New Software Wahala

A guy wrote to his systems analyst when he had   problems with his
"equipment"
 
Dear Systems Department,
 
I am desperate for some help! I recently upgraded my program from
"Girlfriend 7.0" to "Wifey 1.0" and found that the new program began
unexpected child Processing and also took up a lot of space and valuable
resources.
 
This wasn't mentioned in the product brochure.
 
In addition "Wifey 1.0" Installs itself into all other programs and
launches during systems Initialization and then it monitors all other
system activities.
 
Applications such as "Boys' Night out 2.5" and "Soccer 5.3" no longer
Run, and crashes the system whenever selected.
Attempting to operate Selected "Saturday Football 6.3" always fails and
"Saturday Shopping 7.1" runs instead.
 
  I cannot seem to keep "Wifey 1.0" in the background, whilst
attempting to run any of my favorite applications. Be it online
  or offline.
 
  I am thinking of going back to "Girlfriend7. 0", but uninstall
doesn't work on this program. Can you please help?
   
  ,  AND THIS WHAT THE ANALYST SAID
 
  Dear Customer,
 
  This is a very common problem resulting from a basic misunderstanding
of the functions of the "Wifey1.0" program.
 
Many customers upgrade from "Girlfriend 7.0" to "Wifey 1.0"  thinking
that "Wifey 1.0" is merely a UTILITY AND ENTERTAINMENT PROGRAM.
 
  Actually, "Wifey 1.0"  is an OPERATING SYSTEM designed by it's
Creator to Run everything. You are unlikely to be able to purge "Wifey 1.0"
and still convert back to "Girlfriend 7.0", as "Wifey 1.0" was not
designed to do this and it is impossible to uninstall, delete or purge the
program files from the System once it is installed.
 
  Some people have tried to install "Girlfriend 8.0" or "Wifey 2.0"
  but have ended up with even more problems. (See manual under
Alimony/Child Support and Solicitors' Fees).
 
  Having " Wifey 1.0"  installed, I recommend you keep it installed And
deal with the difficulties as best as you can. When
  any faults or problems Occur, whatever you think has caused them, you
must run the C:\APOLOGIZE\ FORGIVE ME Program and avoid attempting to
use the *Esc-Key for it will freeze the entire system. It may be
necessary to run  C:\APOLOGIZE\ FORGIVE ME for a number of times, and
eventually hope that the operating system will return to
  normal.
 
  "Wifey 1.0", although a very high maintenance program, can be very
rewarding. To get the most out of it, consider buying additional Software
  such as "Flowers 2.0" and "Chocolates 5.0" or  "HUGS\KISSES 600.0" or
  "TENDERNESS \UNDERSTANDING 1000.0", or even "Eating Out Without the
Kids 7.2.1" (if child processing has already started).
 
  DO NOT under any circumstances install "Secretary 2.1" (Short Skirt
Version) or "One Nightstand 3.2" (Any Mood Version), as this is not a
supported  Application for "Wifey 1.0" and the system will almost
certainly CRASH.



BEST OF LUCK!
 
Your Anonymous Systems Analyst