Lafta Melisine - Laughing till your sides aches you !!!

Funny pixs. Thanks.

Nice.
No offence meant, but na so u be when u small esp d Shacking part.

lol! u guys are doing a good job

Hausa flight discussion 

A flight from London to Kano develops faults in Nigerian airspace.
very worried the captain calls the Aminu Kano airport.
"Aminu kano airport this is captain smith reporting flight 007""Do you copy?"
Kano tower;- "yes Alhaji Smith we cofi"
British Airways "Flight 007 Reporting technical faults"
Kano tower;- "kai haba!"
British Airways; - "sorry tower couldnt get that"
Kano tower; - "okay phlight 00Seben kan you tune fawa in injin?"
British Airways; - "Negative power in engines dead"
Kano tower;- "Walahi?"
British Airways; - "Negative didnt copy"
Kano Tower;- "Kan u kom down to altitude twenty thousand peet?"
British Airways;- "negative tower, wings wont respond"
Kano tower;- "kai!"   
British Airways;- "negative didnt copy that tower"
Kano Tower;- "okay d flane will kom down in som time due to low injin fawa,ofun yo taya at altidute sis thousan fit, due 1st sebenty digri" 
British Airways;- "Negative, can't activate the landing gear"
Kano tower;- 'wayyo!'   
British Airways;- "awaiting order, flight 007"
Kano Towers;- "okay refit apta me" 
British Airways;- "okay what?"
Kano Tower;- "ASHADU ANLA ILAHA ILLALAHU, WA ASHADU ANNA MUHAMMADAN RASULULLAHI!  (Prayer for the dying)

@ mishoo nice one the joke is really cool n nice pics

Lovely

funny
na real lafta melinise

THE NEW ASDA HEALTH MACHINES!

>  One day, in line at the works cafeteria, Jack says to Mike behind  him,
>
>  "My elbow hurts like hell. I suppose I'D better see a doctor."
>  "Listen, don't waste your time down at the surgery," Mike replies.
>  "There's a diagnostic computer at Asda. Just give it a urine sample
>and the computer will tell you what's wrong, and what to do about it.
>It takes ten seconds and only costs five pounds, a lot quicker  and
>better than a doctor".
>  So Jack collects a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Asda.
>
>  He deposits five pounds, and the computer lights up and asks for the
>urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds.
>  Later, the computer ejects a printout:
>  "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy
>activity. It will improve in two weeks".

>  That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was,  Jack
>began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some  tap
>water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and
>daughter, and masturbated into the mixture for good measure.

>  Jack hurried back to Asda, eager to check what would happen. He
>deposits five pounds, pours in his concoction, and awaits the  results.

>  The computer prints the following:
>
>   1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
>   2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
>   3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
>   4. Your wife is  pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
>  5. And if you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never
>get better, thank you for shopping at Asda

A man was bathing while his wife was in the bedroom when the doorbell sounded. The man shouted “Honey, would you go and answer the door because there is lathe in my eyes”. The lady put a towel on her body as she went to answer the door. It was John, the next door neighbour who was at the door and was surprised to see the lady only in towels for the first time. He gulped and said “Hi Sue. You look stunning!!” “Thanks” She said. The Man asked “Is Henry in?” ”He’s in the Bathroom at the moment” replied the lady. “I’ll give you two thousand Dollars if you can let the Towel down for just 2 minutes”. The Lady then allowed the Towel to slip to the floor.  The Man gave her the Two Thousand Dollars and walked happily back to his House.
When the lady got back inside the room, the man asked who was at the door. The lady replied it was John, their next door neighbour. “Good” The man replied “I hope he gave you the two thousand he owes me”

An American, a Japanese, and a Nigerian were sitting naked in the sauna. Suddenly there is a beeping sound. The American presses his forearm and the beeping stops. The others look at him questioningly. "That's my pager," he says. "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm." A few minutes later a phone rings. The Japanese lifts his palm to his ear. When he finishes he explains, "That's my mobile I have a microchip in my hand." The Nigerian, feeling decidedly low-tech but not to be outdone, decided he had to do something just as impressive. He steps out of the sauna and goes to the toilet. He returns with a piece of toilet paper hanging from his butt. The others raised their eyebrows and said, "Wow! What's that?" "I'm getting a Fax," he explains.

A married couple is driving along a highway doing a steady   60   miles per hour. The wife  is behind the wheel. Her husband suddenly looks across at her and speaks in a clear voice. "I know we've been married for twenty years, but I want a divorce."

The wife says nothing,
Keeps looking at the road ahead but slowly increases her speed to   65   mph. The husband speaks again. "I don't want you to try and talk me out of it," He says, "because I've been having an affair with your best friend, And she's much more understanding and a far better lover than you are."
Again the wife stays quiet, But grips the steering wheel more tightly and slowly increases the speed to   75.   He pushes his luck. "I want the house," he says insistently.
Up to   80   . "I want the car, too," he continues.
85    mph. "And," he says, "I'll have the bank accounts, all the retirement fund and the boat!"
The car slowly starts veering towards a massive concrete bridge. This makes him nervous, so he asks her, "Isn't there anything you want?"
The wife at last replies in a quiet and controlled voice.
"No, I've got everything I need," she says.
"Oh, really," he inquires, "so what have you got?"

Just before they slam into the wall at 85 mph, the wife turns to him and smiles. "The airbag."

Moral of the Story :
Women are crazy!!!!   

Don't mess with them!!!

Just smile and pass this on to those who need a laugh today

Now we'll get to some moral stories !!

> A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to a
> meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp. They
> rub the lamp and a ghost appears. ! The ghost says, "Normally,one is
> granted
> three wishes but as you are three, I will allow one wish each"
> So the eager senior manager shouted, I want the first wish. I want to be
> in
> the Bahamas , on a fast boat and have no worries. Pfufffff, and he was
> gone.
> Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted "I want to be in
> Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails. "Pfufffff, and
> he was also gone.
> The boss calmly said," I want these two idiots back in the office after
> lunch at 12.35pm"


> Lesson I: "Always allow the bosses to speak first"
> ********************************************************************

Nice One Mishoo ;Do

 
> An American and a Japanese were sitting on the plane on the way to LA when
> the American turned to the Japanese and asked, "What kind of -ese are
> you?"
> The Japanese confused, replied, "Sorry but I don't u!nderstand what you
> mean." The American repeated, What kind of -ese are you?" Again, the
> ! Japanese was confused over the question. The American, now
> irritated, then
> yelled, "What kind of -ese are you ,  Are you a Chinese,
> Japanese, Vietnamese!, etc, "
> The Japanese then replied, "Oh, I am a Japanese." A while later the
> Japanese turned to the American and asked: What kind of 'kee' was he. The
> American, frustrated, yelled, "What do you mean what kind of '-kee' am
> I?!"
> The Japanese said, "Are you a Yankee, donkee, or monkee?"


> Lesson III - Never insult anyone.
> *********************************************************************

hmm