|
folanusi (m)
|
A guy buys a new bike, a beautiful Harley. The salesman says "to keep the chrome in the best condition, just make sure that if the bike is outside and it's going to rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain. In fact, since you're buying the bike I won't need my tube of Vaseline anymore. Here, you can have it." and he hands the buyer a tube of Vaseline.
That night, he decides to ride the bike over to his girlfriend's parents' house. It's the first time he's going to meet them and figures it will make a big impression. When the couple gets to the house, the girlfriend grabs her boyfriend's arm.
"Honey," she says, "I got to tell you something about my parents before we go in. When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the person who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes, nobody has said anything for over 3 months."
"No problem," he says. And in they go.
The boyfriend is astounded. Right smack in the middle of the living room is a huge stack of dirty dishes. Piled up the stairs, dirty dishes. In fact, everywhere he looks, dirty dishes.
They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one says a word.
As dinner progresses, the boyfriend decides to take advantage of the situation. So he leans over and kisses his girlfriend. No one says a word. So he decides to reach over and starts to touch her. He looks at her parents, but still they keep quiet.
So he stands up, grabs his girlfriend, strips her naked, and they make love right on the dinner table. Still, no one says a word.
Thinking, just how far can he take this. So he grabs his girlfriend's Mom and has his way with her right there on the dinner table. Again, total silence.
Then, a few raindrops hit the window and the boyfriend realises it's starting to rain. He figures he'D better take care of the motorcycle, so he pulls the Vaseline from his pocket.
Suddenly the father stands up and shouts: "All right, all right! I'll do the damn dishes."
|
|
|
|
|
|
folanusi (m)
|
ONE WISH A man riding his Harley was riding along a California beach, when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish." The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want." The Lord said, "Your request is materialistic! Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind." The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, "Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand women; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy." The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?" |
|
|
|
|
|
folanusi (m)
|
Time To Swear A 7 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom. "You know what?" says the 7 year old, "I think it's about time we started swearing." The 4 year old nods his head in approval. "When we go downstairs for breakfast I'm going to swear first, then you swear after me, ok?" "Ok" the 4 year old, agrees with enthusiasm. The mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 7 year old what he wants for breakfast. "Oh, sh *t mum, I guess I'll have some Coco Pops" WHACK!! He flew out of his chair, tumbled across the kitchen floor, got up, and ran upstairs crying his eyes out. She looked at the 4 year old and asked with a stern voice," And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?" "I don't know," he blubbers, "but it won't be f**king Coco Pops" |
|
|
|
|
|
folanusi (m)
|
A man, getting along in years, finds that he is unable to perform sexually.
He goes to his doctor who tries a few things, but nothing seems to work.
Finally, as a last hope, the doctor refers him to an African medicine man.
The medicine man says, "I can cure this."
With that said, he throws a white powder into a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke.
Then the African medicine man says, "This is powerful healing but you can only use it once a year. All you have to do is say '123,' and it shall rise for as long as you wish!"
The man then asks, "What happens when it's over, and I don't want to continue?"
The medicine man replies, "When your partner can take no more sex and is completely raddled, all she has to say is '1234', and it will then go down. But be warned, the pork sword will not rise again for another whole year."
The old gent rushes home, anxious to try out his new powers.
That night he showers, shaves and smothers himself in aftershave.
He slides into bed, cuddles up to his wife, and says "123" and suddenly
he has this huge stiffie ever, just as the medicine man promised.
His wife turns over and asks, "What did you say '123' for ?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
marod (m)
|
Bro, too funny is an understatement.
|
|
|
|
|
|
folanusi (m)
|
THE DRUNK A drunk phoned police to report that thieves had been in his car. "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator!" he cried out. However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time with the same voice came over the line. "Never mind," he said with a hiccup, "I got in the back seat by mistake." |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Migines (m)
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah, same old story. I've read all before on this forum. No hard feelins
|
|
|
|
|
|
Migines (m)
|
Ho! I love d last 1 bout that driva. ROFLMAO
|
|
|
|
|
|
Migines (m)
|
Ho! I love d last 1 bout that driva. ROFLMAO
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
BASETSANA (f)
|
nice one especially the drunkard one
|
|
|
|
|
|
coolkaboom (m)
|
this is absolutely true, women are damn hard to please while men prefer things real simple and uncomplicated
|
|
|
|
|
|
smigael
|
Nice  Too funny 4 real, LMAO |
|
|
|
|
|
deekseen (m)
|
I like all the jokes, the one about the drunk made me laugh out like mad.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
folanusi (m)
|
I will update these jokes regularly, so please stay tuned, |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
![Nairaland [Nigerian Forum] Home](http://www.nairaland.com/Themes/default/images/english/home.gif)
Author
