What A Wife

oohhhh lawd mimi am dead with lafter, just  get me a casket, ouch my tummy aches with tubulent ribs crackn lafter am feeln u real good!!1

Just got this, someone sent it to me and i decided to share.

One day in d front seat of a bus, a boy said 2 himself - if my Papa na King, my mama na Queen, I go be Prince; If my Papa na Lion, my mama be Lioness, I go strong.
The bus driver asked him - 4 say your papa na Agbero and your mama na Ashawo, wetin u 4 be? The boy looked at him and said: Bus driver!

@ femib26
like i said i got it n i decided to share!

?

Me either

 
Guess God did that to add spice to the world!


I never got to chat you again!
You jus kind of disappeared even on Nairaland
Till yest. of course.
Cheers
 

Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He's got two large
bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and says, "What's in the
bags?"

"Sand," answers Juan.

The guard says, "We'll just see about that ~ get off the bike." The guard
takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains Juan overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags.

The guard releases Juan, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the man's shoulders, and lets him cross the border.

A week later, the same thing happens. The guard asks, "What have you got?"

"Sand," says Juan.

The guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags
contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to Juan, who crosses the border on his bicycle.

This sequence of events if repeated every week for three years. Finally,
Juan doesn't show up one day and the guard meets him in a cantina in
Mexico.

"Hey, Buddy," says the guard, "I know you are smuggling something. It's
driving me crazy. It's all I think about. I can't sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?"

Juan sips his beer and says, "Bicycles."

na wa for this kind wife, thats ok

for im country na guy

Hey you!      Why have you forsaken me? 

 
   A married man was having an affair
   With his secretary.
   One day they went to her place
   and made love all afternoon.
   Exhausted, they fell asleep
   and woke up at 8 PM.
   The man hurriedly dressed
   and told his lover to take his shoes
   Outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.
   He put on his shoes and drove home.
   "Where have you been?" his wife demanded.
   "I can't lie to you," he replied,
   "I'm having an affair with my secretary.
   We had sex all afternoon."
   She looked down at his shoes and said:
   "You lying bastard!
   You've been playing golf!"



   The 2nd Affair

   A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters
   but always talked about having a son.
   They decided to try one last time
   for the son they always wanted.
   The wife got pregnant
   and delivered a healthy baby boy.
   The joyful father rushed to the nursery
   to see his new son.
   He was horrified
   at the ugliest child he had ever seen.
   He told his wife: "There's no way I can be the
   father of this baby.
   Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!
   Have you been fooling around behind my back?"
   The wife smiled sweetly and replied:
   "Not this time!"



   The 3rd Affair

   A mortician was working late one night.
   He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz,
   about to be cremated,
   and made a startling discovery.
   Schwartz had the largest private part
   he had ever seen!
   "I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," the mortician
   commented, "I can't allow you to be cremated
   with such an impressive private part.
   It must be saved for posterity."
   So, he removed it,
   stuffed it into his briefcase,
   and took it home
   "I have something to show
   you won't believe," he said to his wife,
   opening his briefcase.
   "My God!" the wife exclaimed,
   "Schwartz is dead!"




   The 4th Affair

   A woman was in bed with her lover
   when she heard her husband
   opening the front door.
   "Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner."
   She rubbed baby oil all over him,
   then dusted him with talcum powder.
   "Don't move until I tell you,"
   she said, " pretend you're a statue."
   "What's this?" the husband inquired
   as he entered the room.
   "Oh it's a statue," she replied,
   "the Smiths bought one and I liked it
   so I got one for us, too."
   No more was said,
   not even when they went to bed.
   Around 2 AM the husband got up,
   went to the kitchen and returned
   with a sandwich and a beer.
   "Here," he said to the statue, have this.
   I stood like that for two days at the Smiths
   and nobody offered me a damned thing."



   The 5th Affair

   A man walked into a cafe,
   went to the bar and ordered a beer.
   "Certainly, Sir , that'll be one cent."
   "One Cent?" the man exclaimed.
   He glanced at the menu and asked:
   "How much for a nice juicy steak
   and a bottle of wine?"
   "A nickel," the barman replied.
   "A nickel?" exclaimed the man.
   "Where's the guy who owns this place?"
   The bartender replied:
   "Upstairs, with my wife."
   The man asked: "What's he doing upstairs
   with your wife?"
   The bartender replied:
   "The same thing
   I'm doing to his business down here."



   The 6th Affair

   Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.
   He looked up and said weakly:
   "I have something I must confess."
   "There's no need to, " his wife replied.
   "No," he insisted,
   "I want to die in peace.
   I slept with your sister, your best friend,
   her best friend, and your mother!"
   "I know," she replied,
   " now just rest
   and let the poison work."

tx

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her family. Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen and shouted, "Careful. CAREFUL! Have you put in butter? Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT NOW! THE SALT!"

The wife stared at him. "What the heck is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?" The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."

Dis 1 is simply HILARIOUS nd so realistic. Lmao

What do you mean "normally"? Fast or Slow

When my guy drives, i feel like wrenching the steering from his hand.

He's always driving slow, looking for portholes and possible collision for pete's sake we are in LAGOS where danfo drivers don't care for "D Owners" and I must confess I like the fast driving compare to slow driving

An Ibo man was converted to Islam, after all said and done; he was asked what name he would like to bear,
he was given options of Ibrahim (Abraham), Suleiman (Solomon), Musa (Moses) and a host of others.
He asked what good were the names, then the imam told him that if u choose any name there will be hope
that God will bless you the way he blessed those with the names originally, then the Ibo man asked
"how about Dangote