will make him turn further into his shell. You need to make his successes feel like very positive experiences, and ignore his misses as much as you are able.
Make a real effort to notice all of the things your boyfriend does do well, and mention them to him. Give him admiration and respect for the great qualities he does have, and keep on praising and appreciating him every time he makes even a tiny step toward breaking out of his shyness.
Shyness can be a means to protect himself; that is why it is essential that you never come across as a threat to his wellbeing. Be his biggest fan and supporter for the man he is right now, but give him positive reinforcement every time he tests the waters of bolder behaviour.
Don't reinforce the behaviour you don't want - that means, don't give it any energy, including complaining about it, nagging, acting disappointed, etc. Reinforce only the behaviour you want to continue or increase!
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