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McDoe (m)
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Hi guys, Is marriage the end of love? Come to think of it, the greatest love stories such as 'Titanic, Romeo & Juliet were stories of love which no other love story has beaten till date. But what baffles me is that these stories only involved young guys and babes who were not married to each other. Does it therefore means that those who are married cannot demonstrate such love to one another. Let me have your views and contributions on this.
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mubowa (f)
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WRONG, Marriage is the beginning of love depending on the kind of relationship the couple had before getting married.
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olanajim (m)
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What is love, if I may ask? Do you think love is all about dating? Have you ever love someone without feeling the desire to marry ? What about your parent, don't you love them?
Your question is a result of your lack of understanding of what is love. The answer had been stated already. No. Marriage is actually the begining of love. That is why we celebrates it.
You want to stay with your partner for better for worse. Only love can make that happen. True love actually manifest when you marry. Those examples you mentioned, especially titanic ended tragically. Try think of Abraham and Sarah for instance, you can learn a great deal from that instead of looking at tragedies,
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McDoe (m)
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@mubowa & olanijim; have u heard people say that when a man is dating, he will be very willing to open the car door for his lover anytime they were to go out but that, this ceases to happen as soon as the relationship turns marriage and consummated?
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osereka (m)
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nope marriage is the begining of trouble
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Bolarge (m)
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@poster
Thank God u cited love "stories" as your basis for this argument and last time I checked they were still stories; Hollywood scripts. It's amazing how we have allowed Hollywood with its bevy of twisted script-writers, producers n' directors to remodel our thinking. Try and read the book of 1Cor 13:4-8 and u'll get a clear picture of what True love is. 'Cs most folks won't bother I've volunteered to highlight it here:
1Co 13:4 Love is patient and kind; it is not jealous or conceited or proud;
1Co 13:5 love is not ill-mannered or selfish or irritable; love does not keep a record of wrongs;
1Co 13:6 love is not happy with evil, but is happy with the truth.
1Co 13:7 Love never gives up; and its faith, hope, and patience never fail.
1Co 13:8 Love is eternal. . .
The challenges, frustrations, ups and downs, joys n' pains of a lasting marriage are the true test of the calibre of a real man or woman. Anyone can quit a relationship that doesn't seem to be working out according to our pre-programmed emotional mindset and this has been the order of the day but my brother these same challenges are the ingredients that make a solid relationship what it is, not d witty scripts of a Harvard theatre arts product. A real war General is known only by the fierce battles he's fought and won. Same goes for marriage. You're there for her through thick n' thin. When she's nice;when she's not so nice. When she's agreeable;when she's just a pain in the neck. When she's a 24yr old stunner;when she's 56yrs, fat n' greying.
Puleeez let's reorientate our thinking in this light. Thank you.
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olanajim (m)
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Mcdoe, opening door for a lady to enter a car, room buying flowers etc are not necesarily signs of love. Get it right that we are Afrian, it is not in our tradition. I am also not aware of any religion promoting it. They are just a show of courtesy, politeness not love.
To clarify my point, when a guard open door for his master to enter a car or room then follow by a bow, whatever, does that action implies love or servitude? Women want to be treated as queen so men bow to their wish willingly and sometimes reluctantly just to show they care.
After marriage, things like this become a nuisance when tradition take take it full course. You would have to keep improving on your love and adapt to situations rather than expect your man to act as an adolescent. Fact is, even to you girls, the act become boring. There are more ways to show love than opening doors for ladies. And only marriage offer the best options.
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Joey82 (m)
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@poser,
Please don't confuse illusions with reality, u're talking about hollywood stories and relating it with marriage which is reality.
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McDoe (m)
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@Bolarge & olanajim: You guys have really spoken well; actually that is how it is supposed to be but the reality speaks differently. I know a guy who was dating a babe at one time. Then, he couldn't do without seeing the babe almost every hour. This habit progreseed to where he got the girl impregnanted. After failing to convince the babe to abort the pregnancy, he relunctantly agreed to marry her. As i post this thread, these once lover birds hardly stay together a day without fighting. How do you then sum this situation. Does it not vindicate this thread?
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olanajim (m)
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You have said it all. Read yourself again. You'll find that your friend wasn't in love. His was infatuation. It is obvious their relation was borne of the fun they enjoy together. Having sex with a lady doesn't signify love. Else rapists would be the better lovers. Seeing someone everyday and going everywhere with him, is also not sign of love. These are only expression of love. We all know that expression and impression mean different thing.
If you love someone you would be willing to stand by that person regardles of the situation you find yourself. A lady get pregnant for you and you ask for abortion knowing fully well she may lose her life or her womb. That isn't love at all. The mistake most lady made is they rushes head long to marriage for whe wrong reason "to keep their man". That is not the purpose of marriage.
When you have a situation where your partner lose interest in you after marriage something is wrong with you or him. The following could be suspect:
IT IS POSIBLE THE LOVE U PROFESSES IS FAKE,
EITHER OF YOU HAVE WRONG CONCEPTION OF LOVE AND MARRIAGE
THE UNION IS BONDED BY FORCE OR THREAT <of any kind. Includind those afraid of not getting a partner for age reason, pressure from parents, peers etc >
there are many more. The purpose of courtship <not dating> is to assess your compatibility and wet ground for mutual understanding. If you skip it, you take a big gamble. Indeed marriage is a gamble but not the kalokalo type where you lose more than you gain. It is a win-win affair. All things being equal only marriage offer ground for love to bloom and BEAR fruit.
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olanajim (m)
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For ladies: DON'T MARRY SOMEONE BECAUSE YOU GOT IMPREGNATED BY HIM. If you don't love him, if he isn't interested in your pregnancy, why tie yourself to a life of despair? Prevention is better than cure. That is why abstinence is the best. Those you are impregnated by mistake as far as I know are foolish people who ought to thank God for giving them unwanted pregnancy instead of HIV virus. As for the guys, I reserve my comment because I am a guy.
Tell that your friend to do something fast. If they truly love one another, they can rebuild their love. Who knows, money might be at the centre of their problem.
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karl ken (m)
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@poster.Marriage is rather the beginning of true love.I am talking about true compatible workable marriage here.If marriage is the end of love then that institution would have collapsed  |
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McDoe (m)
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I still stand to be convinced that marriage is the beginning of love. Men, have you ever loved a girl? Are you now saying that the way you need each other then is the same way u would need a wife?
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olanajim (m)
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Mcdoe, the only way you can know is to do any of these.
One, don't marry. Don't even bother to plan for it. Live your life in Romeo and Juliet type or the Titanic style. Be honest with you girl. Tell her you don't believe in marriage. So sell her your idea of perfect love. You would definitely have a recruit. Many shares your viem. Also, stop attending marriage functions since you don't believe in it. In short, practice what you believe and be a role model to others.
The second option is for you to try it. Try it out! Get married to a lovely lady you have always loved sincerely. I mean the lady that made your "Romeo and Juliet" love a reality. Be honest with yourself. Keep loving and don't marry for lust.
Betweem these two experiments, you would understand why marriage strenghten love. The only other option is for you to sit on the fence and watch others do it for you. You can be a fan, a spectator cheering or booing others as they rise and fall in love. It is a worthy experiment for you to undertake.
Goodluck
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McDoe (m)
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olanijim, your ideas/contributions as far as this thread is concerned are invaluable. But if marriage is not the end of love, why do married men still seek love elsewhere? Between you and I, we know very well that 95% of the so-called married men do the extra marital. Why is this so; don't you think it is as a result of lack of love which of course seemed to have vanish after marriage?.
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olanajim (m)
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Let me tell you, you statistic is wrong. 95% ? That is a scandal! The whole world is guilty. I agree tha married men flirts. What they sought after marriage is lust. It happens more to unmarried guys.
When people marry for money lust, or just because a lady got pregnant, at time some marry to please their parents, some marry because they are growing old and wouldn't want to be left behind etc all of these are obviously marriage of convinience. Marriage devoid of love in most cases. That is why it would not be stable.
Let me give you a parable. We know that a lot of youths are involved in 419 in Nigeria. Does that mean no honest youth exist is Nigeria? That is what is called fallacy of over-generation. You assumed that because some exceptions occured them everything must be discarded. That is not the way it should be.
Remember, you are also a product of marriage. Is it right to say you are from a useless institution?
Marriage no doubt have been losing it value due to our desire to by pass divine ordinance.
Why not give it a try. Get married to someone you love. Stay away from lust. Channel you energy at positive things. After marriage, keep loving your angel. Bear fruit and bloom, Hold it in your mind that happiness is your birthright, that love, affection are non negotiable. Be determined to love unselfishly, Then wait to see if Romeo and Juliet won't envy you. Don't look failure, it may become your vision. Look at success and go for it.,
your friend marriage failed because of the seed he sow. Seed of lust, unrestraint sexual gratification etc. So they are reaping what they sow. You have a choice, try it or leave it. Every deeds produce a multiplied result.
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mubowa (f)
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well, y'all' can prove ur point. but whether u like it or yes, my marriage will be the the beginning of new love life for me in jesusu name (amen)
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presido1
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Remember, you are also a product of marriage. Is it right to say you are from a useless institution?
May be he is not hence he abhore the institution. |
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Babykijos (f)
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Immagine the world witout marriage! Although, love in dating has some tantalizing effects than as in marriage.
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Babykijos (f)
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May be he is not hence he abhore the institution.
Haba, how can he abhor an institution that saw him to the world? |
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McDoe (m)
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I did not say marriage is not good. Please get me clear. I am only asking to know from the house if love as always experienced in ordinary dating can be sustained after marriage. This question is being prompted by the seeming lack of love between married couples. You are therefore to look at the isssue critically and make your contributions without prejudice.
Thanks for helping me to throw more light on the issue |
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McDoe (m)
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More contibutions from the house please
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presido1
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Haba, how can he abhor an institution that saw him to the world?
Do u think everybody comes out of marriage? because we have single mothers that are not as a result of divorce. |
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izeek (m)
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hi its been along time,
just saw ur profile again and tot i say hi.
hope you are fine.
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olanajim (m)
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Mcdoe, I understand your logic. You want to know why most couple lost the love steam after marriage rather than the way you put it. The question or the topic should have gone this way. 'why do couple lost interest in one another after marriage, or why do they seem to lose "steam" after marriage' We would then examine whether their is love in it or the love was simply lust.
Frankly, this topic could save alot of potential heartbreak and rescure a falling relationship. Let take it from there and see if we can get into the root of the problem. Bring out more and let examine them. Who knows we would be doing our generation a whole lot of good by helping them not to jump into marriage or jump out of marriage when the storm gather momentum.
As for the fellow who said not everybody is a product of marriage. Right and wrong. Right because, you are right. Some chaps were actually born out of wedlock. Some are product of lust. Yet,there were those who are a product of accidental discharge. A lot to say.
Wrong because you tried to generalise by using single parents who are not married. Most of these single parents actually married. Legally or illegally, marriage is marriage. Most of them come to that level because 'love turn sour' . In a way, you cannot use them as a perfect example. They are to me a great example of mis-match in love, marriage and relationship. They let sex drives beclouded their sense of judgement and fell for the wrong guy. Let us look at it critically and see if we could find out why love turn sour. Be it in marriage or dating. Many young lads could be saved of heart break.
The whole thing become more interesting, when you find that some "love birds date one another for over five years and still terminate the affair in acrimonious circumstance. Yet, some couples actually had few month date and ended in a lasting bliss.It isn't about marriage, the problem must be exhumed for "nairalanders' critical disection. It is not about a person but the society
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McDoe (m)
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@ olanijim: You are a very constructive and reasonable guy. For the sake of your contributions, I have decided to re-phrase the thread. Thanks.
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showstopa
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marriag is for matured minds
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McDoe (m)
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marriag is for matured minds
How would you descibe a matured mind in this situation? |
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gabongee (f)
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i think marriage is what u make out of it,its a personal tin,apart 4m d fact that sum people go in2 it 4reasons oda dan true love,d situatn of this country mkes one so impatient,even in rltnships its not all smooth sailing,dr r ups n downs so it is in lyf(marriage)if it were al rosy d clause 4 beta 4 worse wunt b dr,i think couples shld b more patient wit each oda,realisin that we r 4m difft backgrunds,culture,etc.even d marryd men hu flirt most of them wil not abadon dr wifes 4 a fling no mater what,except d babe use juju.please try 2 diffrentiate btwn love n infatuatn,most of these men/women r just infatuated simply because of what dy c in d oda person
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McDoe (m)
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Why do they say that marriage is not a bed of roses?
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McDoe (m)
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Or why so many men and women take to fun outside their matrimonial homes?
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olanajim (m)
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Thanks for the honour, Mcdoe. Marriage is not a bed of roses. You see, nature thrives on conflict. Without conflicts, there can never be real progress! Yet, what men want is to move toward stability, to try to reach comfort zone. The higher we move, the more challenges we encounter, mostly what we did not anticipate in the begining. To stay on course, to maintain stability, we must 'resist' and 'fight' any obstacle we encoutered. To relax is to begin a steady downward fall to the bottom. To stay immobile and stop 'fighting' is to risk being trampled upon by those willing to risk, and if are not lucky, you may end at the bottom. And the cycle repeat itself until you expire and leave no trace that show you have ever existed. Nobody want to have problems or experience instability. In reality,however, these two make us a greater person if we suceed in overcoming them. The 'sages' know this that is why they warns in advance that you should not expect marriage as a bed of roses if you want to be truly great. If you want to enjoy it. It is their way of helping youths disband the fantasies they nurtured during courtship most of which are illusions.
It is indeed possible to have a marriage which is bed of roses! But with a prize tag that take you to where you hate to be.
Think about it, Rose itself is a mystery. It is beautiful to behold, great smell; it symbolize love and beauty. We all want it. But, Roses, emerge from thorns! A very sharp thorn.I was once given a stem years ago by my pal in the north when I went visiting. I saw a rose garden and told my friend I would love to have at least a plant. He told me how to cultivat it but i wasn't listening. I was day dreaming of having real Rose garden. Where I want it to be etc. In the end, he gave me a bag on the eve of my departure. I was stunned to find that it is filled with stem with dangerous thorn. The pain I experienced from each thorn lasted hours! I had never been in such pain before. My brother, it pay to feel it!
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