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olanajim (m)
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Most people often wonder why love dim it light after marriage. They have tried to know reason and reasons why couples that had had a beautiful courtship, and true love soon become stranger after marriage. Or why men ran away from home they once loved.
Some even wonder if love ends with marriage. Maybe there is a problem yet to be fairly identified. The truth however is that LOVE IS A CRIPPLE THAT MUST BE SUPPORTED BEFORE IT REACH IT DESTINATION. However strong your love is, you must be able to provide support for it to stand.
This thread would aim at focusing on one of the most crucial platforms upon which relationship can prosper. "Family financing"
Family finances deal with how to manage finances relating to family. Everything which has to do with money.
Let me begin with what happened to my neighbour last weekend as an example.
The wife is always wasting foods. She would cook food meant for four people anytime she is cooking for her hubby even though they don't have a kid or househelp. The remaining leftover often ends in dustbin. The man is a prudent type who dislike wastage of any form. He is gentle and very understantanding. He had often called the wife aside to explain his point but the lady would jokingly call him a 'miser'.
Her argument is that 'it is good to always have a leftover in pot'.
Their once hitherto lovely home is gradually becoming hostile. The man had started losing his cool and had began tactical withdrawal from home!
I want us to carry it from there and weigh it critically. Who knows this may save many family with similar problems and help young lovers to equipe themselves with one of the vital ingredient of happy home.
What are the issues? How do we handle it especially where the two hold diversed opinion? What should be done and what other areas do you think need closer attention.
Sometimes we think love just turn sour after marriage but experience had shown that issues like this can be catalyst for crisis. Let share your view.
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omoge (f)
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well sometimes it is hard to measure food in Nigeria. if you don't know how to measure then you end up cooking more food. my aunt cook meals for like four people when it's just she and her hubby. she ends up putting left over in the fridge. which will be warmed for another meal.
so this lady should do the same thing: put left over food in the fridge for another day. she can get measuring cups to use too. my mom uses empty peak milk cup as her measuring cup when she is cooking and it helped a great deal. here in school, i still have an empty cup of milk for measuring rice. the other 6plastic measuring cups i use with flour etc. 1 peak milk cup of rice or beans should be enough to prevent wastage as i share fridge with my roommates.
the guy should not worry but help the wife. whenever they are done eating, he should go to the kitchen and pour the left over food in a bowl, cover it and put it in the fridge. if the wife says let's pour it away, he should tell her the food is so delicious that i will want to eat it again.
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olanajim (m)
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Strangely, the lady hate to eat leftovers! She would say they 'are not fresh'! In fact, that is the bane of the problem. It is not as if they can't measure food, the lady just like to see left overs!
They don't have fridge. So that make things harder.
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Lamod
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Maybe there should be cost sharing. So that she may understand the pain of having to throw money away. In relationships when the lady is just gulping it down, chances are that she wont apprecite the value of money use to buy the food.
Ladies are not to blame sha. They are just trying to make you happy
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omoge (f)
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oh i see. if she does not like left over, why not cook the amount they both would need? it's not hard to know the amount 2 people would need to fill their stomach.
i've met someone who doesn't like left over. it's interesting that she said to me my cooked stew is left over. i told her nope, it isn't because i make stew that will last me 3-4 days because i might not have time during the week.
she should know better to cook enough for 2!
instead of the guy getting upset, there are so many things they could do to solve the problem.
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olanajim (m)
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Could you provide examples, omoge?
Lamad, what is your view of cost sharing? Do you think ladies of nowaday would go with the stuff? By the way, can we extent cost sharing to other department other than food? How realistic?
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omoge (f)
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1 specify how much they would need for food (1,000 naira for food for 2 weeks) so buy the amount they need.
2 buy fridge (no fridge in the house you stated above) in this age? there are small fridge out there and affordable too
3 once they are done eating, oga go into the kitchen to store away the food himself (must invest in fridge and plastic bowls)
4 talk to the wifey more instead of vex and leave the house
5 show the wife how much he can eat (lol) maybe the wife thinks oga eats much food so she cooks much.
6 join the wifey in the kitchen
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PTH (m)
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a woman who is not prudent with resources is a complete turn off for me.
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omoge (f)
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lol you mean one that can count seeds or rice and bean is the one you like?  just messing with you, smile  |
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olanajim (m)
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Omoge, that is a fantastic idea you know. Thanks. You are very accurate.
However, the fridge thing would still remain since NEPA problem is there to tackle. They may have to buy a small generator to go with it if the problem could be solve that way. A generator would also attract regular investment in fuel.
As for food budget, let take it in general term, how realistic can that be? To have effective budget is very wise. It make family feel in control of there finance ane offer allowance to meet other expectations like house bills etc. Any input in that aspect?
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olanajim (m)
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PT, We are all from difference background and with varying experiences, knowledge, and personal ideologies. The little things such as this are harmless when observed from an edge. But on a larger scale, they contribute to the stress we notice in once upon a time rosy affair.
No two human would you find to be in perfect agreement in everything. To a friend, relative, even parents, you can always pospone the evil day. But a girlie or wifey is going to be with you possibly till death do you part. That is why you must learn to cohabit together. When things like this happen and you waive it aside as of no issue, two things come to mind. One, you are further indulging the other partner. Two, you may trigger chain reactions that would lead to crack in the home.
The women may mean well, trying to please you. But, you may never know what goes on in her mind till you know.
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Lamod
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Cost sharing, is just my way of encouraging prudency. If a lady know she is also footing the bill, she may think twice before squandering the resource. Today, we have a situation where ladies can be more prosperous than their husband. At time, the husband may be poor while the wife is rich.
I have this weird couple in my cousin's place. The wife earns more than the husband. The husband is a lazy type, he had never seem to be able to stay on job. This man will simply sit back and watch the lady do household chores, cook, attend to children without offering assistance even when the baby is crying!
Funny enough, the lady doesn't mind at all. She seem to be enjoying it. She kneel down for the man while serving, all in the name of love. Anyway, the trouble is, if this man buy food for family consumption, which is rare, he will start preaching prudency, and things like that. He want the lady to 'manage' and stop wasting food. On the other hand, if it is the woman that buy with her money and waste food, the man would not complain. He would in fact eat more than everyone combined.
When we share cost, we know when money is being wasted.
Yes, cost sharing can be extended to other areas. Home maintainance, paying children tuition, emergency plan such as medical bills, etc it takes planning. Without planning, marriage may be affected.
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olanajim (m)
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Lamod,
thanks. Maybe cost sharing indeed help. But in a world where women are marrying the highest bidder, I wonder if any lady would like to share cost of home maintainance with their husband. Isn't that the reason they don't marry a poor man? Maybe they have another reason.
As for the man you cited in your example, I suggest you advise the lady to go pretend to be broke for a month so the man may know the value of hunger. I bet he would learn prudency since he is jobless.
I think it is fair for men being fed by women to respect the hand feeding them.
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