In Which Residential Situation Is Child Sexual Abuse More Likely To Occur?

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Wanderlust (f)
In Which Residential Situation Is Child Sexual Abuse More Likely To Occur?
« on: February 06, 2006, 01:01 AM »


The background to my questions:
At the age of 6/7/8 I was repeatedly sexually abused by male household staff.  Many years later I spoke about this to my best friend and she confided in me that the same had happened to her at about the same age, the perpetrator being the cook.

If you were a single mother about to be transferred to a West African city that has a low crime record, had a 3 year old daughter and were worried about her falling prey to a sex offender would you move into a detached house or a flat in a serviced compound?
Were you to live in the detached house, you would have the following immediate staff members: a maid/female cook, a nanny, male day and night guards, possibly a gardener.
Were you to live in the flat, your immediate staff members would only be the female cook and the nanny.

At my present location (different country) we are living in a flat on a compound which is also home to two other families with children.  There are therefore many nannies around, and they keep an eye not only on their immediate wards but on all the children, something I find rather ideal as there can always be a situation where one nanny is distracted or whatever.  There are several guards on duty at the same time, but they generally remain at their post.  The male household staff members of the other seven tenants are cooks, that usually keep to the flats in which they work, and drivers, that usually remain on the grounds. The fact that my cook is female comes as no surprise.

For several reasons my employer wants to house me in a detached house in one of the preferred neighbourhoods of this West African city, and bearing in mind my childhood experience and present fears I find the thought of moving with my daughter into such a building frightening to say the least.  During school term my daughter will spend half the day at home (the other half being in nursery) and will of course want to run around in the gardens, play with everyone around, including the guards.  Of course I don't have a problem with that at all in general terms.  However, assuming the guard were to be a closet sex offender, I am fearful of the situation that could easily arise if e.g. the nanny would want to dash out on a quick errand (we all know that this can happen!) and ask the guard to keep an eye on my daughter during those minutes.

So, if you were in the same position how would you decide and why?  I am particularly looking for arguments that will convince my HR department to agree to moving us into a flat.

Just in case my post has ruffled a few feathers let me start off by saying that irrespective of me posting my question on here I believe sexual abuse of children sadly takes place in every society, whether or not people readily admit to it.


Many thanks in advance.

Wanderlust
Seun (m)
Re: In Which Residential Situation Is Child Sexual Abuse More Likely To Occur?
« #1 on: February 06, 2006, 01:15 AM »

Wanderlust,

I apreciate your concern for your daughter but I think you are missing the point entirely.  Short of living in a prison yard or police station, the only way to protect your daughter from sexual abuse is to have a good relationship with your daughter so that she'll be willing to report to you whenever someone wants to do something naughty with her.  And you have to be willing to believe her when she tells you.

Violence against women persists because women are unwilling to take resolute action against it.  And as long as women are being brought up to roll over in the face of abuse instead of kicking back and getting the offenders punished, it will continue to happen.  Forget about the issue of where you live; you can't prevent unhealthy sexual advances unless you live in a walled prison.  But you can create a plan for dealing with such threats at the early stages. 

Did you do anything to bring the man who raped you while you were young to justice? No.  Did you report to your parents?  probably not.  This leaves the man free to go ahead and molest other young girls.  Check out this case involving brother and sister.  If the brother was not apprehended, he would grow up without anyone but his sister knowing what he's capable of.

Seun.
dejiolowe (m)
Re: In Which Residential Situation Is Child Sexual Abuse More Likely To Occur?
« #2 on: February 06, 2006, 07:49 AM »

install a cctv camera at home if u can afford it. also, let the workers know that u can SEE everything even if u can't. scare the shit out of them.

and if it seems one of them looks like he could do it, SACK him ASAP!
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