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g benga
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They have been dating for quite some time while the and they both knew they will get married oneday but as an average Nigerian man who believes in sex before marriage anytyme this man wants to make love with her she says she is a virginand will prefer waiting till that night u know that silly night people don use as a silly excuse even when somebody is sleeping with them in the corner. Ladies sha .
Anyway he accepted, waiting for the night, and now it comes only for him to discover that the level of depreciation of what is suppose to be intact is infact not measureable after so much money was spent on the glamorous wedding party with people from everywhere all around .
What do you think he should do? Send her away after not up to 12 hours of marriage or seek a divorce forgive and forget or call afamily meeting overthe matter. But what ever do you want to advice. Please note that if he sends her packing people will say that this man has been cursed since his marriage didn't last 12 hours before he sent his wife packing.
Have a nice time.
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Rhodalyn (f)
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do you mean she was not a virgin?
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Grizzly (m)
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"The depreciation of what is supposed TO be intact is in fact not measurable, ,"  ?? |
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babwilms (m)
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My guy, i think he should stay married to her and let the matter remain between both of them (no third party), but the lady has got questions to answer regarding the issue. The guy should distant himself away from her, like nt sleeping on the same bed, not sleeping with her anymore, nt eating her prepared meals, avoid her in all sort of manners, basically make life difficult for her until she accept her wrong deeds to the guy. The husband must be fully convinced that shes really sory for her actions before allowing things to go back to normal. But please no cheating on the wife
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dynamite (f)
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bad luck. if i were in his shoes, i'll call a family meeting to let them know about it and to tell them that if any thing should go wrong in the marriage (like if she starts cheating on me or we strt fighting for some reason), she will leave my house.
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babwilms (m)
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Allow calling the family meeting. Its nt wise to let family or anyone get involve in what goes on in your house (they most nt know about the matter or else he's going to end up marrying two wives and problem arises). He obviously don't want complication in his life. But your friend must make known unto his wife that if he ever caught her cheating on him, shes out of his life for ever and for good. But don't throw her out with any slight fighting in the marriage, their is always bound to be fights in marriage
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Rhodalyn (f)
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"The depreciation of what is supposed TO be intact is in fact not measurable, ," ?? tough english |
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glodave (f)
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I gust the Guy is not a Virgin? if yes, so what is there? he should try and see reason wit his lady (his wife), and try to forget everythings and move on.
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Seun (m)
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I don't think I can stay married to a woman that tells lies like that. One day she will definitely poison me just after confessing her undying love for me and run away with her new lover.
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Ralex (m)
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It is a question of trust , once trust is broken, it i diificult to mend.
The woman could have simply told the truth it is always easier to defend than to be caught out lying. The man has to make do. Pray to God for the strenght to trust her completly again. no need to call thrid parties
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nightrider
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Father to groom on wedding day- Goods not returnable once purchased
Groom to father - Contract void if seal is broken.
i think the guy should just call a family meeting, that kind of deception should not be hidden. She lied to him to get him to marry her, thats why its good to pray before marriage.
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pajimoh (m)
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Virgin or no Virgin hole is hole. we should try to remind ourselves that. She is a Virgin does not assured any away match, assuming after the husband breaking it and the wife desides to turn it to "brother put am" without the knowledge of the husband remenber it has no meter. So the man should stay with his wife.  |
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Rottweiler (m)
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Did he want a virgin for wife in the first place? If yes, then why did he try to make love to her? May be the poor girl just didn't want to have pre-marital sex with her husband-to-be. She obviously must have told the guy that she was a virgin because he guy asked. To me, this shouldn't be an issue at all. Call a family meeting? To discuss what? May be he should also call a family meeting when she goes to the toilet and forget to flush, |
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hayo (m)
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Jesus said,
"Let him who is clean throw the first stone" (My own version)
The lady did not do too well in deceiving the guy and making him look forward to what "HE DOES NOT DESERVE". The guy obviously is not that pious and was just looking for the opportunity of getting what he can't offer.
He should just forgive and forget because to start all over again is hard o and allowing family into this kind of matter will just expose him to ridicule. Your friends and family will even make jest of you when you are not there, maybe form a liitle and make his wife beg and promise to make up by being a faithful wife for life. Truth is if you meet your wife as a virgin - what gives you the assurance that once you remove the stringhold, she will not offer it to others?
Abeg, lets just hope she is a faithful wife and bet you, if he can forgive her, she will most likely make up for her past. A word is enough for the wise, KPAM
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bolaoni (m)
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Walahi g benga, I want to accuse you of piracy. You stole this topic from my mind. How did You know what I was thinking of posting? What will I do? This is a tough nut to crack o. Ha! imagine the bobo boasting to all his guys that his dearie has never been laid only to find out the truth later  Omo the house no go contain the 2 of us oooo  All the same remember the vow: 4 BETA 4 WORSE |
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AngelMary (f)
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Did his wife admit that she is not a virgin??? Or was it just an assumption? If it is just an assumption, he has to sit down and talk with the woman in question. In most cases,
there can be "depreciation of what is supposed TO be intact" if she had engaged in heavy activities pertaining to sports from her childhood. Or it could have been "missing" ever since her birth (which happens in rare cases)
If she had admitted that she is not a virgin, the guy should first check with his wife as to when things went wrong. If she had cheated him during their dating period, he should immediately send her back to her home. If this happened much before, she surely deserves a chance.
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julietnice (f)
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i suggest that the man should forgive the wife
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luridguy (m)
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how is he ever going to trust her again she should have just allowed him to have sex with her before marraige
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prince_onx
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Personally I won't want to marry a virgin except if it happen to be but really makes no difference! its the personality that count! but if I'm with a lady that claimed she is and we dated for a long time only to find out on the wedding night that she lied to me, I'll pick up the Mic, tell friends and family to eat and enjoy but as for wedding, CANCELED!
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ocho (f)
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how is he ever going to trust her again she should have just allowed him to have sex with her before marraige
or she should have just been honest from the very begining! At this point, i can only symphatize with him because that's one hell of a tough situation to be in, poor guy!  |
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comechop (m)
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People, if the love wee this man get for the woman just dey egbrititigbam, nna nothing wee the woman go do wee go comot the man mind from am. What i am saying is that if the man truly loves the woman, he's stick with her.
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brimbrack (m)
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this will definitely be a hard nut for the guy to crack, u know it is very difficult to rebuild trust once it is broken. if the guy is mature, which i assume he is 'because it takes maturity to make the marriage decision. i will advise him to 4give the babe and get on with life. if they are christians, i would also recommed that both of them should go and see a marriage counsellor.
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kimba (m)
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o boy, that one na bad news o!!
u know if its about marriage, u must pray very hard so that such a mistake wont occur,
i once read a news about what happened in the USA, about a guy who thought he had married a girl and later, after about 2-3yrs of awaiting child-birth, did some underground research only to reveal that the "lady" was born a man and he had done a sex-change when he was 18yrs old, and had changed names, birth certificates and national records about 3-times after the sex-change.
i think a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, since theres no hope of catching those in the bush,
my advise, seek counsel from a genuine child of God.
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lunafish (f)
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He shouldn't drop her like its hot just because she wasn't a virgin. Yes, she lied and that was wrong but it's such a trivial thing to divorce over. You're telling me that all of her character flaws would be non-existent if she was a virgin? Absurd. He married a woman, a PERSON, not a hymen therefore he should get over his patriarchal disapointment and be more focused on the future of their relationship and not let virginity get in the way.
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Renike (f)
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do u realize that some ladies lose the hymen and this does not mean they are sexually active sha?
i want to believe u know that
so what i would say is that the guy shld talk to his wife and find out whatz up,
if she has been sleeping around before, they would know how to deal with it,
I feel it would be really stupid to divorce now.
prob, forgive and forget would be their best option and carry from where they left
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IAH (f)
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If the man refuses to forgive her then he never really loved her. If he truly loves her, why should such a thing lead to a breakdown of their relationship?!!! And they are married!
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sage (m)
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Dont think it matters anyway. for the next 50 years its not going to solve any forking problem.
A guy that has such a problem really has a problem. What kind of love was he claiming to have?The only thing i have about it is that she lied.
But that might have come from a misguided idea that her husband would love her less. There is no rationale behind that kind of thinking unless he is thinking of her as primarily a fork material.
Besides i might as well as ask women why they keep claiming this and that? Whatever u are is no kind of plus whatsoever if you are dealing with me so what the forrk?
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jen jen (f)
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It should only matter if she really lied to him. He doesn't know that- I agree that he should speak to her. Sports and stuff could actually be to blame. To hold a family meeting, send her away, etc- Bizarre! They are married, they have made vows. You should try and stick to them for more than 12 hours. If he wasn't a virgin and she wasn't a virgin, then the only problem is that she didn't tell him. Communication should be a priority.
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ladebi (m)
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your right sis jen jen sports activity brakes the hymen .
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IBB Fan (m)
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i don't xpect 2 get married 2 a virgin on this earth because i don't believe they exist. she didnt hav 2 lie about it in d 1st place because there's nuttin insyd weda you're or not. check this article bout y i don't believe in virgins, esp. in nigeria. http://www.nairaland.com/nigeria?topic=7256.msg217571#msg2175711 love!! |
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mercyuti (f)
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wow.All i can say is they are married so theres nothing he can do about because its 4 better for worse so there really is nothing
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