|
Cocoa (f)
|
Okay, I'm a 14-year-old female and I happen to be very close to my 21-year-old male cousin. Physically, I look and sound older than I really am. My cousin always compliments me about my body and tells that I"m real pretty and stuff. I never really though about it before but I just started thinking about it and I realized that whenever my cousin looks at me, he checks me out in a sexual way, he tries to hide it but it still shows when I look at his face. He is very protective of me and very nice to me but I'm sort of confused. We tell each other personal things, whenever I call him, the discussion always turns into a sex discussion. I remember this one time when me and him were watching this movie and there was a sex scene, I felt really bad and ashamed because I started to imagine myself and him ***. Anyway, I don't think about him like that anymore but I think he does. There was one time I was talkin 2 him on da phone and he asked me if I would marry him, I told him no because we're blood and we both started laughin  There was also another time I was trying to undress out of my native clothes into a normal skirt and shirt so I went behind a door and changed but I saw him trying to peep looks at me. My question is, do you think that me and my cousin are too close, or should I speak up to him? Is this normal between family and then dies down? Should I talk 2 him about it? I don't want to start any incest in my family!!!!!!!!!! |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
benga (m)
|
hi,
i find no big thing in that ,but i live with my brother sence childhood
so, i have no experience of that.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Hotstepper (f)
|
hmmmm, since u guys r close. make him go out, ask him questions about gurlz and if he likes any gurl. I have a male cuzzin of mine that we r very close that people alwayz think we r dating, 4real, but he tells me about gurlz he likes and i tell him i will screen them 4 him, itz really bad when he starts talking sexual with u esp. if hez not into a relationship, make him have one or hang out with gurlz so ur realtionship will still be close but in a sister/brother way because anyhow u see it, u guys r siblingz regardless of not been 4rom da same parents, blood is thicker dan water.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Cocoa (f)
|
The nasty thought that I had was like 3 years ago though, I don't think about us like that anymore. Well I don't really know about him being perverted because he's never touched me or tried to touch me. The only thing that's really worrying me right now is the things he says to me about my body and about sex. He does go out with other girls though.
|
|
|
|
|
|
teju oso (f)
|
I think he likes you or even fancy you but if i were you i'll do something very unice that he wouldn't believe  ,it will regulate your relashionship as cousins but don't forget to sort out that nasty thing you did earlier |
|
|
|
|
|
flower (f)
|
Yes, I believe that the two of you are a bit too close for comfort. First off, I don't believe that cousins (especially closely related ones) should be in any type of emotional relationship, let alone physical. Second, him being 21 and thinking sexually about a 14 year old, cousin or not, is disturbing. Although your body may be developed that should not really give him a pass to speak to you in a sexual way, especially if it makes you feel uncomfortable.
If you've come to the point where you really feel uncomfortable you should let him know immediately that you do not appreciate that sort of attention from him. Also, try to control the conversations with him. If you see that they are turning sexual, tell him you don't want to talk about that and change the subject or simply hang up. Do not enable him or his boldness can grow daily insomuch as him approaching you in a way that it completly unacceptable.
Try to put your foot down, sis. This is not a healthy relationship.
@};~
|
|
|
|
|
|
Cocoa (f)
|
Well thanx to all that have replied so far. @teju, what nasty thing are you talking about, we didn't do anything
I'm going to try to talk to him about it the next time we talk or see each other.
|
|
|
|
|
|
teju oso (f)
|
take things slow cocoa when i say nasty i mean the unice thing i asked you to do to make him stay way a bit,
|
|
|
|
|
|
chinani (f)
|
yes; i think you're a little' too close to comfort.
just let him know t/o conversation that you are not interested in sex right now. tell him you are too young and NEVER think or want to talk about it-----> even if you do sometimes talk/think about sex he doesnt have to know or being involved, etc.
then you can talk about movie stars you have crushes on so he knows you don't think about him in THAT WAY. you can also thank him for being your BIG BROTHER.
i have a cousin I'm close too. he's 2 years younger but since he's a guy he's taller than me and people think we're dating or something. but I'm older so i control the conversation/activity. since he's older i think he is being irresponsible with you and harming you even if he doesnt mean to. (oprah kind of did a show on this)
if you want to know more let me know. i'll elaborate.
but, since you know that you're uncomfortable don't let it continue. be strong!
|
|
|
|
|
|
Cocoa (f)
|
@Teju, ohhh pk well thank you & thank you chinani  . Well I haven't talked to him in about 3 weeks to a month now but we'll talk soon. I will have to talk to him about this because incest is the nastiest taboo and there is NO WAY that I would do that. I think that we can still be close but I"m going to have to tell him that it's not right anymore. All the nasty discussions 2-3 years ago while he was in his late teens. Now he's 21 or even 22 and I just started realizing that it's WRONG. I thought about it and said "So when he gets married or I get married, is this the kind of discussion we'll have?" So, I'm going to mention that's it's wrong in our culture and that we need to stop it. |
|
|
|
|
|
AbujaBoy (m)
|
Hm, I've been in a similar case, all of you putting the dude down are fools that're probably insecure about dating someoen that knows that you don't clean your underwear  k thx. Firstly, if he didn't grow up with you, he wouldn't really know you as a sister, or as a cousin. Secondly, its not incest unless its with your blood brother/sister. If you really like him, I think you should talk with him, let him know who _you_ are. |
|
|
|
|
|
chinani (f)
|
EXCUSE ME! but incest is defined as "sexual intercourse between persons so closely related that they are forbidden by law to marry; also : the statutory crime of such a relationship"
so in THIS CASE IT WOULD BE INCEST. ABEG don't use this post to put people down-----> we're HERE FOR A JUNIOR ONE!
but i'd like to reiterate that i think the relationship is inappropriate.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Hotstepper (f)
|
they r still sisters/brother as far as am concerned, that blood is still dere, tehre r millions of male/female outdere, if either of them is ready 4 a relationship, they should go find one, itz disguting 2 even think of it
|
|
|
|
|
|
AbujaBoy (m)
|
It's also known that in some states, or nations, that this level of intimacy isn't illegal.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Cocoa (f)
|
@ f0d, it's true that we didn't grow up 2gether but I still regard him and his siblings as my other brothers and sisters and I don’t want a sexual relationship with him
So in your situation were you the one going after your because or was she going after you?
|
|
|
|
|
|
AbujaBoy (m)
|
I don't know how it happened to be honest, she's a decent, decent girl. I admire her intelligent, beauty, I suppose I went for her, but she kind of played along, as I mentioned, things just weren't meant to be. I don't regret my actions though. I'm much more cynical though.
Do you have any emotional attachement towards your cousin? If you're on yahoo, send me a PM "mull0c" laters.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Cocoa (f)
|
I do have an emotional attatchment becasue he's the only person I truly trust to tell secrets and he's really good to me, I don't have yahoo
|
|
|
|
|
|
AbujaBoy (m)
|
We'll make do with what you have then, I have more client accounts than I know. You should run with your feelings, |
|
|
|
|
|
Cocoa (f)
|
okay, i see your story, well thank you for your help the only thing is that I don't know how to confront my cousin about the issue, I don't want to offend him. whenever I call there's a bad connection. I won't see him for another couple of months, I guess I'll just send him an e-mail |
|
|
|
|
|
AbujaBoy (m)
|
You go do that. |
|
|
|
|
|
chinani (f)
|
@ cocoa
what did you decide to do?
|
|
|
|
|
|
Cocoa (f)
|
i decided that I will call my cousin up and try to talk 2 him. then i'll tell him i'll explain more in an e-mail that i'll send 2 him. I want to call 1st so he won't get offended by my future e-mail.
|
|
|
|
|
|
AbujaBoy (m)
|
You should remember that whats yours will always come back to you. Where is your cousin and where are you? |
|
|
|
|
|
Cocoa (f)
|
umm i live in the US., my cousin lives in Lagos
|
|
|
|
|
|
Rhodalyn (f)
|
your case sounds very tempting ;)go for him if he's fine no sex or anything like that just fun,kissing,smooching and stuff |
|
|
|
|
|
Cocoa (f)
|
umm Rhodalyn, u would smooch you're because, ewww. that could lead to sex
|
|
|
|
|
|
Cocoa (f)
|
i meant to say, you would smooch you're cousin-eww, and that it could lead to sex
|
|
|
|
|
|
chinani (f)
|
@ cocoa i'm w/ you ----> smooching a man you KNOW TO BE YOUR COUSIN = YUCK!  |
|
|
|
|
|
Cocoa (f)
|
well, I have kissed him on da lips but not french kissing and our lips only touched for half a second you know. I really wouldn't be comfortable to smooch or french kiss him, but that's my take on it
|
|
|
|
|
|
Rhodalyn (f)
|
is he a distant cousin?
|
|
|
|
|
|
Cocoa (f)
|
no our mothers are sisters, we're direct cousins
|
|
|
|
|
|
![Nairaland [Nigerian Forum] Home](http://www.nairaland.com/Themes/default/images/english/home.gif)
Author
