|
JosBoy4Lif (m)
|
How do you tell your your cousins back home, politely, that you not part of the "millionair boys club"?
I stresss the word politely,
Everytime i get a phone call or an email from one of my cousin bros you can be almost assured that they are asking for "dollars"
AS if i manufacture the money for Canada Mint or something?
Can someone please help me as to not offend any of them because it is really getting both annoying and old, The thing is I believe that me as a student if i start sending money to now they may become dependent on me, and that is a very bad thing for me and more for them.
Please does anyone have suggestions, comments? Anybody? Somebody?
|
|
|
|
|
|
Rhodalyn (f)
|
is always like that they always think ''as long as he's abroad he's got loadz of cash''
don't send them any money and more especially when you're a student
|
|
|
|
|
|
JosBoy4Lif (m)
|
True True, but i don't know how to voice this message to them?
I will come off as looking like i don't want to help their situation, which for a minority is genuine. (Most of them are big mens son's so i don't get that one)
But yah how do i voice it out?
Just be blunt or what?
|
|
|
|
|
|
Rhodalyn (f)
|
when they ask you just don't give any definite answer and ignore it
|
|
|
|
|
|
Onyibaby (f)
|
JosBoy you just have to tell them the truth about your situation i.e being a student.because most of the time we don't let them know what is really going on here . So just be upfront about it nad hopefully they will understand.
|
|
|
|
|
|
vichel (m)
|
Telling them the truth is the right thing to do, Having to go to school and have a job at the same time is no easy thing, it's very hard, and when u get your pay check, it goes to your school fees and other stuff. Let them understand that it's not all rosy
|
|
|
|
|
|
Free (f)
|
its very funny how the people back home
think when you are abroad you got all money in the world
but really they don't know how it is-----so my advice to you is tell them how
it really is ,
|
|
|
|
|
|
LoverBwoy (m)
|
is always like that they always think ''as long as he's abroad he's got loadz of cash''
don't send them any money and more especially when you're a student
wow how do u feel sayin that @ Rhodalyn ?? Josboy4lyf, I'll suggest u keep telling them all the things u need to buy, the rent u need to pay,the amount of taxes u've got to pay u should actually calculate it for them so it remains a little left , u just need to keep explainin it to them and tell them they are puttin pressure on you to follow those credit card people which can lead to to jail! The people u know personally who are more likely to need the more, i think u can help them once in a while but explain to them what it takes, my friend always feel comfortable telling them "don't worry i will send u something" 4 a whole year without deliveryin lol if your comfortable doing that then do |
|
|
|
|
|
chinani (f)
|
i also think you should tell them the truth. also, ask them what they need it for and politely say "that is not/can not be high on my priorities right now b/c of _____" or "a new ____! you're father should be pleased. have you asked him about the funds?". be explicit in your denial, b/c people HATE TO BE LED ON. it makes them feel/think that YOU ARE A LIAR and since you're not trying to be, you don't want any confusion.
if you come off as blunt, then write a letter to soften the blow. letters are always an indication that someone spent time thinking about you, etc. (i heart letters!!)
you said the men are the sons of "big men". hmmmm, sounds suspicious. if need be make a mental or actual list of people who REALLY NEED help. we all have SO MANY relatives and it's important to be selective. some people (seem to have) NO ONE who cares for them and others may just think you have deep pockets. in your case, maybe the only family member who really needs help is a person who never asks/complains (a woman, perhaps?).
whatever you do, remember -----> "blood is thicker than water"
|
|
|
|
|
|
JosBoy4Lif (m)
|
@ Chinani I liked what you had to say, the ones actually need my help are those who do not ask. My cousins that are asking me most of them when i went to nigeria were in good financial sitiuations. I think i will have to just tell them the truth. Its hard but that is just how it has to be. I would have love to start some kind of funds for my less privaleged cousins but then who can i trust with such moneys in Nigeria. O my Nigeria  |
|
|
|
|
|
AbujaBoy (m)
|
People will forever refuse to accept the simple things that we live with, I was born and raised in England now that I'm in Nigeria indefinitley I understand both you and the person begging for cash. You see with the economic laxity of Nigeria, people tend to believe that as long as they're in a country which is favourable, that you'd have some sort of income to _hand_ out, When people used to ask for cash from me (I'm 18 now, do the math) I used to say, I work part time, and I'm a student, I don't work for you, get a job and earn your own living. People that tend to beg, tend to come back and beg for more. Don't give anyone money unless you're really willing to. I'm not trying to be mean, but the message just wouldn't get across unless you let 'em know. -shrug-, Such is life.
|
|
|
|
|
|
chinani (f)
|
@ JosBoy i feel you. even some relatives will "misapporiate funds" you set aside for others.  maybe you can have an account in canada & whenever the appropriate relation asks you can wire some cash to them. i know, i know, it's A LOT OF WORK. and you have a life to live to. my mother sometimes says "what would this life be if everything was easy?". but, if your heart is in the right place, that's a GREAT start. |
|
|
|
|
|
Rhodalyn (f)
|
wow how do u feel sayin that @ Rhodalyn ?? how do i feel saying what?  that? there's nothing to feel saying that is there? |
|
|
|
|
|
wormedup (m)
|
all u have to do is be true to yourself. if u can spare a dollar in a week, do it. keep it somewhere it'll definitely get to something. afterall, u still go clubbing, have a drink and surprisingly the dough shows up for all that   . just kidding. just be true to yourself, that's all. |
|
|
|
|
|
kimba (m)
|
Ive never had any problem telling people I do not have what I know I do not have, neither have I had any problem telling people I cannot afford to spare what I know I need.
So just tell them, "O Boy, things no dey easy here o, abeg, just bear with me"
|
|
|
|
|
|
Hunter (m)
|
Just explain to them about buying power, and what your money gets you in canada.
eg.
A meal in Canada might cost $10
In nigeria it might cost a fifth of that (or less)
That way you seem a little less rude, than flat out saying no.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Akolawole (m)
|
They will never understand and most of them are not doing badly at all.Change your contacts( E-mail addy, phone number et la).No matter what you do, they will never appreciate
|
|
|
|
|
|
chinani (f)
|
They will never understand and most of them are not doing badly at all.Change your contacts( E-mail addy, phone number et la).No matter what you do, they will never appreciate WOW! you've had some bad experiences. sorry. that hasnt been my experience though. some people will always respond to reason. |
|
|
|
|
|
oasis
|
The one I get most often is to visit home. This coming from the same people who want you to sponsor their kids in school, and send them regular stipend.
I agree with comments already made that someone abroad is viewed as a goldmine, and of course, goldmines bring out the gold diggers.
I always tell them I have many people on my assistance roaster, and that my financial resources are finite. You console them by promising to keep them in mind. We all know that's not what they want to hear, but if you're not bold with them, you'd find yourself working your butt off for them to enjoy. I know of a case where somebody I was sponsoring in the University, was able to afford 2 GSM lines. The rules of the game changed after that revelation.
|
|
|
|
|
|
![Nairaland [Nigerian Forum] Home](http://www.nairaland.com/Themes/default/images/english/home.gif)
Author
