Memoirs Of An Ex Corper.

Receiving my call up letter was a bitter-sweet experience 4 me, sweet in d sense that at last I am going 4 service after been delayed 4 one year 4months, bitter in d sense that I was posted to the far North, preciely 2 a state was just created ten years ago. Anyway after 2 or 3 days mourning over the postin I decided brace up 4 my journey 2 the "new world"  after makin neccessary investigations about d route and available means of travelling d world of the unknown I settled 4 a funky train which was twice d amount of those that followed d missionary route.

D journey on d funky train wasnt d really fun but d fact that I was travelling out of d western states 4 d first time, d farthest I travel was Ibadan am not much a travelling probably because I have 4 long distance travelling. d FT had a stopover at one of pounded yam freak states, I don't knw which one it is since I knw both of them would sell their soul in exchange 4 pounded yam, same ni, 

D stoppage afforded me d oppournity 2 empty my lower tank as well fill my upper tank wit whatever was available within that vicinity. Exactly 25minutes after d stoppage d FT signalled that it was ready 2 leave, lo and behold d journey continued,

Jessy came around and we had a lot 2 jist about, but before we knew what was going on things began 2 happen it started wit a kiss, from a kiss 2 my fingers been mischevious, from d mischevious finger 2 £€$¥& wetin una won hear abi una want make Seun Osewa ban me from nairaland, So incase u don't want these 2 happen den conclude d flim 4 your mind. After d season or is it session Jessy began singing another tune that d main subject wont be far from commitment or sincere companionship coupled that I shld officially toast her and then wait 4 a reply.   

Seeing jessy on board on d FT was a suprise but d fact that we were heading 4 dsame route was a reason 2 be worried because she would want 2 give me close marking. All thesame, her company was worthwhile till we landed in d orientation  camp. D queue at d gate of d orientation was as long d distance from Egypt to the promise land since I must enter d promise land I stood in d hot sorching sun 4 close 2 three hours before I was able 2 smell d gate, after d normal checkin of credentials I was subjected 2 bodily search, then my bag was given a telescophic scruinty which yeilded an unaccounted number of ruff ryhder & durex condoms. d Men In Black then questioned  my motive, I was like am not old enough 2 carry such protective missiles or his their NYSC byelaws that considers it a crime. They had no choice then 2 let me go. 

After collecting my kits was okay except 4 d vest which was d smallest size, but this wasnt a problem as I ave made provision 4 extra vest. I then procceded 2 check out d hostel,was lucky 2 get a nice one as majority were in bad shape. I arranged my things and then decided 2 call Jessy at least 2 know how far she has gone wit her registration. I decided 2 meet her at mammy market where I treated her to the best d mammy market cld offer and am sure she had a swell time. But with what I was seeing on this camp I knew that our been 2gether wldnt last. We parted as we both went 2 our various hostel. Early around 4am  d wake up call was made everybody had 2 put on their white vest & white short and procced to the camp ground. It was isnt 4 me, how many hours of sleep have I had before  they blow d stupid trumpet. Anyway I had no choice but 2 double up before d men in khaki make an example of me.   

After 30mins drilling I realise that serving your fatherland no bi easy thing but what would one going is d certificate that you would get at d end of d day. So I continued even though d intensity of d sun was unbearable. Around 3pm they decided 2 have mercy on us by giving us one hour break. Dat one hour break was well appreciated because I was at d verge of collapsing from continous jaming my feets on d ground & shouting l-e-ft  ri-ght coupled with d fact that I was hungry and havent tasted anything besides water, which was given 2 me by a kindhearted fellow corper who must have been in d sumggling business 4 a long time which enable 2 sumggle pure water into d platoon under d prying eyes of d kahki boys.

When I woke up in morning I was having pains all over my body and I knew I had 2 look 4 way 2 skip d morning exercise, so d best thing was 2 look 4 a place 2 hide and then come back to the room when d kahki boys were through wit chasing everybody. This method was helpful as I was able 2 enjoy extra hrs of sleep when my colleagues were running aimlessly like lost ants. D first time I had 2 answer to the call of nature was an eventful one. It was one hot afternoon and God would have it, it was during d afternoon break, armed wit toilet tissue I embarked on d search 4 any vegetation that needs nourishment, in d course of my search I came across different human waste product(feaces) that were at different level of decomposition, judging from my knowledge of archeaology eventhough this are not artefacts but am taking about d frame of some of d deposits we are taking about 7 to 8yrs, I stand 2 be corrected if d number of years are less.

She just wanted 2 know about my welfare and how I was getting use to the new environment and also 2 reassure me that she will always be there 4 me. Let me  give u an update about her now or else  I might not remember again which would be bad since I would make still make future reference 2 her in this memoir. I met her(nina) 2yrs before I went 4 service, met nina through her friend called shade. infact d meeting was some how dramatic. There was this friend of my in d university called Niyi that was meant 2 meet one of his rechargecard girlfriends in d school premises since d girl will find it difficult 2 locate his hostel. In d course of waiting 4 his  RCgirlfriend there was this girl sitting beside Niyi, who was probably waiting 4 someone, Niyi thus enganged her in a conversation and he found out that she was waiting 4 her boyfriend and that her name is shade. They both waiting 4 their lovers so they decided 2 keep each others company until d arrival of their lovers. Unfortunately 4 Niyi & Shade none of them showed up so they became friends. D following week Niyi introduced me 2 Shade and we both flowed as if we have known 4 ages. There was one  day like that, that much wasnt happening in school and i & Niyi decided 2 take shade & her friends 2 my hostel since I was staying in a three bedroom flat although I had just a room 2 myself and was sharing other facilities like kitchen & parlour wit 2 other flatmates who maintains d other two rooms. But We later changed our mind considering d distance from d campus 2 my hostel. We then opted 4 Niyi's place which was near.

Back to the basic, I left d  archealogical site after receiving nina's call, on getting to the hostel people were either coming in wit their foodflask or going out wit my guess was probably from d kitchen. Though i havent been to the kitchen but i made up my mind that I will give it a trial when dinner is been served. Fortunately 4 me that evening it was my best food that was been served 4 dinner. Off I went wit my customized flood flask, customised in d sense that I brought my own from home compared 2 majority that bought theirs from d mammy market. As  i joined d line mapped out 4 collecting food in d kitchen, my customised foodflask became an item of ridicule as one fellow corper drew attention to the floodflask and said that it simply means that i actually had d prior knowledge that there is going 2 be free food in camp, that was d reason why my foodflask was different from that of majority and in a nutshell i like food 2much. i felt embarassed althesame i try 2 keep a straight face as all attention was on both d object & subject of discussion. Despite this i managed 2 collect d food and put all that has happen behind me. I decended on d food wit transfered aggression startin wit what i thought was fish only 2 discover that it was d eggs u get from fish that was fried and served wit d rice. Out of frustrationt i threw away d food and headed 4 d mammy market 2 find something 2 eat,

There is also d case of another guy who later became our platoon leader, who seems 2 have mastered d marching steps so fast that u became a subject of envy, one of them reacted that d guy's ability shldnt be b suprise as it runs in his viens, he further stated that it was known fact that d guy's father was a retired "Man O War" so what do we expect? Another of such incidence I wont forget in a hurry was d case of another guy in my platoon who due to d rigorous drilling was bleeding from his nose and had 2 raise his head up 2 stop d bleeding, instead of been sympathetic to the victim's condition one of them said that, that was d disadvantage of serving your nation at an old age (it was an obvious fact that d bros was more than d stipulated 30yrs, bros no wan miss Alawi) As if it was not enough, another person said that d bleeding of d nose is one of symptoms of bird flu and that bros shld do something fast about it, as delay is dangerous which bros fully understand as a graduate of wildlife & Animal husbandry.

As she coming towards me I stood up 2 give her a welcome hug, asking what was wrong wit her phone since i have been trying in d last 1hr, I guess she didnt fall 4 d yearn I was spinning and I was forced 2 listen d lamentation of Jeremaih edited by Saint Jessy. After d last chapter was read  I apologised 2 her 2 change but within my mind i was tired of having a camp mother because she was acting like one. I was struck wit her throughout that day since i had promise 2 change and be an obedient son that is stuck 2 her mother's apron. Jessy's aim was 2 make everybody including d hawks that were lurking around that I was her man so they shld stay clear. Anyway that one na 4 her mind as soon i settle down i certainly sow my wild oats elsewhere. Am only bearing wit say so that she wldnt say that she wldnt conclude that immediately i landed in camp i decided 2 dump her.

After d seminar it was time 4 break, this time i made my second trip to the kitchen after first unpleasant experience. My reason 4 going was based on logistic report from d Secret Service Agent in my hostel that d kitchen were serving rice, this time around it was different they have upgraded d fried fish egg 2 a miserable piece of meat that my neighbour's 2years old son would reject if d mother try 2 give d poor boy. I still chop am o despite d size after all it was my own share of d national cake. D break time was exhausted in no time & we were marched off like to the paradeground, i seem 2 enjoy d parade 2day eventhough i don't know why? My happiness was cut short while d sub-group i was made a mistake in their steps  while trying 2 leftwheel (terminology used in parade which means that when a group of people marching in a straight direction receives d order 2 wheel either right or left, that action is expected 2 be initiated by d last three people at d edge of d line before others will follow suit & make d action 2 be taken in an orderly manner) d instructor who was already in a bad mood (God knows why? Maybe one of female corpers turn down his advances)  insisted that we go down on our kneels, we obeyed thinking it will end there. Dat was not d case d soja ask us 2 do 20 frog jump despite pleas from d other instructor who was his superior. I did my own cursing d heartless primary six certificate holder under my breathe, i even regretted paying 4 d fool's meal when i saw him at d mammy market over d weekend.  

There were less people in d room because of d time so i decided 2 sleep. You might be thinking that yours sincerely loves sleep that isnt d case because d stress that we go through here coupled wit having less than 8hrs sleep which would make u clamour 4 more at any given time. My sleep was interrupted by an arguement going on in d room, i checked my watch and realised that it was past ten, no wonder we have a full house. D reason 4 d arguement cld not be far-fetched it was either d case of a missing bucket or d missing content wit is water. I was once a victim, i use 2 make sure that i fetched d water that i would use in morning every evening so that i wldnt be looking 4 water like a lost ant after d morning exercise.

2 be candid wit you i didnt apply the dettol to the water more than five times because urs sincerely was also using d water 2 brush my teeth before d incident, so immediately i realised that they were all avioding my bucket like a plague i stopped apply dettol to the water.

Despite d small amount realeased 4 d items i was made 2 face d committee on financial matters who endeavour that i gave a detailed account of how d money was spent and 2 tender d change if there was any. Omo i had 2 comply afterall it was  d platoon's money but at thesame did they think i want 2 enrich myself from d stipend, na them sabi na EFFC dey for bring come arrest me. The d day finally came, our boys came out strong but we lost d match 2 our opponent who were able 2 find d back of d net few minutes to the end of d game. We hope 2 better in our next match. Our girls made us proud by beating their opponent in d volley ball competition. Lost one,  win one that is life u can't win always.