How To Divorce My Nigerian Husband?

why did u marry him in the first place. JUNGLE FEVER?

Leilah

The only thing I want to ask you is are you banking on alimony payout as part of the deal?

@poster
u need to get over ur insecurities. jeez! and make up ur mind. whats the story? because from what i can see so far, u change it as u go along. if ur husband were my brother, i'll advise him to run before u run him mad!!! 

@Poster.

From your posts, especially the last two, it is clear that:
1. You love your husband very much, or, atleast, like him enough to want the relationship to work.

2. You are a very insecure person.

3. Your husband is not, with all due respects, a very decent person.

The difficulties you are experiencing is not specific to inter-racial marriages, and has nothing to do with you being Caucasian and him African.

I live in the UK.
Here the divorce rate in the African and Caribbean communities is at an all time high because a lot of the men on one hand want to hold on to their ante-deluvian notions that woman should do all the house chores, yet refuse to step up to the responsibility of bankrolling the financial needs of the family.


Ofcourse that's not the only reason as in some cases the women are solely to blame, but you know what i'm trying to say.

If you have to share the financial things 50:50 then you have to sit down and discuss about sharing other responsibilities in the home as well. Otherwise things WILL go sour.

I am married to somebody who is not Nigerian, and though we can afford for her to stay at home and manage the kids, there are times when i come home to meet her exhausted and i do go to the kitchen and get my own food.
And yes, i do cook for the whole family some times   ,  and even do the dishes  , and NO i am not a woman wrapper  .

My wife would tell you that i am as masculine and self-assertive as can be and i can see that my 3 year old son, whom i'm bringing up to be a REAL man, is begining to recognise the respect i and love i have for his mother through my actions.

You see, i want him to grow up knowing that the relationship between a man and a woman is one of mutual respect, and that a man doesn't have to lord it over a woman, in a show of physical strength, for her to submit to his authority.

So, it's not in our culture to be inconsiderate and backward  .

The point about your insecurity, though, is something you have to deal with.
Because as long as you are insecure in the relationship and you are willing to stomach a lot of the rubbish that is thrown your way, then the status quo will remain.

I hate it when some men throw up the "tradition card"  .

I think that it's just an excuse for laziness  .
Men who continue to live as if they are still in their villages are not truly representative of  the contemporary Nigerian man.

Times are changing and real men are changing with the times.
Any man who refuses to change should go to his village and look for an Mgbeke, a servant-wife, who will worship him and bear all his children,

That's my take on the topic  .

Ofcourse that's not the only reason as in some cases the women are solely to blame, but you know what i'm trying to say.

If you have to share the financial things 50:50 then you have to sit down and discuss about sharing other responsibilities in the home as well. Otherwise things WILL go sour.

I am married to somebody who is not Nigerian, and though we can afford for her to stay at home and manage the kids, there are times when i come home to meet her exhausted and i do go to the kitchen and get my own food.
And yes, i do cook for the whole family some times   ,  and even do the dishes  , and NO i am not a woman wrapper  .

My wife would tell you that i am as masculine and self-assertive as can be and i can see that my 3 year old son, whom i'm bringing up to be a REAL man, is begining to recognise the respect i and love i have for his mother through my actions.

You see, i want him to grow up knowing that the relationship between a man and a woman is one of mutual respect, and that a man doesn't have to lord it over a woman, in a show of physical strength, for her to submit to his authority.

So, it's not in our culture to be inconsiderate and backward  .

The point about your insecurity, though, is something you have to deal with.
Because as long as you are insecure in the relationship and you are willing to stomach a lot of the rubbish that is thrown your way, then the status quo will remain.

I hate it when some men throw up the "tradition card"  .

I think that it's just an excuse for laziness  .
Men who continue to live as if they are still in their villages are not truly representative of  the contemporary Nigerian man.

Times are changing and real men are changing with the times.
Any man who refuses to change should go to his village and look for an Mgbeke, a servant-wife, who will worship him and bear all his children,

That's my take on the


Thanks a lot beneli.

don't be deceived into marrying a man that feels like its ur job to take care of the kids, go to work, cook clean etc

How fair is that, tell me how fair. I will never marry a man like that at all. thats not love at all.

As
i said before, i am not one to live in a dirty home, if its dirty i will clean, if there is no food i will cook (i love cooking) but sometimes, A GOOD MAN WOULD ATLEAST IF NOT ANYTHING HELP WIT THE CLEANING. IF HE can't COOK, THATS UNDERSTANDABLE BUT HE CAN HELP WITH THE COOKING IF I ASK 4 HIS HELP, HE CAN CUT ONIONS, BLEND TOMATOES, PREP THE INGREDIENTS 4 ME. HE SHOULD BE ABLE TO DO THAT, THATS IF I ASK HIM TO! IF HE REFUSES TO, I WILL NOT NAG, BUT, I CAN GUARANTEE THAT WE WOULD HAVE A NICE DISCUSSION ABOUT HOW IT MAKES ME FEEL!!!!!!

THATS what LOVE IS ALL ABOUT. SHARING AND COMPROMISE.

@echidime. I have no taste for sex I can actually live without it.  I understand why you think all white women are leg opening privates craving sluts, no echideme we are not ALL like that.

I am not looking for flimsy reasons for a divorce I was CONSIDERING it due to our cultural differences in which he will NOT compromise on coupled with the fact that we have a different mentality thats not to say I don't love him I was trying to be practical and I figured should I draw the line now it may have been better than him drawing it in about three or four years time when it would be harder for our child to deal with ( of course together with the horror stories). But know what call me all the names you want. I love this person and I want the best for our family. I had gotten to a stage where I just found it very hard to understand the different mentality and felt like I was not good enough for him. But thanks to the opinions of some which have been genuine practical opinions I will be patient and continue as I normally do. I now feel a lot of it is down to laziness as opposed to culture. I will endure torture to prove it if I have to.

PS white ladies do not look for flimsy reasons to divorce for god sake especially with naija men they usualy fall head over heels with them and some of them put up with terrible S***.

Please I advice you to strongly divorce your husband. I am still single and I will marry you. But na you go dey spend for me sha

I think you have just realized your problem. This has nothing to do with culture. Even in Nigeria, when both parties are working then it is only fair that both parties contribute in the home front.

@ Seun Go read her posts and then come back and modify yours. 

ngozi, ngozi , ngozi, ngozi this , ngozi that.
2much ogogoro( irish whisky ) no good oooh.
oyibo take am easy with ur naija loverboy.


@seun
 

Just tell him you're dating a Suicide Bomber
trust me, no Naija man is willing to die and give up his pepper soup and pounded yam for any woman

  Shay you know now?  That is why most of them look 12 months pregnant!  Alameyesiegha belle syndrome!  Laff wan kill me!

Please pardon him.   The poor man just woke up from sleep.  You think it is easy to run Nairaland?

you don't need to be so harsh. 

instead of encouraging me here I am called name like this? do you think many white ladies want to live by a different culture? I am one who is and look what besteric and m guage have said? that has really upset me. 

You need to be encouraged to keep your marriage together? The onus lies on you and your husband, whether your marriage succeeds or not has nothing to do with ours. Its up to you both to decide your own futures, if you didnt need any encouragement to get married you certainly don't need one to keep ur marriage.

Appologies for the names.


It is the inherently snobbish attitude as evidenced by statements like this that have gotten everyone's backs against the wall. Do you also think that many Nigerians are dying to live by the white culture? You should be pleased that one is interested, the vast majority of Nigerians i know would prefer to settle with a partner with similar culture. No one is begging the white ladies to live by a different culture, you walked into it with your eyes open so live with it!


Sorry if besteric and n-guage have upset you with strong language but do you really think you were doing us a favor by choosing to live with a Nigerian?
Last i checked no one is frankly bothered.