In Love With A Much Older Man

Hi everyone, i need your candid opinion on what i should do.

I am in love with a man who is in his late 40's and i am just in my early 20's. he loves me madly and does all he can to make me happy and keep me. he is divorced with no kids and i feel that i will be happy with him, HE WANTS TO MARRY ME

My parents may not accept him and my friends think that he is too old but i believe that in life, one has to do what make one happy. They feel that he may die anytime but i try to make them understand that even a younger man may die anything to GOD knows what, accident, sickness etc.

What should i do? leave him and look for a  younger guy or be happy with him even if it is for one day, i don't know, whatever decision i make wherther positive or negative will still affect me in the sense that if i marry him, anything can happen and if i don't what gives me the assurance that it is greener on the other side,

Please people,  help a sister,

@ Poster.

Like 'Funmi said, you need to pray about it. Aside that, please try as much as possible to find out if the guy is hiding something from you. You know questions just keep popping out of my mind.

How long was his first marriage?
Why did he divorce his ex wife? (though you will have to consider the ex's reason too) You can't just believe him without hearing the ex's side of the story.
Very importantly, why are there no kids while his first marriage lasted?

Friend, get him to answer some important questions and pray seriously. there's nothing marrying an older person.

Thanks for you reply guys. I have asked him all these things, they were married for 12 years with no kids and i think they had some other personality problem that let to communication break. one thing led to another and she left after which they got a divorce.

One more thing i 4got to say, HE IS MY FIRST AND ONLY GUY I HAVE EVER SLEPT WITH and we have been going out for 4years.

I have been praying and i really don't know what i should do.

@ Poster.

Considering the fact that you gus have been seeing each other for 4 years now, I'D say it's been quite long.

But the questions keep coming up

-Their childlessness for twelve years, was is intentional? As in, was it as a result of family planning?

-What are the personality problems he had with his ex? we need to be very carefull and detailed about what really happened between them. this will help a lot in having an idea of what it's going to be like if you get married to him.

- If he is in his late forty's now, and you guys have been going out for like 4 years, then, that strongly suggest that there was a period he was alone or with someone else. Except if he married in his early thirties. If there was a lady before you after his marriage collapsed, then what happened between himself and the lady? And if there isn't a lady, then, was he just keeping to himself?

My dear, am just trying to use logics and reasoning in trying to analyse and really know what is it with this guy since you said you've prayed about it and you are still confused. And believe me, we need to ask questions and answer them as honest as possible.

I strongly believe there is something he is hiding from you. It could be something(s) about his personality or his biological being! Please don't be surprise. Please answer the questions above and we continue from there.

There is nothing wrong in getting married to an older person, but make sure he is not hiding anything from you that could jeopardise your future fufillment.

Just be careful n be wise

hi guys, thanks a lot for all the advice.

What i mean by personality problem is that his wife was a very proud person and as you know, u men also have your pride. She did some things that he disliked such as going to different churches, bringing in so called men of GOD and so on, it later turned out that she was the problem because she had a problem with her womb, with the hurt and all, communication broke.

For his fertility, he is fertile, i know, we are all adults so you should understand.

It was shortly after the breakup that we met, we didnt go out immediately, he gave me (and maybe himself)  time and my respect for 1 year before anything happened between us and he still respects me till today.

If you love him, then go for it. But if your parents do not support it, then don't go through with it. That is my opinion. In many ways, age is only a number. But he is old, And I'm assuming at least 25 years older than you. If you have children, they may not have their father around. Then you may be left to raise your children alone. Sometimesother factors besides love are involved in a relationship.

The concern that I also have though, is that he is already divorced, and now going for someone so young? Maybe it's because he wants kidsbut I don't know. Just a little weird to me.

I agree. The things that people do for love is incredible these days. Though their are situations where you don't really need parental advice.

hi guys,

its more complicated than that, my mom is dead from when i was a little girl. i have a step mother that i don't get along with very well and my father is very biased, he only wants me to marry someone from my state which is almost impossible because i can't stand them.

I say my family may not accept him, because they already know him very well but not as someone i am going out with but as someone who leave on thesame street with my fathers younger sister. They even know him and his ex-wife before she travelled out after the divorce but they have not said anything about them because they are very private people. They only raised an eyebrow once when they suspected that something was going on between us.

B easy girl. I really smell sumtin fishy about this your man.but all il do is advice.just don't be too busy thinking about how much he spoils you, but smart to know what  u r getting into.there's this saying that goes like when you're too close you never get to see a lot of things.just draw back a little bit you might be suprised what you'll get to find.

Seun, please install the ROFL icon on this site because that's what I'm doing right now.

my only grouse with the man is the childlessness issue. i mean childless for 12 years? how sure are you that the guy is telling the truth that the fault was with his ex-wife.

now my advice is this ,  (this is what i will do if i happened to be in your shoes and i am madly in love with the guy,

a) get pregnant for the guy before you get married to him or commit yourslef legally.

this advice may shock many people but it kind of sorts a lot of things,
1) whether the guy is fertile or not,  if after about 6months of hot sex and you no 'take in', the guy probably has a problem. just leave him ASAP as move on with your life.
2) your parents will be forced to accept your union. they will just talk and talk and talk, after sometime, they will relax. am saying this giving the way you explained the relationship between you and your step mum as well as your father's attitude.

Yes, Pray to God for more enlightment because "WE guys ARE dangerous WICKED".I mean we are not so easy to understand by ladies.

Let me tell U something from what i do,"I'M A PLAYER" and i can get any woman i desire by saying those sweet things that ladies like to hear. , .Like you are my last bus stop,You have everything i need in a woman,You may think I'm older that you but i can put myself down to your levels,I will die if you don't marry me. . . etc

My advice for you is that you should pray to God to show you if he's your manI mean PRAYER !!!

KOMA LO JE PE WON FE GBA E NI O. . .

be careful,take ur tyme n pray.that is al ive got to say

Le me say it this way
1. he has been dating u for the past 4 years, which means u were about 17 or 18 then and he already 40 ! ( child abuse !)

2. he is the first and the only Manchester United ve known, which means (a) he took advantage of an innocent inexperienced, underaged young girl (that is a crime that can fetch him 6 years improsonment) that man is harthless (b) u think he is the best because u ve not sampled any other, try some younger  and more careing guy and u will know the different, ( u don't know what your missing)

3. he is divoced after 12 years of friutless marrage without issue, let me warn you, the first wife left because he is IMPOTENT,( tell him i said so), go on with the marrage if (a) u don't want to nurse your own kids, or (b) if u want to have extra marital affair in order to have your own issues


BOTTOM LINE: HE IS TAKING ADVERTANGE OF U, AND IF I CATCH HIM, GOD HELP THE BOTH OF US