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diddysmile (m)
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DADDY’S 10 RULES OF DATING HIS DAUGHTER
While I was searching for an appropriate link for the book, 10 Commandments of Dating, I typed 10 Rules of Dating in Google instead and I found this piece. I think it's cool so I'm sharing it.
Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'D better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.
Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.
Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes to big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of you date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "Barrier Method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
Rule Five: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: early."
Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?
Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to introduce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka — zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.
Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless God of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.
Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveways you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car –there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine. Selah
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iice (f)
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Is this from the show ten rules for dating my daughter?  Sure sounds familiar 
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Tywoh (f)
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This is very interesting. I think most dads are actually implying this, though it's not being said/expressed.
Take note guys, it might save you lots of embarrassement.
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syren (f)
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Do dad's do this stuff? Anyway it's funny sha Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.
Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "Barrier Method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?
Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless God of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.
Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car –there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine. Selah
LMAO Pure Jokes |
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Sisikill
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After the rules, come the application process.
APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER
NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless
accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.
NAME_____________________
DATE OF BIRTH_____________
HEIGHT_____ WEIGHT____________ IQ__________ GPA_______
SOCIAL SECURITY #________ DRIVERS LICENSE #_________
BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES_____________
HOME ADDRESS______
CITY/STATE_______ ZIP______
Do you have parents? ___Yes ___No
Is one male and the other female? ___Yes ___No
If No, explain:__________
Number of years they have been married ______________
If less than your age, explain __________________________
ACCESSORIES SECTION:
A. Do you own or have access to a van? __Yes __No
B. A truck with oversized tires? __Yes __No
C. A waterbed __Yes __No
D. A pickup with a mattress in the back? __Yes __No
E. A tattoo? __Yes __No
F. Do you have an earring, nose ring, pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring? ___Yes ___No
(IF YOU ANSWERED "YES" TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. I SUGGEST RUNNING.)
ESSAY SECTION:
In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you?
___________________________
In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you? ___________________________
In 50 words or less, what does "ABSTINENCE" mean to you?_______________________
REFERENCES SECTION:
Church you attend__________
How often you attend _____
When would be the best time to interview your:
father? _____________
mother? _____________
pastor? _____________
SHORT-ANSWER SECTION:
Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers are confidential.
A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be: ______________
B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:_____________________
C: A woman's place is in the:
___________________________
D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:_____________
E. What do you want to do IF you grow up? ___________
F. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:_____________
G. What is the current going rate of a hotel room? _______
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.
__________________________
Applicant's Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)
Mother's Signature________
Father's Signature________
Pastor/Priest/Rabbi State Representative/Congressman___________
Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and non-sexual. Please allow four to six years for processing.
You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it would cause you injury). If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases. (you might watch your back)
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Esss (m)
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After the rules, come the application process.
APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER
NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless
accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.
NAME_____________________
DATE OF BIRTH_____________
HEIGHT_____ WEIGHT____________ IQ__________ GPA_______
SOCIAL SECURITY #________ DRIVERS LICENSE #_________
BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES_____________
HOME ADDRESS______
CITY/STATE_______ ZIP______
Do you have parents? ___Yes ___No
Is one male and the other female? ___Yes ___No
If No, explain:__________
Number of years they have been married ______________
If less than your age, explain __________________________
ACCESSORIES SECTION:
A. Do you own or have access to a van? __Yes __No
B. A truck with oversized tires? __Yes __No
C. A waterbed __Yes __No
D. A pickup with a mattress in the back? __Yes __No
E. A tattoo? __Yes __No
F. Do you have an earring, nose ring, pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring? ___Yes ___No
(IF YOU ANSWERED "YES" TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. I SUGGEST RUNNING.)
ESSAY SECTION:
In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you?
___________________________
In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you? ___________________________
In 50 words or less, what does "ABSTINENCE" mean to you?_______________________
REFERENCES SECTION:
Church you attend__________
How often you attend _____
When would be the best time to interview your:
father? _____________
mother? _____________
pastor? _____________
SHORT-ANSWER SECTION:
Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers are confidential.
A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be: ______________
B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:_____________________
C: A woman's place is in the:
___________________________
D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:_____________
E. What do you want to do IF you grow up? ___________
F. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:_____________
G. What is the current going rate of a hotel room? _______
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.
__________________________
Applicant's Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)
Mother's Signature________
Father's Signature________
Pastor/Priest/Rabbi State Representative/Congressman___________
Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and non-sexual. Please allow four to six years for processing.
You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it would cause you injury). If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases. (you might watch your back)
Also submit 1. Your International passport 2. A fullset of fingerprints with dental records 3. Copy of your drivers license 4. Two current passport photograph 5. A set of photographs showing your front, side and plan view 6. A detailed body statistic including, height, hair colour, eye colour 7. A copy of a police character report signed 3 hours before the time of submission 8. Full record of your family tree 9. Names and addresses of friends, family relatives and acquintances both here and abroad. 10. A sample of your hair, blood and any other body fluid. |
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gabrywyl (f)
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My dad don't come up with the rules, my mom does. She's the Boss  |
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olrotimi (m)
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moms are more dificult to deal with
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gabrywyl (f)
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moms are more dificult to deal with
HAHA! Agree! but my boyfriend is best friends with her. . . . . .  |
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Nella (f)
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After the rules, come the application process.
APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER
NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless
accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.
NAME_____________________
DATE OF BIRTH_____________
HEIGHT_____ WEIGHT____________ IQ__________ GPA_______
SOCIAL SECURITY #________ DRIVERS LICENSE #_________
BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES_____________
HOME ADDRESS______
CITY/STATE_______ ZIP______
Do you have parents? ___Yes ___No
Is one male and the other female? ___Yes ___No
If No, explain:__________
Number of years they have been married ______________
If less than your age, explain __________________________
ACCESSORIES SECTION:
A. Do you own or have access to a van? __Yes __No
B. A truck with oversized tires? __Yes __No
C. A waterbed __Yes __No
D. A pickup with a mattress in the back? __Yes __No
E. A tattoo? __Yes __No
F. Do you have an earring, nose ring, pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring? ___Yes ___No
(IF YOU ANSWERED "YES" TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. I SUGGEST RUNNING.)
ESSAY SECTION:
In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you?
___________________________
In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you? ___________________________
In 50 words or less, what does "ABSTINENCE" mean to you?_______________________
REFERENCES SECTION:
Church you attend__________
How often you attend _____
When would be the best time to interview your:
father? _____________
mother? _____________
pastor? _____________
SHORT-ANSWER SECTION:
Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers are confidential.
A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be: ______________
B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:_____________________
C: A woman's place is in the:
___________________________
D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:_____________
E. What do you want to do IF you grow up? ___________
F. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:_____________
G. What is the current going rate of a hotel room? _______
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.
__________________________
Applicant's Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)
Mother's Signature________
Father's Signature________
Pastor/Priest/Rabbi State Representative/Congressman___________
Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and non-sexual. Please allow four to six years for processing.
You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it would cause you injury). If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases. (you might watch your back)
Also submit
1. Your International passport
2. A fullset of fingerprints with dental records
3. Copy of your drivers license
4. Two current passport photograph
5. A set of photographs showing your front, side and plan view
6. A detailed body statistic including, height, hair colour, eye colour
7. A copy of a police character report signed 3 hours before the time of submission
8. Full record of your family tree
9. Names and addresses of friends, family relatives and acquintances both here and abroad.
10. A sample of your hair, blood and any other body fluid.
lmao! I can definitely imagine my dad presenting such list to somone who came to pick me up! lol, |
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