Advice Needed For Living In Nigeria

"oyibo woman i go chop ur dollar,i go carry ur money disappear ,national airport na me get am,president na my sister bruver,i dey live for GREECE,i go BREAST FEED UR daughter,

yahoo yahoo!!!!!!!!!!! when will it end

when a woman is in love, a FOOL has been born

@ HisMichele

I salute your courage. There's nothing wrong with being an optimist, hoping for the best in life bla bla bla. You just said it yourself here, thats  actually the point of living. Note however that your 'nigerian man' is most probably legally married here with a full complement of kids and the associated responsibilities, etc. If he wasn't,  that would imply some of his relevant parts aren't functioning properly and you don't want to be with him in that case anyway 

the average African man is a polygamist at heart. We can love two (or more) women at the same time. we are equal to the task. 

 I wish you all the best in your quest, as i have no doubt your long distance relationship is genuine and based on heartfelt love, albeit catalysed by the smell of the almighty dollar. Cheers

@HisMichele, I am happy you stood up to bikokwe which caused him to apologise to you.
Many Nigerians are simply too pessimisitic and cynical when it comes to issues relating to their fellow Nigerians.

I know that the pysche of Nigerian have been batttered by fradulent politicians, governments and individuals (scam etc.Like I wrote before, these bad people do not make up to .00000001% of the Nigerian population), it does not excuse our pessimissim as a person who stops dreaming and aspiring may be no more than a living corpse.

The quote by Peter Ustinov, the late Scientist and Actor, is very, very correct.
Please hold unto your dreams, my dear, I and other well-wishers are following every step you take
towards actualising your dream 

Cop on to yourself. Why would he want a western lady when he can a nigerian wife who does what he says and what he wants and when he wants and that FULLY understand his male dominated culture. How do you know he has been in Greece for 5 years?
ask yourself the following:

would he be trying to get you to Greece to marry you and then decide 'lets go USA' instead of nigeria
What immigration status he currently holds
Would he already be a married man (in Nigeria) if he over 30 this is a strong possiblilty
Nigerian culture is totally different to our own culture you have NO IDEA what you are letting yourself in for.

If he really is in Greece for five years then he should not have a problem getting a tourist visa to USA and besides that, any sensible woman would not travel to see a man, he would usually travel to see her.

My advise to you is wake up and tell him to come to see you (you just invite him on paper then he could get the visa) and in that way you would not have to give up anything. For Gods sake think of your childs future!!!!!!!!!!

I mean this man is way over the hill as in 40 and you don't think he is married Let me tell you he most likely is so go on marry him, that what he will force you into so, give him his papers you will see what will happen and don't say you weren't told. You are very gullable and at this point in your life you should know better. I'm only telling you this because I care.

I want to weigh in on this:

@His Michelle, I can relate to you on several levels:

I'm American. I've been swept off my feet by a Naija man (though it didn't work out). I've been involved with men outside of my race, and culture (non-Americans)

I am in my mid-30s. I know what it's like wanting love, and wondering if it's going to happen for you.

But I have to disagree when you say all American men want models or money-makers.  Flat out, they don't.  Secondly, by your post, by how you word it, in your own estimation, you're not that pretty, and don't make that much money, so you're taking yourself out the dating game with Americans. I have to say it sounds like low self-esteem. I've had to work on that too.

I can also relate to being very adventerous, and open-minded. I feel like I want a new life in a different country.  I thought about the possibilities when I fell in love with "Naija man".

But hanging out here, and learning about the culture, and what made "Naija man" tick, I learned that part of the reason why we didn't work out is I was approaching things as an American, and he was approaching things as a traditional Nigerian. 

And yes it sounds super romantic to expose your child to new cultures. I would love that for my children. However, at your/our age, you/we have NO CHOICE but to be pragmatic before romantic, especially when their's a child involved. But aren't our lives important too?

Fact is too, the only way you can know someone is to be up close and personal in their lives. Phone and emails are all very romantic, but it's not the real deal.

Fact is, blood is thicker than water, and despite whatever "friendship" you may think you'll have with his ma' and relations, don't think for one minute they won't take his side against yours when things go sour, or he plots against you, etc.

And between, from what I know, you can't just "be friends" with ma', like you would an American mother in law, and American mother in laws can be tough to crack. You'd be dealing with a whole different world of unspoken rules and customs trying to be part of the family.  You can't be too familiar too soon with a Naija family like an American family. It would be disrespectful to them.

I'm not going to lie, I would take another "Naija man" any day to an American man, because for me, a Naija man has so much more to offer me mentally, and otherwise. But I'm very aware and educated to the fact that it wouldn't be easy.  I'm aware that to be with a traditional Nigerian man, I would have to give up a lot of myself (American ways) and even if I won him over, the family might not accept me, and even if they did, the friends might not.  For Americans and westerners, they would battle this. But MOST traditional Nigerian men are not going to turn away from family and friends on your behalf.  I would love to try with another Nigerian man, but I clearly see now, it might not be in my best interest.

And one of the posters was right: It's all about the extended family system, and what's yours is theirs, no questions asked. Ma' will come and go as she pleases, and any other family members.

Look, I don't know you, but I saw pieces of my past self in your post. If nothing else, be practical for your child. Don't make decisions based on best case scenario; hope for the best, but plan for the worst.

Also, you did ask everyone's advise. A lot of people gave you the other side of the coin. I know you might not like it, but you asked for the honest truth. I agree he should just visit you on your turf, where you'll be safe. He could still run a game on you, but be on the lookout for "red flags".

If nothing else, there are good American guys out there that aren't shallow or money grubbing. Believe in yourself. Change what you can, and accept what you can't, and someone will love the YOU that YOU learn to love.

@DRKCHOCLATE

U have said it all,U sound like u r some kind of doctor.

Lots of posts have been great ere,but i realised that the poster has made up her mind already before posting the topic so maybe the topic is just for the STORY/TALE fun of it,anyway i ll drop d little that my brain level(for now) allows me 2.

@POSTER
If i ll judge from what my mind n history of things like this tells me,I LL JUST TELL U ITS SO SO FAKE(WHICH I think ANYWAY).
The truth is black men(naija or not) r very copious with their words n have sweet mouths so its just impossible for anyone to be exempted from Our trickery.That aside,I feel its only prayer that can help u now,because u jus can never know what will happen next,U can spend 4 Years ere with him ,he wont even KISS u 4 a day and U wont still know whats on his mind.So its jus a risk u taking,HOW I WISH THIS WAS JUS A GAME,but we have a kid involved ere,damn!.

The IGBO people (even if not him or his mum) have a very very strong culture mixed with mentality that runs through them,no matter how enlightened he his his whole family can't,so If u get close 2 marriage stage, U on ur own o.

If love was a game i ll say COME OVER

If its real n a Kids future at stake I WONT SAY SO.

WISH U LUCK N LISTEN 2 YOUR BRAIN AT TIMES,ITS NOT ONLY D HEART THAT SPEAKS

@ Hismichelle: I initially said, tread carefully, now I'm not so sure.

I'd say, don't tread at all. There's something so wrong about the whole set-up, I think you're being taken for a ride, and not a pleasant one either! 

Take care, and stay safe, if not for your sake, then for your youngest child.

Well I guess my informal education here at Nairaland has payed off, LOL!

But seriously Michelle, I wish you well, I think most people do. They wouldn't waste their time posting if they didn't care about you as a human being.

Yes, there are some that only want to see Naija with "their own", but , oh well,

Again, hope for the best, but prepare for the worst. Hugs!, please do keep us posted.

And not to hijack the thread, but for the American ladies, how did you meet your good Naija men? Where can I meet another one, LOL?