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FlyLyde
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We have a lot of plans for the future that include getting me a degree in the u.s and a green card.
For the past few months I've been skeptical about his fidelity as a result of some tell tale signs and this has caused a lot of friction between us. The lady in question keeps calling him in the middle of the night and sends him SMS saying things like 'I'll always be faithful to you' and all sorts of trash.
I confronted him a couple of times and he said he's got nothing to do with her.I got tired of it all and decided to face my worst fears and so I sent the trick message through a friend's email and our guy fell for it.
He mentioned that the other lady was the love of his life and that he wants to marry her!
I was even more devastated when he said I was a mere crush but suprisingly I was quick to get my self together. I've not mentioned a word to him and I've been wondering whether I should play along and let it flow or just confront him and let everything go. I really need to decide.
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naira4doll (m)
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I suggest you play along for him to get you there. I've played this trick before and it worked, it really helped me from falling in love with the wrong girl. Be happy u know the truth.
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Sweet T (m)
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@Flylyde
Hey, becareful what you wish for. Been there, done that. Playing games makes things worse !
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Ugwumba (m)
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@ Fly, at 18 (your profile) don't you think it's a little too early for such games and talk of marriage?
Lots more you can do with your life than worry about such lowlifes.
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FlyLyde
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mr ugwumba sir where did you see 18?
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davidylan (m)
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i would say play along and let him get u to the states before you confront him but on the other hand honesty remains the best policy. When you talked of "planning your futures together" i noticed you hammered more on the him getting you over to the US which seems to me one of the reasons you are "in love with him". Which seems to me the only reason you are willing to play along with him.
Be honest with him, confront him and walk away with your pride intact. If it is God's plan for you to be in the states He will definitely make a way for you without you having to stoop so low for someone who doesnt deserve you.
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ebos (m)
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Make a little effort and remind him of his earlier promise, but if he insist marrying the other girl, then back-out. Marriage is not force. This is the time now to avoid any regret in the near future. Hope u don't him because he's a yankee stuff.
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olanajim (m)
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Wao! I love what you did. You have actually began the process of smoking him out of your life. Believe in what he told u that he didnt love you. That is his darkest secret. Play a little bit of game on him and get more evidence to nail him. All this while calmly begin search for your soulmate. But don't confront him. He would find excuse. Arrange to meet him at a convinience location to flirt with you. Let him discover his folly by making him believe you are real< i am talking of your online identity> you can do it in two ways:either get someone you trust to set him up or you act the stuff yourself. All you need is a damning evidence that would exposes his own lies to him. Then, do something fast before he brainwash you.
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champredd (m)
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ALERT, be very careful, any man who doesn't want to marry you and want to (export) take you to the US could be a trafficker.
That's one of the reasons why Nigeria still remain high on the list of human trafficking countries.
Don't follow a man you don't trust. It's better to stay at home and build a live than go outside and be a forced prostitute.
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Seun (m)
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Do you really think a open cheat like your boyfriend going to
give you what you want without getting anything in return?
Do you think he will waste years of his life on a girl he no
longer loves or respects, just to get her a green card?
Don't take your naughty boyfriend for a fool. Dump him and move on.
You don't even have to make a scene. Just let him know that
you have read his message and you've decided to call it quits since
he no longer feels the way he used to feel about you. Who knows?
Out of guilt he might be in a position to help you in the future.
Always break up amicably, so your relationship won't be a complete waste. For the future's sake.
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olanajim (m)
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That is the best idea, seun. I hope the lady read the hand writting on the wall before she become another story of love ending badly.
My best part; IF YOU MUST QUIT, DON'T SLAM THE DOOR, YOU MAY NEED THE DOOR AGAIN, NO MATTER.
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angel101 (f)
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I totally agree with Seun. His plans are obviously different from yours so bounce while u still have the chance to do it with some dignity.
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olanajim (m)
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Seun was right. But it depend on the man you are dealing with. The best advice sometimes has a hole. So if a guy intentionally make a fool of a woman for selfish reason, it is a different ball game at any rate, only the patient know which drug works the best for his ailment. Doctors just prescribes and monitor your reaction until you get better.
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smile007
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That is the secret ! Be wise  |
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Man-eater (f)
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@ Fly, how do u know he's not playing u already with the "Marriage and Travel" card. Guys know most naija girls will jump at that opportunity and thats what to use to entice them.
your already being played, especially if u know he doesnt want to marry u. i know a guy that tricked a chic with getting her a UK visa just to get in her pants and when it was done, he bailed.
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angel101 (f)
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lol @ travel card. na london underground?  |
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olanajim (m)
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There is something that bother me though. Are you dating him because u want to travel out ? Are you so passionate about the green card? Can you fund your way abroad if he take you there and abandon you? I just say i mention. Maybe, you know better.
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olanajim (m)
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There is something that bother me though. Are you dating him because u want to travel out ? Are you so passionate about the green card? Can you fund your way abroad if he take you there and abandon you? I just say i mention. Maybe, you know better.
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mellow (m)
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Do you really think a open cheat like your boyfriend going to
give you what you want without getting anything in return?
Do you think he will waste years of his life on a girl he no
longer loves or respects, just to get her a green card?
Don't take your naughty boyfriend for a fool. Dump him and move on.
You don't even have to make a scene. Just let him know that
you have read his message and you've decided to call it quits since
he no longer feels the way he used to feel about you. Who knows?
Out of guilt he might be in a position to help you in the future.
Always break up amicably, so your relationship won't be a complete waste. For the future's sake.
Seun is right. you may play all the games you can and yet will not get anything at all. So just walk out with your head high and forget about the piece of garbage. |
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deekseen (m)
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@ Fly, how do u know he's not playing u already with the "Marriage and Travel" card. Guys know most naija girls will jump at that opportunity and thats what to use to entice them.
your already being played, especially if u know he doesnt want to marry u. i know a guy that tricked a chic with getting her a UK visa just to get in her pants and when it was done, he bailed.
This guy is right. I'm sure you're going to be the subject of mockery when he is together with the other lady. Just bail out now, confront him and pray he only promised the other lady marriage to play games with her. But in any case i think he's dangerous because both of yo may just be preys to him. |
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kutitosin (m)
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Hi dear, don't know you but i feel your pain. It not easy moving from one guy to another so i guess as the bible says, wisdom is profitable unto man. Apply some form of wisdom and make sure you get all you can from him. Play along and make sure you don't loose completely. Take care dear
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stellose (f)
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@fly, the guy might be telling both of you the same thing. this guy , the way i view him, might not even take you to any america. my girl, america will not kill you ok, to thrash this issue with him, wait till he comes back, sit him down and tell him all alright, when telling him about the phone stuff. show him the test message aswell. then wait for him to tell you if his grand mother or grand father sent you that. secondly, still be with him and see if he is still that same guy you know, if he does not show any sign of love or affection to you, just bounce from that relationship, but make that as to remain friends ok. love you.  |
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Eiregirl (f)
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If you play with fire, you're going to get burned! You know that you've done no wrong to him so hold onto your dignity, leave him & hold your head high. For him, what goes around comes around.
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olanajim (m)
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ORO OKUNUKUN OJU KUNUKU LAA FIN WO!
That is yoruba ways of saying serious matter deserves serious attention. I am not yoruba proper, but I know it is true.
By now, the girl would have been confused by the numerous beautiful advices posted on this thread. Each one of them has merrit when adapted to their peculiar situation. I advise the girl to look deeper and let wisdom guide her. As the scripture had rightly posted."LEAN NOT ON YOUR OWN UNDERSTANDING, ACKNOWLEGE GOD AND HE WOULD DIRECT YOUR STEPS"
Be positive. Don't act until you are sure you got it right.
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ferdimako1
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Women want to propose or hearken to one once they know the money and better opportunities are abound. Those are the places and things that will always allure them. Some never live to enjoy anything, some live to advise other women. If a guy tells a lady, he is no longer loving her, should that guy be killed? Women run away from their masters after using their monies to graduate or travel abroad. So why the hullabaloo? Women first when the front is nice but men first when is so dangerous.
If this lady pretends and gets to the US, the guy must have tried to pay for expenses. No be small thing oh! Are we afraid she can't take care of herself there??? Parasites!!!
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rossy4life (f)
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My sister, it is hard to let go atimes because u think you've wasted so much on the relationship. Like seun said if truly he's wants to marry the other girl he won't help you. You should know the way men are, before they help you, you must have paid double of the worth of their help. If you love him let him know how you feel, and PLS DON'T PLAY GAMES, there are many responsible men out there who appreciate a woman's worth.
Another clue, don't let a man dump you for another girl, it's very painful, if he is faster to dump you, don't give him the impression you can't live without him. I'm sure you get the message.
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olababe (f)
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Why don't you see it like this too my dear,
--- that your guy is playing the other girl and not you
-- that he sent that reply so the girl might fall for him
--- that he is only doing all that so the girl can believe he is in love and flee after he has got what he wants from her.
Note the ffg;
1 The fact that a guy loves you doesn't mean he can sleep with someone else.
2 The fact that he didn't tell you he's going out with the girl means he still respect you.
my dear, every guy is a cheat as far as i am concern
My advice just see each new day with him as the beginning of the end of the relationship, so that whenever the big news come, you'll be able to take it.
i am experiencing the same thing with my boyfriend and i can tell how you feel, don't jump into conclusions.
if you have to leave him, leave him wout his green card, you can be the best wout him, wout any man.
God bless
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RichyBlacK (m)
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@poster, I'll suggest you have a frank discussion with him, either when he is in the country (preferable) or over the phone (not a great idea but okay). Do not play any stupid games, just confront him directly with ask him hard, straight, precise questions concerning your relationship. His answers will tell you a lot. Goodluck  |
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osteen (m)
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Tricky one here. looking at it critically u can win or loss the game. Playing the fool might not get u there because that means he gets all he wants including the sex  . And choosing that other option will definately end up with u not going to the USA. But if u are a risk taker then play the fool. |
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crazyp (f)
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just confront him & see his reaction
if u're not satisfied, pull out fast.
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davidylan (m)
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the lure of a green card and schooling in the US obviously blinded her eyes. |
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