My Boyfriend Still Has Feelings For His Ex

they are many question that needed 2 be ask in this kind of situation,1.do both of u really love each other,2.how long have both of u been together and so on and so fort?
        the point is if u know that the guy luvs u,u can kindly find a very sutiable time 4 both of you to discuss the issue and try 2 find a lasting solution 4 it or better still he should tell u ur stand in the relationship so as 4 you to know the next step 2 take instead of keeping u on the fence.
        remember u have 2 very diplomatic about  this because any mistake u made might end u regretting 4 life.and remember 2 put god first in any moves u make,wishing the best of reconcillation.god bless u

from all what you have said there seems to be no reason why you may not believe the guy.

i mean, he told you about his ex and also mentioned that the only problem you may have is INFIDELITY (God forbid!).

so the challenge now is do you want to take the chance of a lifetime with him and come out beaten, i mean you marry him and he turns out to be the wrong guy for you-because of infidelity (face it girl he probably has sampled the field, if you get my drift), or do you want to simply walk away and probably live with regrets of leaving a guy who may have been mr right-seems to be a lose-lose situation if you ask me.

really girl all it shuld take is more time of heart to heart dialaogue and (since the guy seems to be honest) you may reach a compromise and live better lives without regrets in future.

hope i am making sense sha!

all the best.

That the dude confessed to having feelings for an ex makes him honest? How do you guys reason?  If he truly was honest, he would've told Uyai about the other girl right from the get-go.

@ PTH, with all due respect, don't call people immature because that's just plain disrespectful. That people's opinions differ from yours doesn't give you a leverage over them. You give the impression of a know-it-all. _{Just speaking my mind dude, no insults intended.}

Uyai, the onus is on you. No matter what anyone and everyone says on here, the final decision is still on you. I believe you both are in a rebound relationship, just trying to keep each other company in order to get over your exes. You shouldn't keep waiting on some dude who isn't into you. I believe he just told you that he was confused about his feelings just to make you feel good. I'm no relationship expert, but I believe the best option for you is to get yourself together and move on. This dude is in med school, agreed that he's busy (I'm just a f**cking pre-med and I'm mostly busy), but him ignoring you and having the time to talk to an old flame should give you every clue that you need. You said it yourself that you ain't got any feelings for him, why not just move on and get your life going? I guess you are in college, just focus and do your thing girl!

i mistakenly used my sister's screen again. the above is my post.

@ Double N, he told me that he has never been in love before.
@Vigasimple. i'll be 25 next month

lol uyai, you need to stay away from all these medical students.

I don't even know how most women do it, guess the prestige of telling people you're dating a doctor is cool and stuff but the lack of attention and time, i sha know i can't deal with that crap but that's just me.

I think when you have finally cleared your head you should get in deeper and have him explain HOW he had time to realize that he still had feelings for his ex when he never had time for you, then take it from there.

yes sir, but if you did see my next post i retracted the comment. thanks for the comment anyway and no hard feelings.
TOH even you sef no get time for person.   See madam wey dey advice.

@uyai,
I'm giving this advice to you because I'm very sure about this:

Try to forget this guy as fast as possible. In my opinion, nothing will come out of this relationship. He'll just use you and count you as part of his statistics.

Don't worry better guys full ground. And don't be afraid of being alone, at least temporarily.

Its normal to feel at least a little bit of , ^%$$ towards ur ex,  its natural,  Trust me, he is good man. He is kind of truthful and honest,  He is a good man,  Hold on sis

u must not have him and things are never straight. just prepare your mind, create room for alternatives, give other guys a chance and u ll remain on the safe side

be of good cheer!!!
as said by someone i don't care to know, every disappointment is a blessing in disguise. I'd advise you to leave him. why? every double minded person is not worth it. if you continue with him, you'll lose because all he'll need do is to make you a waste pan and i know you'll never come to terms with that! let your emotions be locked up for now, get yourself right, turn to God in prayer and start it all right again. God'll surely see you through.

In issues of love there are always contradictory opinions,my suggestion may not be the the most perfect,it may not even be the answer to your problems.I didn't lok at your profile but i believe you are above 18 otherwise you wouldn't be on this forum.Since you are an adult i believe you are matured enough to make decisions amd follow them through,MATURITY- thats one important aspect of adulthood which is also important in any relationship

I had this boyfriend i was dating at one time,it was obvious that we loved each other,he was much older than myself,we even talked about marriage at one time,he even intrduced me to his parents.He had alot of girl friends like your boyfriend,i didn't have any reason to be suspicious of him cause he never asked me for my body,he totally respected my principle concerning sex,not  until one day he confessed to me that he had slept with oneof his Ex,i was hurt but i forgave him because i felt he was MATURED and sincere to have told me,even though he didnt have to cause we were far apart.Unfortunately the so called MATURITY was a bad habit,my guy was an addict when it came to sex,he just couldnt control himself when it came to the opposite sex.Anytime he slept with one of his ex,he always came back confessing what he had done even when he knew i may not find out.He would be in tears whenever he came,and i being in love would always forgive him.When it became too much to bear one day,i told him i slept with someone else,you should have seen the tantrum he put up,he was so upset that he started weeping,he refused to talk to me for days,not until i begged him that i was just joking

The point i am trying to raise is this,he was not happy when i joked about having sex with another man,but he epected forgiveness whenever he was unfaithful to me.That incident got me questioning his love for me,if you really love someone,you must be ready to give all up just to be with the person.He was the very first guy i dated,i had to leave him even though it was not easy.We still talk but not frequently,he told me about this lady he want to marry and how he had been cheating on her.I felt for the girl because she reinded me of myself, girl in everthing you do,follow your heart, you can never go wrong,i wish you all the best

THERE'S A SAYING THAT: "IF LOVE A PIGEON, SET IT FREE. IF IT COMES BACK TO YOU, IT'S YOURS. IF ID DOES NOT COME BACK TO YOU, IT NEVER WAS"

IN MATTERS OF HEART, FREEDOM IS AN ESSENTIAL INGREDIENT OF LASTING RELATIONSHIPS. ANY, BUILT ON OTHER FACTORS LIKE; PITY, INTIMIDATION, BLACKMAIL, INSECURITY, FEAR (THIS HAS MANY TYPES, INCLUDING STARTING ALL OVER AGAIN), RESPECT, SHAME, WILLINGNESS TO IMPRESS (USUALLY SOME OTHER PERSON(S)), GREED, AMBITION, COMPROMISE, EXPLOITATION ETC, THE BLIST IS ENDLESS, CANNOT STAND THE TEST OF TIME.

DO A SOUL SEARCH OF YOURSELF AND HIS, AND TAKE THE BEST DECISION IN YOUR BEST INTEREST.

SORRY IF MY ADVICE PUSHES THE BALL BACK TO YOUR COURT, BUT I LEARNT A LONG TIME AGO NEVER TO GIVE A CATEGORICAL ADVICE TO LOVERS IN DISTRESS. REASON IS THAT WHEN PEOPLE ASK FOR SUCH, THEY DO NOT REALLY MEAN IT. IRRESPECTIVE OF WHAT YOU SAY, THEY STILL GO AHEAD AND DO WHAT SUITS THEM. THE RESULTS ALWAYS RICOCHETS BACK TO HIT THE "ADVISER" IN THE FACE.

FOR INSTANCE, IF SOMEONE IS ADVISED TO CALL IT QUITS, AND EVENTUALLY RECONCILES WITH THE PARTNER,
1. THE ADVISER BECOMES THEIR COMMON ENEMY IF ALL GOES WELL AFTERWARDS.
2. THE ADVISER IS ACCUSED OF DRIVING AWAY A GOOD PROSPECT, IF THE PERSON DOES NOT FIND A REPLACEMENT ON TIME (OR AT ALL)

 AND IF YOU ASK THE PERSON TO HANG IN, AND HE/SHE CONCURS,  THE ADVISER IS BLAMED FOR MISLEADING AND ALL THE WOES THEREOF  IF IT TURNS SOUR! (AS IF THE ADVISER MATCH-MADE THEM IN THE FIRST PLACE)

LET'S FACE IT, AND I WANT YOU TO BE SINCERE ABOUT IT, YOU ALREADY HAVE WHAT YOU INTEND TO DO IN MIND, ALL YOU ARE LOOKING FOR IS RE-INFORCEMENT. SOMEONE TO GIVE THE KIND OF SUPPORT YOU LOOK FORWARD TO.

my  dear Iyes, gone are the days when you let a pigeon lose hoping that when it comes back to you it is yours. There are so few pigeons today that to set one lose is a major disaster waiting to happen. Trust me you wont get that pigeon back.

If you think a pigeon is yours, hold it tight.

@ topic, Uyai should let this guy go, i think she's in it mainly because he's a medical student. Like TOH said, its probably the feeling of dating a doctor that is keeping her there since she herself has confirmed she does not love him. why tying a poor guy up and wailing that he does not give you time when u don't love him in the first place?

@ PTH
I appreciate your replies so far, but u have it all wrong. HE CAME TO ME. HE said he wants a serious commited relationship, even as of that day He said the same thing. I've been hurt twice in a row with him now being the third. Now do you expect me to just fall inlove anyhow? I have to love smartly. I like the guy, I would love him all things being equal. I'm in the medical field too, it has nothing to do with his profession. I was actually having doubt about him because of that profession. Doctors don't make money, at least initially, if that is where you're heading to. it will take him 7 years from now to even start practising. i stand to make triple to quadruple of what he'll make for those number years, with a post graduate degree in my field, his money won't come close to mind in the next 8 years.

This is a matter of the heart not pocket or a perceive status. I'll rather be inl ove and happy with a teacher than stay with man because he's a doctor. I don't think women are still doing that, at least i hope so.

Thanks for setting the records straight Uyai, i now get your point. Sorry for the misinterpretation.

hmmmmm seems you've been on the unlucky side of love for a while now. I'll suggest you just let this guy go and give relationships a breather for a while. Trust when i say it will be very hard to stay alone when you see all your friends hanging out with their Bfs but if its what you need to get yourself emotionally ready for the next guy, its a small price to pay. I did so myself for 2 years and now i'm finding it extra hard to let go of my single lifestyle now that i'm so used to it.

Let the guy go, he's just going to keep hurting you. The red flag was when he mentioned infidelity might be an issue, what guy who truly loves you will be thinking of infidelity as an issue when you had even barely started the relationship? Could it be he had his ex in mind all that time but was merely using u as a stop gap?


My dear, after a few years of unsuccessfully using the pigeon theory and watching other guys fly away with my pigeons i have since decided to modify it. Once you catch a pigeon, tie it down!

lol it wasnt a question of who dumped who, we werent in a relationship proper. I waited too long to pop the question using the pigeon theory until one fella came and snatched her away. A week later she asked me why i didnt summon up the courage to approach her in time.

since then, my guy you see pigeon? Catch her and tie her two wings firmly to a cage!